I don't give a &^$#

(Disclaimer: This is one of those me, myself and I posts. The kind of sad, introspective posts which were the bread and butter of this blog before I started writing the Mahabharata series and the theory posts. So if you are here for satisfying your dirty fantasies regarding those hot, semi clad princesses in ancient India, click on the Mahabharata label link on the right, and if you are looking for some theories to explain particular aspects of life, click on the theory link, again on the right. If you want to still read on, do so. After all, I don't really give a &^$#).

I am not much of a shopper. I prefer spending my money the old fashioned way of food and alcohol rather than on the latest gadgets, shoes and clothes, which I do not buy until it is extremely necessary. I am not a spur of the moment buyer, and need to be very sure of the utility of the object bought. I haven't bought a new gadget in two years despite my phone and laptop both being in conditions which would make the refugees in Assam look like living in heaven. The less I talk about my clothes the better, especially as they have to deal with me, a person who cannot go through a day without dropping food/tea/beer on my shirt. Probably, the most I spend on after food and alcohol is books, which tells you just how expensive books have become today because I do not read that much as well. And which also tell you how few clothes I own, and makes you question how cheap I am, the answer to which would be very.

Shopping for me is a very structured process of first identifying the need and then establishing what would fulfill the need. The "shopping" process, then, is generally going to the first shop which would give me what I want, and buying the desired object. I cannot envisage going through different storerooms and/or online stores to buy the perfect match. If one word describes me the most, its probably unstructured, but somehow, unlike everything else in my life, I hate chaos when it comes to shopping. And which is probably why I hate on-the-spur buying.

Having said that, my last major buy was surprisingly a spur of the moment buy. It was this T-shirt I bought in Goa. A friend was buying it - and when he showed it to me, I really liked it, and got my size as well and was soon the proud owner of a brand new T-shirt.This was what the T-shirt looks like: The front side of the T-shirt has a silhouette of a man raising his middle finger. The words "I don't give a fuck" occupy the top left. The back of the T-shirt is plain, with just the words "I don't give a fuck" again in a smaller font at the top.

I got lucky. The two t-shirts are entirely similar, except that the T-shirt my friend had bought says "I don't give a fcuk". It says Fcuk. Like the clothing company. The censored version I suppose.  On both the front and the back. It does not even make any sense, come to think of it. But my shirt does not mince any words. It tells anyone who cares to read it exactly what I think : "I don't give  a fuck." The message could not be clearer. If it is meant to be a message that is. What is it I don't give a fuck about? I do not know, but somehow those five words seem very true.

I see myself as a happy-go-lucky person. While most early readers of this blog would probably disagree with this assessment, but I think I have always been a believer in the Que Sera Sera philosophy. Whatever will be, will be. I am kind of inspired by the song "Aane waala kal jaane waala hai" which encapsulates everything there is to know about life. Live in the moment. And the Beatles Classic, "Let it be". Take the three together, and you come to realize, that you are too small, world's too vast, and that you cannot change anything. And hence, live in the moment, be happy, and let things be. Which is to say, there is not point in giving a fuck about anything. And hence, I do not give a fuck.

Perhaps I never really gave a fuck. I never desired much and hence lived a very contented, happy life. I spent most of my school days in classroom playing book cricket and filling pages after pages of mine and my friends' notebooks with imaginary world cup scorecards. I made my own book cricket rules which helped me define a 50 over match. The only time I paid attention in classes was when I was made to sit in the front seat or when I was made to read for the entire class - something I loved doing. I did not really do my homework all that earnestly either. My house is in a fairly isolated place, and I filled up most of my afternoons imitating those legendary Stefan Edberg - Boris Becker Wimbledon finals with a plastic ball and a wooden tennis racket against the wall. I had rules for the tennis points as well, and I did make my own tennis scorecard too, something in which Edberg always won. When my parents told me to study, I went to my room and started completing the World Cup of book cricket, or started browsing through the Atlas and prepared statistical charts of area, population and density. Did you know Sweden was the 49th largest country in the world by area? I did, and had my charts ready for reference. I had world lists, continental lists and country lists. All in all, I had the perfect counterfoil to study time - the non-study time.

All this meant that I did not really study nearly as much as I was supposed to. Luckily however, it was enough for me to do well through school, where I never finished lower than second in my class. I never did finish first either, but second was beyond satisfactory for me. I was coming second without any effort, then why put in the extra effort and come first in class was a logic I could not understand. And despite the pleas of my parents and relatives and friends and everyone around me, I just did enough to keep coming second.

And this continued till the 10th standard. My friends were in awe of me doing well without putting in much effort, and my ego fed off it. Who wanted to be the studious topper when you could be the stud second place holder? However, I did put in some additional, extra effort for the board examinations, as they were supposed to be a marker of real "intelligence". The result: I still ended up 2nd in school. And so I lost whatever little respect I had for working hard, or putting effort. I had tried hard to come first, for the first time in my life, but I had failed.

10th was easy, but 11th and 12th were infinitely more difficult. However, I had my ego to boost and hence my efforts were still fairly lesser than what was required. I was in a hostel now as well, in Chandigarh, and card games and cricket replaced the traditional timepasses. Instead of wasting time in class, I started bunking classes. The results were that my performance in class plummeted, but I still managed to get good grades somehow in some tuition classes. I remember preparing for 12th board exams with nightouts playing sweep with juniors. I was very under-prepared for JEE, but just managed a rank which told me I was not totally worthless.  It was a rank that was worthless but it was a rank nonetheless. And getting a rank in JEE, where a lot of my other hardworking classmates and hostel-mates had failed, only helped feed my ego more. But I also knew I had to work hard for it. This was not going to be like 10th.

And so for almost a year, I really did give a fuck. About JEE. About doing well. I never thought I could get over friends and company and television, but for that one year, I left it all. Only studied. Physics, Chemistry and Maths became my friends. I could see the benzene rings in my dreams after reading Morrison and Boyd. And got through JEE. And into IIT Delhi. There was so much more to do here than study. I wanted to discover myself. Play tennis, squash, get into dramatics, go quizzing, excel at Word games. And IIT gave me a chance to do all that.

So I stopped giving a fuck about studies. I barely passed courses, I failed courses, but it did not matter. I was living the dream. IIT was about all round development, and I had become so engrossed in that. I really cared about my hostel winning events, about dominating politics, about winning sports. And that was all I cared about. And the four years passed away in bliss, and in recurring periods of happiness and sadness, depending on how Kara did in various events. I did well in certain courses as well, courses I liked inherently, like Probability and Statistics, and Mechanics. These courses again reinforced in my friends the potential I had, and they tried to tell me to apply it better. But I never cared. Why become a Maggu,  I thought, when you could get a good return on investment. Passing 5/6 courses each term without studying is a big achievement in IIT, and I managed that. It was good. Even though it led to me passing out in four and a half years, that too after crying with the professor.

Then came the placement time, and the realization that the world really did not give a fuck over how Karakoram had done in various events. All the world really cared about was grades. And I did not have them. But by then, I had this blog, and as this blog emphasized, I did not really give a fuck about salary either. And so it has been.

To cut a long story short, the only thing I have really cared about ever since, have been wasting my  time and life going after two girls in college. Nothing ever came from all the effort I put in. "I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter" seemed to be written directly for me. Again, I had fought hard for something, and failed. For me, trying became a synonym for failure, and publicly acclaimed failure, while not trying became a symbol of studness.

And so I stopped trying. On anything. IIM happened. I was inherently good in cracking CAT questions. Alcohol did the rest. Ernst and Young interview happened on a resume I had not revised for one and a half years, and alcohol. And over time I completely stopped giving a fuck over anything. Taking things as they come. Being happy, and enjoying myself. When Ernst & Young became painful, I quit, not caring about what to do. I lived in the moment.

And thats the way life has been. Its good. Its happy. Except that I have grown very fat because of this. Its probably time to say I give a fuck again. Get thin, and then get back to not giving a fuck anymore. About anything else. Here's to a healthy lifestyle.

(I am thinking of using the T-shirt as a pickup prop. Go to a hot girl in Striker and ask her, "Do you give a fuck?" If she says yes, ask for it. If no, tell her she and you are two of a kind, and you should flock together. Either way a win-win).

Of marriage, fitness and a plea :).

 So well, everyone seems to have gone mad. I mean, literally everyone.

Everyone I talk to someone in my family, all they can talk about is me getting married and getting thin. When? Why? Or rather, Why not? are some of the common themes that dominate the discussion. And this is the horror part: Unlike the heroes from Saki and Wodehouse stories, I dont only have to content with a large number of aunts, but also cousins of both genders and their spouses. It is like everyone married has only one agenda left - to get me married. Here is what any conversation with a relative looks like after the usual conversation courtesies have burned out:

Me: So wassup?
Family Member (FM): So what did you think about getting married?
Me: Nothing so far.
FM: Why?
Me: Why should I?
FM: Why not?
Me: Because I am happy.
FM: What sort of reason is this? No, you are supposed to get married. You wont be able to get married later. Just lose a little bit of weight, I have a girl in mind for you. She is beautiful, smart and ....
Me (I think the lust just starts showing on my face after a while and I am like, a bit too eager): So lets meet. Introduce me.
FM: No, tell us are you ready or not. Should we talk?
Me: If she is hot, then yeah. Definitely.
FM: Okay, then lose weight ASAP.
Me: Okay, make me meet her, show me her picture atleast - and then, if she inspires me enough I can get thin.
FM: No it doesnt work this way.
Me: Okay, your loss. I am happy the way I am.
FM: No, that is not the right answer. Get married soon. Give us a timeline.
Me: I haven't thought about it. Maybe I will get back to you.
FM: Okay, you have 2 months. Decide and let me know.

It is as if, everyone's problem would be resolved if they were to absolve me of my happiness. Sadly, it does not work that way, my dear relatives. Live and let live.

One thing that really gets to me is how my relatives link getting thin and getting married together. I would like to counter this with some deep-rooted analysis:


This piece of work below is the result of a very honest analysis that I have managed to figure out. It might seem kind of boastful, but I am just being honest :). 

I would rate myself a 7 on the success parameter. I might not be a founder of flipkart or Snapdeal, but I believe I am doing better than a lot of single people. I mean, what advantage is the IIT-IIM if it cant give you success? And while I have made some bad choices in life, I am still pretty much happy and satisfied with where I am on a professional level right now.
I believe I am a fairly intelligent individual, and have a pretty decent sense of humour, which explains my pretty active social life and the fact that I am able to garner friends quickly. I have realised I am not the loser I thought I was, and that I am socially pretty adept.  I would like to believe that most people who know me like me, and I would rate myself a 8 on my social skills. I am a fairly good conversationalist (unless I happen to talk to really hot girls, which is when I become tongue twisted) and a pretty decent writer. I am also pretty good at roughly everything I try out, being a decent squash, tennis and football player. Not world beater, but better than average in roughly everything I do. I can be a bit childish at times, and I can be really serious and moody at others, and this is where I believe I lose the two rating points.
One of the big pluses that I see in myself is that deep down, I am a really nice guy. I have turned into a cynic over the past seven years or so - as reading this blog will tell you - but I still believe there are elements in me of the optimistic child who grew in Dharamshala believing in all the value and ethics systems that my middle class parents taught me. I might not be a perfect person, (and nowhere close to Sanju from Jo Jeeta Wohee Sikandar, which is how I imagined I would grow up to be, crooning Pehla Nasha for some special someone), but other than the really few occasions, where I have hurt people thoroughly under the influence of alcohol, I am a pretty good person. I have done a few deeds I regret, but I believe noone who knows me thinks of me as Haraami despite my best efforts. And hence I rate myself a 8 on niceness quotient.
Even look wise, I might be a 5, but I have the potential to be a 7 at least. A potential which is untapped because I am fat.  And, which, apparently is the reason for me to be single, or so what people would have me believe.
Taking an average of the 4, (and I believe for a woman, the first three parameters are more important that the third, so a simple average would be biased against me), I still score a credible 7. I am, in a nutshell, a 7 out of 10 guy. Kinda above average.

Now let us look at the kind of girl I want.

 The most important parameter for me is looks, and I will prefer a 8 here. I believe anything above 8 would be too hot to handle, while I wont be able to engage myself with someone less than a 8. For me hotness is a factor. Makes me look like a shallow guy, but that is who I am. (and probably why I lost 2 points on the niceness quotient). 
A 5 on the success factor would do. I would want someone who is not very driven, and who likes to chill out and enjoy life. For whom, money is not much of a criteria.
I would want a girl who is really nice - and I mean, a take-to-home kinda nice but also a will drink-with-you-in-club kinda nice. A chill out girl, who isn't afraid to drink once in a while, and who will not stop me for doing it more often than once a while. And a girl who is more than happy to dress up in salwar kameez in front of my parents. I know I sound like a MCP out here, but like I said, I have more middle class blood within me that this blog generally lets you know. I am a traditional guy more than you would imagine. Hence, I want a 8 on the nice parameter.
I want a girl who is a 7 on social skills. I do not want a girl who is too socially active, as, honestly, it would make me feel uncomfortable. Again the middle class upbringing rising to the forte. But I would expect her to be able to talk comfortably with me and our friends about topics ranging from Timbuktu to Tata.

Taking an average of the 4 qualities I want in a girl, and it comes out to a ...voila...a 7. I am looking for a 7 out of a 10 gal. So well, I am a 7/10 guy looking for a 7/10 girl. Is it too much to ask?

And so here's a plea:

If you know of a girl who meets these criterias and who has criteria which meet my attributes, please hook us up. :D.

And Mama and Papa, Uncles and Aunties, Bhaiyas and Bhabhis, Didis and Jijajis, please read this. And then find me a girl :D.

Of Valentine's Day and Other Heartbreaks

When I was 12, my cousin first told me about Valentine's Day. "It is a day where you can propose to any girl", he said, "and she will have to say yes". This was a God sent opportunity for someone like me, who had just been initiated to the entire dating scenario. There were a couple of girls in class who I had developed huge crushes on. However, the fear of rejection held me from doing absolutely anything about it. Now, this Valentine's Day was apparently the way forward. Sadly, my school, being in the mountains, was closed during the winters, and I missed celebrating Valentine's Day with the girls I most wanted to during that time. It was also the days before mobile phones became such a rage, so I could not text them out as well. So I spent most of my next 4 V-days just wishing what could have been.
After finishing my 10th from school, I went to Chandigarh - taking admission into DAV College, which I believed at that time, to be a CoEd.
By the time I reached Chandigarh, my huge crushes had petered out, and I looked forward to dating the hot Chandigarh girls you hear so much about. Imagine my surprise, when I found out that the college I had enrolled in with much expectations was a Boy's only college, a fact that was reiterated and impressed to us over the five day ragging (Yeah, nothing like the IIT "Healthy Interaction" shit - this was ragging) period in the Boy's Only hostel. Over time, the hostel became the major points of community life - and cricket, and sweep, and Debonair, Letters to Penthouse and Fantasy were the major pastimes.
Thank God for tuition and the tutors. These were the only places where we could interact with those Chandigarh chicks. And boy, were they hot!! However, being a shy, rotund, awkward 16 year old meant I never had the courage to ask anyone out - and I waited excitedly for Valentine's Day. And I wasn't the only one. There were other people in the hostel making exciting plans for Valentine's Day and finding girls. There was this girl in my tuition I had a crush on - and I thought she would be the perfect target to try out on Valentine's Day. I had never really talked to her before - but she looked really friendly, and often smiled at me. I was very sure she was the one for me, and that I was deep in love with her. So on the allotted day, during the Chemistry tuition, as she sat next to me, I asked her out, through a passed on slip - asking her if she wanted coffee - and to my horror, she wrote a big NO, and smiled at me. I wanted to explain her the concept my cousin had told me years before - she was not supposed to say NO. However, I was too sad to argue, and took the NO slip, and smiled back. That same day, after tuition, I saw her talk to this St. John's alumnus, and they went off in his motorbike. While I was the heartbroken kid you hear about in American Pie.
I remember crying that day, or something to that general effect. Could there be a worse feeling than being rejected on Valentine's Day, I wondered. Luckily I was not the only one. There were a couple of other hostel guys who had tried their luck at the Chandigarh girls, and all of them had been rejected, which kind of alleviated the pain. We wondered what we had done wrong to be rejected on V-day, of all days. It was then we realised that there is nothing special about Valentine's Day, and that Feb 14 was just a random date, albeit one, which came exactly nine months before Children's Day.
Time, they say, heals everything, and this pain was also healed pretty soon. What I had imagined to be true love turned out to be nothing more than lust. Plenty of it, but still pure lust.
That day, however, I lost all respect for Valentine's Day. It had promised me heaven, but had delivered nothing. I have never celebrated Valentine's Day since (Not that I have had someone to celebrate it with, but that is a separate story altogether). I had lost my faith in St. Valentines. He was a cheat, someone who just wanted to sell more cards, cakes and chocolates. Over time, I have had other crushes, some more than crushes, but I have never went the St. Valentine's way. I have asked girls out without his help, and done quite well.
One thing that has happened since, and it is a pretty late development, is that I have even lost all respect for the word love. Like a friend in IIT once said, "Only unrequited love is true love, requited love is just lust." I believe both unrequited and requited love are overrated and are hyped out by the same people who had hyped Valentine's Day earlier.
As those who have read the first posts on this particular blog will testify, there was a time when I believed in the whole concept of love. Now I don't. Love for me has also become just another asset, much like money, which is more shown-off than actually felt. Watching movies like Pyaar ka Panchnama has actually helped, and made me feel happier for my single status. I am yet to meet a perfectly happy married or committed man.
Because, over time, I have come to realise that love and Cupid, are hand in hand with St. Valentines. They only want to sell more cards, cakes and chocolates.
Which is why, when my facebook status reads: "I love Valentine's Day. It makes me so much relatively richer as compared to all my other married and committed friends." I believe it.
Here's to another year of an awesomely single life!!

Mahabharat 14: Krishna's Awesomeness

(The standard disclaimers apply. Do not read if below 18 years of age).

(A quick recap: Krishna and Balarama grew up in the village, herding cows for a living. They foiled many attempts of Kamsa to kill them, Krishna using his divine powers in most cases. Finally, Kamsa invited them both to Mathura in order to have them killed, but instead got killed by Krishna.)

Now, Krishna was much like Tiger Woods: he was black, he was a genius, and a real womanizer, much in the Tiger Woods mode. Back in the time when he was growing up in the village under cover, he had affairs with many village girls at the same time, a practice that's remembered in India as "Ras Lila". He used to seduce girls through a 3P strategy: a mix of philosophy, poems and perverseness. He also had a flute, which he used to sing these small songs he wrote himself. Here are a few examples (translated from Sanskrit):

Happiness is a state of mind,
And mine is pretty easy to find,
if only you will be very kind,
and show me your naked behind.

Radha, you are the only girl in my life,
and I want to make you my wife,
but before we settle down in our own cozy home,
lets have some fun, and involve Rita in a smashing threesome.

Needless to say, he had his way with women. He had managed to impress himself (pun intended) on every girl he knew in the village - which for a cowherd was unheard for. Which is why they had cried when he had left for Mathura and had not promised to return back.

He looked forward to greener pastures, in a manner of speaking. City girls were way hotter, he had heard, and wore clothes that left little to the imagination. They were often more experimental too, from what little he had read. He had often imagined different positions from the Kamasutra that he could try, but had been unable to get Radha or any of his other beloveds to try them, despite writing songs about them. He had heard that city girls would try anything, and he looked forward to it. But before that a lot of work had to be done - politically.

Krishna, as mentioned , having killed his maternal uncle, Kamsa, refused the throne of Mathura for himself - as was wanted by the people of Mathura - instead giving it back to his grandfather Ugrasen. This was a move that did not please many people who wanted Krishna to be the king - one person had even threatened to commit suicide if Krishna did not become the king. However, Krishna remained adamant, and slowly the people of Mathura accepted Krishna's decision as final, and agreed to Ugrasen as king. Now Ugrasen was an old, bearded, silent man - some recent excavations at Mathura reveal that he looked a lot like Mr. Manmohan Singh - and he did not have much of the power, which was concentrated between Krishna and Balarama, who were both named Princes. This suited both of them, for they had all the power without any responsibility. Krishna wanted to be able to enjoy the city girls in the same way he had the village girls and felt his indiscretions as king would be well-publicized. (Editor's Note: For all those people who claim Sonia Gandhi is not Indian enough, how could she have the brainwave of refusing the post of Prime Minister had she not read the Mahabharat and known this particular incident?)

Krishna was the brains, Balarama the brawn - and they formed a solid team.

The people of Mathura were overjoyed to have Krishna and Balarama instead of Kamsa. The reign of Kamsa saw high tax rates, and the public suffered as a result. Inflation was also rampant, and the common man reeled from effects of daily price rise and oil rate hike. Moreover, Kamsa was among other things, a sex maniac, and no girl was safe from his predations. His acts had spurred a number of parents in Mathura to kill the girl child as soon as she was born - the first recorded history of female infanticide in India. However, with Krishna and Balarama at the helm, people felt much safer, and one of the first popular decisions that the two princes took was to decrease the tax burden - bringing down taxes by as much as 90%. They also banned female infanticide. Bringing down inflation was the top priority of Krishna, who doubled as the Finance and External Affairs Minister, while Balarama looked after departments of Home and Defence. Mathura looked forward to times of peace and prosperity, while the two princes looked forward to enjoy their princely rights - having had a tough childhood in the village.

However, Mathura was immediately under threat. The powerful king of Magadha, Jarasandha, who was one of the most powerful kings in history, was the father-in-law of Kamsa, and by making his 2 daughters widows, Krishna had made himself a sworn enemy. Jarasandha, with an assortment of armies from his many vassal kings, launched an attack on Mathura. There were 100:1 odds offered by bookies against Mathura's survival against such onslaught (Yep, for those of you wondering, betting was prevalent even back then), but Balarama's valour and Krishna's strategy won the day.

However, Jarasandha was not finished, and he gave Krishna and Balarama no respite, attacking them 17 times in a short time, being dragged back each time, but barely giving the princes time to enjoy any of the princely rights they were hoping to enjoy. Jarasandha had a large army, and he was on the verge of attacking Matura for the 18th time. Moreover, war cost money, and soon tax was raised to a level higher than it was during Kamsa's time, which plummetted the ratings of the new princes to a new low level. Inflation ran rampant, and the conditions of the common man worsened. Moreover, a number of men died defending Mathura, and Mathura was soon running out of resources.

Something needed to be done: and so Krishna came up with a new strategy - the move of the capital away from Mathura. Using his divine powers, and the divine architecture, Vishwakarma, he built a new city in Dwarka, which was on the far west corner of India, and as far away from Magadha as possible, and overnight shifted the population from Mathura to Dwarka. (Editor's Note: This is where Indian history scores over Christian and Jewish history. Moses took 40 years of voyage to deliver Jews into the promised land. Krishna did the same distance, and moved more number of people overnight. India rocks!!).

The people of Mathura were kind of surprised when they woke up the next day, but soon they settled and finally looked to long periods of peace and prosperity. And no taxes, for Dwarka was built on an island which had large deposits of oil. Oil income drove the revenues and Dwarka became the ancient day Dubai. While Dwarka thrived and prospered, the two princes got down to pursue their princely pleasures.

Which for Krishna meant, a whole swinging party. He was tall, dark and handsome, and a prince on top of that. Girls threw themselves at him, and he was not the one complaining. He started enjoying life to the hilt, and would soon have 16108 wives, which would make him the most well satisfied men in the history of the world - leaving behind such well known names like Charlie Sheen, Wilt Chamberlain and N.D. Tiwari far behind.

To cut it short, Krishna had an awesome life. As this couplet, translated from Sanskrit, reveals.

I have made love to a sixteen thousand women,
and one hundred and eight more,
I have tried all positions in the Kamasutra,
either soft or hardcore.

A tribute to awesomeness

It has been a rather tragic last month. Steve Jobs, Jagjit Singh and Dennis Ritchie (no, not Denise Richards) all dead. A lot has been written and said about their deaths - and they were the numero uno in their respective fields. For me personally, however, none of these deaths has had a very specific impact. I have never used Apple except for the Ipod Nano - and I am pretty happy to own it, but I was as happy with the Creative MP3 player I had before. I do not quite understand the aesthetics which make Apple products in general, and Steve Jobs in particular, such a rage everywhere. I think the loss of Jagjit Singh is a pretty big loss to the Ghazal world, but my Ghazal period is well past me now, and I do not think I was going to try any of his newer ghazals were they to come out. About Dennis Ritchie, I had no idea who he was until he died. I recoiled in horror when I thought that Denise Richards had died though, for who can get bored of that amazing Wild Things scene. And the less said of my programming skills the better.
But what cannot be denied is that the world is three amazing men short, and in today's world, where amazing people are hard to come by, it is a tragedy of the highest order.
In spite of all these tragedies abounding the world, the most tragic event in the previous month for me has been the decision of REM to call it a day.

I am by no means a passionate fan, for passion, as long term readers of this blog will testify, is not something I associate myself with. Even though REM is my favourite band, or so I like telling people, there are some songs I absolutely hate. How can anyone get through Shiny Happy People, Lotus or Swan Swan is beyond me. On the other hand, I love all songs of Beatles, Rolling Stones, Who or Dire Straits, to name some of the other bands I like. But my favourite band, I hasten to add, is still REM.

Perhaps its for reasons more than the music. I do not understand music to be very honest. I listen to music a lot, but I am unable to rate music as good or bad. In other words, I am not really able to appreciate music. I have never been really to appreciate AR Rehman or the music of Dev D for example. The only instrumentals I have ever been able to like are the Fifth Symphony, Jessica and the Doors' Symphony. I also have problem making my Ipod listing, for what I like is a function of external factors, and my mood.

But I digress. Had I been able to appreciate music I might have said that Buck is the god of guitar or something. Or that Stipes' vocals are what make him one of the underrated singers of our generation. Or that the reason for REM's success is that the whole is much greater than the sum of four talented - but not genius- musicians from Athens, Georgia. But I can make none of those claims. I can only claim that I love REM, and because music is not the reason I do it for, I can only hypothesize about the why of it.

I appreciate REM for the kind of legacy they have made in the industry, being totally independent, and still managing to make it big. I also appreciate their strong anti-right wing views. But those are just add on features - not enough to make them my favourite.

I probably like REM because it is a sad band. Just like me. They do a lot of happy songs, but inherently their greatest hits have been songs about losing or trying to find - feelings I can so well connect with, about being lonely in the company of people, about finding and losing love. In short, most of REM songs, I feel, are about me. I am a lot like the protoganist in a lot of REM songs, confused, but trying to find a way. He is not perfect, and there is something he is seeking, and the songs are about the journey.

Why is the band not more popular, I hear the skeptics among you say. It is because people do not know much beyond Losing My Religion when it comes to REM. So here is a list, one that you must listen to - a song of my favourite REM songs in no particular order:

a) Nightswimming - My first REM song, and one that hooked me instantly. Its a song about longing, probably about going back to one's childhood. About how, after a long hard day, all you ever want is to be a child again, and enjoy nightswimming, like years ago. Its also, at the same time, a song about lost love, and being betrayed. Or atleast that is what I think.
b) Ignoreland - A pure vitriol filled, right wing bashing political song. And one, which should become the anthem for anti-right forces come the 2014 elections. The way it starts "These bastards stole power from the victims of the us v. them years" is a precursor to how the right wing might emerge back into power, creating issues that were never there.
c) Find the River - These lyrics do not make any sense when you look at it. However, once you start appreciating Stipe's writing genius, you will probably recognize this song to be about starting a search to find the meaning of your life. It is a tough quest, but the protagonist is about to make that journey.
d) Everybody Hurts - What more can I say? A song that helped me through the darkest time of my life, and which nursed me back to good things. If there was one song that a man committing suicide should listen to, it is this.
e) At my most beautiful - Another example of REM awesomeness. A sweet love song, about how love makes you feel so good about yourself.
f) Strange Currencies - A song about unrequited love, and its truly amazing. I have been in the unrequited love stage a few times, and have researched bits about songs, and this is top of the heap, so take my word for it.
g) My Crush with Eyeliner - About proposing. About how to get a girl to like you. Sweet.
h) I've been High - Sample lyrics: "I've been high, but life, it still washes over me." "All I want, all I really want, is to live my life on a high". Need I say anything more? If you have been high, and disappointed even at that high state, this is the song for you. Legendary.
i) Whats the Frequency Kenneth - A middle class refrain to the youth. I can agree, after visiting places like TC, and seeing these 20 year old acting as if they own the world.
j) Losing My Religion - The most famous REM song by a distance. A song, again of unrequited love.
k) Electrolite - Ever felt like being totally alone and on the top of the world? This song captures that feeling.
l) Don't go back to Rockville - Replace Rockville with the required city name, and this song shall become the kind of song you will sing for someone who is leaving you and you run to the airport to ask them to get back. The kind of thing Ross does for Rachel, or the kind of foolish thing I have done.
m) Be Mine - A stalker song. But pretty sweet and corny.

I could go on and on, but this list should do for now. And when you are done, could you be cool enough to comment on your opinions about the band and the songs you listened to?

And yeah, thanks REM. I owe you a big one.

Open Letter to Mr. Manmohan Singh

I am pretty sure that you, being the Prime Minister of India do not read random open letters that people write to you. Instead, I believe that you, sir, heading the government in the largest democracy, are often hard pressed for time. Your job is not an advertisement for work-life balance for sure, and I do not think that you get time to even stumble upon social media. Unlike the man who could never be the Prime Minister.

It is pretty well established, then, that you would not be reading this letter. However, writing this helps me vent my frustration out. Moreover, on a slightly more selfish note, writing an open letter to you also gets potential new visitors to this blog. Nothing really succeeds like an idea whose time has come – and the latest idea doing the rounds in social media is about abusing the government and everyone related to the ruling Congress Party.

Sir, it is a good thing you are not exactly social media savvy. For if you were, you would not like what you would see. (Hell, even I do not like what I see in my Facebook feeds). You see, my Facebook feed is full of inglorious stories about Congress Party in general, and Mrs. G in particular. A latest story going about in Facebook has even hinted at the possibility of Mrs. G using her body to earn money when she was in England. I assume it is part of a campaign to malign the Gandhi family, but the attempt has definitely become a hit in the social media. And everytime I log into Facebook (which is like, every 10 minutes), the story has been shared by one more friend. Even you are not spared sir, and people insist jokes like “My phone is in Manmohan mode, because I am in a meeting” are more a reflection of truth that humour.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen! I still remember the day when you had written a glorious chapter in the 5000 year old history of India on 24th July 1991 in your Budget speech, heralding in an era of globalization and liberalization in the Indian economy. And subconsciously, creating a whole new generation – a generation that till then had grown up on Ramanand Sagar’s Ramayana and which then found solace in Nirvana and Pearl Jam videos on MTV. This was the confused generation, a generation brought up on traditional Indian values, but one which was strongly impacted by the cable TV and other symbols of globalization and liberalisation. While we marvel at the completely Westernized lifestyle the generation below us has adapted itself to, we are also caught up with traditional notions of morality and ethics. And so for all practical purposes, we as a generation are screwed.

But today, this generation has suddenly decided to remove the cloaks of confusion that has bound it, and risen almost as one: Against you and your government as it were. At least in social media, where it is easy to protest, and does not cost much. You have suddenly fallen from being the man who heralded the economic revolution in India to a puppet who is dancing to “Master of Puppets” by Mrs. G. The amount of hatred in social media against your government as expressed through the social media was manifested during the Anna Hazare campaign. The slogans that were raised, comparing Cabinet ministers to animals and Mrs. G to mother of a corrupt government, just spoke of the disillusionment of the people with the government.

Yes I know only 50000 entered the Ram Lila Grounds, but if the Facebook and twitter movements are anything to go by, it was a mass middle class movement -the same middle class, which saw unprecedented opportunities for growth after your 24th July speech. Along with a confused generation, you had also spawned a Frankenstein - a new middle class, which after years of tolerating the License Raj, now wanted everything at their own terms. When the Congress surprisingly – and let us admit it was surprising even to you – ended up as the single biggest party in 2004 general elections, and you were selected by Mrs. G as the Prime Minister, India saw a new ray of hope. Finally, an honest, clean and secular government was what most people thought. While your first five years did not really set the pulses rising, you blamed everything on the “constraints of coalition politics.” And people believed you, gauged you deserved a second chance and returned the Congress Party with its highest tally since 1991. The decision to return you to power has proved to be about as right as making Senator Palpatine the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic in Star Wars. Or so the social media sites would have one believe. Your government is being portrayed as a collection of evil Jedis, and you as the unwilling Darth Vader. Mrs G, as you might have guessed, is the emperor.

Honestly, people are fed up. There have been scams and more scams. It is not the first time that scams have occurred, but with the advent of Facebook and twitter, people who can express their frustrations at the prevalent corruption are doing it. Ironically, it is that generation that you helped create and the middle class whose dreams you fostered, who are at the forefront of the revolution. They want to see India as a superpower – a country with unlimited potential, which however is being brought down by the various corruption activities, of which the government has been unable to absolve itself. Corruption has become a big issue for everyone and will be the single biggest reason of the return to power of BJP. Unless you clean up the house that is, and take full responsibility for the actions of your cabinet colleagues. Become the master of puppets for once.

I personally do not care much about corruption, and there are good points to be made in favour of corruption as well. However, I believe that the inability of your government to check corruption is giving rise to a new kind of emotion among people – the portrayal of Narendra Modi as a prime ministerial candidate. The social media is enthused about Narendra Modi’s success in transforming Gujarat. How Gujarat has managed 11% growth, and how the state is virtually corruption free. (Though, from what I hear, there are many places where alcohol is available). And a lot of my facebook friends gush about how good a candidate Narendra Modi would make. In short, Narendra Modi has captured the fantasy of the social network. To use the Star Wars analogy, Narendra Modi is Luke Skywalker – atleast for the social media.

The more you remain silent about the whole issues that your government faces, the more Opposition claims that you are a weak PM seem true. And the more Narendra Modi gains credibility. Just like Hitler did back in the early 30s. The difference being that while Hitler’s campaign was aimed at German nationalism and the rallying point was the disarmament of the German army, Modi’s would be corruption plaguing the central government. And unless you set the house in order sir, just like in Germany, a wave will start here in India, which might be difficult to contain. Like Hitler, Modi is a brilliant orator and is able to control the public perception through careful propaganda, but I do not think the similarities end here. All I would like to say, Modi as PM could be the gravest challenge that India has ever in its long history.

If that were to happen, Mr. Manmohan Singh, India would never forgive you.

The Irony of the filter scale theory

So you have met this new girl. She is someone, who on first looks, fulfils your ZSV matrix criteria ("Degi to le loonga", for the uninitiated). As you get to know her better, she fulfills most of your other filters too. All in all, she is a 80 on your 100 point filter score.

The filter score is a score combination of many filters which you might have for you perfect girl to have. Now,you being a frustrated engineer and later an MBA, the score has very high weights for external attributes. However, filters can also include professional characteristics, geographical attributes, cultural club and social behaviour filters. The girl needs to score highly on all of them to be eligible for future conversations.

Now, being an engineer and an MBA who has managed to achieve things pretty easily in life, you also have affinity for being the best. Which is why the girl you want to date also needs to rate pretty high up on your filters. This is why your filter pass marks are very high compared to the Board and graduation/post-graduation course pass marks. A girl needs to score at least a 75 in your filter score for you to actively pursue her.

However, this is where the irony creeps in. Being an engineer and a MBA, you also do not have much confidence in yourself, and so believe you do not deserve a 65 or above. The maximum, if things go well, you can do is a 65. This attitude has been brought on by years after years of rejections from girls of all shapes and sizes, and you have absolutely lost your self-confidence, especially when it comes to girls. Now because you think you deserve only a 65, but because you are not willing to fall below 75 when it comes to dating, you are still single. This 10 point gap is something that is insurmountable, and hence, you have accepted being single as a truth of life.

Now, what actually happens is, you are not as bad as that. In truth, you might deserve a 85 even, because you are pretty funny, and come to think of it, potentially rich. The theory has yet to be confirmed, but your friends think you can do better than 65, and this 85 theory is as valid as scientific claims made in the Vedas, or the Mathematical claims of Ramanujan - an invalidated truth.

Now what happens is that all girls, up until this point, who have managed to pass the filter score have been committed. Or married. Or engaged. (I am sure you get the point). However, this girl, who after you have interacted with her enough, has managed to score a 80, and voila - she is still single. It is a mystery as to why this is so, but you are a firm believer in destiny, and believe it is what was meant to be, and hence this girl is "THE ONE".

There is more to this though. Because you think you deserve only a 65 (at best that, mind you), this new girl, who has managed to score a 80 on your filter score, is a bit of anomaly. She has been talking to you regularly, which is kind of odd, and which makes you uncomfortable - you have never been remotely near a 80 before. Which is why, being an engineer and completely lacking all kinds of social skills, you can only mumble while she talks to you, and think about how could you get a 80 just like that. Which is where your entire value system kicks on, and the concept of Karma gets to you, and you think something that you do not deserve is a bad thing altogether. And then you start to find ways to get this 80 girl to lose you. You start acting like a sore loser, and then feel bad about yourself when she shakes you off and starts seeing someone else.

Then the entire cycle kicks off again. You lower your standards further, and nowadays your new standard of what you deserve has fallen to 60. What you want, though, has also fallen to 70. The irreversible 10 point gap remains the same, though.

Ahh, the story of your life. Probably being single is the truth of life, you say.

A Ballad of Love. Or some other shit.

Kiss me, the Sixpence song, playing in the background;
Reminding Kate of the time she had spent with Ronan around;
And how she was so happy, life was so good, her Wonder Years;
That she still can't understand how did it all end in tears.
That was the one true love of her life, the one she held so dear,
Its been a long while, but he was the only one who came near.
Kate has had boyfriends and lovers and a husband since Ronan left
Although none of them has been able to fill her heart's cleft.

Kate is a memory forever entrenched in his brain,
Ronan sighs as he hears Kate's favourite song playing on the Train;
And memories long suppressed, suddenly find a voice,
There are no second chances, else Ronan would've made the right choice;
The fault was his, of this there is little doubt in his mind,
It was a mistake to let Kate go, she was so sweet and so kind;
Knight in shining armour was what he wanted to be for Kate,
All he could do was be an asshole, and realising it a bit too late;

Kate, the first time he saw her, looked so beautiful and simple,
Ronan still remembers, the train ride and the noisy German couple;
And it was bitching about them that the two of them began to chat,
Thats when they discovered their shared passion for tennis, arts and cats;
They discussed Politics,love and single parents, and passed away the night;
It was like two sides of a coin, it was love at first sight.
Knowing they had found their soulmates, they decided to see each other;
And soon they were living together, having informed her father and his mother.

Kismet, though, had other things in store for them, made them cry,
Right after six months or so, the passion had run dry;
And Ronan had decided he was being constrained, and needed a way out,
That led to increased arguments with Kate, who had her own doubts;
The thing was not going to work, that much was clear to all,
It was always a building that was going to fall.
Kate shifted out, and started seeing other guys, soon marrying,
And Ronan restarted his bachelor lifestyle, partying hard and travelling.

Kate, for all her lovers, never could find anyone to confide with,
Ronan, on the other hand, never found anyone else to spend his life with
And today, the day they first met is ten years in history
That train ride though is still a vivid memory.
There are probably many like the two mentioned here,
It was meant to be true love, but could never quite reach there,
Kate and Ronan is not an isolated case, they were made for each other,
And maybe the made for each other concept is as faulty as any other.

Anna and the King

(Disclaimer: The article involves a lot of stereotyping. For someone marking me out as a Congress puppy, here is a small background.I have never been a huge fan of democracy, and I spent my early childhood dreaming of the day when I will become dictator of the country and set this country alright. As a young boy, I was convinced that democracy is a failed notion, and the sad state of the country can be attributed by a great deal to the electoral pleasing politics played by leaders. I was probably agitated by the Rajiv Goswami incident, despite being only seven years old, and seeing pictures of protests all over the country over the Mandal recommendations. My fertile imaginative mind worked in full swing back then - I wanted to take seize power from the useless leaders, who had sent the country to dogs, and create a new India, which would be corrupt-free and meritorious. There would be no place for reservations or minority appeasment. I would rule the country with an iron-hand, giving full chance to the deserving and rooting out the non-meritorious. Anyone disputing my calls would be severely punished. In short, I would wield absolute power, and use that power to make India what it historically was - the bird of Gold (sone ki chidiya). To put it otherwise, I was a right winger. However then I grew up and was able to argue things on my own, and come to the conclusion that democracy, while being the far-from-perfect model, is probably the best one given India’s position as a socially, culturally and religiously diversified society.)

The movie was fabulous. Or I have heard it was. The spoof, being currently played out in the aptly named Ramlila Grounds, is anything but. A 74 year old apparently senile man who plays the major part in the new spoof, playing both the title parts. On the one hand, he is a tender voice against the corruption and the evil government (Anna), and on the other, he is the king who is holding the government, and the people of India to ransom through what can at the very modest, be termed blackmail.

A lot of people not supporting Anna Hazare's movement have been doing so because they take exceptions to the method that he is taking. A lot has been written about it, and I will therefore bypass that point and discuss something else, which is probably much more far reaching with effect to India as a country and a heterogeneous society.

I have basically two objections to the Anna Hazare demand for corruption - other than the one about the method. Both of them are fairly controversial and I am ready for a debate on both: One has to do with the need for corruption, and how people are being entirely hypocritical while ganging up with Anna, while the second objection, which I am going to discuss first, is the impact of the agitation.

Issue 1 : Context: India is a truly remarkable country. Growing up,our books described India as "unity among diversity." I was not very sure about what the expression meant, and while the unity part might still be up for discussion, there is no doubting the diversity of the country. It is perhaps amazing that India is one country. There is no other country with the kind of diversity that India has, and at such different levels. Most of the states are separated on linguistic lines, and often have their own culture. No other country has the kind of linguistic and cultural diversity that India has. Spain is the only other country that comes to mind, but it has had its history of civil wars, and the peace existing in the country is very fragile, as the occasional brawls between Barcelona and Real Madrid in football often proves. The Catalans hate Madridistas, and the less said about the autonomous Basque county, the better. And in Spain, there is no divide across religious and racial lines, unlike in India. Belgium is on the verge of breaking up only because of the linguistic issue. India, moreover, also has a number of significant minority religions in different states, and within Hinduism, there is further subdivision across castes and sub-castes. All in all, the heterogeneous structure of India is a very thin fabric, and the fact that the fabric is holding up fine so far is a testimony to the strength of the country.

In every political system, there are two extremes across the political spectrum : the far right and the far left. The right wing is generally more conservative, more business-friendly, less individual freedom and more nationalistic, while the left wing is more radical, more socialist, and more individual freedom. The right wing is also more polar, and tends to create economic and social classes, while the left wing seeks to abolish them. While there are many differentiating factors that separate the two extreme positions, they can be summed up thus: The far right believe only what they do is right, while the far left is of the view that what everyone else does is wrong. Arundhiti Roy and her paranoia about everything is an example of far-left activism, while those of the temple and cocksureness about the location of the Ram Mandir is far-right. As a consequence, an extreme right government will probably do or seek to do a lot of work in its own way, but at the cost of freedom and probably subversion of certain elements, while a far left government will probably regress, unless the far left itself takes the far right position, for the two positions are not as different as they seem. Animal Farm or the USSR government would probably be good examples.

In the Indian context, far right would probably mean pushing reforms and promoting Indian nationalism and Hinduism, probably at the cost of the minority religions and/or the "lower" castes. The Gujarat government, which has ensured a Vibrant Gujarat, but is also charged with abetting the Gujarat riots and failing to ensure inclusive growth, is an example of far-right, while the erstwhile West Bengal government, which changed the face of Kolkata from that of Hema Malini to that of Jyoti Basu, is an example of far-left. The West Bengal growth, or the stagnation, has been pretty much inclusive. Everyone has come to the same level of poverty. In between, you have the different left-of-centre to right-of-centre combinations and different governments in India can possibly be mapped on the axis. In the Indian context, BJP is the right wing party, Congress is the centre party, while the Left Parties are well, left parties.

Similarly, most voters fall on either side of the centre: the far-right to far-left depending on your political ideals, and your moral and religious values. The right winged voters, who had been identifying themselves with the BJP for so long, are suddenly lost, for the BJP has regressed remarkably as a party since its 2004 loss. The loss was totally unexpected, but even its most adherent critics would not have predicted the rudderless ship it now resembles. The name of the party has been planned to be officially changed to Bhartiya Joker Party, if reports are to be believed. But I digress.

Issue 1: Impact: The failure of BJP as a party, has alienated the right wing electorate of the country. The right wing electorate generally belong to the Hindu, upper and middle classes and the non-Schedule Castes. They are generally well educated, and are active on social media. They are generally against reservations and pro-meritocracy. A large number of these right wing electorate who feel let down by the BJP do not really care about the temple, but about ensuring a transparent society, where everything works well. Most of them also support Narendra Modi, despite him being implicated in the riots, for the reason that their only concern is development, and they feel that no price is enough to achieve it. They are pro-reforms, and believe that corruption is the biggest threat to India. They do not want to understand the viewpoint of the other side, and are adamant that their demands, and wants are entirely justified. However, despite being sizable in number, the right wing voters are particularly known to skip election day as the size and heat of May sun gets to them, which probably explains why BJP lost the two elections in May.

On the other hand, the Congress government at the centre has made no overtures to them. In fact, the government has taken a decisive left-turn, and Congress has changed from a centralist party to a left-of-centre party. The Congress public motto of inclusive growth does not hold much weight with the right wing voters. Moreover, the reservation issue is another key thorn. This, and other policies of the government, has led this electorate to believe that Congress is not for them, which is probably true.

And so we come to the issue of corruption. The right wing needs an outlet to the rage at the inability of BJP to launch a proper attack on the Congress. Baba Ramdev tried to capture that space, but his pro-religious antics were never going to cut much meat with the mainly secular right wing, middle class electorate. Enter Anna Hazare, and the right wing electorate has finally found a messiah to deliver them from evil. They finally feel they have an option to partake in the decision making process, which had been taken away from them by the left and centralist leaning Congress governments. And the issue of corruption has managed to unite every right-wing voter into one under Anna Hazare, and makes them feel empowered. So this right wing electorate, in true right wing style, has made a draft believing only they can do a great job of it, and are trying to impose it on the government. Why is their version better than the government? Who says seven years imprisonment is not enough punishment? Why should ministers suffer more punishment as compared to the common man? Why shouldnot bribing be made legal? There can be many questions that can be asked from them. However, being the burning issue of corruption, which most people believe to be an illness, the movement has also found support with some of the traditional central and left-wing supporters. That it is basically a right wing movement can be made out by the fact that masses of Scheduled Castes, Muslims and many other societies have stayed away, fearing backlash.

Issue 1: Why is it bad?: Historically, whenever the right wing has emerged enmasse, it has often resulted in historical tragedies. The frenzy that is generated by such movements often prevail everything else, and creates absolute power. Moreover, right wing also means giving more power to the majority, and hence can totally alienate minority. A left wing uprising, while theoretically equally potentially damaging, has atleast equality as its basic tenet. A right wing uprising on the other hand, increases the diversity.In a country like India, this can lead to dangerous consequences. The Gujarat riots united the Hindus to vote for Modi, just like German nationalism united Germans under Hitler, and we all know how that went. I am not saying that Hazare is comparable to either of the two, but going forward, if the present movement is a success, the rejuvenated right wing can plan further uprisings, to impose their will on the government - through democratic or undemocratic means - and we never know how that will impact India. Why should a few people who are up there, and have conjured up a draft of the bill, be allowed to hold the government hostage? Who gives them the right? It is not a matter of them thinking what they are thinking is right, it has to come from the people. And the people choose the Parliament. If people like Anna Hazare and Arvind Kejriwal really want to do anything, they should take the right path and fight elections. However, they know they will lose if they stand in elections, and hence have taken unconstitutional ways to hijack the government into accepting their demands. It does not matter if their demands are right or wrong? The thing is, who are they to decide that their demands are right? This right wing tendency of always being right needs to be stopped as soon as possible, else it can have grave consequences. As mentioned earlier, India is a great country because the social fabric is holding up. With a rejuvenated right wing, if the revolution now starts, I see the fabric stopping. Hence the revolution must fail.

Issue 2: I am not against corruption. I get my Gas connection illegally, I used to drive a car when I did not have a driving licence and I drove when drunk. I save as much tax as I can, some of it unethically. I give bribe to the ticket checker when travelling on a WL ticket in train so that I can reach home earlier. I dont like standing in lines for filling up government forms and hence bribe the government official to allow me my permits. I love corruption as it makes my life easier. I am not sure we Indians are ready for a honest government as this will mean making ourselves honest. So Mr. Hazare enjoy the limelight while people forget about lying on their CVs and putting kids through schools via bribes. In short, the Indian right winger is a hypocrite, who is always ready to blame the system for his vows. And it is exactly these people who should not be at the forefront, for it will make India another Animal Farm. Hence the revolution must fail.

Long live the revolution!

Head-versus-heart

You feel caught between Scylla and Charybdis,
deciding your next course of action.
It is the usual matter of head-versus-heart,
should you follow the money or your passion?

Do you want to go back into the corporate world, your heart asks you,
and the answer to the question is no, you still remember the pain.
But your book's also not going anywhere, your head reminds you,
and your financial solvency is fast approaching that of Spain.

Your head says: to be honest, you havent done much the past 13 months,
except eat, drink and enjoy life to the brink.
But it does feel so right, and you are so happy, your heart responds
There is nothing better than having free time, and a couple of drinks.

People always argue that you are whiling your time away,
that passion is overrated, and they are right.
Moreover, the couple of drinks and other good things cost money, your head says,
so this offer might seem godsend in hindsight.

But if passion does not count, what does, your heart tells you,
and you have already written some 30000 words of some crap;
You believe that you have a bestseller in the making,
and hence this offer is just a Corporate World trap.

Think about your parents, the head reminds you,
and how bad they feel about you being jobless.
You owe them a lot for the support they have given you,
Passing this offer would be a decision most useless.

But then your heart responds,
its your happiness that matters to them, as they always say.
So make your decision based on what you want to do,
and act like you want to and throw this offer away.

The head and the heart argue all night,
and still no compromise can be reached.
Do you take the offer, or tear it?
be a hypocrite, or practice as you preach?