Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Of marriage, fitness and a plea :).

 So well, everyone seems to have gone mad. I mean, literally everyone.

Everyone I talk to someone in my family, all they can talk about is me getting married and getting thin. When? Why? Or rather, Why not? are some of the common themes that dominate the discussion. And this is the horror part: Unlike the heroes from Saki and Wodehouse stories, I dont only have to content with a large number of aunts, but also cousins of both genders and their spouses. It is like everyone married has only one agenda left - to get me married. Here is what any conversation with a relative looks like after the usual conversation courtesies have burned out:

Me: So wassup?
Family Member (FM): So what did you think about getting married?
Me: Nothing so far.
FM: Why?
Me: Why should I?
FM: Why not?
Me: Because I am happy.
FM: What sort of reason is this? No, you are supposed to get married. You wont be able to get married later. Just lose a little bit of weight, I have a girl in mind for you. She is beautiful, smart and ....
Me (I think the lust just starts showing on my face after a while and I am like, a bit too eager): So lets meet. Introduce me.
FM: No, tell us are you ready or not. Should we talk?
Me: If she is hot, then yeah. Definitely.
FM: Okay, then lose weight ASAP.
Me: Okay, make me meet her, show me her picture atleast - and then, if she inspires me enough I can get thin.
FM: No it doesnt work this way.
Me: Okay, your loss. I am happy the way I am.
FM: No, that is not the right answer. Get married soon. Give us a timeline.
Me: I haven't thought about it. Maybe I will get back to you.
FM: Okay, you have 2 months. Decide and let me know.

It is as if, everyone's problem would be resolved if they were to absolve me of my happiness. Sadly, it does not work that way, my dear relatives. Live and let live.

One thing that really gets to me is how my relatives link getting thin and getting married together. I would like to counter this with some deep-rooted analysis:

This piece of work below is the result of a very honest analysis that I have managed to figure out. It might seem kind of boastful, but I am just being honest :). 

I would rate myself a 7 on the success parameter. I might not be a founder of flipkart or Snapdeal, but I believe I am doing better than a lot of single people. I mean, what advantage is the IIT-IIM if it cant give you success? And while I have made some bad choices in life, I am still pretty much happy and satisfied with where I am on a professional level right now.
I believe I am a fairly intelligent individual, and have a pretty decent sense of humour, which explains my pretty active social life and the fact that I am able to garner friends quickly. I have realised I am not the loser I thought I was, and that I am socially pretty adept.  I would like to believe that most people who know me like me, and I would rate myself a 8 on my social skills. I am a fairly good conversationalist (unless I happen to talk to really hot girls, which is when I become tongue twisted) and a pretty decent writer. I am also pretty good at roughly everything I try out, being a decent squash, tennis and football player. Not world beater, but better than average in roughly everything I do. I can be a bit childish at times, and I can be really serious and moody at others, and this is where I believe I lose the two rating points.
One of the big pluses that I see in myself is that deep down, I am a really nice guy. I have turned into a cynic over the past seven years or so - as reading this blog will tell you - but I still believe there are elements in me of the optimistic child who grew in Dharamshala believing in all the value and ethics systems that my middle class parents taught me. I might not be a perfect person, (and nowhere close to Sanju from Jo Jeeta Wohee Sikandar, which is how I imagined I would grow up to be, crooning Pehla Nasha for some special someone), but other than the really few occasions, where I have hurt people thoroughly under the influence of alcohol, I am a pretty good person. I have done a few deeds I regret, but I believe noone who knows me thinks of me as Haraami despite my best efforts. And hence I rate myself a 8 on niceness quotient.
Even look wise, I might be a 5, but I have the potential to be a 7 at least. A potential which is untapped because I am fat.  And, which, apparently is the reason for me to be single, or so what people would have me believe.
Taking an average of the 4, (and I believe for a woman, the first three parameters are more important that the third, so a simple average would be biased against me), I still score a credible 7. I am, in a nutshell, a 7 out of 10 guy. Kinda above average.

Now let us look at the kind of girl I want.

 The most important parameter for me is looks, and I will prefer a 8 here. I believe anything above 8 would be too hot to handle, while I wont be able to engage myself with someone less than a 8. For me hotness is a factor. Makes me look like a shallow guy, but that is who I am. (and probably why I lost 2 points on the niceness quotient). 
A 5 on the success factor would do. I would want someone who is not very driven, and who likes to chill out and enjoy life. For whom, money is not much of a criteria.
I would want a girl who is really nice - and I mean, a take-to-home kinda nice but also a will drink-with-you-in-club kinda nice. A chill out girl, who isn't afraid to drink once in a while, and who will not stop me for doing it more often than once a while. And a girl who is more than happy to dress up in salwar kameez in front of my parents. I know I sound like a MCP out here, but like I said, I have more middle class blood within me that this blog generally lets you know. I am a traditional guy more than you would imagine. Hence, I want a 8 on the nice parameter.
I want a girl who is a 7 on social skills. I do not want a girl who is too socially active, as, honestly, it would make me feel uncomfortable. Again the middle class upbringing rising to the forte. But I would expect her to be able to talk comfortably with me and our friends about topics ranging from Timbuktu to Tata.

Taking an average of the 4 qualities I want in a girl, and it comes out to a ...voila...a 7. I am looking for a 7 out of a 10 gal. So well, I am a 7/10 guy looking for a 7/10 girl. Is it too much to ask?

And so here's a plea:

If you know of a girl who meets these criterias and who has criteria which meet my attributes, please hook us up. :D.

And Mama and Papa, Uncles and Aunties, Bhaiyas and Bhabhis, Didis and Jijajis, please read this. And then find me a girl :D.


Shonalee said...

Dude.. this is too cool...."Live and Let Live" :)

Witness said...

Straight from the heart-i like:)

zubin said...

@Shonalee: Thanks :).
@Shweta: Thank U. :).

Sonali Anand said...

first thing i want a like button here in your post. and second don't u think, u are asking a pretty more :P. best of luck

DhruvD said...

First "Reading it was the only worthwhile thing I did in the entire day", Second" truly straight from the heart and I think many people our age would be able to relate to almost every bit of it", Third " I dont know how it works, but guys usually end up with lower-than-their-own-score companion "

Nishith said...

After marriage the relatives will continue asking about when you are becoming a DAD..then what your ward studies....then his marriage...his children and the list goes on...c God has kept them to screw your happiness and you thought u have come here to live happily..nice hope.

zubin said...

@Sonali: Thanks a lot. And like Kareena Kapoor says in the Limca ad, Main sirf apni pyaas badhaa raha hoon. Zyaada maango to thoraa milega :D.
@DhruvD: First, your comment made my day. Second, Thanks. And third, there are a lot many instances of girls being stuck with lower scored men as well - they just dont see it :D.
@Nishith: I know, man, I know. Hence I want to stop the problem at its roots :).

Anonymous said...

as a man,i am laughing at be a devil's advocate,you want a girl to hold on her own and converse about everything under the sun with panache.Ironically,you want her to score just 5 on ambition.isn't that self contradictory?
so if i am not wrong--what you are demanding is a gold digger or a honey that hangs on to her husband's back to get through life.
do you think in this competitive world a girl can do with low ambition unless she has no interest in education or ambition or has her parental property stashed for her future.

Anonymous said...

what you need is a clever gaon ki gori.
one that is beautiful enough to show off and keep you interested with her tricks.
and will you respect a girl who is not well educated? unless she is an iit,iim or both,you will thnk yourself as the lord and master.Right.

sanjana said...

noooo i don't talk about any of that stuff with you. i don't think you need to get thin or get married. you're so funny and nice :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD too bad i couldn't see you this time in gurgaon :( but defineitely in december, yeah?

-sanjana ")

sanjana said...

noooo i don't talk about any of that stuff with you. i don't think you need to get thin or get married. you're so funny and nice :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD too bad i couldn't see you this time in gurgaon :( but defineitely in december, yeah?

-sanjana ")

priya said...

Dude,U might have managed an overall 7/10 ..But when u ask r u asking for much? Yes U R!!

High on hotness,low on success..Dislike :P

Anonymous said...

little too much to ask for

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Anonymous said...

Tooooo modest :D