Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The 100th post - A time for introspection

"In a Galaxy far, far away." - This is my favourite line, and for obvious reasons.

I was created on 27th May, 2005, because - well I am not really sure why I was created, after all my creator never told me. I am not very sure he knows too (and between you and me, even if he did, he would have probably forgotten it by now, what will all the alcohol problem that he has had - and you know what they say about alcohol and memory, right?). But I am again going off the main point - which as many of my friends say is my main problem (there I do it again, I am so sorry, I just can't help it, can I?). Now the main point is this - I am here to introduce myself to you. And I could not think of a better way to start than by mentioning when I was created - so that you can work out my correct age, and pardon me if I seem a bit childish - because I am still just two years old.
Oops, but by now you must be wondering who am I for I haven't really told you my name. I am "Me, myself and I", the blog you stare at whenever you type on your internet browser. Now, as my creator explained painstakingly to me the other day - we were celebrating our ninety nine posts together - is the internet address where I live, and you have to come there to meet me. My creator - he is called Zubin, by the way, and I think it is a very strange name, but who am I to judge? - also tells me that my name lets other people know that I am his image in the internet world. Now I find it hard to understand this concept, for how can I be his reflection - for I am a separate entity, which I told him. Then he explained to me that I had no mind of my own - hello- and that I was just a collection of posts which his own mind thinks of and pens down - haha, he said pens down, which made me laugh, because I was like, you don't pen it down, you type it, and he said he used to term as a figure of speech. This angered him, somehow, he said he was going through a lot of stress, and that without him, I am nothing, and that he can any time leave me and start on a new blog, abandoning me altogether, and the thought made me tremble. So I apologised to him for laughing, and he continued, that I wasn't able to think and hence unable to come up with anything to do for myself without him. And I told him - "Sir - for I have to call him sir, after all he has created me - please give me a chance to prove you wrong. I have a mind, and its time you know that. "(You see, I don't, and can't do anything without approval from him, but to say I don't have a mind - that is rude, don't you think?). And he grew angry again at my insolence, and closed my door (shut off his computer), but two days ago, he was very happy, and told me - "I am very happy today, and so make you an offer. I am letting your thoughts - if you have any, even though I don't believe so - to appear on you. The next post on this blog (which meant me) will be your thoughts. I want a break from the Mahabharat series I am doing anyways, and I have no time for introspection. After all, I just got a job. Its time to party - so write a post and publish it. And just to make people happy, I will write the subject line." And he went out of the room, and hasn't returned to me yet. Must be partying.
So well, I finally get a chance to talk to all you people out there, just you and me, without that Zubin and his thoughts in between. It is a big moment for me, and I am sure, for you as well to meet the real me. So I made a small poem for the occasion. Hope it goes well with you:

We meet here for the first time,
Just you and me, without those extra, stupid thoughts,
and you can confirm I have a splendid mind,
for I just made up this brilliant note.
I am sure this is brilliant for a two year old, but you have got to confirm it.
So tell me, isn't this nice? It is short and sweet, right?
(My friends say brevity is not my cup of tea, so I had to give it to them in their face).

Now that we have broken the ice, let us talk about other things. Well, the only things you have known about me, have been things that Zubin has told you. It might or might not be true.
For example, did you know that Zubin is prone to delete the entire post after he has written it - but before publishing. He has done it a lot of times before and I am sure going to finish it in one go - so as not to give him a chance to change his mind, which he does regularly. And has he told you he is more comfortable with his parents now than he has been for the past one quarter of a century. Or that he thinks of girls as nothing more than sexual and dancing objects now - which is in part a good thing, I will have to admit - because he has been heartbroken a lot of times before. And that he considers himself to be very lucky to be able to get along into the best institutes without knowing anything at all. And that he is finally happy with himself, and at peace with the world, especially after getting a pretty decent job offer.
But much about him. This post is about me, and as I was saying, this is also my 100th post. I feel great today and complete. When I was created, I had no idea I will come so far. Zubin has many times threatened me with deletion, and has ignored me a lot in the past as well. But I hold no grudges against him. He has me as a friend when all other friends have left him, and I guess he knows it, that is why he takes me for granted. But today, I am sure he feels as happy for my 100th post as I feel for him getting a job.
I have been through a lot in the past 99 posts you know. I haven't really liked being posted about our ancestors and gods made to be sex-hungry animals. Nor I have liked the use of such words as f*** on myself. Neither have I liked people stopping to read me because it depressed them. But well, I am my creator's creation, and I have to just be a medium for his thoughts, and I cannot really complain. I have borne the brunt of his mood swings, and been the paper for his sexual Mahabharat. I have also been his confidante in matters of love, and about life. Now that I think about it - he is very philosophical.
But I guess all that is changing now. I am hoping I go into a new level as far as my reading audience is concerned, and that people like what they read when they type my name on the internet browser. I am funny now, and humorous, and sexy. People tell Zubin, who tells me, that they like me, and I am happy about that. I am tired now though because it has been a long and arduous journey I have been through suicidal posts as well, and posts which say foolish things like "Love makes a world go around" - which I think is totally stupid, personally - and posts which talk about life at IIT - which is a rather loser place, I must say, even though he will blow at the idea. I have posts about nightclubs in US and France, and also parties at IIMC - which just scores below IIT on the cool scale, which is not saying anything at all- and all these have just made me realize that let me enjoy the present cool phase while I can.
You never know when his mood can change. So here is to a happy and satisfied me, and a funny and humorous me. And let us continue the sexy Mahabharat, for the benefits of the general public. And from now on, having proved I have my own mind, I will try telling him to get better when he feels low. And if you liked the poem above, here is more:

So here I complete a hundred posts,
wow - and am so happy about the fact
and am hopeful I continue to attract,
your comments, so that I don't feel morose.
Its also been great meeting you today,
while hoping you feel the same too,
and even though I don't know you,
I was waiting for this from my very first day.
Thanks for helping me reach this landmark,
for if it wasn't for your sweet appreciation,
Zubin would have left me for cancellation,
and I would have lost all my spark.
So, dear reader, I would like you to tell Zubin this,
that his blog has a mind of its own,
its a mind that has fast grown,
and will soon probably be maturer than his.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Mahabharata 9: The Kauravas and the Pandavas - 2

Kunti was sad. The jungle life didn't quite go with her. She was a city girl, who loved parties and the adulation of the public. Even the birth of her three children, Yudhishtra, Bhima and Arjuna, had been unable to give her life a meaning. She still often brooded about her eldest son, Karna, the son of the Sun-God, Surya, whom she had thrown into the river for fear of someone finding out about her affair with the God, for pre-marital sex was banned at that time. She knew that there was a very small chance of him still being alive, but she knew somehow (mother's instinct) that he was still alive, and moreover, doing well for himself. And she also knew that his armour and earrings distinguish her eldest son from anyone else on earth, and if she were to ever see him, she would recognize him at once. "And then what would I do?" she often wondered, and she never could come up with the answer.
Meanwhile, the Pandavas were growing up hale and hearty, and Pandu was still making along by masturabating for sex was a strict no-no. To tease him, Madri and Kunti were acting more and more like lesbian partners. Pandu, being pained by Madri's confession that she had not one, but two Gods inside her at the same time (which lead to the birth of Nakul and Sahadeva, the twins) had banned any more sex for both Madri and Kunti, which led them to seek each other. The Pandavas were being taught by the sadhus in the jungle, and their mothers saw to it that they knew that the Hastinapur kingdom was technically theirs for the taking, for their father (foster-father) was the king of Hastinapur, fallen upon bad days. And so the years passed.
Till the day Pandu lost it. Quite literally. It was the twelfth birthday of Arjuna, and the entire family was busy with the birthday celebration. Madri was looking really sexy in her new dress, and Kunti too, as always, but Pandu was really sad. He had been denied sex for so long, and while he had taken to masturbation a lot, it wasn't quite the real thing. The entire family was busy in cutting the cake and feeding the sadhus. The lustful eyes with which the sadhus were lechering at his two wives, made him even sadder. And the body language of Madri and Kunti also showed him that even they didn't mind the passes being made by the sadhus, through their double meaning sentences, (such as "tumhara doodh bahut accha hai", at which Kunti just said, "Aur piyo rishiji, humaare pati to ab hamara doodh pee hee nahin sakte", and they all had laughed, all except Pandu, who felt humiliated). He was being made the cuckold here, and he certainly did not like it. "Keep some standard, women" he wanted to shout out to his two wives, who, as far as he knew, only had sex before with him or gods (leaving aside Kunti with Vidur, of course, but even Vidur was a god incarnate according to Ved Vyasa), and stooping themselves to saadhus' would bring disgrace to the family. But seeing the lust in the brahmins' eyes also turned him pretty horny. He could see what all was he missing - the figures of his two wives had not changed much even after giving births - and he knew at that moment, that he wanted sex. Taking Madri by her waist, he took her into the bedroom and kissed her. Madri was overcome with this show of emotion by Pandu, and while her flesh was willing to go the full distance - it had been 11 long years since she last had sex- she calmed herself, and told Pandu to stop. "Please stop, dear husband - or you will die." Pandu: "But I can't, and this life is not worth living after all. I prefer death to such a life - and what better way to die than in the arms of ones beloved. So come lets fuck." And he starts sucking those wonderful globes. Madri: "But this is wrong hubby. I can't be the reason for you to die. mmm...but it feels so good, keep doing it. Don't stop." And as you can guess now, Madri had sex for the first time after 11 years, while Pandu had after 16 long years. They had soon gotten naked and enjoyed many sexual positions, forgetting all about the curse Pandu was under. It was the best sex anyone had ever enjoyed, and Madri was still moaning "harder, harder" when Pandu's face suddenly went white. He had sweat spots on his face, and he had fallen dead while ejaculating into Madri. Madri let out a huge cry, "Kunti Didi" which made Kunti leave the celebrations and run into the bedroom, to see Madri in bed with her husband who was now dead.
Kunti:"Husband, what has happened? Bitch, what have you done?" (Starts crying).
Madri: "I am sorry, but I just could not stop myself - or him. I am really sorry. Forgive me sister."
Kunti: "Now who will care for us now? What will we do without a husband?"
Madri: "Didi, let us prepare the funeral site. I, being responsible for Pandu's death, will burn along with it. But promise me, Didi, that you will take care of Nakul and Sahadev as your own sons."
Kunti: "Pandu has already left me. Now you want to leave too. But what will I do without you two? I am sorry for calling you a bitch - please don't leave me. Just be here, and we can think of something."
Madri: "Didi, I am sorry, but I cannot bear the guilt of being responsible for his death. So let me go as well. And please promise me."
Kunti: "I promise Madri, but tell me - how did he feel after all these years? You were lucky I must say, for having seen Pandu in his greatest glory after so long."
Madri:"He was great sister, it was so much fun, and after having had experienced it, it is better to die than to live, and so let me burn along with my husband."
And so Madri sits on the funeral pyre along with the body of her deceased husband, and burns alive. This was later mouldedd into the tradition of Sati in India.
Hearing about Pandu's death and Madri's subsequent sati, the entire Hastinapur clan was mournful. Pandu had been apparently a great king, grandson, son, nephew, brother and husband. After the mourning period was over, Bhishma himself went to Kunti in the jungle and told her to come back to the Hastinapur palace along with the five Pandavas, to take their rightful place as princes. So Kunti came back to the Hastinapur palace, to live as a queen, and the five Pandavas, got some new friends - their Kaurava cousins. Pandavas and their mother got a new apartment within the palace walls, and enjoyed the change from the forest life they were used to.
Meanwhile, all the Kauravas were deeply influenced by their big brother, Duryodhana - all except Yuyutsu, the step-brother. Meanwhile, Duryodhana himself was under the spell of his maternal uncle, Shakuni, who had told him all this while, that being the eldest son of the eldest son (Dhritrashtra) Duryodhana deserved to be the new king of Hastinapur after his father. And all of Shakuni's efforts were towards making Duryodhana believe it himself. Duryodhana for his part showed signs of greatness even when he was quite young. The training of the Kauravas started early - when they were just twelve infact - and Duryodhana was easily the best among them. The training was conducted by Kripacharya, the in-house teacher who had also taught Dhritrashtra, Pandu and Vidura. Kripacharya also had a sister, Kripi, who was married to the great teacher, Drona.
So when the Pandavas joined the Kauravas, Bhishma suggested that the Pandavas train too under Kripacharya, and they did. Duryodhana, who never before had any competition to his stature as the best, could not get used to the idea of someone surpassing him, which is what Yudhishtra did in the political sciences department, while Bhima beat him in strength. Moreover, Duryodhana could not quite come to terms with the fact that while earlier he was the adored one, the affections of his parents and grandparents, and even great grandmother Satyavati were divided among the Kauravas and the Pandavas. Only Shakuni, his maternal uncle, loved him as much as before, he thought. And as the others withdrew from him, he grew closer to Shakuni, whose mind was still on defeating Bhishma, and in Duryodhana, he finally had a weapon. And there lay the seed of the discord, which ultimately led to the Mahabharat.