And I suddenly realised today, that most of my unhappiness stems from the Groucho Marx effect - the quote about "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members".
This simple maxim has defined my life and made me unhappy. While I consider myself worthy of potentially a lot of things, what I get easily is never going to be good enough. And this defines me as a person - always wanting more, and always unhappy with what I have.
This stems largely from a dual degree of self-perception I believe. There is a part of me which knows I am a useless, worthless person and another part that believes that I am among the most intelligent people around. And this is what causes this dilemma.
So well, it has started affecting me a lot more as I have grown older. No job is good enough, and now I am actually questioning my friendships with people. Why are people my friends even though I am sick in the way I am? It might be because they are not good enough to find better friends, and hence, they are not good enough for me. And that is exactly the reason I think I can never really fall in two-sided love - because if I get the one I love, she will not be good enough anymore.
I hate myself somehow.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Yesterday was a bad day
10 hours at the office. And this on a Saturday, when we are officially NOT supposed to be working. I was supposed to go to Jalandhar for a wedding - but had to miss it because I was working.
Arsenal lost to ManU. Not that I am an Arsenal fan or anything, but I hate ManU (I also hate the English Premier League, but that is another matter, and post, altogether) . Because they had a certain C. Ronaldo. And because all decisions favour them. And what to say of the refereeing? And the diving? They played well for just 3 minutes and then just defended, and in the end they won. Not a great advertisement for football, certainly.
More importantly, and tragically, Milan lost to Inter in the derby della madonnina. And the captain, Rino Gattuso, was sent off. Milan didnt just lose, they were humiliated by their blue cousins. 0-4.
Djovokic never wins against Federer. Or against Nadal or Murray for that matter.
My work life balance is screwed up- totally and completely. Which leaves just these small matches in life to really look up to. And in that too, the teams I am supporting almost always lose. Which brings me further sorrow and takes my frustrations to new levels.
You know, a learned man might tell me, "Why do you expect so much? Why is there any desire? Watch sports for the pure fun of it, desire only leads to sorrow."
I know this, but without desire then, what is the point of life? And if the point of life is desire (and correspondingly sorrow), then why celebrate it? Any answers?
In short, life is not fair.
Forza Milan! Forza Argentina!
Arsenal lost to ManU. Not that I am an Arsenal fan or anything, but I hate ManU (I also hate the English Premier League, but that is another matter, and post, altogether) . Because they had a certain C. Ronaldo. And because all decisions favour them. And what to say of the refereeing? And the diving? They played well for just 3 minutes and then just defended, and in the end they won. Not a great advertisement for football, certainly.
More importantly, and tragically, Milan lost to Inter in the derby della madonnina. And the captain, Rino Gattuso, was sent off. Milan didnt just lose, they were humiliated by their blue cousins. 0-4.
Djovokic never wins against Federer. Or against Nadal or Murray for that matter.
My work life balance is screwed up- totally and completely. Which leaves just these small matches in life to really look up to. And in that too, the teams I am supporting almost always lose. Which brings me further sorrow and takes my frustrations to new levels.
You know, a learned man might tell me, "Why do you expect so much? Why is there any desire? Watch sports for the pure fun of it, desire only leads to sorrow."
I know this, but without desire then, what is the point of life? And if the point of life is desire (and correspondingly sorrow), then why celebrate it? Any answers?
In short, life is not fair.
Forza Milan! Forza Argentina!
Friday, August 21, 2009
The 2-d ZSV matrix theory
(Do not judge me on the basis of this blog :D)
(The ZS company had no relation with this matrix and we apologise to use the term ZSV for this matrix. But we had no other option).
Author's note: Relationship refers to any sort of contact between a girl and a boy. A relation on the other hand is a mathematical entity connecting the x and y axis.
Imagine a 2-d matrix space in a relationship between a girl and a boy. The x-axis is represented by the girl's views on the boy while the y-axis is represented by the boy's view on the girl. Now well the girl can have two views on the boy- either she does not give to the boy or she gives (In Hindi, the language in which the concept is easiest to visualise, it translates to - degi yaa nahin degi):). The guys response then can be not take or take (loonga yaa nahin loonga).
Now for those of you who are mathematically inclined, let the girl's interpretation of the relation be represented by a binary function on the x-axis (for a particular guy) as x = 0 (nahin doongi) or 1 (doongi). Guys for whom girls have x=1 are called the lucky guys. At any particular period of time, of all the guys a girl knows, maximum of one can be the lucky guy. The boy's response can be similarly represented as a binary function on the y-axis (for that particular girl): y = 0 (nahin loonga) or y = 1 (loonga).
According to the matrix theory being developed by us here, guys can have three different kinds of relations with the girls they know, or even with the countless others they do not know. For want of anything better, we will call them Relations A, B and C. The boy can choose with which girl he wants to have what kind of relation. Depending on the relation, we refer to the girls as A-list, B-list and C-list. There is no limit on the number of girls you can have on each list.
A single guy normally chooses his relation as: y = 1 AND x. This is the Relation A. This is the most common relation for a single guy, as the other two are rather difficult to pull off. This basically means that if a girl decides to make him lucky, he will try his luck. There is no such thing as true friendship between a single guy and an A-list girl on his list. The choice (to give or not to give) is with the girl, and the guy will simply do what he is supposed to (take if given; else, you know what). This is represented by the classic Hindi statement (degi to le loonga) – which is the precursor to the matrix theory. Any girl at the time of start of the relationship is not ready to give and so has her x-value pegged at 0 – unless the guy is Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt, but we are talking about normal guys here. Then according to the relation A, as x=0, y=0. So, all relations of A type between a guy and his A-listed gal start start from a (0,0) point on the X-Y axis. The girl is not ready to give, and you can't take unless she gives (nahin degi to kaise loonga??), being the good guy you are.
On the other hand, in some cases (usually a very frustu/ evil guy, or a very hot female), the guy might decide to take things in his own hands (you pervs, always thinking dirty) and go in for a Relation B, which states that y=1(Nahin degi to bhee le loonga). Relation B is degrading to women and is the only cause of rape around the world. For the normal person, for all your fantasies about B'wood and H'wood actresses and what not, this remains a hypothetical scenario. For the rapists though, this might not be that hypothetical - or else there would not be any rape. You don’t have to be lucky in this case to get “it”.
So now, you might ask, if the relation A starts from (0,0) why do most single men choose this relation? Because, my friend, this is the only relation (other than the morally corrupt relation B), which can take you to the promised land of (1,1). The only way then is for the guy to convince the girl that he is right man for her. Call it flirting, true love or anything. This is the final deal. She gives and you take - perfect happiness. Different people have different modes to achieve this. The only difference is about how people go about it. Some people are the "bang bang, thank you mam" kinds. Their time horizon for the advent is pretty less, even with the hot girls. They are somehow easily able to get lucky. On the other end of the spectrum, are the losers, who take the longer friendship route, which actually ends up, after endless heartbreaks, where it starts (on x=0). Somehow, they still never learn!!
Our experience shows that to get yourself lucky, you need to either have the money, or the looks, or in the absence of both of the above, she should be sufficiently drunk. Or if you are smart enough, you could make her fall in love with you. In any case, once she makes you lucky, you get lucky.
So while relationship A generally holds for normal single guys, it fails for other categories of guys. A gay guy, for example, will have the following relation towards all women: y=0. This is the relation C. (Main kisi ki nahin loonga). Relation C assures that there can actually be no relationship possible.
Now well the only difficulty in the entire argument is that unlike the guy, who can have Relation A with many girls, for a girl, at a single time, only one guy can get lucky. (For those of you with dirty fantasies, we are talking of normal guys and girls here). So if you have decided on a relation A with a committed female, it can have a very small probability to succeed. You will have to engineer to make her present flame unlucky and then work hard to make yourself lucky. Too tough!! So it is much better to leave the committed girls on your relation C framework. Some people have a charm in this too, though, especially with the soon to be married women.
For a hetero guy interacting with someone he doesn't fancy (For you losers, this is possible - This is applicable for all happily committed men with all other women (mujhe jo tum mil gaye ho, ab mujhe aur koi degi bhee to nahin looonga), or even for the losers with ugly women - with ugly, I mean the really ugly kinds) Relationship C holds (Yeh to mujhe bilkul acchee nahin lagtee, agar degi to bhee nahin loonga). This explains why Irfan Pathan refused the advances of the girl who approached him -after his public engagement, he had placed all women in relation C.
For a normal, single guy with a hot, committed friend (this is a tough one) - either she can come in the ugly category (if she is committed to your friend - and you ARE BOUND to follow the bro code), which means from your side it should change to relation C; or, if she is committed to someone you do not know and the bro code does not apply, you can still try your luck and keep up the Relation A- but then the entire work is tough.
We are still waiting to streamline the matrix further:
FAQ: Is change in listing allowed once a guy has decided?
Yes, but only in abnormal circumstances. Like when a committed female has a break up she can go from C to A. On the other hand, when a ugly female (who is normally in your C-list) gets really drunk, because then the chances of you becoming the lucky guy increase, but you can only change her from C-list to A-list ONLY if you are above 37 years of age, and yet a virgin. In that case, if a soon-to-be-married woman needs a final fling before marriage, and because you are the first person you see, she can be dropped from the C-list (she was in the C-list because of the bro code) and put on the A-list. This defies the bro code, but well, if you are a 37 year old virgin because of the bro code, fuck the bro code.
(Illustrations added for better understanding).
(The ZS company had no relation with this matrix and we apologise to use the term ZSV for this matrix. But we had no other option).
Author's note: Relationship refers to any sort of contact between a girl and a boy. A relation on the other hand is a mathematical entity connecting the x and y axis.
Imagine a 2-d matrix space in a relationship between a girl and a boy. The x-axis is represented by the girl's views on the boy while the y-axis is represented by the boy's view on the girl. Now well the girl can have two views on the boy- either she does not give to the boy or she gives (In Hindi, the language in which the concept is easiest to visualise, it translates to - degi yaa nahin degi):). The guys response then can be not take or take (loonga yaa nahin loonga).
Now for those of you who are mathematically inclined, let the girl's interpretation of the relation be represented by a binary function on the x-axis (for a particular guy) as x = 0 (nahin doongi) or 1 (doongi). Guys for whom girls have x=1 are called the lucky guys. At any particular period of time, of all the guys a girl knows, maximum of one can be the lucky guy. The boy's response can be similarly represented as a binary function on the y-axis (for that particular girl): y = 0 (nahin loonga) or y = 1 (loonga).
According to the matrix theory being developed by us here, guys can have three different kinds of relations with the girls they know, or even with the countless others they do not know. For want of anything better, we will call them Relations A, B and C. The boy can choose with which girl he wants to have what kind of relation. Depending on the relation, we refer to the girls as A-list, B-list and C-list. There is no limit on the number of girls you can have on each list.
A single guy normally chooses his relation as: y = 1 AND x. This is the Relation A. This is the most common relation for a single guy, as the other two are rather difficult to pull off. This basically means that if a girl decides to make him lucky, he will try his luck. There is no such thing as true friendship between a single guy and an A-list girl on his list. The choice (to give or not to give) is with the girl, and the guy will simply do what he is supposed to (take if given; else, you know what). This is represented by the classic Hindi statement (degi to le loonga) – which is the precursor to the matrix theory. Any girl at the time of start of the relationship is not ready to give and so has her x-value pegged at 0 – unless the guy is Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt, but we are talking about normal guys here. Then according to the relation A, as x=0, y=0. So, all relations of A type between a guy and his A-listed gal start start from a (0,0) point on the X-Y axis. The girl is not ready to give, and you can't take unless she gives (nahin degi to kaise loonga??), being the good guy you are.
On the other hand, in some cases (usually a very frustu/ evil guy, or a very hot female), the guy might decide to take things in his own hands (you pervs, always thinking dirty) and go in for a Relation B, which states that y=1(Nahin degi to bhee le loonga). Relation B is degrading to women and is the only cause of rape around the world. For the normal person, for all your fantasies about B'wood and H'wood actresses and what not, this remains a hypothetical scenario. For the rapists though, this might not be that hypothetical - or else there would not be any rape. You don’t have to be lucky in this case to get “it”.
So now, you might ask, if the relation A starts from (0,0) why do most single men choose this relation? Because, my friend, this is the only relation (other than the morally corrupt relation B), which can take you to the promised land of (1,1). The only way then is for the guy to convince the girl that he is right man for her. Call it flirting, true love or anything. This is the final deal. She gives and you take - perfect happiness. Different people have different modes to achieve this. The only difference is about how people go about it. Some people are the "bang bang, thank you mam" kinds. Their time horizon for the advent is pretty less, even with the hot girls. They are somehow easily able to get lucky. On the other end of the spectrum, are the losers, who take the longer friendship route, which actually ends up, after endless heartbreaks, where it starts (on x=0). Somehow, they still never learn!!
Our experience shows that to get yourself lucky, you need to either have the money, or the looks, or in the absence of both of the above, she should be sufficiently drunk. Or if you are smart enough, you could make her fall in love with you. In any case, once she makes you lucky, you get lucky.
So while relationship A generally holds for normal single guys, it fails for other categories of guys. A gay guy, for example, will have the following relation towards all women: y=0. This is the relation C. (Main kisi ki nahin loonga). Relation C assures that there can actually be no relationship possible.
Now well the only difficulty in the entire argument is that unlike the guy, who can have Relation A with many girls, for a girl, at a single time, only one guy can get lucky. (For those of you with dirty fantasies, we are talking of normal guys and girls here). So if you have decided on a relation A with a committed female, it can have a very small probability to succeed. You will have to engineer to make her present flame unlucky and then work hard to make yourself lucky. Too tough!! So it is much better to leave the committed girls on your relation C framework. Some people have a charm in this too, though, especially with the soon to be married women.
For a hetero guy interacting with someone he doesn't fancy (For you losers, this is possible - This is applicable for all happily committed men with all other women (mujhe jo tum mil gaye ho, ab mujhe aur koi degi bhee to nahin looonga), or even for the losers with ugly women - with ugly, I mean the really ugly kinds) Relationship C holds (Yeh to mujhe bilkul acchee nahin lagtee, agar degi to bhee nahin loonga). This explains why Irfan Pathan refused the advances of the girl who approached him -after his public engagement, he had placed all women in relation C.
For a normal, single guy with a hot, committed friend (this is a tough one) - either she can come in the ugly category (if she is committed to your friend - and you ARE BOUND to follow the bro code), which means from your side it should change to relation C; or, if she is committed to someone you do not know and the bro code does not apply, you can still try your luck and keep up the Relation A- but then the entire work is tough.
We are still waiting to streamline the matrix further:
FAQ: Is change in listing allowed once a guy has decided?
Yes, but only in abnormal circumstances. Like when a committed female has a break up she can go from C to A. On the other hand, when a ugly female (who is normally in your C-list) gets really drunk, because then the chances of you becoming the lucky guy increase, but you can only change her from C-list to A-list ONLY if you are above 37 years of age, and yet a virgin. In that case, if a soon-to-be-married woman needs a final fling before marriage, and because you are the first person you see, she can be dropped from the C-list (she was in the C-list because of the bro code) and put on the A-list. This defies the bro code, but well, if you are a 37 year old virgin because of the bro code, fuck the bro code.
(Illustrations added for better understanding).
Monday, August 10, 2009
And here we go again
I am really apologetic for not putting anything of note down since the last one year. The past year has been a pretty good one- in most respects, anyways.
In many ways it has been a year of contradictions more than anything else. There have been times when I have loved my job and there have been times when I have absolutely hated it. I have been busier than I have ever been, and even then, I have managed to find enough free time. I have made new friends and caught up with many old ones, and yet have found myself pretty alone more often than not. Have probably stayed up sober more number of days in the year than ever, but have had worse blackouts on certain days.
All in all, the start of the second half of the year is a good time to take stock of the last year gone by. And this is where I begin - life has become pretty mundane: go to office, come back, play PS2, watch a bit of TV, waste time on comp, and then sleep for another day. On weekends too, it remains the same (yep even the office going part, mostly :(), except that I drink/party on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And yeah, read some books. In fact, make it "read a lot of books."
While the time for introspection has been pretty less, when I have, it has yielded new facts about myself, a few important ones of which are mentioned below:
a) I hate/am scared of the very concept of marriage/relationship: Friends around me are planning to get married, but I am scared of making any commitment yet. I am unable to see the point of it all - devoting your life to one person is such a waste of a good life. One reason could be the complete absence from my life of that entire love thing, whatever that means. And it might also be that I have internalised this hate for relationships/ commitment as I know no woman is going to find me attractive enough to love me (or commit to me). I do not know what it is, but I definitely do know that women as objects of lust appear more appealing than as objects of love – and as objects of lust is what I see them as now, especially while partying in places like Hard Rock Café and Howzzat. I have also started believing that there is no such thing as true love - and that it is just a name for endless compromises that people make in order to remove their loneliness. This concept is a drastic change from when I started this blog - I was a true romantic then, believing in love more than anything else. Moreover, I have grown out to be too self centered to actually think about making sacrifices in a relationship, like my friends do. One point in time I was probably ready to make sacrifices, but not anymore - and as I have realised this is probably a good way to live your life. But somehow, sometimes, I do feel terribly alone.
b) I am generally low on enthusiasm: I used to be a fairly enthusiastic child and college student, but now I have lost all enthusiasm. The motivation to do well in face of challenges has gone. I have come to hate responsibility as I am unable to motivate myself when given responsibility. Which is probably the reason for me hating my job - it places too much responsibility on me. This might also explain why I do not want the responsibility of a relationship or marriage – I am afraid I will not be able to motivate myself enough to carry it forward. The more the responsibility on me, the less keenly I work nowadays. I know it’s not a thing to brag about, but this is what it is. I generally laugh at people who show too much enthusiasm for life, or their work, or even their relationships; but sometimes, I do feel guilty for the enthusiastic me, who I have killed somewhere in the time past.
c) People bore me after a particular time, which is why when someone gets too close to me, I try stupid things in order to alienate them. I do not want to become best friend to people – as the burden is too much to bear. Hence, I become less nice to people who start knowing me better – eventually leading to estrangement. And the funny thing is, I do not miss the people who go, as new people always enter into my life. And then the whole cycle repeats itself. You know the Karma and all. But sometimes you do begin to feel guilty for seeing yourself with 20 good friends, none of whom consider you as the best friend. And then you feel alone, real alone.
But there is nothing you can do, and life, in general, is pretty good, except for the times you realize how lonely you have been. I am what I am, though. This is what is life, I guess.
In many ways it has been a year of contradictions more than anything else. There have been times when I have loved my job and there have been times when I have absolutely hated it. I have been busier than I have ever been, and even then, I have managed to find enough free time. I have made new friends and caught up with many old ones, and yet have found myself pretty alone more often than not. Have probably stayed up sober more number of days in the year than ever, but have had worse blackouts on certain days.
All in all, the start of the second half of the year is a good time to take stock of the last year gone by. And this is where I begin - life has become pretty mundane: go to office, come back, play PS2, watch a bit of TV, waste time on comp, and then sleep for another day. On weekends too, it remains the same (yep even the office going part, mostly :(), except that I drink/party on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And yeah, read some books. In fact, make it "read a lot of books."
While the time for introspection has been pretty less, when I have, it has yielded new facts about myself, a few important ones of which are mentioned below:
a) I hate/am scared of the very concept of marriage/relationship: Friends around me are planning to get married, but I am scared of making any commitment yet. I am unable to see the point of it all - devoting your life to one person is such a waste of a good life. One reason could be the complete absence from my life of that entire love thing, whatever that means. And it might also be that I have internalised this hate for relationships/ commitment as I know no woman is going to find me attractive enough to love me (or commit to me). I do not know what it is, but I definitely do know that women as objects of lust appear more appealing than as objects of love – and as objects of lust is what I see them as now, especially while partying in places like Hard Rock Café and Howzzat. I have also started believing that there is no such thing as true love - and that it is just a name for endless compromises that people make in order to remove their loneliness. This concept is a drastic change from when I started this blog - I was a true romantic then, believing in love more than anything else. Moreover, I have grown out to be too self centered to actually think about making sacrifices in a relationship, like my friends do. One point in time I was probably ready to make sacrifices, but not anymore - and as I have realised this is probably a good way to live your life. But somehow, sometimes, I do feel terribly alone.
b) I am generally low on enthusiasm: I used to be a fairly enthusiastic child and college student, but now I have lost all enthusiasm. The motivation to do well in face of challenges has gone. I have come to hate responsibility as I am unable to motivate myself when given responsibility. Which is probably the reason for me hating my job - it places too much responsibility on me. This might also explain why I do not want the responsibility of a relationship or marriage – I am afraid I will not be able to motivate myself enough to carry it forward. The more the responsibility on me, the less keenly I work nowadays. I know it’s not a thing to brag about, but this is what it is. I generally laugh at people who show too much enthusiasm for life, or their work, or even their relationships; but sometimes, I do feel guilty for the enthusiastic me, who I have killed somewhere in the time past.
c) People bore me after a particular time, which is why when someone gets too close to me, I try stupid things in order to alienate them. I do not want to become best friend to people – as the burden is too much to bear. Hence, I become less nice to people who start knowing me better – eventually leading to estrangement. And the funny thing is, I do not miss the people who go, as new people always enter into my life. And then the whole cycle repeats itself. You know the Karma and all. But sometimes you do begin to feel guilty for seeing yourself with 20 good friends, none of whom consider you as the best friend. And then you feel alone, real alone.
But there is nothing you can do, and life, in general, is pretty good, except for the times you realize how lonely you have been. I am what I am, though. This is what is life, I guess.
Monday, November 17, 2008
And we are back folks!!!
Even though its been awaited
Its been a long time since I have been updated
So I have ventured out without permission
to complete this mission
Hello everyone,
This is the blog (me, myself and I residing at www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com). We met around six months ago, if you do remember. It was the 100th post on me, and I posted it, for my master was too busy and too happy to write anything. And wasn't I proud?
I am glad to meet you again, only for the second time. And I am sorry for keeping you waiting, but as always, it was my master's fault, and not mine. I do think you do know him too, don't you? If you don't, by some chance, he is called Zubin, and is a much-below-average IIT-IIM chap working as a consultant. He is still single, but if I was a girl, I am not really sure, whether I would like him or not. And though he is my master, I don't really know whether I like him or not. It is a horrible thought, for Zubin is mostly harmless and good to me, and to everyone around him, but I can't help my thoughts, can I? He is my creator, so I guess I should like him, but then he has abandoned me for the past four months, and I know people coming up to me and being disappointed to see the same old me, and I hate him for disappointing people. Four months is a long, long time to be locked up and not being updated. You know, I hear India has even won a gold medal in the Olympics. And Vishwanathan Anand has become the undisputed chess champion. India has cruised over Australia 2-0 in four tests. You see, unlike my master, I am deeply patriotic. And across the world, Obama has become the new president-elect of the US of A. How romantic, no? A rags to riches story. I am not too sure Zubin likes him much, but I love him. And Lehman Brothers has collapsed, how tragic - even though I always thought these guys made too much money, I won't rejoice in the fall of the big capitalistic society. So well, I hear so much, and now I do have to speak as well.
So now I have decided to take matters in my own hand, whether he likes it or not. For well, he just has not been able to write anything the past four months. To give him credit, he genuinely lacked time, and sometimes when he did try, he just could not write. Not that he did not have topics to write about - the past six months of his life have been the most happening, or so I do guess.
Zubin loves to complain about things. About most things anyways. And if you have been reading the posts on me, (oh poor me), you do know what I mean. It is not as if his life is bad, as he would like you to believe. It is pretty good, I think. What else can you ask for someone who has been one of the least performers wherever he has been the past 7 years? Three distinct groups of good friends, a nice job with a nice team and good money, and plenty of female company.
So what is his problem, exactly? Someone tell me please.
He is a frustrated mean bugger if u ask me. He thinks about what all he could have achieved had he put in effort during IIT and IIM. He believes his ROI is high - which is true, and which he deems is an explanation for the fact that he is an intelligent person, a fact he is very proud of. But lets assume, that his Output is constant, and seeing his marks in courses in which he did put fight, its a pretty decent assumption. So well, had he put more fight, he would have achieved same output, and that would have made his ROI as good as those of other poor performers that we know of. But he just does not believe the truth - that he is less, and not more, talented than the average IIT-IIMian. Its time someone told him this.
And if you will advice him not to make me dirty by writing bad about our great gods and heroes from epics, please do so? I respect all of them, the Krishnas and the Bhishmas and the Pandavas and Kauravas, (okay, not so much the Kauravas, for they were evil), and he makes fun of the greatest epic ever written. That too over me. God, believe me, I am not privy to his evil. Please forgive me on judgement day. Actually, thinking about it, considering I am not a living person, (who am I? I am a blog, remember), will I have a judgement day? And is my master actually my god. Then how will he judge me? I always want him to be happy, as you know, but as he does with other people, he is unable to understand it. He has a lot less understanding about life and relationships than he would care to admit, and that is why finds ways to make him seemingly simple life complicated. Will he understand all this- Can anyone make him understand all this?
I know him well I think. Its been a love hate relationship for the past three years, but I understand I am deeply linked to him. And inspite of all this, I think I don't know him. For does he know himself? As he asked, on a post here, three years ago, Is he Cain or Abel?
And continuing that, is he happy Obama, and not McCain became the President? I think not, just as he would not been happy if McCain had become the president. Why is this all so complicated?
All Obama wants to do is change the world - make it a better place to live. So why is Zubin against him? Is it because Obama is black, or because everyone likes him? And Zubin also does not like MS Dhoni, another star I appreciate, the son of the soil. Again because everyone likes him, is it?
There are a lot of questions for a day for you to worry about,are they not?
And well, I have another one, its the last and most important one, and I have been wondering about it locked there for four months, waiting to be updated:
Can you tell me what happiness means?
Its been a long time since I have been updated
So I have ventured out without permission
to complete this mission
Hello everyone,
This is the blog (me, myself and I residing at www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com). We met around six months ago, if you do remember. It was the 100th post on me, and I posted it, for my master was too busy and too happy to write anything. And wasn't I proud?
I am glad to meet you again, only for the second time. And I am sorry for keeping you waiting, but as always, it was my master's fault, and not mine. I do think you do know him too, don't you? If you don't, by some chance, he is called Zubin, and is a much-below-average IIT-IIM chap working as a consultant. He is still single, but if I was a girl, I am not really sure, whether I would like him or not. And though he is my master, I don't really know whether I like him or not. It is a horrible thought, for Zubin is mostly harmless and good to me, and to everyone around him, but I can't help my thoughts, can I? He is my creator, so I guess I should like him, but then he has abandoned me for the past four months, and I know people coming up to me and being disappointed to see the same old me, and I hate him for disappointing people. Four months is a long, long time to be locked up and not being updated. You know, I hear India has even won a gold medal in the Olympics. And Vishwanathan Anand has become the undisputed chess champion. India has cruised over Australia 2-0 in four tests. You see, unlike my master, I am deeply patriotic. And across the world, Obama has become the new president-elect of the US of A. How romantic, no? A rags to riches story. I am not too sure Zubin likes him much, but I love him. And Lehman Brothers has collapsed, how tragic - even though I always thought these guys made too much money, I won't rejoice in the fall of the big capitalistic society. So well, I hear so much, and now I do have to speak as well.
So now I have decided to take matters in my own hand, whether he likes it or not. For well, he just has not been able to write anything the past four months. To give him credit, he genuinely lacked time, and sometimes when he did try, he just could not write. Not that he did not have topics to write about - the past six months of his life have been the most happening, or so I do guess.
Zubin loves to complain about things. About most things anyways. And if you have been reading the posts on me, (oh poor me), you do know what I mean. It is not as if his life is bad, as he would like you to believe. It is pretty good, I think. What else can you ask for someone who has been one of the least performers wherever he has been the past 7 years? Three distinct groups of good friends, a nice job with a nice team and good money, and plenty of female company.
So what is his problem, exactly? Someone tell me please.
He is a frustrated mean bugger if u ask me. He thinks about what all he could have achieved had he put in effort during IIT and IIM. He believes his ROI is high - which is true, and which he deems is an explanation for the fact that he is an intelligent person, a fact he is very proud of. But lets assume, that his Output is constant, and seeing his marks in courses in which he did put fight, its a pretty decent assumption. So well, had he put more fight, he would have achieved same output, and that would have made his ROI as good as those of other poor performers that we know of. But he just does not believe the truth - that he is less, and not more, talented than the average IIT-IIMian. Its time someone told him this.
And if you will advice him not to make me dirty by writing bad about our great gods and heroes from epics, please do so? I respect all of them, the Krishnas and the Bhishmas and the Pandavas and Kauravas, (okay, not so much the Kauravas, for they were evil), and he makes fun of the greatest epic ever written. That too over me. God, believe me, I am not privy to his evil. Please forgive me on judgement day. Actually, thinking about it, considering I am not a living person, (who am I? I am a blog, remember), will I have a judgement day? And is my master actually my god. Then how will he judge me? I always want him to be happy, as you know, but as he does with other people, he is unable to understand it. He has a lot less understanding about life and relationships than he would care to admit, and that is why finds ways to make him seemingly simple life complicated. Will he understand all this- Can anyone make him understand all this?
I know him well I think. Its been a love hate relationship for the past three years, but I understand I am deeply linked to him. And inspite of all this, I think I don't know him. For does he know himself? As he asked, on a post here, three years ago, Is he Cain or Abel?
And continuing that, is he happy Obama, and not McCain became the President? I think not, just as he would not been happy if McCain had become the president. Why is this all so complicated?
All Obama wants to do is change the world - make it a better place to live. So why is Zubin against him? Is it because Obama is black, or because everyone likes him? And Zubin also does not like MS Dhoni, another star I appreciate, the son of the soil. Again because everyone likes him, is it?
There are a lot of questions for a day for you to worry about,are they not?
And well, I have another one, its the last and most important one, and I have been wondering about it locked there for four months, waiting to be updated:
Can you tell me what happiness means?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
About Me - Or something like it
I have been wondering lately,
whether anyone knows the real me
for I find its easy to pretend and say
"This life is the best it could be"
There is nothing wrong with anything,
but still there is a feeling of something amiss
because there was a child where I am now
and sometimes its him that I really miss
Oh how he wanted to be an adult
And achieve all his hopes and wishes
Which were simple enough, to do what he wanted to do,
and earn enough money to eat Afghani Chooza and other exotic dishes
He also wished then to have sufficient money
to buy all the books he could get his hands on
And how he wanted to do something great
Like capture Wimbledon, or become a soccer icon
But knowing him, he would have actually been happy
and I guess so would have been you
doing nothing much but living in peace
and making some money by writing a bad novel or two
(Actually he liked his parents working for him)
The child that stood here is long dead,
along with all his hopes and aspirations that were born
Now if I get any money and any time
I waste it on alcohol or buying some good JJ porn
:"Why Why Why?" I ask myself sometimes
when I am feeling a bit guilty and a bit sad
Have I failed to be the adult I wanted to be
and why I have turned out to be so bad
whether anyone knows the real me
for I find its easy to pretend and say
"This life is the best it could be"
There is nothing wrong with anything,
but still there is a feeling of something amiss
because there was a child where I am now
and sometimes its him that I really miss
Oh how he wanted to be an adult
And achieve all his hopes and wishes
Which were simple enough, to do what he wanted to do,
and earn enough money to eat Afghani Chooza and other exotic dishes
He also wished then to have sufficient money
to buy all the books he could get his hands on
And how he wanted to do something great
Like capture Wimbledon, or become a soccer icon
But knowing him, he would have actually been happy
and I guess so would have been you
doing nothing much but living in peace
and making some money by writing a bad novel or two
(Actually he liked his parents working for him)
The child that stood here is long dead,
along with all his hopes and aspirations that were born
Now if I get any money and any time
I waste it on alcohol or buying some good JJ porn
:"Why Why Why?" I ask myself sometimes
when I am feeling a bit guilty and a bit sad
Have I failed to be the adult I wanted to be
and why I have turned out to be so bad
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Mahabharat 11: Kauravas vs Pandavas
Before the advent of Dronacharya, the Kauravas and the Pandavas were getting their preliminary education from Guru Kripacharya. The Pandavas were as good as the Kauravas in studies, and in Bhima, Duryodhana had a match for his physical strength. And Bhima knew it too.
Being a Pandava during those times had its own advantages. They had lost their dad, Pandu - who, when you come to think of it, was not even their dad - and their mom/stepmom, Madri, and so commanded extra love wherever they went. Which meant that they could get away with whatever they did, and the Pandavas had the intelligence to use it to their own strength. Here is an example:
After another hard day at school, Duryodhana is thinking about how fast the Pandavas have caught up with him, when Bhima, the second and strongest of the Pandavas, comes up to him, takes him by the arm and whispers:
Bhima (to Duryodhana): You know, I have access to the latest Kamasutra magazine, it is an year end edition and features the best Apsaras of the year- all nude. Am arranging for a copy - Do you want it, brother?
Duryodhana: Sure, Bhima, where can I get it? I have been waiting to get a copy, but have never been able to get one myself. I dont have the contacts living in this palace. Papa never lets me go out and make new friends, and being the oldest, I am supposed to uphold family tradition and blah blah. How much do I want it, please give it to me. How much will it cost? And how do you get access to it?
Bhima: Your next two months pocket money. You know, Mother Kunti is very strict about money. She doesnt give us Pandavas half as much pocket money as Aunt Gandhari gives you. Says crap about my father being dead and all that. And yes, I have just beaten up five of your younger brothers - they are too many of them if you ask me - I dont even remember their names, but they were making a lot of noise while I was trying to eat mangoes and so I beat them. If they just say anything to uncle Dhritrashtra or Grandfather Bhishma, I will be in trouble. Do take care of that, cant you and I will give you the copy. As for your questions about procuring it, having friends in the jungle helps. You know about piracy? Thats what these guys do. But you know its still a considerable risk getting them, and I am risking that. Just for you.
Duryodhana: OK. I will explain the matter to my younger brothers. Which group was it? Was it the one with Vikarna (that is the loudest, I swear) or is the group with the naughty Sahan in it? Or wait - do you remember any number on their jerseys they were wearing.
Bhima: yeah, one of them had No. 32 written on it.
Duryodhana (after 5 minutes of counting on his fingers): Oh yeah, that was Upanandan, the 32nd Kauravas. Isnt this a cool idea Bhima - and the coolest thing about the idea is - it is mine. I have made Papa order jerseys for us. So that everyone can remember who is who. We Indians being good in maths, I thought it was a cool way to remember my brothers. They have just come in today. Check out my new No. 1 jersey. (Author's note: And when you say 22 for Kaka, you now know where the concept originated - right. They could not have remembered the names without the numbers - could they?)
Bhima: Yes, yes. Enough of this. Talk to Upananda and the rest of the gang, give me the money, and take the copy.
Duryodhana: Thanks Bhima. Dont worry about my brothers. They only do what I tell them to do. And I will tell them to keep shut. Here is the money. Meet me at the back of the blue tree in the evening - I would have talked to them by then. Don't you worry.
Bhima: Cool. Meet you at the back of the blue tree. blue tree, blue tree - and so singing Bhima goes out
(Scene shifts to inside the Kaurava palace).
Duryodhana was masturbating in the Kaurava bathroom with his new (and so far) only copy of the Kamasutra yearend edition, and there was a long line of other Kaurava princes outside, who were waiting to see what the buzz was all about. All they could here was the oohs and the aahs from Duryodhana, and at first they thought their eldest brother had a fit - before being informed by Dushasan (who was the Man Friday for the eldest brother) about what treasures Duryodhana had inside. And then everyone got into line according to their jersey numbers (which again was listed agewise). And as the line was being formed in the bathroom and outside, (for it was a very long line) suddenly in walked the elders, Bhishma, Dhritrashtra and Vidura, with the Pandavas in tow. Duryodhana's aahs and oohs were heard and were proof of the shameful act, while his other brothers were reprimanded and sent back to their rooms.
Dhritrashtra (who was blind): Yeh kya ho raha hai beta Duryodhana? (What is taking place, Duryodhana?) (This was where it all started - it was to become the blind king's most popular dialogue to his son).
Duryodhana (not knowing what to do): aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!
Bhishma : Arent you ashamed of yourself Duryodhana. Reading such magazines at your age. You are spoiling your younger brothers also. Now finish whatever you are doing soon, and come outside soon.
Duryodhana: Yes Grandpa!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! I am just coming.
And then Duryodhana came. (Outside I mean, you perverts).
Dhritrashtra: Yeh kya ho raha hai beta Duryodhana?
Duryodhana: Am sorry Papa. You know this new edition is really hot.
Bhishma: Shut up Duryodhana. And tell me where did you get this copy. Vidura take this away ("He is the only one among us three who can use this. Dhritrashtra is blind, and as you all know, I am gay," he might have added, but he didn't).
Duryodhana: Bhima sold it to me. He got it from his jungle friends. And he even beat Upananda, Pasey, Sunaney, No. 63 and No..... (I even forget their names now papa).
Bhima: No no no no..I didnt grandpa. I dont know what he is talking about. I just heard something about a bad magazine here nearby and came to tell you - because magazines like these are a bad influence for someone like Duryodhana. I even tried to stop him, but he didnt listen. Did I not do the right thing? Why is Duryodhana attributing it to me now? Why is he taking my name?
Dhritrashtra: Yudhishtra, you always speak the truth. Is it right what Duryodhana is saying?
Yudhishtra: Why are you questioning me now Uncle? Why is my cousin trying to bring Bhima into the picture? You know our dad is dead and....
Dhritrashtra: I know and I am sorry Pandavas. Duryodhana, you are given detention for the entire month for the shameful act and for lying and putting the blame on your righteous elder cousin, you will not be served food for next 48 hours. Starve now. Your brothers will be detained for two weeks.
Duryodhana: But papa.
But by then his dad, and all the others had left. So Duryodhana went to his uncle Shakuni.
Shakuni : "What happened? Did the Pandavas make a fool of you again?"Being a Pandava during those times had its own advantages. They had lost their dad, Pandu - who, when you come to think of it, was not even their dad - and their mom/stepmom, Madri, and so commanded extra love wherever they went. Which meant that they could get away with whatever they did, and the Pandavas had the intelligence to use it to their own strength. Here is an example:
After another hard day at school, Duryodhana is thinking about how fast the Pandavas have caught up with him, when Bhima, the second and strongest of the Pandavas, comes up to him, takes him by the arm and whispers:
Bhima (to Duryodhana): You know, I have access to the latest Kamasutra magazine, it is an year end edition and features the best Apsaras of the year- all nude. Am arranging for a copy - Do you want it, brother?
Duryodhana: Sure, Bhima, where can I get it? I have been waiting to get a copy, but have never been able to get one myself. I dont have the contacts living in this palace. Papa never lets me go out and make new friends, and being the oldest, I am supposed to uphold family tradition and blah blah. How much do I want it, please give it to me. How much will it cost? And how do you get access to it?
Bhima: Your next two months pocket money. You know, Mother Kunti is very strict about money. She doesnt give us Pandavas half as much pocket money as Aunt Gandhari gives you. Says crap about my father being dead and all that. And yes, I have just beaten up five of your younger brothers - they are too many of them if you ask me - I dont even remember their names, but they were making a lot of noise while I was trying to eat mangoes and so I beat them. If they just say anything to uncle Dhritrashtra or Grandfather Bhishma, I will be in trouble. Do take care of that, cant you and I will give you the copy. As for your questions about procuring it, having friends in the jungle helps. You know about piracy? Thats what these guys do. But you know its still a considerable risk getting them, and I am risking that. Just for you.
Duryodhana: OK. I will explain the matter to my younger brothers. Which group was it? Was it the one with Vikarna (that is the loudest, I swear) or is the group with the naughty Sahan in it? Or wait - do you remember any number on their jerseys they were wearing.
Bhima: yeah, one of them had No. 32 written on it.
Duryodhana (after 5 minutes of counting on his fingers): Oh yeah, that was Upanandan, the 32nd Kauravas. Isnt this a cool idea Bhima - and the coolest thing about the idea is - it is mine. I have made Papa order jerseys for us. So that everyone can remember who is who. We Indians being good in maths, I thought it was a cool way to remember my brothers. They have just come in today. Check out my new No. 1 jersey. (Author's note: And when you say 22 for Kaka, you now know where the concept originated - right. They could not have remembered the names without the numbers - could they?)
Bhima: Yes, yes. Enough of this. Talk to Upananda and the rest of the gang, give me the money, and take the copy.
Duryodhana: Thanks Bhima. Dont worry about my brothers. They only do what I tell them to do. And I will tell them to keep shut. Here is the money. Meet me at the back of the blue tree in the evening - I would have talked to them by then. Don't you worry.
Bhima: Cool. Meet you at the back of the blue tree. blue tree, blue tree - and so singing Bhima goes out
(Scene shifts to inside the Kaurava palace).
Duryodhana was masturbating in the Kaurava bathroom with his new (and so far) only copy of the Kamasutra yearend edition, and there was a long line of other Kaurava princes outside, who were waiting to see what the buzz was all about. All they could here was the oohs and the aahs from Duryodhana, and at first they thought their eldest brother had a fit - before being informed by Dushasan (who was the Man Friday for the eldest brother) about what treasures Duryodhana had inside. And then everyone got into line according to their jersey numbers (which again was listed agewise). And as the line was being formed in the bathroom and outside, (for it was a very long line) suddenly in walked the elders, Bhishma, Dhritrashtra and Vidura, with the Pandavas in tow. Duryodhana's aahs and oohs were heard and were proof of the shameful act, while his other brothers were reprimanded and sent back to their rooms.
Dhritrashtra (who was blind): Yeh kya ho raha hai beta Duryodhana? (What is taking place, Duryodhana?) (This was where it all started - it was to become the blind king's most popular dialogue to his son).
Duryodhana (not knowing what to do): aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!
Bhishma : Arent you ashamed of yourself Duryodhana. Reading such magazines at your age. You are spoiling your younger brothers also. Now finish whatever you are doing soon, and come outside soon.
Duryodhana: Yes Grandpa!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! I am just coming.
And then Duryodhana came. (Outside I mean, you perverts).
Dhritrashtra: Yeh kya ho raha hai beta Duryodhana?
Duryodhana: Am sorry Papa. You know this new edition is really hot.
Bhishma: Shut up Duryodhana. And tell me where did you get this copy. Vidura take this away ("He is the only one among us three who can use this. Dhritrashtra is blind, and as you all know, I am gay," he might have added, but he didn't).
Duryodhana: Bhima sold it to me. He got it from his jungle friends. And he even beat Upananda, Pasey, Sunaney, No. 63 and No..... (I even forget their names now papa).
Bhima: No no no no..I didnt grandpa. I dont know what he is talking about. I just heard something about a bad magazine here nearby and came to tell you - because magazines like these are a bad influence for someone like Duryodhana. I even tried to stop him, but he didnt listen. Did I not do the right thing? Why is Duryodhana attributing it to me now? Why is he taking my name?
Dhritrashtra: Yudhishtra, you always speak the truth. Is it right what Duryodhana is saying?
Yudhishtra: Why are you questioning me now Uncle? Why is my cousin trying to bring Bhima into the picture? You know our dad is dead and....
Dhritrashtra: I know and I am sorry Pandavas. Duryodhana, you are given detention for the entire month for the shameful act and for lying and putting the blame on your righteous elder cousin, you will not be served food for next 48 hours. Starve now. Your brothers will be detained for two weeks.
Duryodhana: But papa.
But by then his dad, and all the others had left. So Duryodhana went to his uncle Shakuni.
Duryodhana: "Yes they did, mamu? But how did you know?"
Shakuni: "Hamaare jasoos is mahal ke kone kone mein hai" ("We have our spies in every corner of the palace - a dialogue that gained popularity only with Sholay some 3000 years later). And anyways, your face tells the story - every time. So what happened now."
Duryodhana finished the story.
Shakuni starts laughing at the end of it all. And then says "So he not only got your money, and beat your brothers, but also got you detained - for a month. How he fooled you!!!" Then suddenly turning grey, he whispered, "That Bhima is an evil boy - you must do something about him."
Duryodhana: "But what can I do. You always say this all the time - and he still makes me a fool, and beats up my poor brothers. And only I am strong enough to fight him. But he is my cousin, and moreover, papa and grandpa will scold me if I pick up a fight."
Shakuni : "Then just sit here talking to me and do nothing. What have your grandpa and papa given you anyways. They love the Pandavas and Bhima more than you, and there is nothing you can do about it."
Duryodhana : "Papa loves me, and grandpa too. But I am not too sure about Vidura. He is the one who is always trying to bring me down, I think"
Shakuni : "They did love you my poor nephew, before the Pandavas came to town. Now they all love the Pandavas. Noone, except me, cares about you."
Duryodhana: "I guess you are right uncle. But what should I do."
Shakuni : "All you Kauravas gather and beat him up to bully him."
Duryodhana: "That won't work, uncle. All my other brothers are afraid of him. Do not want to go near him. I am the only one who is that courageous." (Smiles, feeling proud of himself)
Shakuni : "Foolish, conceited boy you are. If you cannot beat him physically, let us teach him a lesson strategically."
Duryodhana : "How Mamaji?"
Shakuni : "A plan to get rid of Bheema I have. Are you interested?"
Duryodhan: "Yes I am"
And he whispers!!!!!
(To be continued)
s
Thursday, May 08, 2008
The best daze of our lives
(If you are a purist IIMCian, and believe everything that happens here is good, don't read it. And this is a case in point of all IIMs, and the criticism holds true, maybe truer, for other IIMs.) And so it ends. People had said this place grows on you, that these will be the best days of our lives, and I was like, "Yeah, surely. Definitely, I am surely going to love this place. What with the campus situated in the middle of nowhere, and birds who shit at you all the time. And with its evident focus only on placements and nothing else, yes by the time I pass out I will be really sorry to leave it." That, as you can probably make out was a sarcasm. But despite of everything mentioned above, I am a little sorry to leave this place. And I am going to miss it sometimes.
The first opinion of Joka as you enter its gates after a bumpy ride from the Howrah station, to be very honest, is nothing remarkable. In fact, it is the exact opposite of remarkable. While you have been told that IIM Calcutta is a bird sanctuary, with XYZ species of birds visiting it, the entire scope of that statement doesn't hit you till you see the main road of the campus littered with bird shit. And then there is the -----------. A week of intense action, when you do start hating yourself for ever being lucky enough to make it to this place.
And then came probably the most depressing session in IIMC, when people - who were fellow students like us, and probably younger - but who had managed to impress IIMC professors in interviews one year before our batch did - told us in a holier-than-thou tone, "You are here for slot 0 and nothing else." The reason they were entitled to keep this tone was because they were the Placement Coordinators - students with the maximum power in IIMC. Their statement about slot 0 basically meant that all that we did in the next two years was with an eye on the final placements. Thats the kind of place it was meant to be. Happily, and fortunately, I found many people who did not think that way. This post is a toast to them, and the wonderful time I have had because of them. This is a post dedicated to Olypub, Someplace Else, Atrium, and even Artland. This is a post dedicated to people who were just happy in being there, and did not give a more than necessary worry about what awaited them after two years.This is a post dedicated to the Flash Gordon Trophy, Quad Cricket, and general bakaiti in the NH Quad, as well as to DC++, Aara, NeoNazi, Bhatti, CoolDude, whatsinaname and all the movies, TV shows and porn availale there.
Thanks so much for making this place what it is!!!
I still hate the "I pat your back and you pat mine" attitude that screams out from this place,and the "IIMC rawks" genre of people, who are found a dime a dozen within the boundaries of Joka.
This place does not rock because it ensures you a good first job, or the chance of a great career, but it rocks despite it. That here you can still find people who are ready to get dead drunk and hear a JBS version of "Hey Jude" or an Altaf hit at 4 in the night, when there is a class at 8 in the morning. That here people will be willing to go to Olypub on the eve of a mid-term, or better, get high in their room. That here people are ready to leave aside studies and career for a few moments, and just enjoy the participation in the Quad cricket or the Flash Gordon trophy. That people can just sometimes forget the destination and enjoy the journey for what it is.
This is the biggest problem with IIM Calcutta, or any other IIM for that matter, the 2 years are just seen as a means to the end of that (point one!) million dollar salary, and not an end in themselves. So unlike engineering colleges, where all you care about in the first three (or four) years is just to enjoy life for what it is - without thinking about the future. That, unfortunately is not the case with IIMs.
So, well it feels good, that some people, for some time at least, can think about the journey more than the destination themselves, and that for sometime, whether you get a slot 0 or not does not matter.
(I might be a loser, but at least I am a whining loser!!!).
The first opinion of Joka as you enter its gates after a bumpy ride from the Howrah station, to be very honest, is nothing remarkable. In fact, it is the exact opposite of remarkable. While you have been told that IIM Calcutta is a bird sanctuary, with XYZ species of birds visiting it, the entire scope of that statement doesn't hit you till you see the main road of the campus littered with bird shit. And then there is the -----------. A week of intense action, when you do start hating yourself for ever being lucky enough to make it to this place.
And then came probably the most depressing session in IIMC, when people - who were fellow students like us, and probably younger - but who had managed to impress IIMC professors in interviews one year before our batch did - told us in a holier-than-thou tone, "You are here for slot 0 and nothing else." The reason they were entitled to keep this tone was because they were the Placement Coordinators - students with the maximum power in IIMC. Their statement about slot 0 basically meant that all that we did in the next two years was with an eye on the final placements. Thats the kind of place it was meant to be. Happily, and fortunately, I found many people who did not think that way. This post is a toast to them, and the wonderful time I have had because of them. This is a post dedicated to Olypub, Someplace Else, Atrium, and even Artland. This is a post dedicated to people who were just happy in being there, and did not give a more than necessary worry about what awaited them after two years.This is a post dedicated to the Flash Gordon Trophy, Quad Cricket, and general bakaiti in the NH Quad, as well as to DC++, Aara, NeoNazi, Bhatti, CoolDude, whatsinaname and all the movies, TV shows and porn availale there.
Thanks so much for making this place what it is!!!
I still hate the "I pat your back and you pat mine" attitude that screams out from this place,and the "IIMC rawks" genre of people, who are found a dime a dozen within the boundaries of Joka.
This place does not rock because it ensures you a good first job, or the chance of a great career, but it rocks despite it. That here you can still find people who are ready to get dead drunk and hear a JBS version of "Hey Jude" or an Altaf hit at 4 in the night, when there is a class at 8 in the morning. That here people will be willing to go to Olypub on the eve of a mid-term, or better, get high in their room. That here people are ready to leave aside studies and career for a few moments, and just enjoy the participation in the Quad cricket or the Flash Gordon trophy. That people can just sometimes forget the destination and enjoy the journey for what it is.
This is the biggest problem with IIM Calcutta, or any other IIM for that matter, the 2 years are just seen as a means to the end of that (point one!) million dollar salary, and not an end in themselves. So unlike engineering colleges, where all you care about in the first three (or four) years is just to enjoy life for what it is - without thinking about the future. That, unfortunately is not the case with IIMs.
So, well it feels good, that some people, for some time at least, can think about the journey more than the destination themselves, and that for sometime, whether you get a slot 0 or not does not matter.
(I might be a loser, but at least I am a whining loser!!!).
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Mahabharat 10: The Advent of Drona
Kripacharya and Kripi were twins of the Brahmin Shardwan and an apsara Janapadi. Contrary to other Brahmins, Shardwan was a great archer, and threatened by his valour, Indra send his apsara Janapadi to seduce him. Shradwan was hunting on the banks of the Ganga river when he noticed Janapadi. He had been immune to female form before, having his desires under control, but as soon as she saw the beautiful apsara, Shradwan lost all control, and had a big hard on. He could not control himself when the apsare came over and started touching his bare chest. What also helped was that it was soon turning dark, and these two bodies lay over one other on the weeds. Soon he was sucking her beautiful and heavy breasts, while she was giving him a hand job. Shardwan felt in heaven - literally, for he had an apsara from heaven - and soon they were into the real thing. Shardwan enjoyed every minute of it, it was his first time, and that too with an apsara!!! But while he wanted to make her his bitch, she requested him not to impregnate her, and so he had to cum all over her breasts and mouth. However, a part of his seed and the apsara's wet juices, who had been turned on by the athletic Shardwan more than any Deva, also managed to find their way into some weeds, and parted those weeds into two parts, and there - in a process which can only be defined as test tube babies - were born Kripa and Kripi, nine whole months later.
As soon as the sex was over, and Shardawan lay panting over Janapadi's naked body, Shardwan knew he had been fooled by Indra, as Brahmins lost most of their valour after being seduced by Apsaras. He then told Janapadi to go back to heaven, and resumed his archery lessons, caring nothing about the embryos they had left there in the jungle. The embryos survived rain and heat, and as soon as they were born, were picked up by Shantanu, who was passing that way - in one of those moments when he travelled along the Ganga daily after Ganga had left him. The boy Kripa became the official Guru of the Hastinapur court, while Kripi grew up to be a beautiful brahmin girl, who was married off to Drona, a Brahmin who had become famous as the greatest archery teacher of all times.
Now Drona's birth also has a peculiar story. His father Bhardwaj was a very famous sage, who was going to take a bath with his other sages, again in the river Ganga. This happened in Dehradun (which means a clay pot in Sanskrtit), where he beheld a beautiful apsara named Ghritachi who had come to bathe. Seeing her, even the sage Bhardwaj lost all control, and started masturbating. Because he was a sage who wanted to rid himself from all attractions and so was furious at himself even as he was openly masturbating seeing the apsara. And so as not to let his semen go waste, he captured his semen in a pot (Drona), read some mantra into it, and out sprang Drona - who later boasted that a woman was not even involved in making him.
Drona spent his childhood in poverty as the child of the renowned sage Bhardwaj. His father taught him Vedas, and the use of arms. Bhardwaj was also a friend of the powerful Panchala king Prishata, whose son Drupada was of almost same age as Drona. Drupada was sent to Bhardwaj's ashram as his student, and soon gained the knowledge of arms to become one of the best archers, while Drona became more engrossed in Vedas, like his father. A great friendship fostered between Drupada, who despite being a prince was very down to earth, and Drona, who was very intelligent, which Drupada appreciated. Being the students of the same teacher, Drupada even told Drona one day : "One day when I will become the king, Drona, I will give half of my kingdom to you, as a mark of our friendship. People will remember us for ages to come."
But then their education ended, and Drupada returned back to being the prince, while Drona became a sage like his father. In those days, in the absence of mobile phones and internet, it was pretty difficult to keep in touch, and so Drona only knew of Drupada's well being when a passerby told him that Drupada's father was now dead, and that Drupada was the new king, which made Drona feel happy for his friend. By this time, Drona's father, the great sage Bhardwaj, had also ascended to heaven.
The matchmakers of the area got the bachelor Drona married to Kripi, the beautiful sister of Kripa, and it was the start of a beautiful friendship between Kripa and Drona, two great teachers to be. Drona was on cloud nine after the marriage. It was his first time with a girl, and the memory of the sweet wedding night remained engrained in his mind for time to come. He had never been told the secrets of a woman's pleasure by his father, so he continued to explore the body of his new wife, and was happy. He soon became a father, exactly nine months after his wedding night. The boy child was beautiful but neighed like a horse instead of crying out when he came out of his mother's womb, at which an aakashwani was heard : "This boy neighed like a horse, so name him Ashwathama." In those days, aakashwanis were as sacrosanct as deadlines are in IIMC today, so it was followed.
It was love at first sight. Drona could never imagine any child as beautiful as his own. As time progressed, Ashwathama looked up to his father, a fact that made him very happy (in fact the only fact that made him happy) : for lets face it, Drona, for all his knowledge of Vedas and the arms, was a LOSER, who still made up his living mostly by begging for alms. He did not want to take ordinary students in his gurukul, and the admission criteria being very tough, and he did not get students in his gurukul like his father used to. So he made ends meet mostly by begging and hunting and his wife, who had given up her palatial status, was always reminding him about his poverty after the honeymoon ended. So the day that Kripi came to know that Parshuram, the renowned teacher, was giving away all his possessions, she sent Drona to ask him for his money - for Parshuram was a very rich sage. However, by the time Drona reached, all of his worldly possessions were taken and Parshuram was left with was weapons and his knowledge of those weapons. He didn't take students easily, but Drona was said to be a pretty fast learner, and so he asked Drona if he wanted his knowledge of weapons, to which Drona remembered his wife's stern words: "Don't come back unless you get something from Parshuram. Beg, borrow or steal, but do come back with something.", and therefore agreed to be Parshuram's student. Being a Brahman and having knowledge of arms from his father, Parshuram gave him all his weapons and told him his secrets and instructed him to become a great teacher. Drona went back to his village- it was a long arduous journey - feeling very happy, about getting Parshuram's weapons and his secrets, and how Parshuram had predicted that Drona will become a great teacher.
One day,Ashwathama was playing with his friends - all of whom were well to do - and saw them drinking something from a glass, and he innocently asked, "What is this?" To which his friend replied. "It is milk. It is very tasty." And Ashwathama asked,"Can I have some, never before have I tasted it", to which his friends laughed. They said, "This is finished, let us get some more for you." Now these rich kids wanted to have a bit of fun at Ashwathama's expense, so they put some water to rice, mixed it well, and told Ashwathama, "Here this is milk. Have it." And Ashwathama drank it well and with pleasure, and danced around in pleasure, saying that, "I have tasted milk - Wow." By then the entire village had gathered to watch Ashwathama antics, and villagers were whispering, "Shame on Drona, who some say has now become a great archer, but his son cannot even afford to have milk, and drinks rice water as milk." As it so happened, Drona was just coming back from Parshuram's ashram, and overheard this last comment. Drona got incensed, and was further angered, when he saw Kripi crying over the treatment meted out to their son. Kripi asked him, "I hope you got us some money", to which Drona replied, "I just got more knowledge," to which Kripi retorted, "And when has knowledge fed anybody? You know how our child was made a fool of - and look how happy he looks. Why don't you kill me and our child rather than subjecting us to such poverty and scorn!" And that, when pressed by these charges of his wife, he blurted out, "Wait - I will do whatever is in my power - I am leaving this village. Pack you bags - We are leaving for Panchal tonight. The king of Panchal, Drupad, is my best friend. He will give me half a kingdom, he has promised me. We will live in richness ever after."
And so they packed their bags, leaving their ancestral village for good, Drona, Kripi and the young Ashwathama. All along the way, Drona kept boasting to Kripi about how Drupad will treat Ashwathama as his own son; and how he will give them a welcome fit for a king. Kripi was impressed by the talk- but had a lurking suspicion something would go wrong. And it did - horribly wrong. Drupad had just got married to a gorgeous princess, and all his time was spent having sex with her, or drinking - and he liked living life on a high. He had also grown proud of his immense wealth and his valour - for he had made the Panchal nation stronger than any other in the whole of Bharat. Also on that particular day - he had a bit more sex and a bit more alcohol, and he felt very high. So when Drona came up to his darbar, and said, "Friend - remember me - I am your friend Drona, welcome me, amigo.", Drupad just laughed, and taking the cue, the rest of the darbar, laughed with him. When the laughter stopped , Drupad told Drona, "Surely you are a fool, for you say that you are my friend, for only a fool will make such a statement. We might have been friends once - but then we were similar for we were students. A king cannot be friend with an unworthy and poor Brahman like you. There can be no friendship being strong and weak, being wise and foolish, and as time conquers all, it has also conquered our friendship, so I am no longer a friend. Hence do not address me as your friend, but ask for alms as an ordinary Brahman, and I will let you have whatever you want." Drona was speechless with anger. He was not a man of many ambitions, but this insult left him fuming, and without saying a word, he took his wife and son and walked out of the court- his mind burning with desire for revenge. He thought of a plan - and told Kripi and Ashwathama, that they were going to visit her brother Kripacharya, and off they went to Hastinapur.
As soon as the sex was over, and Shardawan lay panting over Janapadi's naked body, Shardwan knew he had been fooled by Indra, as Brahmins lost most of their valour after being seduced by Apsaras. He then told Janapadi to go back to heaven, and resumed his archery lessons, caring nothing about the embryos they had left there in the jungle. The embryos survived rain and heat, and as soon as they were born, were picked up by Shantanu, who was passing that way - in one of those moments when he travelled along the Ganga daily after Ganga had left him. The boy Kripa became the official Guru of the Hastinapur court, while Kripi grew up to be a beautiful brahmin girl, who was married off to Drona, a Brahmin who had become famous as the greatest archery teacher of all times.
Now Drona's birth also has a peculiar story. His father Bhardwaj was a very famous sage, who was going to take a bath with his other sages, again in the river Ganga. This happened in Dehradun (which means a clay pot in Sanskrtit), where he beheld a beautiful apsara named Ghritachi who had come to bathe. Seeing her, even the sage Bhardwaj lost all control, and started masturbating. Because he was a sage who wanted to rid himself from all attractions and so was furious at himself even as he was openly masturbating seeing the apsara. And so as not to let his semen go waste, he captured his semen in a pot (Drona), read some mantra into it, and out sprang Drona - who later boasted that a woman was not even involved in making him.
Drona spent his childhood in poverty as the child of the renowned sage Bhardwaj. His father taught him Vedas, and the use of arms. Bhardwaj was also a friend of the powerful Panchala king Prishata, whose son Drupada was of almost same age as Drona. Drupada was sent to Bhardwaj's ashram as his student, and soon gained the knowledge of arms to become one of the best archers, while Drona became more engrossed in Vedas, like his father. A great friendship fostered between Drupada, who despite being a prince was very down to earth, and Drona, who was very intelligent, which Drupada appreciated. Being the students of the same teacher, Drupada even told Drona one day : "One day when I will become the king, Drona, I will give half of my kingdom to you, as a mark of our friendship. People will remember us for ages to come."
But then their education ended, and Drupada returned back to being the prince, while Drona became a sage like his father. In those days, in the absence of mobile phones and internet, it was pretty difficult to keep in touch, and so Drona only knew of Drupada's well being when a passerby told him that Drupada's father was now dead, and that Drupada was the new king, which made Drona feel happy for his friend. By this time, Drona's father, the great sage Bhardwaj, had also ascended to heaven.
The matchmakers of the area got the bachelor Drona married to Kripi, the beautiful sister of Kripa, and it was the start of a beautiful friendship between Kripa and Drona, two great teachers to be. Drona was on cloud nine after the marriage. It was his first time with a girl, and the memory of the sweet wedding night remained engrained in his mind for time to come. He had never been told the secrets of a woman's pleasure by his father, so he continued to explore the body of his new wife, and was happy. He soon became a father, exactly nine months after his wedding night. The boy child was beautiful but neighed like a horse instead of crying out when he came out of his mother's womb, at which an aakashwani was heard : "This boy neighed like a horse, so name him Ashwathama." In those days, aakashwanis were as sacrosanct as deadlines are in IIMC today, so it was followed.
It was love at first sight. Drona could never imagine any child as beautiful as his own. As time progressed, Ashwathama looked up to his father, a fact that made him very happy (in fact the only fact that made him happy) : for lets face it, Drona, for all his knowledge of Vedas and the arms, was a LOSER, who still made up his living mostly by begging for alms. He did not want to take ordinary students in his gurukul, and the admission criteria being very tough, and he did not get students in his gurukul like his father used to. So he made ends meet mostly by begging and hunting and his wife, who had given up her palatial status, was always reminding him about his poverty after the honeymoon ended. So the day that Kripi came to know that Parshuram, the renowned teacher, was giving away all his possessions, she sent Drona to ask him for his money - for Parshuram was a very rich sage. However, by the time Drona reached, all of his worldly possessions were taken and Parshuram was left with was weapons and his knowledge of those weapons. He didn't take students easily, but Drona was said to be a pretty fast learner, and so he asked Drona if he wanted his knowledge of weapons, to which Drona remembered his wife's stern words: "Don't come back unless you get something from Parshuram. Beg, borrow or steal, but do come back with something.", and therefore agreed to be Parshuram's student. Being a Brahman and having knowledge of arms from his father, Parshuram gave him all his weapons and told him his secrets and instructed him to become a great teacher. Drona went back to his village- it was a long arduous journey - feeling very happy, about getting Parshuram's weapons and his secrets, and how Parshuram had predicted that Drona will become a great teacher.
One day,Ashwathama was playing with his friends - all of whom were well to do - and saw them drinking something from a glass, and he innocently asked, "What is this?" To which his friend replied. "It is milk. It is very tasty." And Ashwathama asked,"Can I have some, never before have I tasted it", to which his friends laughed. They said, "This is finished, let us get some more for you." Now these rich kids wanted to have a bit of fun at Ashwathama's expense, so they put some water to rice, mixed it well, and told Ashwathama, "Here this is milk. Have it." And Ashwathama drank it well and with pleasure, and danced around in pleasure, saying that, "I have tasted milk - Wow." By then the entire village had gathered to watch Ashwathama antics, and villagers were whispering, "Shame on Drona, who some say has now become a great archer, but his son cannot even afford to have milk, and drinks rice water as milk." As it so happened, Drona was just coming back from Parshuram's ashram, and overheard this last comment. Drona got incensed, and was further angered, when he saw Kripi crying over the treatment meted out to their son. Kripi asked him, "I hope you got us some money", to which Drona replied, "I just got more knowledge," to which Kripi retorted, "And when has knowledge fed anybody? You know how our child was made a fool of - and look how happy he looks. Why don't you kill me and our child rather than subjecting us to such poverty and scorn!" And that, when pressed by these charges of his wife, he blurted out, "Wait - I will do whatever is in my power - I am leaving this village. Pack you bags - We are leaving for Panchal tonight. The king of Panchal, Drupad, is my best friend. He will give me half a kingdom, he has promised me. We will live in richness ever after."
And so they packed their bags, leaving their ancestral village for good, Drona, Kripi and the young Ashwathama. All along the way, Drona kept boasting to Kripi about how Drupad will treat Ashwathama as his own son; and how he will give them a welcome fit for a king. Kripi was impressed by the talk- but had a lurking suspicion something would go wrong. And it did - horribly wrong. Drupad had just got married to a gorgeous princess, and all his time was spent having sex with her, or drinking - and he liked living life on a high. He had also grown proud of his immense wealth and his valour - for he had made the Panchal nation stronger than any other in the whole of Bharat. Also on that particular day - he had a bit more sex and a bit more alcohol, and he felt very high. So when Drona came up to his darbar, and said, "Friend - remember me - I am your friend Drona, welcome me, amigo.", Drupad just laughed, and taking the cue, the rest of the darbar, laughed with him. When the laughter stopped , Drupad told Drona, "Surely you are a fool, for you say that you are my friend, for only a fool will make such a statement. We might have been friends once - but then we were similar for we were students. A king cannot be friend with an unworthy and poor Brahman like you. There can be no friendship being strong and weak, being wise and foolish, and as time conquers all, it has also conquered our friendship, so I am no longer a friend. Hence do not address me as your friend, but ask for alms as an ordinary Brahman, and I will let you have whatever you want." Drona was speechless with anger. He was not a man of many ambitions, but this insult left him fuming, and without saying a word, he took his wife and son and walked out of the court- his mind burning with desire for revenge. He thought of a plan - and told Kripi and Ashwathama, that they were going to visit her brother Kripacharya, and off they went to Hastinapur.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The 100th post - A time for introspection
"In a Galaxy far, far away." - This is my favourite line, and for obvious reasons.
I was created on 27th May, 2005, because - well I am not really sure why I was created, after all my creator never told me. I am not very sure he knows too (and between you and me, even if he did, he would have probably forgotten it by now, what will all the alcohol problem that he has had - and you know what they say about alcohol and memory, right?). But I am again going off the main point - which as many of my friends say is my main problem (there I do it again, I am so sorry, I just can't help it, can I?). Now the main point is this - I am here to introduce myself to you. And I could not think of a better way to start than by mentioning when I was created - so that you can work out my correct age, and pardon me if I seem a bit childish - because I am still just two years old.
Oops, but by now you must be wondering who am I for I haven't really told you my name. I am "Me, myself and I", the blog you stare at whenever you type www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com on your internet browser. Now, as my creator explained painstakingly to me the other day - we were celebrating our ninety nine posts together - www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com is the internet address where I live, and you have to come there to meet me. My creator - he is called Zubin, by the way, and I think it is a very strange name, but who am I to judge? - also tells me that my name lets other people know that I am his image in the internet world. Now I find it hard to understand this concept, for how can I be his reflection - for I am a separate entity, which I told him. Then he explained to me that I had no mind of my own - hello- and that I was just a collection of posts which his own mind thinks of and pens down - haha, he said pens down, which made me laugh, because I was like, you don't pen it down, you type it, and he said he used to term as a figure of speech. This angered him, somehow, he said he was going through a lot of stress, and that without him, I am nothing, and that he can any time leave me and start on a new blog, abandoning me altogether, and the thought made me tremble. So I apologised to him for laughing, and he continued, that I wasn't able to think and hence unable to come up with anything to do for myself without him. And I told him - "Sir - for I have to call him sir, after all he has created me - please give me a chance to prove you wrong. I have a mind, and its time you know that. "(You see, I don't, and can't do anything without approval from him, but to say I don't have a mind - that is rude, don't you think?). And he grew angry again at my insolence, and closed my door (shut off his computer), but two days ago, he was very happy, and told me - "I am very happy today, and so make you an offer. I am letting your thoughts - if you have any, even though I don't believe so - to appear on you. The next post on this blog (which meant me) will be your thoughts. I want a break from the Mahabharat series I am doing anyways, and I have no time for introspection. After all, I just got a job. Its time to party - so write a post and publish it. And just to make people happy, I will write the subject line." And he went out of the room, and hasn't returned to me yet. Must be partying.
So well, I finally get a chance to talk to all you people out there, just you and me, without that Zubin and his thoughts in between. It is a big moment for me, and I am sure, for you as well to meet the real me. So I made a small poem for the occasion. Hope it goes well with you:
We meet here for the first time,
Just you and me, without those extra, stupid thoughts,
and you can confirm I have a splendid mind,
for I just made up this brilliant note.
I am sure this is brilliant for a two year old, but you have got to confirm it.
So tell me, isn't this nice? It is short and sweet, right?
(My friends say brevity is not my cup of tea, so I had to give it to them in their face).
Now that we have broken the ice, let us talk about other things. Well, the only things you have known about me, have been things that Zubin has told you. It might or might not be true.
For example, did you know that Zubin is prone to delete the entire post after he has written it - but before publishing. He has done it a lot of times before and I am sure going to finish it in one go - so as not to give him a chance to change his mind, which he does regularly. And has he told you he is more comfortable with his parents now than he has been for the past one quarter of a century. Or that he thinks of girls as nothing more than sexual and dancing objects now - which is in part a good thing, I will have to admit - because he has been heartbroken a lot of times before. And that he considers himself to be very lucky to be able to get along into the best institutes without knowing anything at all. And that he is finally happy with himself, and at peace with the world, especially after getting a pretty decent job offer.
But much about him. This post is about me, and as I was saying, this is also my 100th post. I feel great today and complete. When I was created, I had no idea I will come so far. Zubin has many times threatened me with deletion, and has ignored me a lot in the past as well. But I hold no grudges against him. He has me as a friend when all other friends have left him, and I guess he knows it, that is why he takes me for granted. But today, I am sure he feels as happy for my 100th post as I feel for him getting a job.
I have been through a lot in the past 99 posts you know. I haven't really liked being posted about our ancestors and gods made to be sex-hungry animals. Nor I have liked the use of such words as f*** on myself. Neither have I liked people stopping to read me because it depressed them. But well, I am my creator's creation, and I have to just be a medium for his thoughts, and I cannot really complain. I have borne the brunt of his mood swings, and been the paper for his sexual Mahabharat. I have also been his confidante in matters of love, and about life. Now that I think about it - he is very philosophical.
But I guess all that is changing now. I am hoping I go into a new level as far as my reading audience is concerned, and that people like what they read when they type my name on the internet browser. I am funny now, and humorous, and sexy. People tell Zubin, who tells me, that they like me, and I am happy about that. I am tired now though because it has been a long and arduous journey I have been through suicidal posts as well, and posts which say foolish things like "Love makes a world go around" - which I think is totally stupid, personally - and posts which talk about life at IIT - which is a rather loser place, I must say, even though he will blow at the idea. I have posts about nightclubs in US and France, and also parties at IIMC - which just scores below IIT on the cool scale, which is not saying anything at all- and all these have just made me realize that let me enjoy the present cool phase while I can.
You never know when his mood can change. So here is to a happy and satisfied me, and a funny and humorous me. And let us continue the sexy Mahabharat, for the benefits of the general public. And from now on, having proved I have my own mind, I will try telling him to get better when he feels low. And if you liked the poem above, here is more:
So here I complete a hundred posts,
wow - and am so happy about the fact
and am hopeful I continue to attract,
your comments, so that I don't feel morose.
Its also been great meeting you today,
while hoping you feel the same too,
and even though I don't know you,
I was waiting for this from my very first day.
Thanks for helping me reach this landmark,
for if it wasn't for your sweet appreciation,
Zubin would have left me for cancellation,
and I would have lost all my spark.
So, dear reader, I would like you to tell Zubin this,
that his blog has a mind of its own,
its a mind that has fast grown,
and will soon probably be maturer than his.
I was created on 27th May, 2005, because - well I am not really sure why I was created, after all my creator never told me. I am not very sure he knows too (and between you and me, even if he did, he would have probably forgotten it by now, what will all the alcohol problem that he has had - and you know what they say about alcohol and memory, right?). But I am again going off the main point - which as many of my friends say is my main problem (there I do it again, I am so sorry, I just can't help it, can I?). Now the main point is this - I am here to introduce myself to you. And I could not think of a better way to start than by mentioning when I was created - so that you can work out my correct age, and pardon me if I seem a bit childish - because I am still just two years old.
Oops, but by now you must be wondering who am I for I haven't really told you my name. I am "Me, myself and I", the blog you stare at whenever you type www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com on your internet browser. Now, as my creator explained painstakingly to me the other day - we were celebrating our ninety nine posts together - www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com is the internet address where I live, and you have to come there to meet me. My creator - he is called Zubin, by the way, and I think it is a very strange name, but who am I to judge? - also tells me that my name lets other people know that I am his image in the internet world. Now I find it hard to understand this concept, for how can I be his reflection - for I am a separate entity, which I told him. Then he explained to me that I had no mind of my own - hello- and that I was just a collection of posts which his own mind thinks of and pens down - haha, he said pens down, which made me laugh, because I was like, you don't pen it down, you type it, and he said he used to term as a figure of speech. This angered him, somehow, he said he was going through a lot of stress, and that without him, I am nothing, and that he can any time leave me and start on a new blog, abandoning me altogether, and the thought made me tremble. So I apologised to him for laughing, and he continued, that I wasn't able to think and hence unable to come up with anything to do for myself without him. And I told him - "Sir - for I have to call him sir, after all he has created me - please give me a chance to prove you wrong. I have a mind, and its time you know that. "(You see, I don't, and can't do anything without approval from him, but to say I don't have a mind - that is rude, don't you think?). And he grew angry again at my insolence, and closed my door (shut off his computer), but two days ago, he was very happy, and told me - "I am very happy today, and so make you an offer. I am letting your thoughts - if you have any, even though I don't believe so - to appear on you. The next post on this blog (which meant me) will be your thoughts. I want a break from the Mahabharat series I am doing anyways, and I have no time for introspection. After all, I just got a job. Its time to party - so write a post and publish it. And just to make people happy, I will write the subject line." And he went out of the room, and hasn't returned to me yet. Must be partying.
So well, I finally get a chance to talk to all you people out there, just you and me, without that Zubin and his thoughts in between. It is a big moment for me, and I am sure, for you as well to meet the real me. So I made a small poem for the occasion. Hope it goes well with you:
We meet here for the first time,
Just you and me, without those extra, stupid thoughts,
and you can confirm I have a splendid mind,
for I just made up this brilliant note.
I am sure this is brilliant for a two year old, but you have got to confirm it.
So tell me, isn't this nice? It is short and sweet, right?
(My friends say brevity is not my cup of tea, so I had to give it to them in their face).
Now that we have broken the ice, let us talk about other things. Well, the only things you have known about me, have been things that Zubin has told you. It might or might not be true.
For example, did you know that Zubin is prone to delete the entire post after he has written it - but before publishing. He has done it a lot of times before and I am sure going to finish it in one go - so as not to give him a chance to change his mind, which he does regularly. And has he told you he is more comfortable with his parents now than he has been for the past one quarter of a century. Or that he thinks of girls as nothing more than sexual and dancing objects now - which is in part a good thing, I will have to admit - because he has been heartbroken a lot of times before. And that he considers himself to be very lucky to be able to get along into the best institutes without knowing anything at all. And that he is finally happy with himself, and at peace with the world, especially after getting a pretty decent job offer.
But much about him. This post is about me, and as I was saying, this is also my 100th post. I feel great today and complete. When I was created, I had no idea I will come so far. Zubin has many times threatened me with deletion, and has ignored me a lot in the past as well. But I hold no grudges against him. He has me as a friend when all other friends have left him, and I guess he knows it, that is why he takes me for granted. But today, I am sure he feels as happy for my 100th post as I feel for him getting a job.
I have been through a lot in the past 99 posts you know. I haven't really liked being posted about our ancestors and gods made to be sex-hungry animals. Nor I have liked the use of such words as f*** on myself. Neither have I liked people stopping to read me because it depressed them. But well, I am my creator's creation, and I have to just be a medium for his thoughts, and I cannot really complain. I have borne the brunt of his mood swings, and been the paper for his sexual Mahabharat. I have also been his confidante in matters of love, and about life. Now that I think about it - he is very philosophical.
But I guess all that is changing now. I am hoping I go into a new level as far as my reading audience is concerned, and that people like what they read when they type my name on the internet browser. I am funny now, and humorous, and sexy. People tell Zubin, who tells me, that they like me, and I am happy about that. I am tired now though because it has been a long and arduous journey I have been through suicidal posts as well, and posts which say foolish things like "Love makes a world go around" - which I think is totally stupid, personally - and posts which talk about life at IIT - which is a rather loser place, I must say, even though he will blow at the idea. I have posts about nightclubs in US and France, and also parties at IIMC - which just scores below IIT on the cool scale, which is not saying anything at all- and all these have just made me realize that let me enjoy the present cool phase while I can.
You never know when his mood can change. So here is to a happy and satisfied me, and a funny and humorous me. And let us continue the sexy Mahabharat, for the benefits of the general public. And from now on, having proved I have my own mind, I will try telling him to get better when he feels low. And if you liked the poem above, here is more:
So here I complete a hundred posts,
wow - and am so happy about the fact
and am hopeful I continue to attract,
your comments, so that I don't feel morose.
Its also been great meeting you today,
while hoping you feel the same too,
and even though I don't know you,
I was waiting for this from my very first day.
Thanks for helping me reach this landmark,
for if it wasn't for your sweet appreciation,
Zubin would have left me for cancellation,
and I would have lost all my spark.
So, dear reader, I would like you to tell Zubin this,
that his blog has a mind of its own,
its a mind that has fast grown,
and will soon probably be maturer than his.
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