Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Happiness and love

[I am not a particularly happy man, as people reading this page regularly will testify. I am too much of a thinker, and am always finding excuses about life. But now, things have started changing, and I am much happier today than in a long, long time].
There are many reasons for this happiness. I have just good a pretty good appraisal from the company I work with. Again, I have gotten three good reccomendation letters for IIM Bangalore, which makes me take a good shot towards it. Again I have the kind of confidence to go and crack these six interviews, even though I havent done ANY sort of preparation for it. I guess this confidence comes along with you work-ex. The past year, has been a great teacher, and I guess I have learnt a lot from it. And just the thought of being so much wiser than last year makes me happy.
The greatest reason, though, for this happiness, has been something else. It is, probably, hanging out with the kind of people you want to, who try to understand you, and you try to understand them. Happiness is about spending time with people you really want to be with all the time.
Going through a very popular blog, I read, "I can't say what love is, but there are several things that love certainly isn't." But, now thinking back, I can probably say what love is. Its suddenly realising that there could be no greater happiness in life than if you were to spend your whole life with a certain person. Or that, after a tough day in office, all you could wish for is to hear that one voice. Or wishing that time would stop whenever you are alone with that person.
When all you wish you could write/sing/play songs like Yellow /Fields of Gold/At my Most Beautiful to that special person. And knowing that he/she too loves you, without having to hear it in the first place. Love is happiness, and happiness is love.

Monday, February 13, 2006

A few sorries..and a thank you

Its another time of introspection: someone has just described me thus: "one person whom I will give the most abuses when I pass out of IIT in three months time. " And the bigger thing is, he told me in the face about it, and I was left speechless with this attack. For he accused me of spoiling everything he had ever tried to achieve in the four years I have known him. Without reason as well, he said. And I had thought him to be one of my good juniors.
And two days before, I got a phone call from a friend, with whom I had a love-hate relationship for four years. And he accused me as well, of never trying to understand him, and always holding him in the wrong. He was badly drunk, and cried about me never had considered him a friend. When, he said, he had regarded me a friend all through.
It seems I have been hit by a cannonball. I thought that the best thing about myself was that I could be a good friend to people. And today, even that illusion has been shattered. I thought I would never let anyone down. And now I realise that I have managed to alienate so many people from my lives, people who could have been my good friends, but whom I lost because I was mean. Or maybe, I was just plainly confused. I have all through believed passionately that the greatest gift that IIT provided me with was the respect of people. I always thought that, my loser status notwithstanding, I was liked by people, which is all that mattered to me. And now people say things like this. It hurts more than all the slaps that my mother used to hit me when I was a child.
This post is my apology to all those who have ever been hurt by me. Trust me, I never did that on purpose; and while I find it hard to apologise, I am apologising now: for being selfish, for being confused, and for not understanding people. I also hope to stay out of any controversy from now on, and just hope that people shall try forgiving me for all that I have ever done.
This poet is also a thank you for someone, being with whom has been a special treat, and has made me feel better about myself than I have ever felt. I believe in myself a lot more than I ever have. And such comments hurt a lot less than they would have otherwise. Thank you.
The other thing that I like about myself is that I have started inspiring people through this blog. A lot of people have been inspired by me to start writing, and I take it as a good sign. The latest to join the bandwagon is a junior, who writes this in his first post:"read many blogs before writing this one and i found that blogs are a portrayal of one's personality . I got to learn many things from blogs like main fundaa of success is setting up a question for yourself and finding answer to it ......... and many more". And guess where he got this fundaa of success? Any guesses?
I once wrote a post titled, "A post a day keeps the frustration away". It has never been truer. And I already feel much better.