Of times spent

Delhi rocked. One of the best times I have had in some while.

Saw 300, sat at TGIF and MJ's. Met a lot of people, some of them on the road, and it felt good.

Now in New Jersey, held up with a bunch of guys who want to live up to the Great Indian Tradition of putting saving money at any cost above everything else, so its definately not cool.

On second thoughts, I have just found out my biggest problem: I just dont believe anyone can like me for what I am. I have a very low opinion of myself, and I think it has stayed this way for the past some time.

And that is a pretty scary thought, when you come to think about it. But the good thing is, I am now atleast honest about it.

Hope now all of you understand, why I am the way I am. Sorry for everything.

I wish I could say sorry on the face, but now, I just cant.

Of Meaning and Happiness

"You can either choose a life of happiness or a life of meaning. You cannot have both.Life of happiness means enjoying the present, without worrying about the future, or caring about the past. Life of meaning, on the other hand is about thinking about the past, and sacrificing the present to make the future more meaningful." This truth became evident to me only after watching the latest episode of Heroes. And it made instant sense, because chasing a life of meaning for the past 24 years, I had become a stranger to happiness.
Most people make similar mistakes in life, trying to find a meaning to life, in the way forgettng happiness and what it means. I was looking for things to do to make life more meaningful, but it all ended up in frustration as later I realised that the "meaningful" things I was running after, didnt really matter at all.
I thought I was sacrificing my happiness for a greater cause. However, there is no greater cause. Happiness is the only reason to live in this world.
I am full of hatred. Hatred for everyone I have ever known, for using me. for giving me pain.
I am full of love. For drugs and alcohol. For being there whenever I needed to feel good and happy.
And I am happy. Nothing else can describe this feeling that I have inside me, I feel free of all desires. I am becoming a real Buddhist.
Or maybe, I am just dumb.

A piece of mind

I remember this anectode from the days I had just passed class 12th. I had decided to drop an year and prepare for JEE, rather than going to do Mining Engineering from BHU. I planned to enrol at FIITJEE, and as a part of the drive, was looking for an hostel to stay in.

It was an August evening. I was with my dad, my (cousin) sister, brother-in-law, my second cousin, and my niece and nephew, and we had just got entangled in a Traffic Jam in some crowded Malviya Nagar market, where we had come looking for a hostel. The traffic was finally beginning to move when in the lane opposite to us, we noticed this ugly looking female driving with a female friend sitting alongside. And she was hideously ugly, I mean I am not the kind of person to make impressions about people based on first sights, but she was someone you had just want to run away from. I remember to have said something to the effect of "I pity her husband".

And then she, pretty inexplicibly, did something even worse (that is, if you are considering just showing her face to us was not worse, because it could have ruined the entire day): she parked her car on the road, and walked out. No concern for the cars who had just started moving behind her, and who were driving me crazy by their honking (remember, I despite being in Chandigarh for the past two years, was still pretty much a small village boy). The traffic came to a grinding halt again. Both ways.

We decided to get some space on the side of the road, and packed our car, and got out. Luckily our destination was not too far away. But then the next thing I noticed was the woman shouting at my cousin sister, across the road, with people watching. Apparently my cousin sister had gone to tell the 'chick' to remove her car, and let other people pass through. This apparently provoked the ugly, hideous female to get angry at my sister. There was a crowd gathering there, everyone urging the female to remove the car, when suddenly my incensed brother-in-law shouted across the road, "you should not have done this!"
She : "I dont care what you think. Dont give me a piece of your mind", and she started to move towards her destination, the vegetable rehri, which had apparently been the cause for her sudden stoppage.
B-i-L (retorting, and shouting so that anywhere within a radius of fifty metres could hear, which meant effectively 20-25 people) : "You dont want a piece of my mind. I will give you a piece of my mind. I will tell you what I think. I think you are ugly. You are positively ugly, and you should be ashamed about it. You see this ditch out here with all the dirty water. Please wash your face in this pit. It might make you less ugly."

And he walked away, and we all followed, as did pin drop silence. But the look on her face, made me overcome the initial disappointment of seeing her. It was awesome!

good night, people, and good luck! Have fun and play safe!

Self Obsessed Bastard

Genius, like hard work, is overated.

And luck is stangely underrated.

I am immodest. A self obsessed bastard. If u dont like this fact about me, dont read any further.

Fuck you. You still wanted to read further.

Well you will have to wait. For what I am about to reveal.

It is not much, if you ask me, but it might contain all that you ever wanted to know about life.

Or maybe not, but who is to decide?

The truth is this.

I didnt make it to RIMC in the first attempt. I didnt make it to IIT Delhi in my first attempt. I didnt make it to IIMC in my first attempt.

I did make it to RIMC in my second attempt. I did make it to IIT Delhi in my second attempt. I did make it to IIMC in my second attempt.

Sorry folks, but thats all I had to say. Maybe that was all you wanted to know about life in the first place. Or in the second place, hehehehe.

Am boring you, am I? Here is more truth underneath this line.

Luck is the ultimate thing. About almost as lethal as a sum of hard work and talent(or genius).

You dont believe me, I know. But here, in this blogsite, all that matters is what I believe. You might post a comment to counter what I believe, but, believe me, they dont matter.

I think you know why. The answer is simple.

Its because I can talk to snakes. I can speak Parselmouth.

Only joking. Its because I can remove your comments anytime I like, and that is a big power.

Good night, I think I am high.