"You can either choose a life of happiness or a life of meaning. You cannot have both.Life of happiness means enjoying the present, without worrying about the future, or caring about the past. Life of meaning, on the other hand is about thinking about the past, and sacrificing the present to make the future more meaningful." This truth became evident to me only after watching the latest episode of Heroes. And it made instant sense, because chasing a life of meaning for the past 24 years, I had become a stranger to happiness.
Most people make similar mistakes in life, trying to find a meaning to life, in the way forgettng happiness and what it means. I was looking for things to do to make life more meaningful, but it all ended up in frustration as later I realised that the "meaningful" things I was running after, didnt really matter at all.
I thought I was sacrificing my happiness for a greater cause. However, there is no greater cause. Happiness is the only reason to live in this world.
I am full of hatred. Hatred for everyone I have ever known, for using me. for giving me pain.
I am full of love. For drugs and alcohol. For being there whenever I needed to feel good and happy.
And I am happy. Nothing else can describe this feeling that I have inside me, I feel free of all desires. I am becoming a real Buddhist.
Or maybe, I am just dumb.