Monday, January 02, 2006

Of New Year Resolutions, Black Eye, United States of America and more.

Welcome 2006. Goodbye 2005. It has been a year that has been, to take a hint from Clint Eastwood, "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly." It has been a year of tremendous lows, but at the end of the day; the best thing about the past year was that it taught me a lot, about life, the Universe and Everything.
I have a few resolutions for the New Year: This is the first time I am making resolutions, because this is the first time I feel disciplined enough to try to keep them. One is to achieve something worthwhile by the end of this year. In professional terms. In other words, achieve some "success", in the way the society defines it, because it will make people close to me happy. Second is to improve my health, and become ummm...less fatter. Third is to drink less. Well last year saw me at my worst, but this time I am planning to cut down my alcoholic consumption. Finally, I am also planning to stop judging people, because I have discovered that Buddha was probably wrong, the cause of all sorrows is not desires, it is this desire to judge and keeping expectations from people that causes all troubles and sorrows in this world. [More about this later, I am hoping to open a new school of philosophy based on this one noble truth.]
And 2006 could not have started on a brighter note. I have had two good things happening for me professionally: I have got a US visa (I am still to get back the passport though), and on the cards is a two month trip to Chicago (The Windy City), USA; as one of my company's representative to Kraft Foods. Kraft foods, incidentally, happens to be the second largest food and beverage company in the world, so it can help my resume a lot. (I now have suddenly discovered that resume is an important factor towards success, and success does matter, even if not to you, but to those around you. And this strengthens my resolve to become an achiever.) The second good thing to happen is that I have got a Black Eye. No..nobody hit me or anything, but I have just recieved the calls for all six IIMs. Now the six IIMs are located at Bangalore (B), Lucknow (L) Ahmedabad (A) Calcutta (C) Kozikode (K) and Indore (I), which makes BLACKI, but because it sounds so much like a dog's name, its better to call it a black eye. It is a feat I did achieve the last time as well, and so is nothing particularly special, but I feel much more confident and disciplined now to be able to convert them, particularly the big ones, A, B and C.
However, the new year has also brought along with it hard choices for me to take : What if I can choose only one of the two? It is going to be a very hard choice to make: especially since my parents favour me taking the GD/PI, while I am more attracted about visiting Chicago, even though its winter and its freezing cold at -30 degree centigrade. I will just like to go out and explore the world on my own, and I believe this is the right age to do it.
A word of caution: my mind seems to speak, dont count your chicken before they hatch. Remember, 2005 started almost similiarly. And then the bubble burst, worse than the Harshad Mehta induced fall in BSE in 1993 (Or was it 1992, I am never sure of numbers). My degree got extended, and I was on the brink of suicide, not once, but twice. But life now seems so much nicer. Just a testimony to what someone once told me: "Everything happens for the best. " I never believed it then, but today, with everything going my way, I will vouch for it as well.
I never dedicate my blog to anybody, but this time I will dedicate it to one of my very good friends (I have a lot of very good friends, no best friend, which is good, in a way), who, but for some professors who thought that IIM will do well without people with good speed, and opted for accuracy instead, would definately have made it into every IIM. Here is to you, my dear friend, to remind you, that even though when everything seems to be lost, there is always some hope to be found in this world. When you have reached rock bottom, you have nowhere to go but up. I have been there quite a few times, and today is the highest I have ever been, since I marched into IITD with a AIR of 228. And that seems centuries ago. I might have been talking about the tunnel so far, but now that I see light, there is so much more satisfaction. I have just ended the worst year of my life, with hope and promise.
So, dear friend, please dont give up. There is much more to life than CAT, and unlike it seems, God does exist. He even sees the truth, but waits. And the longer he waits, the better is his reward. And if you are still feeling low, just read this, my manna in the days when I felt like ending this "useless" life, and better still, try singing this along (REM are my favourite composers) :
When the day is long and the night,
the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life,
well hang onDon't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand.
Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,Everybody cries.
And everybody hurts sometimesAnd everybody hurts sometimes.
So, hold on, hold onHold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone


sameer said...

is black eye of your own making or is it a word that is doing the rounds; creativity!!
well buddha wasn't wrong afterall...even though it is not material desire(to judge people) but desire nevertheless, and i think he told people to let go of all desires!

Anonymous said...

i do not believe in GOD and i do not think it exists! when i was a small kid i overheard someone who told this - GOD is something that has been created by humans to help them ride over their bad times - and i was shell shocked, but i always made myself believe that if i think that way i will be in trouble, GOD will punish me. as you may probably have realized you banked on GOD when your life was at its nadir, and not when you scored your prized jee rank and life was all rosy! you got out from the hole(made by you) yourself, no god helped you. the carryforward lessons -> failure makes people cherish and enjoy their achievements more. and the biggest of them all -> i think few people realize this from so close, but as you probably have been close enough, the undesirability of desires, how things like someone's cat paper getting screwed can effect a person's life!( i am not very clear about what i want to convey, but i think that's the closest i can get)

zubin said...

[Sameer] Well I think I was the first one to coin the term Black Eye..people have probably caught it on since then. As for Buddha, well, what I meant was he said. "let go of all desires." I say desires are good, but let go of this one desire. There is a difference. Try understanding the logic:)
[Anonymous] well God might not exist, he might be a creation of the human mind, but isnt it better to imagine that someone up there ensures that justice is being done to everyone. You know what, its always nice to know that somewhere, in this world or the rest, there will be some sort of justification for whatever we have suffered or enjoyed. Even I never believed in God, but I believe you can only find out the correct answer as and when you die. And God never seems to exist when your life is going downhill, you think of him only while going up. Atleast I do that.