(Disclaimer: The article involves a lot of stereotyping. For someone marking me out as a Congress puppy, here is a small background.I have never been a huge fan of democracy, and I spent my early childhood dreaming of the day when I will become dictator of the country and set this country alright. As a young boy, I was convinced that democracy is a failed notion, and the sad state of the country can be attributed by a great deal to the electoral pleasing politics played by leaders. I was probably agitated by the Rajiv Goswami incident, despite being only seven years old, and seeing pictures of protests all over the country over the Mandal recommendations. My fertile imaginative mind worked in full swing back then - I wanted to take seize power from the useless leaders, who had sent the country to dogs, and create a new India, which would be corrupt-free and meritorious. There would be no place for reservations or minority appeasment. I would rule the country with an iron-hand, giving full chance to the deserving and rooting out the non-meritorious. Anyone disputing my calls would be severely punished. In short, I would wield absolute power, and use that power to make India what it historically was - the bird of Gold (sone ki chidiya). To put it otherwise, I was a right winger. However then I grew up and was able to argue things on my own, and come to the conclusion that democracy, while being the far-from-perfect model, is probably the best one given India’s position as a socially, culturally and religiously diversified society.)
The movie was fabulous. Or I have heard it was. The spoof, being currently played out in the aptly named Ramlila Grounds, is anything but. A 74 year old apparently senile man who plays the major part in the new spoof, playing both the title parts. On the one hand, he is a tender voice against the corruption and the evil government (Anna), and on the other, he is the king who is holding the government, and the people of India to ransom through what can at the very modest, be termed blackmail.
A lot of people not supporting Anna Hazare's movement have been doing so because they take exceptions to the method that he is taking. A lot has been written about it, and I will therefore bypass that point and discuss something else, which is probably much more far reaching with effect to India as a country and a heterogeneous society.
I have basically two objections to the Anna Hazare demand for corruption - other than the one about the method. Both of them are fairly controversial and I am ready for a debate on both: One has to do with the need for corruption, and how people are being entirely hypocritical while ganging up with Anna, while the second objection, which I am going to discuss first, is the impact of the agitation.
Issue 1 : Context: India is a truly remarkable country. Growing up,our books described India as "unity among diversity." I was not very sure about what the expression meant, and while the unity part might still be up for discussion, there is no doubting the diversity of the country. It is perhaps amazing that India is one country. There is no other country with the kind of diversity that India has, and at such different levels. Most of the states are separated on linguistic lines, and often have their own culture. No other country has the kind of linguistic and cultural diversity that India has. Spain is the only other country that comes to mind, but it has had its history of civil wars, and the peace existing in the country is very fragile, as the occasional brawls between Barcelona and Real Madrid in football often proves. The Catalans hate Madridistas, and the less said about the autonomous Basque county, the better. And in Spain, there is no divide across religious and racial lines, unlike in India. Belgium is on the verge of breaking up only because of the linguistic issue. India, moreover, also has a number of significant minority religions in different states, and within Hinduism, there is further subdivision across castes and sub-castes. All in all, the heterogeneous structure of India is a very thin fabric, and the fact that the fabric is holding up fine so far is a testimony to the strength of the country.
In every political system, there are two extremes across the political spectrum : the far right and the far left. The right wing is generally more conservative, more business-friendly, less individual freedom and more nationalistic, while the left wing is more radical, more socialist, and more individual freedom. The right wing is also more polar, and tends to create economic and social classes, while the left wing seeks to abolish them. While there are many differentiating factors that separate the two extreme positions, they can be summed up thus: The far right believe only what they do is right, while the far left is of the view that what everyone else does is wrong. Arundhiti Roy and her paranoia about everything is an example of far-left activism, while those of the temple and cocksureness about the location of the Ram Mandir is far-right. As a consequence, an extreme right government will probably do or seek to do a lot of work in its own way, but at the cost of freedom and probably subversion of certain elements, while a far left government will probably regress, unless the far left itself takes the far right position, for the two positions are not as different as they seem. Animal Farm or the USSR government would probably be good examples.
In the Indian context, far right would probably mean pushing reforms and promoting Indian nationalism and Hinduism, probably at the cost of the minority religions and/or the "lower" castes. The Gujarat government, which has ensured a Vibrant Gujarat, but is also charged with abetting the Gujarat riots and failing to ensure inclusive growth, is an example of far-right, while the erstwhile West Bengal government, which changed the face of Kolkata from that of Hema Malini to that of Jyoti Basu, is an example of far-left. The West Bengal growth, or the stagnation, has been pretty much inclusive. Everyone has come to the same level of poverty. In between, you have the different left-of-centre to right-of-centre combinations and different governments in India can possibly be mapped on the axis. In the Indian context, BJP is the right wing party, Congress is the centre party, while the Left Parties are well, left parties.
Similarly, most voters fall on either side of the centre: the far-right to far-left depending on your political ideals, and your moral and religious values. The right winged voters, who had been identifying themselves with the BJP for so long, are suddenly lost, for the BJP has regressed remarkably as a party since its 2004 loss. The loss was totally unexpected, but even its most adherent critics would not have predicted the rudderless ship it now resembles. The name of the party has been planned to be officially changed to Bhartiya Joker Party, if reports are to be believed. But I digress.
Issue 1: Impact: The failure of BJP as a party, has alienated the right wing electorate of the country. The right wing electorate generally belong to the Hindu, upper and middle classes and the non-Schedule Castes. They are generally well educated, and are active on social media. They are generally against reservations and pro-meritocracy. A large number of these right wing electorate who feel let down by the BJP do not really care about the temple, but about ensuring a transparent society, where everything works well. Most of them also support Narendra Modi, despite him being implicated in the riots, for the reason that their only concern is development, and they feel that no price is enough to achieve it. They are pro-reforms, and believe that corruption is the biggest threat to India. They do not want to understand the viewpoint of the other side, and are adamant that their demands, and wants are entirely justified. However, despite being sizable in number, the right wing voters are particularly known to skip election day as the size and heat of May sun gets to them, which probably explains why BJP lost the two elections in May.
On the other hand, the Congress government at the centre has made no overtures to them. In fact, the government has taken a decisive left-turn, and Congress has changed from a centralist party to a left-of-centre party. The Congress public motto of inclusive growth does not hold much weight with the right wing voters. Moreover, the reservation issue is another key thorn. This, and other policies of the government, has led this electorate to believe that Congress is not for them, which is probably true.
And so we come to the issue of corruption. The right wing needs an outlet to the rage at the inability of BJP to launch a proper attack on the Congress. Baba Ramdev tried to capture that space, but his pro-religious antics were never going to cut much meat with the mainly secular right wing, middle class electorate. Enter Anna Hazare, and the right wing electorate has finally found a messiah to deliver them from evil. They finally feel they have an option to partake in the decision making process, which had been taken away from them by the left and centralist leaning Congress governments. And the issue of corruption has managed to unite every right-wing voter into one under Anna Hazare, and makes them feel empowered. So this right wing electorate, in true right wing style, has made a draft believing only they can do a great job of it, and are trying to impose it on the government. Why is their version better than the government? Who says seven years imprisonment is not enough punishment? Why should ministers suffer more punishment as compared to the common man? Why shouldnot bribing be made legal? There can be many questions that can be asked from them. However, being the burning issue of corruption, which most people believe to be an illness, the movement has also found support with some of the traditional central and left-wing supporters. That it is basically a right wing movement can be made out by the fact that masses of Scheduled Castes, Muslims and many other societies have stayed away, fearing backlash.
Issue 1: Why is it bad?: Historically, whenever the right wing has emerged enmasse, it has often resulted in historical tragedies. The frenzy that is generated by such movements often prevail everything else, and creates absolute power. Moreover, right wing also means giving more power to the majority, and hence can totally alienate minority. A left wing uprising, while theoretically equally potentially damaging, has atleast equality as its basic tenet. A right wing uprising on the other hand, increases the diversity.In a country like India, this can lead to dangerous consequences. The Gujarat riots united the Hindus to vote for Modi, just like German nationalism united Germans under Hitler, and we all know how that went. I am not saying that Hazare is comparable to either of the two, but going forward, if the present movement is a success, the rejuvenated right wing can plan further uprisings, to impose their will on the government - through democratic or undemocratic means - and we never know how that will impact India. Why should a few people who are up there, and have conjured up a draft of the bill, be allowed to hold the government hostage? Who gives them the right? It is not a matter of them thinking what they are thinking is right, it has to come from the people. And the people choose the Parliament. If people like Anna Hazare and Arvind Kejriwal really want to do anything, they should take the right path and fight elections. However, they know they will lose if they stand in elections, and hence have taken unconstitutional ways to hijack the government into accepting their demands. It does not matter if their demands are right or wrong? The thing is, who are they to decide that their demands are right? This right wing tendency of always being right needs to be stopped as soon as possible, else it can have grave consequences. As mentioned earlier, India is a great country because the social fabric is holding up. With a rejuvenated right wing, if the revolution now starts, I see the fabric stopping. Hence the revolution must fail.
Issue 2: I am not against corruption. I get my Gas connection illegally, I used to drive a car when I did not have a driving licence and I drove when drunk. I save as much tax as I can, some of it unethically. I give bribe to the ticket checker when travelling on a WL ticket in train so that I can reach home earlier. I dont like standing in lines for filling up government forms and hence bribe the government official to allow me my permits. I love corruption as it makes my life easier. I am not sure we Indians are ready for a honest government as this will mean making ourselves honest. So Mr. Hazare enjoy the limelight while people forget about lying on their CVs and putting kids through schools via bribes. In short, the Indian right winger is a hypocrite, who is always ready to blame the system for his vows. And it is exactly these people who should not be at the forefront, for it will make India another Animal Farm. Hence the revolution must fail.
Long live the revolution!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
Head-versus-heart
You feel caught between Scylla and Charybdis,
deciding your next course of action.
It is the usual matter of head-versus-heart,
should you follow the money or your passion?
Do you want to go back into the corporate world, your heart asks you,
and the answer to the question is no, you still remember the pain.
But your book's also not going anywhere, your head reminds you,
and your financial solvency is fast approaching that of Spain.
Your head says: to be honest, you havent done much the past 13 months,
except eat, drink and enjoy life to the brink.
But it does feel so right, and you are so happy, your heart responds
There is nothing better than having free time, and a couple of drinks.
People always argue that you are whiling your time away,
that passion is overrated, and they are right.
Moreover, the couple of drinks and other good things cost money, your head says,
so this offer might seem godsend in hindsight.
But if passion does not count, what does, your heart tells you,
and you have already written some 30000 words of some crap;
You believe that you have a bestseller in the making,
and hence this offer is just a Corporate World trap.
Think about your parents, the head reminds you,
and how bad they feel about you being jobless.
You owe them a lot for the support they have given you,
Passing this offer would be a decision most useless.
But then your heart responds,
its your happiness that matters to them, as they always say.
So make your decision based on what you want to do,
and act like you want to and throw this offer away.
The head and the heart argue all night,
and still no compromise can be reached.
Do you take the offer, or tear it?
be a hypocrite, or practice as you preach?
deciding your next course of action.
It is the usual matter of head-versus-heart,
should you follow the money or your passion?
Do you want to go back into the corporate world, your heart asks you,
and the answer to the question is no, you still remember the pain.
But your book's also not going anywhere, your head reminds you,
and your financial solvency is fast approaching that of Spain.
Your head says: to be honest, you havent done much the past 13 months,
except eat, drink and enjoy life to the brink.
But it does feel so right, and you are so happy, your heart responds
There is nothing better than having free time, and a couple of drinks.
People always argue that you are whiling your time away,
that passion is overrated, and they are right.
Moreover, the couple of drinks and other good things cost money, your head says,
so this offer might seem godsend in hindsight.
But if passion does not count, what does, your heart tells you,
and you have already written some 30000 words of some crap;
You believe that you have a bestseller in the making,
and hence this offer is just a Corporate World trap.
Think about your parents, the head reminds you,
and how bad they feel about you being jobless.
You owe them a lot for the support they have given you,
Passing this offer would be a decision most useless.
But then your heart responds,
its your happiness that matters to them, as they always say.
So make your decision based on what you want to do,
and act like you want to and throw this offer away.
The head and the heart argue all night,
and still no compromise can be reached.
Do you take the offer, or tear it?
be a hypocrite, or practice as you preach?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Plateau of Life
At which point do we stop growing up? And which point do we start aging? Which point in our life are we the most alive? Is life linear, or does it follow a "life" cycle? Is there an inflection point in life? Is there an uphill point of life at which we can say, "Its all downhill from here"?
Of course, to answer these questions, we will have to answer a much more basic question and unravel one of the greatest mysteries, namely "what is life?" If we have an answer to this question, and more importantly, if we can quantify this thing called life in some way, then the problem becomes a simple mathematical problem of plotting this quantitative value of life versus time, and try and see where the graph leads us.
But how exactly do we quantify life? For that, it will be important to consider the various facets of life: namely health, wealth, personal life, social life and level of achievement - in no particular order. (Some research on this topic has been done here. However, this time we will make it much simpler, and try solving the problem qualitatively - and also add two new parameters in order to make it more comprehensive.) To make our life simple, we will just add the combined effect of these five factors and come up with a final "value" for life - In Utopian settings, the addition will be through weighted factors, but we are building a base model here.
Lets imagine a "life" versus time 2-D space. We are looking at time at different major instances in your life - and not looking at daily variations. So while a minor bad day will actually lessen your sense of achievement momentarily, or make you wonder about life in general, we are talking about extended periods of time. The time t=0 indicates the time when you are born, and it is safe to assume that at that point of time you are at the origin of the graph. As you grow up, your health and personal life parameters are the first ones to show an immediate increase. As you starts going to school, the other attributes, such as social parameters and levels of achievement (the school debate, making it into the school team) increase as well. So far, so good. Going through college, on a normal day, the social interaction, health and levels of achievement more or less keep on increasing, while there is a substantial hike in personal life if you manage to find love. Otherwise, there is a slight drop, as invariably your relations with your parents starts floundering, as you become the angry rebel, and try to make it up through an even more enhanced social life - and generally a heightened sense of achievement. After college, going for a job, you add a new attribute - wealth and it starts increasing. During the initial honeymoon period, you have a great sense of achievement - actually believing you are making a difference. The table 1 shows these effects in detail (The values given are arbitary - and are just there for understanding of the theoretical aspect).. So far, life is an increasing function with time, and hence all is well.
The Quarter-Life crisis: Now, the quarter-life crisis is such a point in the curve, where life for a small point becomes a decreasing function. After the honeymoon period in your new job is over, you need something more to have a strong sense of achievement. The small increase in wealth is often unable to compensate for the lack of sense of achievement - while there are not much changes in your personal and social life. Hence, the quarter life crisis is the first time in your life that you start questioning, "Where am I headed?"
The Way Out: Marriage or MBA. The former raises the personal life coefficient, while the latter ensures an increase in sense of achievement, and also social life coefficients. Both these factors increase your "life" value and life goes on well - you come out of the crisis. Table 2 illustrates this. Both of these solutions, however, are actually two-edged swords, as a bad marriage can totally ruin your personal life, while a bad MBA can actually remove whatever sense of achievement in life you feel.
Prime of your life: So then, everything starts moving smoothly again. You have children, your personal life is great, you earn good money, and you rediscover a sense of achievement. Your health nowhere close to what it was when you were 30, but you have the gym, and you try hard to rediscover your health. Your social life is going great as well, as you love being the centre of attraction at the various house parties that you now attend, with friends really loving your jokes. Life couldn't be better, and that is exactly when the midlife crisis hits you.
Midlife Crisis: It is not exactly a "mid"life crisis, as you are almost 40 by the time you hit this road, but it is probably the admission that the best part of your life is behind you. The midlife crisis probably starts off by a bad review at work, which makes you question your sense of achievement. Over time, as you start reviewing your life, your personal life also doesnt seem to be too good - the last time you had sex was two years ago. Your social life is also in tatters as you are too busy with your kids to think about your friends. The health is deteriorating fast, and as you pant after doing only 2 kilometers of your daily walks around your apartments, you suddenly realize you are not a teenager anymore. Your graph suddenly takes a sharp dive.
The Way Forward: Is there a way forward? Not really. Yes you are going to make more money over time, but your sense of achievement is most likely going to tumble, and your health is surely going to take you down. Your personal life will depend on your children, who will become the only source of your happiness going forward, and your social life will also decrease over a period of time, as religion starts taking over. You are basically reaching a plateau of life, and life for you has become backward looking rather than forward looking. Your dreams have been replaced by your stories. In other words, you have already lived. And are just waiting for death now. Table 3 illustrates.
The aim of life then, is to postpone the plateau of life and the mid life crisis to as late as possible - and live your life to the fullest. Which path you take to achieve this - however, is upto you. You can be a tennis player, maximising wealth and sense of achievement earlier, and then paying attention to the social and personal life attributes. In other words, live the maximum you can.
(As always, suggestions are always welcome about how to decode life.)
Of course, to answer these questions, we will have to answer a much more basic question and unravel one of the greatest mysteries, namely "what is life?" If we have an answer to this question, and more importantly, if we can quantify this thing called life in some way, then the problem becomes a simple mathematical problem of plotting this quantitative value of life versus time, and try and see where the graph leads us.
But how exactly do we quantify life? For that, it will be important to consider the various facets of life: namely health, wealth, personal life, social life and level of achievement - in no particular order. (Some research on this topic has been done here. However, this time we will make it much simpler, and try solving the problem qualitatively - and also add two new parameters in order to make it more comprehensive.) To make our life simple, we will just add the combined effect of these five factors and come up with a final "value" for life - In Utopian settings, the addition will be through weighted factors, but we are building a base model here.
Lets imagine a "life" versus time 2-D space. We are looking at time at different major instances in your life - and not looking at daily variations. So while a minor bad day will actually lessen your sense of achievement momentarily, or make you wonder about life in general, we are talking about extended periods of time. The time t=0 indicates the time when you are born, and it is safe to assume that at that point of time you are at the origin of the graph. As you grow up, your health and personal life parameters are the first ones to show an immediate increase. As you starts going to school, the other attributes, such as social parameters and levels of achievement (the school debate, making it into the school team) increase as well. So far, so good. Going through college, on a normal day, the social interaction, health and levels of achievement more or less keep on increasing, while there is a substantial hike in personal life if you manage to find love. Otherwise, there is a slight drop, as invariably your relations with your parents starts floundering, as you become the angry rebel, and try to make it up through an even more enhanced social life - and generally a heightened sense of achievement. After college, going for a job, you add a new attribute - wealth and it starts increasing. During the initial honeymoon period, you have a great sense of achievement - actually believing you are making a difference. The table 1 shows these effects in detail (The values given are arbitary - and are just there for understanding of the theoretical aspect).. So far, life is an increasing function with time, and hence all is well.
The Quarter-Life crisis: Now, the quarter-life crisis is such a point in the curve, where life for a small point becomes a decreasing function. After the honeymoon period in your new job is over, you need something more to have a strong sense of achievement. The small increase in wealth is often unable to compensate for the lack of sense of achievement - while there are not much changes in your personal and social life. Hence, the quarter life crisis is the first time in your life that you start questioning, "Where am I headed?"
The Way Out: Marriage or MBA. The former raises the personal life coefficient, while the latter ensures an increase in sense of achievement, and also social life coefficients. Both these factors increase your "life" value and life goes on well - you come out of the crisis. Table 2 illustrates this. Both of these solutions, however, are actually two-edged swords, as a bad marriage can totally ruin your personal life, while a bad MBA can actually remove whatever sense of achievement in life you feel.
Prime of your life: So then, everything starts moving smoothly again. You have children, your personal life is great, you earn good money, and you rediscover a sense of achievement. Your health nowhere close to what it was when you were 30, but you have the gym, and you try hard to rediscover your health. Your social life is going great as well, as you love being the centre of attraction at the various house parties that you now attend, with friends really loving your jokes. Life couldn't be better, and that is exactly when the midlife crisis hits you.
Midlife Crisis: It is not exactly a "mid"life crisis, as you are almost 40 by the time you hit this road, but it is probably the admission that the best part of your life is behind you. The midlife crisis probably starts off by a bad review at work, which makes you question your sense of achievement. Over time, as you start reviewing your life, your personal life also doesnt seem to be too good - the last time you had sex was two years ago. Your social life is also in tatters as you are too busy with your kids to think about your friends. The health is deteriorating fast, and as you pant after doing only 2 kilometers of your daily walks around your apartments, you suddenly realize you are not a teenager anymore. Your graph suddenly takes a sharp dive.
The Way Forward: Is there a way forward? Not really. Yes you are going to make more money over time, but your sense of achievement is most likely going to tumble, and your health is surely going to take you down. Your personal life will depend on your children, who will become the only source of your happiness going forward, and your social life will also decrease over a period of time, as religion starts taking over. You are basically reaching a plateau of life, and life for you has become backward looking rather than forward looking. Your dreams have been replaced by your stories. In other words, you have already lived. And are just waiting for death now. Table 3 illustrates.
The aim of life then, is to postpone the plateau of life and the mid life crisis to as late as possible - and live your life to the fullest. Which path you take to achieve this - however, is upto you. You can be a tennis player, maximising wealth and sense of achievement earlier, and then paying attention to the social and personal life attributes. In other words, live the maximum you can.
(As always, suggestions are always welcome about how to decode life.)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
An Old Poem - 2004 - Just came upon it.
Oh I finally got a chance to see the New York City
My brother, living there, was funding my trip with his money
But first there were the Visa hassles and the long queue
"The Photograph should be on a white background", I never knew
So when I reached the end of the line, so long
It was found that my photograph was wrong
The man at the window pushed me out as if I was a dog, and that too mad
And that man was an Indian too, and the fact made me both angry and sad
So well I decided to get a new photograph there and then and out of the embassy I go
and got an auto, whose driver told me he would solve my photogenic woe
He took me far away to a dirty Sarojini Nagar household
which served as a special studio only for people in Visa mold.
I got happy, for my photograph now was okay, the people in the embassy wanted this
but the happiness was temporary, for the photographer charged me Rs. 200 for the effort of his
I got angry, now at the auto driver for bringing me to this place
but then I realised he also must have had his commision to take from my face
He took me back to the embassy and stood in another long queue
Black, white, green and red, my skin assumed different hues
Rage, and anxiety and excitement were just some of the emotions I had
And when I reached the end of the line now, it was not so bad
The woman(another Indian) was not too polite, but atleast she wasnt so rude,
and standing there, getting permission to go inside, I felt like a real cool dude.
The "Interview" was scheduled for 9:00 a.m, and because of the troubled I had faced,
I was two hours late, and feared that I might be rejected, and so fast I paced.
Soon I was down to the final hurdle, a smart American handling my documents,
He was checking my papers, and I waited anxiously for his comments.
My papers were in order, and he asked as I remember his exact words to me,
"When do u graduate?" and as I later realised, the question was the only one he asked me
I replied May 2005,The Interview was over then, and he soon told me
"your visa shall be soon at your door, and happy may your stay in USA be"
Then started the wait for the Visa to come and a long wait it was,
but then it came after some sixty hours, and how happy I was;
Now I came to the question of which airline to fly in
And decided that whichever was the cheapest shall win
The right to take me to the "promised Land"
And finally, to decide, I took a travel agent's hand
He gave me many cheap options but all of them were already full, I was late
I again felt I had faced the terrible hand of fate,
But then an inspiration dawned upon my travel agent Saurabh Bhatia
and soon I had the return tickets to New York of AlItalia.
AlItalia is an Italian airlines, as the name might indicate
There was a stopover at Milan, and there the flight I had to vacate
The flight was late night, and I had to reach the Delhi airport hours in advance
By 11 p.m. I was there at the airport, and there read a book of romance
In some time I had finished ten pages,
waiting for the check in call, seemed like ages
Soon however I heard the check in call
and there my visa was checked thoroughly, and soon I was ushered into the waiting hall
The flight was good, I was on the window seat
Soon over Delhi I was, away from the blitsering heat
Sleeping was my favourite activity there in flight
I read some magazines and had food and alcohol, light
And as the flight progressed further ahead
we were above the clouds, a Cirrus-Columbus blend
Stopped me from seeing the sprawling cities and the vast country side
Even then it was quiet an enjoyable air ride
"Fasten your seat belts" call was later announced
And the tension and excitement on my face was pronounced
Seeing Milan from above the fashion capital of the world
I cursed myself for not having more time on hold
As soon as I stepped out of the airplane and stepped in the airbus
The first rain drops fell as if welcoming us
The rains soon changed into a cyclonic din
And there was another queue for me to stand in
After getting checked in, I found what I least expected
The airplane would be late by an hour I was very dejected
Waiting was hard, besided me was a b'ful girl; on me she beamed
So the hour passed away in a minute, this is how it seemed
I had never expected foreign flights to be late
But now that I had myself encountered this wait
I knew that even alien lands are not Utopias
And what was to follow made me think very low of Altalia.
The flight from Milan to New York was very nice,
and even though, the ticket was of the same price,
This flight offered Hand TV's for an indivivual to see
And I was happy watching movies and drinking tea.
The movies made this flight really very good
And Duplex and First Fifty Dates,improved my mood
So when I saw the New York city approaching
I was in a great mood and I was singing
But when I came to the check out counter waiting for my bag
I found out that the Alitalia administration had a lag
I found out my bag didnt come out from the Customs
The delay at Milan had upset the airlines' system
It was not only me who faced the trouble
I had lost only a single bag, others had lost double
They told us that the bags were left in Milan in the security way
"If you could give the address, we would deliver it at your door the next day."
My brother, living there, was funding my trip with his money
But first there were the Visa hassles and the long queue
"The Photograph should be on a white background", I never knew
So when I reached the end of the line, so long
It was found that my photograph was wrong
The man at the window pushed me out as if I was a dog, and that too mad
And that man was an Indian too, and the fact made me both angry and sad
So well I decided to get a new photograph there and then and out of the embassy I go
and got an auto, whose driver told me he would solve my photogenic woe
He took me far away to a dirty Sarojini Nagar household
which served as a special studio only for people in Visa mold.
I got happy, for my photograph now was okay, the people in the embassy wanted this
but the happiness was temporary, for the photographer charged me Rs. 200 for the effort of his
I got angry, now at the auto driver for bringing me to this place
but then I realised he also must have had his commision to take from my face
He took me back to the embassy and stood in another long queue
Black, white, green and red, my skin assumed different hues
Rage, and anxiety and excitement were just some of the emotions I had
And when I reached the end of the line now, it was not so bad
The woman(another Indian) was not too polite, but atleast she wasnt so rude,
and standing there, getting permission to go inside, I felt like a real cool dude.
The "Interview" was scheduled for 9:00 a.m, and because of the troubled I had faced,
I was two hours late, and feared that I might be rejected, and so fast I paced.
Soon I was down to the final hurdle, a smart American handling my documents,
He was checking my papers, and I waited anxiously for his comments.
My papers were in order, and he asked as I remember his exact words to me,
"When do u graduate?" and as I later realised, the question was the only one he asked me
I replied May 2005,The Interview was over then, and he soon told me
"your visa shall be soon at your door, and happy may your stay in USA be"
Then started the wait for the Visa to come and a long wait it was,
but then it came after some sixty hours, and how happy I was;
Now I came to the question of which airline to fly in
And decided that whichever was the cheapest shall win
The right to take me to the "promised Land"
And finally, to decide, I took a travel agent's hand
He gave me many cheap options but all of them were already full, I was late
I again felt I had faced the terrible hand of fate,
But then an inspiration dawned upon my travel agent Saurabh Bhatia
and soon I had the return tickets to New York of AlItalia.
AlItalia is an Italian airlines, as the name might indicate
There was a stopover at Milan, and there the flight I had to vacate
The flight was late night, and I had to reach the Delhi airport hours in advance
By 11 p.m. I was there at the airport, and there read a book of romance
In some time I had finished ten pages,
waiting for the check in call, seemed like ages
Soon however I heard the check in call
and there my visa was checked thoroughly, and soon I was ushered into the waiting hall
The flight was good, I was on the window seat
Soon over Delhi I was, away from the blitsering heat
Sleeping was my favourite activity there in flight
I read some magazines and had food and alcohol, light
And as the flight progressed further ahead
we were above the clouds, a Cirrus-Columbus blend
Stopped me from seeing the sprawling cities and the vast country side
Even then it was quiet an enjoyable air ride
"Fasten your seat belts" call was later announced
And the tension and excitement on my face was pronounced
Seeing Milan from above the fashion capital of the world
I cursed myself for not having more time on hold
As soon as I stepped out of the airplane and stepped in the airbus
The first rain drops fell as if welcoming us
The rains soon changed into a cyclonic din
And there was another queue for me to stand in
After getting checked in, I found what I least expected
The airplane would be late by an hour I was very dejected
Waiting was hard, besided me was a b'ful girl; on me she beamed
So the hour passed away in a minute, this is how it seemed
I had never expected foreign flights to be late
But now that I had myself encountered this wait
I knew that even alien lands are not Utopias
And what was to follow made me think very low of Altalia.
The flight from Milan to New York was very nice,
and even though, the ticket was of the same price,
This flight offered Hand TV's for an indivivual to see
And I was happy watching movies and drinking tea.
The movies made this flight really very good
And Duplex and First Fifty Dates,improved my mood
So when I saw the New York city approaching
I was in a great mood and I was singing
But when I came to the check out counter waiting for my bag
I found out that the Alitalia administration had a lag
I found out my bag didnt come out from the Customs
The delay at Milan had upset the airlines' system
It was not only me who faced the trouble
I had lost only a single bag, others had lost double
They told us that the bags were left in Milan in the security way
"If you could give the address, we would deliver it at your door the next day."
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Mahabharat 13: Lucky Arjun
(Statuatory Disclaimer: Censor Rating:A).
The news of Bhima's strength made the Kauravas even more likely to avoid him. All except Duryodhana, who took it upon himself to beat him in combat. Drona was a good but biased teacher, preferring Pandavas over the Kauravas, with Arjuna being his favourite. Drona's love for Arjuna was superseded only by his adulation for his own son, Ashwathama, who also joined these classes, and himself became a good friend of the Kauravas.
Many theories abound as to why exactly Drona preferred the Pandavas over the Kauravas. The most obvious one, but one which has been crushed prominently over time, was one of sexual favours. Drona, like other men of those days, was not exactly a one-woman man, and he really liked his women. Kunti, as we have all seen, was sex-starved. It was a win-win situation for both, and Kunti further used it to her advantage by asking for a better treatment of her sons. Kripi probably knew about this relationship but kept quite about it, as those days there was no National Commission for Women to turn to. Ashwathama remained her only hope, and she secretly incited him against the Pandavas. This also explains why Ashwathama grew closer to the Kauravas, and why Kripa, the erstwhile teacher of the princes and Drona's brother in law, favoured the Kauravas a bit more. Kripa had to pay for it by a reduced role in the Mahabharat, and despite being an ex-teacher, his only other major contribution came on the last day of the Mahabharat war many years hence.
Kripa: Drona, there are certain rumours I have heard, and I want you to say that those are false.
Drona: Rumours, what rumours? Ohh, the one about Kunti and I. Yeah, even I read it in the tabloid today. I dont know where they come up with this stuff. I am planning to sue them. Will you become my lawyer and file the case? It is about time your experience with Hastinapur and its law comes to my aid.
Kripa: So you are saying there is absolutely nothing between you and Kunti? What about the tabloid claims that you have been seen coming out of her part of the palace late at night for the past whole month? And Kripi also tells me that you come home later than usual, and dont tell her where you have been.
Drona: Ohh, about that. Those are just regular Parent - Teachers meeting, and Kunti is regularly busy with all the palace stuff during the day, and I need to monitor the students during the day, so get time only in the night. As for Kripi leaving, I hope she comes back. I miss her.
Kripa: Then why dont U go and meet King Dhritrashtra for these Parent-Teachers meeting? Are not the Kauravas also your students?
Drona (angrily): Kripa, you are asking a lot of questions. I am not bound to answer you. You have made you angry, and I curse you that people will forget you and you will get only a small part to play in this story.
The start of the relationship, or the events that lead to it atleast, are mentioned in the Ved Vyas version. The princes had just started their training under Drona, and he decided to test the princes by having an archery contest. All princes were expected to shoot the eye of a bird sitting on a branch of a tree. The boys were lined aged wise, which meant that Yudhistra led them, followed by Bhima, Duryodhana,Yuyutsu,Dushasana and the other 98 Kauravas, Arjuna, Nukul and Sahadeva.
Turn by turn, all of them readied to take aim, and Drona asked them: "What do you see?" And all of them stupidly replied, "I see the tree, the leaves, the bird and the bird's eye", hearing which Drona would prohibit them from taking aim.
By the time Arjuna's turn came, 104 princes had already given the exact same answer and prohibited from taking aim. It does not say much for Kauravas intelligence that they did not figure it out, but they had learnt just one thing all their lives: to follow Duryodhana, and so they just repeated what he had said. Arjuna, however was smart enough to understand there was something wrong with the standard reply, and so when Drona asked him the same, oft-repeated question, Arjuna smartly replied, "I see only the bird's eye." Drona was very happy to hear it, and told him to shoot, and Arjuna shot the bird's eye, making him an instant favourite of Drona.
Poor Nakula and Sahadeva did not get a chance, as the bird was already killed. Just one of the many cases of the exploitation of the sons of Madri by the sons of Kunti.
Arjuna became Drona's favourite, and this love was only increased further when Drona was rescued by Arjuna shooting and killing a crocodile who was carrying Drona away, while the students and teachers were playing in the Ganga.
And then came that day, when it all started.
One night, Arjuna was having supper with his brothers when the electricity went. It was a condition not often seen in the palace, which was immune to power cuts, but the main power plant had to be suddenly shut down because of a fire threat, and the lights were shut off. Even in the dark, the Pandavas continued eating, which gave Arjuna an idea. (Well, actually only Bhima continued eating, the others, as it turned out, were busy slapping each other, and trying to blame the rest. It was a game that Arjuna himself started by slapping Yudishtra, and blaming it on the poor Nakula. Noone ever dared involve Bhima, and seeing the dedication of Bhima eating, Arjuna got his idea. An idea that was to change his life).
Now this is nowhere as revolutionary a thought as the one Newton got when the apple fell from the tree, but you can argue as to why others did not get the idea? As it happened, Arjuna thought that if he could eat supper in darkness, why could he not practice archery in the dark too. And so he left his food, and picking up his bow and arrow, started practicing on the archery range.
Kunti saw him get away and went after him, for he had not yet finished his food. You know how mothers are! So she went after her and kept shouting Arjuna, Arjuna, who, fuelled by his infinite desire to learn, did not heed her.
The reader might be interested in learning what Kunti was wearing at that time. It being almost bedtime, and the public appearance being over, Kunti had removed her white saree, which was a symbol of her being a widow, and had slipped into a comfortable white, a bit transparent nighty. She was an exhibitionist, Kunti was in her heart, and her figure was fully exposed in it. This being the middle of the Indian Summer season, her top two buttons were open to expose a pretty huge cleavage. Despite years of acting like a widow, Kunti had taken good care of her figure, and it was in full show in the nighty. Her mounds good give a good run to Pamela Anderson during her Baywatch days. No man had ever seen her in this figure hugging dress so far except her young sons, but now she ran off after Arjuna, hardly caring about her clothes - or lack of them.
Drona was just finishing off his desk work - he was writing a progress report on each student when the lights went off, and he was just closing up and was readying to go home, when he heard the twinge of an arrow. Curious as to who it might be, he made it to the archery ground, and saw Arjuna practicing in the dark. He was avowed by his dedication, and was about to go to him, when he heard Kunti shouting for Arjuna, and suddenly realized what many men had realized about Kunti: "She is so hot." She looked ravishing, Kunti did, and when she turned to face him, Drona suddenly realized something.
He realized that he was only in his dhoti, and he could feel the blood circulation to his crotch increase, and that his erection was evidently visible. He looked towards Kunti, who had stopped watching Arjuna, and was eyeing him with seductive eyes, and both knew what they wanted.
An hour later, Drona was coming out of the palace with an afterglow. Kunti had sex after a really long time, Drona had managed to get the best lay in town, while Kunti had made Drona promise that Arjuna would become the greatest archer ever, Bhima the best mace wielder, Yudhistra the best spear fighter, while Nukula and Sahadeva would excel in sword fight.
However, the promise to Kunti was never really fulfilled by Drona. For over the next years, two better archers were to appear and rattle Arjuna - Karna and Eklavya, the greatest warriors of the Mahabharat.
The news of Bhima's strength made the Kauravas even more likely to avoid him. All except Duryodhana, who took it upon himself to beat him in combat. Drona was a good but biased teacher, preferring Pandavas over the Kauravas, with Arjuna being his favourite. Drona's love for Arjuna was superseded only by his adulation for his own son, Ashwathama, who also joined these classes, and himself became a good friend of the Kauravas.
Many theories abound as to why exactly Drona preferred the Pandavas over the Kauravas. The most obvious one, but one which has been crushed prominently over time, was one of sexual favours. Drona, like other men of those days, was not exactly a one-woman man, and he really liked his women. Kunti, as we have all seen, was sex-starved. It was a win-win situation for both, and Kunti further used it to her advantage by asking for a better treatment of her sons. Kripi probably knew about this relationship but kept quite about it, as those days there was no National Commission for Women to turn to. Ashwathama remained her only hope, and she secretly incited him against the Pandavas. This also explains why Ashwathama grew closer to the Kauravas, and why Kripa, the erstwhile teacher of the princes and Drona's brother in law, favoured the Kauravas a bit more. Kripa had to pay for it by a reduced role in the Mahabharat, and despite being an ex-teacher, his only other major contribution came on the last day of the Mahabharat war many years hence.
Kripa: Drona, there are certain rumours I have heard, and I want you to say that those are false.
Drona: Rumours, what rumours? Ohh, the one about Kunti and I. Yeah, even I read it in the tabloid today. I dont know where they come up with this stuff. I am planning to sue them. Will you become my lawyer and file the case? It is about time your experience with Hastinapur and its law comes to my aid.
Kripa: So you are saying there is absolutely nothing between you and Kunti? What about the tabloid claims that you have been seen coming out of her part of the palace late at night for the past whole month? And Kripi also tells me that you come home later than usual, and dont tell her where you have been.
Drona: Ohh, about that. Those are just regular Parent - Teachers meeting, and Kunti is regularly busy with all the palace stuff during the day, and I need to monitor the students during the day, so get time only in the night. As for Kripi leaving, I hope she comes back. I miss her.
Kripa: Then why dont U go and meet King Dhritrashtra for these Parent-Teachers meeting? Are not the Kauravas also your students?
Drona (angrily): Kripa, you are asking a lot of questions. I am not bound to answer you. You have made you angry, and I curse you that people will forget you and you will get only a small part to play in this story.
The start of the relationship, or the events that lead to it atleast, are mentioned in the Ved Vyas version. The princes had just started their training under Drona, and he decided to test the princes by having an archery contest. All princes were expected to shoot the eye of a bird sitting on a branch of a tree. The boys were lined aged wise, which meant that Yudhistra led them, followed by Bhima, Duryodhana,Yuyutsu,Dushasana and the other 98 Kauravas, Arjuna, Nukul and Sahadeva.
Turn by turn, all of them readied to take aim, and Drona asked them: "What do you see?" And all of them stupidly replied, "I see the tree, the leaves, the bird and the bird's eye", hearing which Drona would prohibit them from taking aim.
By the time Arjuna's turn came, 104 princes had already given the exact same answer and prohibited from taking aim. It does not say much for Kauravas intelligence that they did not figure it out, but they had learnt just one thing all their lives: to follow Duryodhana, and so they just repeated what he had said. Arjuna, however was smart enough to understand there was something wrong with the standard reply, and so when Drona asked him the same, oft-repeated question, Arjuna smartly replied, "I see only the bird's eye." Drona was very happy to hear it, and told him to shoot, and Arjuna shot the bird's eye, making him an instant favourite of Drona.
Poor Nakula and Sahadeva did not get a chance, as the bird was already killed. Just one of the many cases of the exploitation of the sons of Madri by the sons of Kunti.
Arjuna became Drona's favourite, and this love was only increased further when Drona was rescued by Arjuna shooting and killing a crocodile who was carrying Drona away, while the students and teachers were playing in the Ganga.
And then came that day, when it all started.
One night, Arjuna was having supper with his brothers when the electricity went. It was a condition not often seen in the palace, which was immune to power cuts, but the main power plant had to be suddenly shut down because of a fire threat, and the lights were shut off. Even in the dark, the Pandavas continued eating, which gave Arjuna an idea. (Well, actually only Bhima continued eating, the others, as it turned out, were busy slapping each other, and trying to blame the rest. It was a game that Arjuna himself started by slapping Yudishtra, and blaming it on the poor Nakula. Noone ever dared involve Bhima, and seeing the dedication of Bhima eating, Arjuna got his idea. An idea that was to change his life).
Now this is nowhere as revolutionary a thought as the one Newton got when the apple fell from the tree, but you can argue as to why others did not get the idea? As it happened, Arjuna thought that if he could eat supper in darkness, why could he not practice archery in the dark too. And so he left his food, and picking up his bow and arrow, started practicing on the archery range.
Kunti saw him get away and went after him, for he had not yet finished his food. You know how mothers are! So she went after her and kept shouting Arjuna, Arjuna, who, fuelled by his infinite desire to learn, did not heed her.
The reader might be interested in learning what Kunti was wearing at that time. It being almost bedtime, and the public appearance being over, Kunti had removed her white saree, which was a symbol of her being a widow, and had slipped into a comfortable white, a bit transparent nighty. She was an exhibitionist, Kunti was in her heart, and her figure was fully exposed in it. This being the middle of the Indian Summer season, her top two buttons were open to expose a pretty huge cleavage. Despite years of acting like a widow, Kunti had taken good care of her figure, and it was in full show in the nighty. Her mounds good give a good run to Pamela Anderson during her Baywatch days. No man had ever seen her in this figure hugging dress so far except her young sons, but now she ran off after Arjuna, hardly caring about her clothes - or lack of them.
Drona was just finishing off his desk work - he was writing a progress report on each student when the lights went off, and he was just closing up and was readying to go home, when he heard the twinge of an arrow. Curious as to who it might be, he made it to the archery ground, and saw Arjuna practicing in the dark. He was avowed by his dedication, and was about to go to him, when he heard Kunti shouting for Arjuna, and suddenly realized what many men had realized about Kunti: "She is so hot." She looked ravishing, Kunti did, and when she turned to face him, Drona suddenly realized something.
He realized that he was only in his dhoti, and he could feel the blood circulation to his crotch increase, and that his erection was evidently visible. He looked towards Kunti, who had stopped watching Arjuna, and was eyeing him with seductive eyes, and both knew what they wanted.
An hour later, Drona was coming out of the palace with an afterglow. Kunti had sex after a really long time, Drona had managed to get the best lay in town, while Kunti had made Drona promise that Arjuna would become the greatest archer ever, Bhima the best mace wielder, Yudhistra the best spear fighter, while Nukula and Sahadeva would excel in sword fight.
However, the promise to Kunti was never really fulfilled by Drona. For over the next years, two better archers were to appear and rattle Arjuna - Karna and Eklavya, the greatest warriors of the Mahabharat.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The pursuit of happiness
It has been seven months. Seven months and five days, to be exact. July 9th to February 14th. Yeah, today is St. Valentine's day - the Lover's day or the loser's day, depending on whose side you are on. It has been seven months and five days since I quit the corporate world.
"Why did you quit?" and "What would you do next" were questions to which I had no definite answers at that particular point of time. I have produced a lot of flak over the first questions, such as "I hated the work-life imbalance", "I did not like the work" or "The company was shifting to operational consulting, something I was not very comfortable with." The truth, while encompassing each of the above three elements has been that despite putting in much more effort than I am accustomed to, I was not getting the results on a personal level. Here is a sample of what I mean:
(Characters: I, and two senior consultants (S1 and S2). Time: Saturday 10 am, in one of the small meeting rooms in our office, even though it is supposedly a 5 day week.).
I: Why are we even here today? (whisper, I have a bad hangover).
S1: To DISCUSS the recommendations we will make to client.
S2: It is very important to DISCUSS these.
I: Did you go through the recommendations pack I made and sent you. I was in the office till 10 last night, making the pack, and all the recommendations are listed there. You can now see which ones to incorporate. Why am I needed? I need to catch up with an old friend, who has just landed in Delhi from Switzerland, and will be here only till 1p.m. It has been six years since I have met him.
S2: We all need to DISCUSS. It is very important for all of us to DISCUSS. All of us need to be present. Without DISCUSSING, we will not be in the same wavelength.
S1: I think we need to go step by step in our recommendations. Zubin, you project the recommendations presentation on the screen, and let us go through it.
I: Yes, S1,S2, our first recommendation is .....
(And I make them go through the recommendations I had made the previous night. I take 10 minutes explaining the entire set of recommendations after which the discussions begin, usually between S1 and S2, while I am generally quiet and angry. The discussions include an half an hour of discussion on whether the designations be written in capital or small letters. It goes on till 10 p.m., and it is a Saturday).
The end result is a "revised" version of the document I made the previous night, with only a few cosmetic changes. No recommendations are dropped, while no new recommendations are added. And this took 12 hours. At the end of which, I showed my irritation by whispering something like " Fuck!! You wasted an entire Saturday", which I guess someone of those two heard.)
Now, the following conversation is something that I only suspected happened. I am pretty sure this is how it went based on the feedback I got - about being insincere and non-hardworking. This, when for the past two years and two months, I had spent, on an average, 60 hours a week in that fucking office.
Characters: S1 and S2, Manager (M) and Partner (P).
S1: Sir, we have come up with a list of recommendations.
S2: Yes, sir the DISCUSSIONS helped us to come to a consensus on the results.
P: Wow, great recommendations! This is impressive. Who did this?
S2 and S1: Sir, we discussed it among ourselves, working all through Saturday.
M: These two work very hard, sir.
P: Cool, I will make the two of you managers. And you, M, will become a senior manager. Was there anyone else on the project.
M: I think there was a consultant, but I forget his name.
S1, S2: Ohh, it was Zubin, but he has a horrible attitude. He shirks away from work. He has plenty of potential, but he doesnt use it. If we were not there to guide him, this work would never have been done.
P: So its decided, promotion to S1, S2 and M. Give Zubin the lowest rating possible, but call it the average rating. And we will loan him to another team and make them send him to some plant. I dont think I like his face.
And I lived a two years and two months with that shit. For someone used to high Return on Investment philosophy, the no returns after investment was not something I was ready to live with.
So, ladies and gentlemen, was why I quit.
"What will you do next?" was a question I had no answer to. So I just told people, "I will write." And so started writing, but it certainly has not been a smooth sailing so far. Most times I think about what to write, and even when I have it all figured out, I cut the script a number of times, and hence, after seven months, I have just 30000 odd words to show. And a story that is not going anywhere.
I have not traveled much these past seven months, and the month long trip to China and Singapore discounted, the only trips I have made are the three trips to home. It has not even been a dazed seven months, and I have cut down a bit on alcohol too. Have played a bit of tennis, and made some new people.
However, this time has been, both literally and figuratively, a blast. I have had a great time doing nothing, and I feel I have become a much happier person. Moreover, my hair has blackened and I have had the time of my life. I dont have to suck up to someone, I can do my own thing, and my finances are hanging up pretty fine so far. All in all, its been a good life so far, and I would not trade it for a corporate slave anytime.
That being said, my finances are going bad slowly, and I recently did interview for a position with a company known for its good work-life balance. However, the first question I had to answer was, "What was your GPA in IIT and IIM?" And that kind of sort of set the tone for the rest of the interview, and it re-emphasised what I had known all the time - that the corporate world sucks. You are being pulled down for your weakest points than being appreciated for your strengths. And which is why, not being in the job with someone to suck to, has made me so much happy.
And you might say that this is the sour grapes fuck up, as people will probably do, but I am actually happy. HAPPY and more importantly, satisfied. And the interview fuckup probably happened to prove a point to me - Never trade happiness for anything else. :).
To quote Will Smith from a Pursuit of Happiness, "This period of my life, this little period, is what I call happiness."
"Why did you quit?" and "What would you do next" were questions to which I had no definite answers at that particular point of time. I have produced a lot of flak over the first questions, such as "I hated the work-life imbalance", "I did not like the work" or "The company was shifting to operational consulting, something I was not very comfortable with." The truth, while encompassing each of the above three elements has been that despite putting in much more effort than I am accustomed to, I was not getting the results on a personal level. Here is a sample of what I mean:
(Characters: I, and two senior consultants (S1 and S2). Time: Saturday 10 am, in one of the small meeting rooms in our office, even though it is supposedly a 5 day week.).
I: Why are we even here today? (whisper, I have a bad hangover).
S1: To DISCUSS the recommendations we will make to client.
S2: It is very important to DISCUSS these.
I: Did you go through the recommendations pack I made and sent you. I was in the office till 10 last night, making the pack, and all the recommendations are listed there. You can now see which ones to incorporate. Why am I needed? I need to catch up with an old friend, who has just landed in Delhi from Switzerland, and will be here only till 1p.m. It has been six years since I have met him.
S2: We all need to DISCUSS. It is very important for all of us to DISCUSS. All of us need to be present. Without DISCUSSING, we will not be in the same wavelength.
S1: I think we need to go step by step in our recommendations. Zubin, you project the recommendations presentation on the screen, and let us go through it.
I: Yes, S1,S2, our first recommendation is .....
(And I make them go through the recommendations I had made the previous night. I take 10 minutes explaining the entire set of recommendations after which the discussions begin, usually between S1 and S2, while I am generally quiet and angry. The discussions include an half an hour of discussion on whether the designations be written in capital or small letters. It goes on till 10 p.m., and it is a Saturday).
The end result is a "revised" version of the document I made the previous night, with only a few cosmetic changes. No recommendations are dropped, while no new recommendations are added. And this took 12 hours. At the end of which, I showed my irritation by whispering something like " Fuck!! You wasted an entire Saturday", which I guess someone of those two heard.)
Now, the following conversation is something that I only suspected happened. I am pretty sure this is how it went based on the feedback I got - about being insincere and non-hardworking. This, when for the past two years and two months, I had spent, on an average, 60 hours a week in that fucking office.
Characters: S1 and S2, Manager (M) and Partner (P).
S1: Sir, we have come up with a list of recommendations.
S2: Yes, sir the DISCUSSIONS helped us to come to a consensus on the results.
P: Wow, great recommendations! This is impressive. Who did this?
S2 and S1: Sir, we discussed it among ourselves, working all through Saturday.
M: These two work very hard, sir.
P: Cool, I will make the two of you managers. And you, M, will become a senior manager. Was there anyone else on the project.
M: I think there was a consultant, but I forget his name.
S1, S2: Ohh, it was Zubin, but he has a horrible attitude. He shirks away from work. He has plenty of potential, but he doesnt use it. If we were not there to guide him, this work would never have been done.
P: So its decided, promotion to S1, S2 and M. Give Zubin the lowest rating possible, but call it the average rating. And we will loan him to another team and make them send him to some plant. I dont think I like his face.
And I lived a two years and two months with that shit. For someone used to high Return on Investment philosophy, the no returns after investment was not something I was ready to live with.
So, ladies and gentlemen, was why I quit.
"What will you do next?" was a question I had no answer to. So I just told people, "I will write." And so started writing, but it certainly has not been a smooth sailing so far. Most times I think about what to write, and even when I have it all figured out, I cut the script a number of times, and hence, after seven months, I have just 30000 odd words to show. And a story that is not going anywhere.
I have not traveled much these past seven months, and the month long trip to China and Singapore discounted, the only trips I have made are the three trips to home. It has not even been a dazed seven months, and I have cut down a bit on alcohol too. Have played a bit of tennis, and made some new people.
However, this time has been, both literally and figuratively, a blast. I have had a great time doing nothing, and I feel I have become a much happier person. Moreover, my hair has blackened and I have had the time of my life. I dont have to suck up to someone, I can do my own thing, and my finances are hanging up pretty fine so far. All in all, its been a good life so far, and I would not trade it for a corporate slave anytime.
That being said, my finances are going bad slowly, and I recently did interview for a position with a company known for its good work-life balance. However, the first question I had to answer was, "What was your GPA in IIT and IIM?" And that kind of sort of set the tone for the rest of the interview, and it re-emphasised what I had known all the time - that the corporate world sucks. You are being pulled down for your weakest points than being appreciated for your strengths. And which is why, not being in the job with someone to suck to, has made me so much happy.
And you might say that this is the sour grapes fuck up, as people will probably do, but I am actually happy. HAPPY and more importantly, satisfied. And the interview fuckup probably happened to prove a point to me - Never trade happiness for anything else. :).
To quote Will Smith from a Pursuit of Happiness, "This period of my life, this little period, is what I call happiness."
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Drinking Conundrum
You are at a party. There is this hot girl you want to talk to. Actually, there are many hot girls at the party, and you wish to talk to any of them - but this girl is the one who has especially caught your eye today. However, for all your strengths, you are rather shy when it comes to talking to girls. For, while you have full faith in your IQ and intellect, this is not the first things that girls notice about you. For, the thing that stands out about you is your pretty impressive paunch. You like to call it the family pack, but that is a joke no one else really appreciates - especially not the hot chicks, like the one you have your eyes on.
You are also not helped by the presence of a number of hunks in the party, the more than six feet tall monsters, and while there seem to be an almost equal ratio of the two sexes - a situation you are not really used to, having studied in institutes where the female-per-male ratio ranged from 0 to 0.1, and having gone to work in offices where while the overall ratio was much higher at 0.5, when it came to your team, it was back to the familiar levels of 0-0.1 range - you know no girl will even notice you while those hunks are there. And you cannot help but wonder about challenging these guys to a game of Scrabble or Chess, and humiliating them and their measly minds. Just like they humiliate your physicality by being there. Also, you cannot help wondering about how unfair life is. You know any time you approach any girl, you will get rejected, and its the fear of rejection which stops you from doing anything. Which is why, this being a free booze party - may God grant a long life to your DU-educated cousin, and may your relations remain ever cordial, and may he continue inviting you to these awesome birthday parties with hot chicks, you pray to the almighty - you turn towards the booze and start staring at the target of your affection, who is being wooed by one of these monsters. And all you can do is drown one drink after the other. Which is good in a way, because the booze is rather limited, and you want to make hay, while the sun shines. Not only do you have drink after drink, in anticipation of the party Armageddon, you have Patiala pegs after Patiala pegs.
Now these large Patiala pegs have two immediate effects : a) It increases your courage, and drowns your rejection fears, b) It makes you more capable of irregular rambling, and your talks becomes less and less intelligent. There is a third, long term effect - which you will notice only the other day - is the loss of memory.
So now, as you might have guessed, your courage and your perceived intelligence are functions of the amount of alcohol in the blood. While your courage is an increasing function, the intelligence of your talking is a decreasing function. This is depicted in the graph below.
The graph makes it clear that there is a very specific number of drinks (depends on person to person), when it is safe to approach the girl. The moment you get the courage is when you should approach her. That is the only time you might be able to impress her with your intelligent talk. The moment you overdo the drinking part though, you have the necessary courage but you lose out on the intelligent bit - and as a result, your only window of opportunity.
Now the drinking conundrum is this. What if you are never able to reach the requisite number of drinks. What if your graph looks like this?
Because you wasted your chance on other girl last night, after rambling to her something you don't even remember. You remember talking and talking, and generally not making sense. As always. This is the 30th girl you have talked to in the year.
The drinking conundrum is killing you. You need a way out, but is there an exit? Or is it all for the best, and should you give in to the fangs of arranged marriage, that have already engulfed so many of your friends?
Questions, to which you have no answers. Even with your super-high IQ.
Or maybe it is high time to hit the gym.
You are also not helped by the presence of a number of hunks in the party, the more than six feet tall monsters, and while there seem to be an almost equal ratio of the two sexes - a situation you are not really used to, having studied in institutes where the female-per-male ratio ranged from 0 to 0.1, and having gone to work in offices where while the overall ratio was much higher at 0.5, when it came to your team, it was back to the familiar levels of 0-0.1 range - you know no girl will even notice you while those hunks are there. And you cannot help but wonder about challenging these guys to a game of Scrabble or Chess, and humiliating them and their measly minds. Just like they humiliate your physicality by being there. Also, you cannot help wondering about how unfair life is. You know any time you approach any girl, you will get rejected, and its the fear of rejection which stops you from doing anything. Which is why, this being a free booze party - may God grant a long life to your DU-educated cousin, and may your relations remain ever cordial, and may he continue inviting you to these awesome birthday parties with hot chicks, you pray to the almighty - you turn towards the booze and start staring at the target of your affection, who is being wooed by one of these monsters. And all you can do is drown one drink after the other. Which is good in a way, because the booze is rather limited, and you want to make hay, while the sun shines. Not only do you have drink after drink, in anticipation of the party Armageddon, you have Patiala pegs after Patiala pegs.
Now these large Patiala pegs have two immediate effects : a) It increases your courage, and drowns your rejection fears, b) It makes you more capable of irregular rambling, and your talks becomes less and less intelligent. There is a third, long term effect - which you will notice only the other day - is the loss of memory.
So now, as you might have guessed, your courage and your perceived intelligence are functions of the amount of alcohol in the blood. While your courage is an increasing function, the intelligence of your talking is a decreasing function. This is depicted in the graph below.
The graph makes it clear that there is a very specific number of drinks (depends on person to person), when it is safe to approach the girl. The moment you get the courage is when you should approach her. That is the only time you might be able to impress her with your intelligent talk. The moment you overdo the drinking part though, you have the necessary courage but you lose out on the intelligent bit - and as a result, your only window of opportunity.
Now the drinking conundrum is this. What if you are never able to reach the requisite number of drinks. What if your graph looks like this?
Because you wasted your chance on other girl last night, after rambling to her something you don't even remember. You remember talking and talking, and generally not making sense. As always. This is the 30th girl you have talked to in the year.
The drinking conundrum is killing you. You need a way out, but is there an exit? Or is it all for the best, and should you give in to the fangs of arranged marriage, that have already engulfed so many of your friends?
Questions, to which you have no answers. Even with your super-high IQ.
Or maybe it is high time to hit the gym.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Ghost's Diary
(I don't normally write about movies and plays, and their reviews, and my technical understanding of theater is minimal, to say the least. I do not understand the finer technicalities of the music or lighting, for example, and am unable to appreciate them fully as well. However, I really loved the Ghost Diary for the story, and how it has been brought upon the stage, and this is what is mentioned here. That is not to take the appreciation away from the production, direction and the music and lighting effects of the play)
At the end of the play, while the actors are preparing to take the bow, Deepak Dhamija, the writer, producer, director of the Ghost's Diary, says, "We still have not figured out whether it was a comedy or a tragedy." An apt comment, for the Ghost's Diary makes you laugh, and is refreshingly witty at times, but when it all ends, you are left feeling with the kind of sad feeling that the end of Jaane bhi do Yaaron left you with. Like the aforementioned film, the play can be best termed as a satire - on human life, and the endless rat race that you and me are a part of.
The play is essentially a monologue of the main actor and his obsession with writing a tragedy. The days of the great tragedy are gone, and he wants to make people cry through his writing. The action unfolds as the protagonist takes us through the various events in his life, which he captures in his diary. Through it you know about his troubled relation with his parents and teachers, the failed first crush and his generally "tragic" life.
The three actors, who portray the protagonist in various phases of life, do a really commendable job. The naughty schoolboy has been portrayed rather brilliantly by Tushar Sharma, while the college going, angry Puneet Khokhar is pretty awesome too. However, it is the middle aged, Manpreet Vora who is the star of the show and has the best dialogues, including a two minute monologue where he portrays God. And yeah, there is a clown, portrayed by Ali, who represents the "comedy" part of the play, an anti-thesis to the "tragedy" of the antagonist.
The protagonist is obsessed with tragedy, and after reading Anne Franks' Diary of a Young Girl, becomes convinced that his whole life is like a concentration camp - with his parents and teachers being the Nazis. So like Anne Frank, he plans to live out the tragedy and write it all down. Over time, however, as he sees the love his parents have for him, he realizes his life is not so bad. And so, his initial attempts at publishing a tragic diary fails. His father wants him to become a doctor, and he has the potential to become one, but all he wants is to write a tragedy.
The story of Ghost's Diary could well be the story of you and I - a person trying to fit into the world, but being unable to do so. Not because he is handicapped or poor or mentally retarded, but just because he does not want to. He does not want to be the best, and his approach to life is made clear when he says, "I just want to live life". He believes he lives his life to the maximum and says, in order to live, "I will beg or borrow or steal". But he is averse to doing any work, because well, work is work. Work is not life. He just wants to write a tragedy.
And then he decides the way to write a play - a tragic play, one that will bring the essence of the Antigone and the Hamlet back. He is sure the play will make people cry and that people will love to cry, despite being told by his friend Poo - who calls him once in a while - that people nowadays do not care for tragedies as their own lives are tragic enough. The various theater groups also fail to appreciate a tragedy and
The play that he writes is almost his own story - about a talented guy who doesnt want to make use of his talents. He feels unfit to live in the new world, obsessed with money and success. He does not do it, not because he cannot, but because he does not care. His tragedy is not being able to fit into the world, and do a job that other people think normal. Is it normal doing something you do not like - for money? He compares work, all useless, corporate work to prostitution, and chides the world through it. It is a tragedy of our generation, which is so lost in money and success, that they have lost their own selves.
The play that he writes, however, only brings smile to the audiences. They fail to recognize the tragedy of the world. The play fails as a tragedy, and our protagonist fails in his attempt. Which prompts his first suicide attempt, which also fails. And his second play, about God and Satan, which shocks people so much that he is attacked and injured. And then his second suicide attempt, which as much as the rest of his life, also fails.
However, over time he is brought up by his relatives and friends to live a normal life. And he does, which is probably the biggest tragedy.
Ghost's Diary counters you with a lot of questions that have troubled me - What is the meaning of life? Is there a God, and if there is, what is he doing above? Is it really normal to easily become a slave of the evil corporate empire?
And perhaps, the biggest question of them all, what is a tragedy and a comedy? Is it not just a point of view? One man's meat is another man's poison, they say, and hence maybe there are no clear tragedies - or comedies. We root for the hero because the story is told through his perspective. Was Romeo and Juliet a tragedy or a stupid romantic comedy? Was Hamlet, for that matter, a tragedy, or just Shakespeare's comic satire on a feuding family? Will Mahabharat or Ramayana be different seen from the perspective of Duryodhana?
Ghost's Diary does not give you any answers - but the play will definitely force you to think and find your own answers. Not many works of art do that, and hence this play is highly recommended. And when you do, do let me also know, whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy. For like the much acclaimed writer-producer-director, I am also confused.
At the end of the play, while the actors are preparing to take the bow, Deepak Dhamija, the writer, producer, director of the Ghost's Diary, says, "We still have not figured out whether it was a comedy or a tragedy." An apt comment, for the Ghost's Diary makes you laugh, and is refreshingly witty at times, but when it all ends, you are left feeling with the kind of sad feeling that the end of Jaane bhi do Yaaron left you with. Like the aforementioned film, the play can be best termed as a satire - on human life, and the endless rat race that you and me are a part of.
The play is essentially a monologue of the main actor and his obsession with writing a tragedy. The days of the great tragedy are gone, and he wants to make people cry through his writing. The action unfolds as the protagonist takes us through the various events in his life, which he captures in his diary. Through it you know about his troubled relation with his parents and teachers, the failed first crush and his generally "tragic" life.
The three actors, who portray the protagonist in various phases of life, do a really commendable job. The naughty schoolboy has been portrayed rather brilliantly by Tushar Sharma, while the college going, angry Puneet Khokhar is pretty awesome too. However, it is the middle aged, Manpreet Vora who is the star of the show and has the best dialogues, including a two minute monologue where he portrays God. And yeah, there is a clown, portrayed by Ali, who represents the "comedy" part of the play, an anti-thesis to the "tragedy" of the antagonist.
The protagonist is obsessed with tragedy, and after reading Anne Franks' Diary of a Young Girl, becomes convinced that his whole life is like a concentration camp - with his parents and teachers being the Nazis. So like Anne Frank, he plans to live out the tragedy and write it all down. Over time, however, as he sees the love his parents have for him, he realizes his life is not so bad. And so, his initial attempts at publishing a tragic diary fails. His father wants him to become a doctor, and he has the potential to become one, but all he wants is to write a tragedy.
The story of Ghost's Diary could well be the story of you and I - a person trying to fit into the world, but being unable to do so. Not because he is handicapped or poor or mentally retarded, but just because he does not want to. He does not want to be the best, and his approach to life is made clear when he says, "I just want to live life". He believes he lives his life to the maximum and says, in order to live, "I will beg or borrow or steal". But he is averse to doing any work, because well, work is work. Work is not life. He just wants to write a tragedy.
And then he decides the way to write a play - a tragic play, one that will bring the essence of the Antigone and the Hamlet back. He is sure the play will make people cry and that people will love to cry, despite being told by his friend Poo - who calls him once in a while - that people nowadays do not care for tragedies as their own lives are tragic enough. The various theater groups also fail to appreciate a tragedy and
The play that he writes is almost his own story - about a talented guy who doesnt want to make use of his talents. He feels unfit to live in the new world, obsessed with money and success. He does not do it, not because he cannot, but because he does not care. His tragedy is not being able to fit into the world, and do a job that other people think normal. Is it normal doing something you do not like - for money? He compares work, all useless, corporate work to prostitution, and chides the world through it. It is a tragedy of our generation, which is so lost in money and success, that they have lost their own selves.
The play that he writes, however, only brings smile to the audiences. They fail to recognize the tragedy of the world. The play fails as a tragedy, and our protagonist fails in his attempt. Which prompts his first suicide attempt, which also fails. And his second play, about God and Satan, which shocks people so much that he is attacked and injured. And then his second suicide attempt, which as much as the rest of his life, also fails.
However, over time he is brought up by his relatives and friends to live a normal life. And he does, which is probably the biggest tragedy.
Ghost's Diary counters you with a lot of questions that have troubled me - What is the meaning of life? Is there a God, and if there is, what is he doing above? Is it really normal to easily become a slave of the evil corporate empire?
And perhaps, the biggest question of them all, what is a tragedy and a comedy? Is it not just a point of view? One man's meat is another man's poison, they say, and hence maybe there are no clear tragedies - or comedies. We root for the hero because the story is told through his perspective. Was Romeo and Juliet a tragedy or a stupid romantic comedy? Was Hamlet, for that matter, a tragedy, or just Shakespeare's comic satire on a feuding family? Will Mahabharat or Ramayana be different seen from the perspective of Duryodhana?
Ghost's Diary does not give you any answers - but the play will definitely force you to think and find your own answers. Not many works of art do that, and hence this play is highly recommended. And when you do, do let me also know, whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy. For like the much acclaimed writer-producer-director, I am also confused.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The filter theory of relationships
(The last post was officially the most commented one on this blog. It beat the previous comment total of 50, set by a controversial post condemning the newly set Training and Placement Department in IIT Delhi, back in 2005 by a whole 3 comments. This last post, on the other hand, condemned nothing. Except for the small matter of the presence of God. So the lesson is learned. Controversy does not always sell. Thanks everyone :D. I had prepared a speech to thank everyone for crossing the 50 comment mark barrier for the first time in the blog, but I have lost it somewhere during my many bus trips to Dharamshala, Shimla and Chandigarh. So well. A simple thank you will have to suffice for now.)
Which brings me to the main point of this particular post. The filter theory of relationships. (Suggested previous reading: The 2-d ZSV Matrix). Now, just about an year ago - in December last year in fact - I had written about the XYZ theory of love, relationship and commitment/ here.. Using this argument, I had proposed that arranged marriages are actually unnatural and hence more liable to fail, especially in today's modern world. A consultant, or an ex-consultant, must however challenge his own thoughts. Ten months older, and wiser, I challenge the widely appreciated theory - and present the filter theory to prove why arranged marriages are the way forward.
The filter theory is simple, and while it uses basic mathematics, the nitty gritty details are not too tough to understand. Moreover, the filter theory is also pretty consistent with my seminal work - the 2-d ZSV theory. Infact, the filter theory is like a prequel to the ZSV theory. The theory explains why there is attraction among guys and girls and how do the relations x=0, y=0 change ("Nahin doongi aur nahin loonga") to x=1, y=1 state. ("Degi to Le loonga").
You know, there are different filters which a guy is looking to meet in a prospective partner. And a gal too. These filters include (among others) external attributes like height, beauty, weight, figure, dressing style, dental hygiene, overall hotness and others. (For example, a guy might say my prospective partner should be 5'4" to 5'6" tall, should be good looking, be thin, not very hot, and is equally comfortable in Western and Oriental outfits.) Moreover, there are certain basic filters - which may or may not hold - like country, state, religion, caste etc. (Is she Punjabi?) Similarly, there are professional filters, like educational qualifications, comfort in languages etc, knowledge about the world etc. (Can she speak enough English to interact with my fairly numerous South Indian friends?) Then there is the important cultural capital filter, about book choices, movies, music etc. (Does she like Star Wars?) There might be individual filters like interests in sports and travel. (Does she play and watch sports?)There are filters of social behavior, like smoking/drinking, behavior with friends and family, sense of humor, piety and stuff. (Is she too religious?) Then there are internal characteristics, your character, thoughts on various things and general "compatibility". (Will she take good care of my parents?)
Now well, when you meet a girl, you see of her as a prospective partner if she passes your external attributes parameter - which is the first point of attraction. Over time, as she reveals more of herself to you (stop thinking dirty, you losers!), you pass her through your filters, and see if she matches on those levels. Ofcourse, you are always ready to make allowances in some minor filters = for example, the Star Wars might not be a big deal for some, and for others being Punjabi is not a criteria. But the girl must pass through the other important filters, such as the compatibility filter.
However, while you are judging the girl on these parameters, you yourself are being judged. The girl is also judging you on various parameters, such as smartness, hotness, intelligence, knowledge, money and blah blah blah. Am not really sure what all filters girls use, but the thing is they also use filters to evaluate you, which you might pass, but more often than not, you will fail.
This theory, then gives rise to two distinct problems. According to the filter theory, to choose a perspective partner, you need to meet girls, find out about them, and see if they pass the filter. The first problem, then, is meeting girls and having a suitable sample set to choose girls. Having studied in places of academic excellence (and consequently a low girls:boys ratio), and being pretty much a geek in school (which had some very hot girls, I will admit), the only place where people like you and I can meet girls now is at various parties. But most girls you meet at parties are committed, and even if they are single, it just does not come naturally to us. The talking to them part, and taking their phone number and going ahead on a date, thing, that is. It is tough. Really tough. Even after reading the Game, and watching all the televised episodes of HIMYM, I am sorry to say it, Barney, but I suck at it. And I am sure so do most of you. And this is just the smaller problem.
The second, and the major problem, then is for girls who pass your matrix, you should also pass their matrix for a relationship to start. For her to go from x=0 to x=1 ("Nahin doongi se doongi), you need to pass her filter. That, dear friends, in today's times and age, is not easy. Girls who are most likely to pass your filter require you to be smart, intelligent, rich, handsome, neat and tidy, socially acceptable, humorous, sporty and what not. Which, as my single status testifies, I am unable to match.
So, you have these two seemingly unsolvable problems and are confined to a lifelong single status, right? Thankfully the answer is no. Like Aishwarya Rai in the shampoo commercial, its one solution to two (oops: the Ash ad had five problems, but I will keep the line anyway) problems. And the solution is: arranged marriage.
Imagine meeting a good looking girl in a party/bar, who passes your external attributes filter. Now, the problem no.1 manifests itself. How do you approach her? The question is so difficult, that by the time you come up with an answer, either she has left, or you are drunk beyond any level of comprehensible conversation. Hence, most often than not you just wonder what if, and that is that. However, in arranged marriages, you can approach any number of girls through the right appropriate route. Arranged marriage then helps you increase your sample size. Problem No. 1 solved.
The other advantage of an arranged marriage is that because it is a traditional way, the male half still dominates. In an arranged marriage arrangement then, the girl's filter is superimposed by her parents'. The parents filter is simple, well educated, rich and socially adequate, and potential to earn money. Smartness, cleanliness, and external attributes are not something they pay much attention to. And voila! that is something you and I are easily able to clear - the parent's filter that is. You have finally been able to crack the filter, and are ready to be in a relationship. Problem No. 2 solved.
However, some ignorant people, like this friend I was chatting to last night, believes that there are no girls who can crack the filter available in arranged marriage - His belief is all good girls are taken. I strongly disagree. I have seen my friends get into both love marriage and arranged marriage, and by that sample space, and using only the external attributes filter, I will say arranged marriages rock!!
Epilogue: As always, the filter theory is a work in progress. I am working on a mathematical model to explain this as well for better quantification. Please leave your comments and counter-arguments.
Which brings me to the main point of this particular post. The filter theory of relationships. (Suggested previous reading: The 2-d ZSV Matrix). Now, just about an year ago - in December last year in fact - I had written about the XYZ theory of love, relationship and commitment/ here.. Using this argument, I had proposed that arranged marriages are actually unnatural and hence more liable to fail, especially in today's modern world. A consultant, or an ex-consultant, must however challenge his own thoughts. Ten months older, and wiser, I challenge the widely appreciated theory - and present the filter theory to prove why arranged marriages are the way forward.
The filter theory is simple, and while it uses basic mathematics, the nitty gritty details are not too tough to understand. Moreover, the filter theory is also pretty consistent with my seminal work - the 2-d ZSV theory. Infact, the filter theory is like a prequel to the ZSV theory. The theory explains why there is attraction among guys and girls and how do the relations x=0, y=0 change ("Nahin doongi aur nahin loonga") to x=1, y=1 state. ("Degi to Le loonga").
You know, there are different filters which a guy is looking to meet in a prospective partner. And a gal too. These filters include (among others) external attributes like height, beauty, weight, figure, dressing style, dental hygiene, overall hotness and others. (For example, a guy might say my prospective partner should be 5'4" to 5'6" tall, should be good looking, be thin, not very hot, and is equally comfortable in Western and Oriental outfits.) Moreover, there are certain basic filters - which may or may not hold - like country, state, religion, caste etc. (Is she Punjabi?) Similarly, there are professional filters, like educational qualifications, comfort in languages etc, knowledge about the world etc. (Can she speak enough English to interact with my fairly numerous South Indian friends?) Then there is the important cultural capital filter, about book choices, movies, music etc. (Does she like Star Wars?) There might be individual filters like interests in sports and travel. (Does she play and watch sports?)There are filters of social behavior, like smoking/drinking, behavior with friends and family, sense of humor, piety and stuff. (Is she too religious?) Then there are internal characteristics, your character, thoughts on various things and general "compatibility". (Will she take good care of my parents?)
Now well, when you meet a girl, you see of her as a prospective partner if she passes your external attributes parameter - which is the first point of attraction. Over time, as she reveals more of herself to you (stop thinking dirty, you losers!), you pass her through your filters, and see if she matches on those levels. Ofcourse, you are always ready to make allowances in some minor filters = for example, the Star Wars might not be a big deal for some, and for others being Punjabi is not a criteria. But the girl must pass through the other important filters, such as the compatibility filter.
However, while you are judging the girl on these parameters, you yourself are being judged. The girl is also judging you on various parameters, such as smartness, hotness, intelligence, knowledge, money and blah blah blah. Am not really sure what all filters girls use, but the thing is they also use filters to evaluate you, which you might pass, but more often than not, you will fail.
This theory, then gives rise to two distinct problems. According to the filter theory, to choose a perspective partner, you need to meet girls, find out about them, and see if they pass the filter. The first problem, then, is meeting girls and having a suitable sample set to choose girls. Having studied in places of academic excellence (and consequently a low girls:boys ratio), and being pretty much a geek in school (which had some very hot girls, I will admit), the only place where people like you and I can meet girls now is at various parties. But most girls you meet at parties are committed, and even if they are single, it just does not come naturally to us. The talking to them part, and taking their phone number and going ahead on a date, thing, that is. It is tough. Really tough. Even after reading the Game, and watching all the televised episodes of HIMYM, I am sorry to say it, Barney, but I suck at it. And I am sure so do most of you. And this is just the smaller problem.
The second, and the major problem, then is for girls who pass your matrix, you should also pass their matrix for a relationship to start. For her to go from x=0 to x=1 ("Nahin doongi se doongi), you need to pass her filter. That, dear friends, in today's times and age, is not easy. Girls who are most likely to pass your filter require you to be smart, intelligent, rich, handsome, neat and tidy, socially acceptable, humorous, sporty and what not. Which, as my single status testifies, I am unable to match.
So, you have these two seemingly unsolvable problems and are confined to a lifelong single status, right? Thankfully the answer is no. Like Aishwarya Rai in the shampoo commercial, its one solution to two (oops: the Ash ad had five problems, but I will keep the line anyway) problems. And the solution is: arranged marriage.
Imagine meeting a good looking girl in a party/bar, who passes your external attributes filter. Now, the problem no.1 manifests itself. How do you approach her? The question is so difficult, that by the time you come up with an answer, either she has left, or you are drunk beyond any level of comprehensible conversation. Hence, most often than not you just wonder what if, and that is that. However, in arranged marriages, you can approach any number of girls through the right appropriate route. Arranged marriage then helps you increase your sample size. Problem No. 1 solved.
The other advantage of an arranged marriage is that because it is a traditional way, the male half still dominates. In an arranged marriage arrangement then, the girl's filter is superimposed by her parents'. The parents filter is simple, well educated, rich and socially adequate, and potential to earn money. Smartness, cleanliness, and external attributes are not something they pay much attention to. And voila! that is something you and I are easily able to clear - the parent's filter that is. You have finally been able to crack the filter, and are ready to be in a relationship. Problem No. 2 solved.
However, some ignorant people, like this friend I was chatting to last night, believes that there are no girls who can crack the filter available in arranged marriage - His belief is all good girls are taken. I strongly disagree. I have seen my friends get into both love marriage and arranged marriage, and by that sample space, and using only the external attributes filter, I will say arranged marriages rock!!
Epilogue: As always, the filter theory is a work in progress. I am working on a mathematical model to explain this as well for better quantification. Please leave your comments and counter-arguments.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Angelic Verses: My conversations with God - IV
So yeah there was no Angelina. I suppose everyone had got it by now. There was no other angel also, and I had no conversation with God. Because, quite simply, there is no God. The world runs as the world runs. I refuse to accept an idea of God that will try to test our belief in him as much as I refuse to accept an idea of God that allows various earthquakes and volcanoes and tsunamis and floods to create destruction on the earth.
God had to be invented in order to give people something to fear. It was basically a way to keep people from going awry, by scaring them about a higher power. The reason was, that the fear of God will prevent people from acting too selfish and stop them from sinning and a life of crime - and all religions seek to attain this.
The other reason for religion is that it gives people hope - which is the most important of things. The reason to live this stupid life, which always promises you a lot but always falls short of expectation. The hope that there is something else which awaits at the end, and which will give our life a meaning. Anything you do over a course of your lifetime - topping that exam, sitting in a limousine, partying like a wild party animal - often turns surreal over a period of time, and people desire change. But often in life, it is not that easy to change. You are stuck in your job way longer than the honeymoon period. This is where religion comes into place, and makes people believe that if they do a,b,c and d in life, as all normal people do, they will have something promised in the afterlife - either heaven or Moksha or Nirvana. Because otherwise people will just feel depressed, and maybe kill themselves or turn suicidal and stuff.
Which means religion is just an addiction - just like a drug or whisky. It makes people believe in stuff they do not see, and gives them a reason to feel happy about themselves, the same effects induced by alcohol, or more commonly, by drugs. Talking of which, yeah, Angelina was an hallucination.
I used her following the JK Lakshmi Cement Ad motto - catch attention, deliver message. The first 21/2 posts of this series were to catch the attention of the reader, and hence featured sex - as Neha Dhupia says, only SRK and sex sell in India, and I am not too sure about SRK - and the last half post was the actual message. But no one really got it, the message of life, universe and everything.
The message being there is no meaning to life. All those trying to find one are just fooling themselves. We are here because of a scientific pool and are like a simulation. There are infinite other universes in which our Earth does not contain life. We are here because we are, and we are not special. That might depress you, for a while, but it might also give you happiness. For you are no longer addicted. To any fucking religion and following it. No dhams or prayers can help you. For you need no help. Nothing really matters. So you might as well be happy than being sad about the truth.
The best we can do in such a scenario is to actually do what we want to do. Because when you think about it, religion stops you from having fun. That is the bottom line. So have as much fun as you like, for you are not going to be judged. Not in your afterlife anyway. But because you are going to be judged by other people around, you might as well do something for the benefit of others. For there is no greater satisfaction, and happiness than in making others happy. And that is the basis of my religion. Be happy, make others happy, and enjoy.
God had to be invented in order to give people something to fear. It was basically a way to keep people from going awry, by scaring them about a higher power. The reason was, that the fear of God will prevent people from acting too selfish and stop them from sinning and a life of crime - and all religions seek to attain this.
The other reason for religion is that it gives people hope - which is the most important of things. The reason to live this stupid life, which always promises you a lot but always falls short of expectation. The hope that there is something else which awaits at the end, and which will give our life a meaning. Anything you do over a course of your lifetime - topping that exam, sitting in a limousine, partying like a wild party animal - often turns surreal over a period of time, and people desire change. But often in life, it is not that easy to change. You are stuck in your job way longer than the honeymoon period. This is where religion comes into place, and makes people believe that if they do a,b,c and d in life, as all normal people do, they will have something promised in the afterlife - either heaven or Moksha or Nirvana. Because otherwise people will just feel depressed, and maybe kill themselves or turn suicidal and stuff.
Which means religion is just an addiction - just like a drug or whisky. It makes people believe in stuff they do not see, and gives them a reason to feel happy about themselves, the same effects induced by alcohol, or more commonly, by drugs. Talking of which, yeah, Angelina was an hallucination.
I used her following the JK Lakshmi Cement Ad motto - catch attention, deliver message. The first 21/2 posts of this series were to catch the attention of the reader, and hence featured sex - as Neha Dhupia says, only SRK and sex sell in India, and I am not too sure about SRK - and the last half post was the actual message. But no one really got it, the message of life, universe and everything.
The message being there is no meaning to life. All those trying to find one are just fooling themselves. We are here because of a scientific pool and are like a simulation. There are infinite other universes in which our Earth does not contain life. We are here because we are, and we are not special. That might depress you, for a while, but it might also give you happiness. For you are no longer addicted. To any fucking religion and following it. No dhams or prayers can help you. For you need no help. Nothing really matters. So you might as well be happy than being sad about the truth.
The best we can do in such a scenario is to actually do what we want to do. Because when you think about it, religion stops you from having fun. That is the bottom line. So have as much fun as you like, for you are not going to be judged. Not in your afterlife anyway. But because you are going to be judged by other people around, you might as well do something for the benefit of others. For there is no greater satisfaction, and happiness than in making others happy. And that is the basis of my religion. Be happy, make others happy, and enjoy.
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