Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I want to be an author

I want to be an author someday. Well, not exactly someday, but before I turn 35. Thats the target I have set myself to write my first book. I have even thought of the first lines: though I havent thought of anything else. How is this :'Then she smiled; he looked into her eyes, and told her the three most beautiful words ever :"I love you." ;then he kissed her; and they lived happily ever after. But this is not the story I am going to tell you. I am going to tell you my story' ? Does it compare with something like :"It was love at first sight" or "What can you say about a 25-year old girl who died." Well, I guess at this point it does not, but probably when I have the whole book ready, you will have a different perspective.
And why exactly do I want to be an author, you might ask. That is a tough one to answer, especially as after reading my blogs, you would have found out that neither do I have a very good vocabulary, nor am I very particular about my grammar. Moreover, I am atrocious at spellings; and get confused (as an example) between friends and freinds: I guess its the first one, but I am never too sure. Well, its not even something I had dreamt of as a child, nor do I have any interesting story which I want the people to read. And neither do I expect to make much money out of writing; for I feel, my books shall be big flops, if ever some stupid publisher decided to publish it, and thats a very big if. And now suddenly you have run out of reasons why somebody would like to become an author.
'"Because it is something that makes me happy", I say. And you laugh. Like you laugh everytime whenever I come up with anything extraordinary. "What is happiness?", you ask me, and I have no clue. "Probably its a state of mind, when everything just feels right", I respond. And you ask again, "Have you experienced happiness before?". I have to admit, no, I havent experienced happiness before. And you hit the final blow, then why run after something you havent experienced. And I realise : maybe happiness is an illusion, created just to make you feel sad. When you have everything, people around you make you realise you are not happy, and you want more, and give up everything to find that more; and then only do you realise everything you had was enough. But its too late then. '
I am content the way I am, unless I see my peers having more than me, and then I feel sad. I want all they have, and when I have that, I want more and so can never find the true happiness that is promised. Maybe this is why I want to be a writer then. Not for finding happiness, but to get out of this cycle. I want to be alone, sitting at my home on the foothills of the Himalyas, shut out from the outside world, and be living on my own. I will write because I will have nothing else to do: there will be no TV's and no mobiles, and all I will have is this computer. And then I will become an author. And writing this I have even figured out a name for my autobiography : " An Island in the Mountain."


Anonymous said...

the name of your yet-to-be-written autobiography is quite a puller, i wish you all the very best :) well if one is not part of the rat race can he really appreciate the peace of a quiet life; on a mountain for instance?? like when we were in college we could never have imagined that those were amongst the best days of our lives!!!

akshay said...

Imp question - Will your computer be connected to the internet? ;)

amol said...

hey how do you leave comments to the above posts..there are no links on the new posts

zubin said...

Hey Amol, sorry there was some problem because of which there were no links to the past two posts. But now it has been sorted out, so keep commenting. And keep blogging.