Tonight is a special night. And pretty boring. For tonight is the first Friday night in a long long time that I am not in Howzzat/TC/Beer Island/HRC/Machan sipping alcohol. Make it guzzling alcohol. Moreover, I have been "clean" for this entire week (which must be another personal record), and hence can think more clearly that I have on other Friday nights. I can already feel the blood in my alcohol system reach new high levels. Which makes it a good time to introspect/retrospect, and to write this blog.
The past two years have passed like a daze, as did the Joka years. IITD, which at that time was a lot of fun, also seems to be full of hazy memories now. And I do not remember much from DAV college, or from school days. Which, simply put, means I have no memories. Or even if I do, I only have hazy memories. People recount incidents involving me which I just don't remember. I do remember some important events like the Fuchcha skit, the Flash Gordon Trophy, the Political Dharna in PU and the Aero Quiz, but I do not remember them entirely. How did it feel to perform on the Fachcha skit? How was it to judge the greatest final ever? It must have been great then, but now I am unable to remember those events with fondness, or feel good about them. I have lost a lot of my memories, and the one I do have, I have lost all feelings for them. After much coercion, I am able to remember, for example, the Ganguly shirt removing act that our entire Kara batch did after our juniors won the Fuchcha music event. I force myself to remember it was great, but it is not something I feel good about now all these years later. Or when we won all those trophies on House Day. It felt so good back then, but now those memories are unable to inspire me. All my happiness has been very momentarily and I have been unable to carry forward happy memories with me. On the flip side though, I also dont remember the really painful incidents as well.
Probably its the alcohol that has killed a part of the brain. Or maybe I have become completely detached from everything around, and hence feel no pleasure - or pain. Or maybe my feelings have just died, for the only feeling I get nowadays is one of frustration. Frustration at how I have made the worst of what I had. I have almost no social life, I suck at my work, and I have no prospects of growth - personally and professionally. And I have accepted it. Which brings me great calm. Except that the frustration comes out when I start thinking. Which is not much nowadays anyways. SO life is good. And happy. In a way.
13 comments:
We could have been in the final had you not been so stubborn and had let me play my natural game. Then you would have surely remembered the game.
dont push your life in such a condition where there r no friends and social life.....move out of your room and meet new people with a new attitude....more you will be happy with loneliness more you will get it....
Zubin,firstly we need to meet at Howwzat;) and secondly you need to start the writing you intended to do after settling in the hills..Now!!
That's scarily similar to what I feel at times man. You have a fantastic knack of writing clearly about stuff that a lot of people feel, but are unable to articulate.
@Fatter: Maybe, but we have discussed this a million times. Get over it! Get a life!
@Sumit: Maybe that is an easy way out, no?
@Shweta: Yes we most definitely should. ASAP. And maybe I will.
@Mohan: Thanks, and its not that difficult. You should try it too.
I exactly feel the same. All the good memories of college which are just like 4-5 years old and now gone.
I sometimes wonder is it the age that's catching up on me?
But, your point on alcohol makes me wonder too, that it can be a cause too.
@Kapil: Exactly. But it cannot really be age in the 20s right? I think it has to be alcohol. Or in some cases the lack of it.
@Zubin: yeah, lets give the benefit of doubt to access of alcohol than lack of it :)
Lets get some alcohol into blood and then discuss, am sure AS, SD can join as well.
Mebbe its the quarter crisis...??
or the Ghajini effect :P
on a serious note...why dont ya try medidation???? I know it would not be easy but mebbe you can put a Black Label JW in front of ya and concentrate on that :P
Naiice post :)
@Kapil: Yea!!!
@RC: We surely must make a plan pakka se.
@Garima: Thanks for suggesting. And the JW idea is brilliant. Meditation is too boring, everything else is too tuff. The irony :). And naa naa its not the Ghajini effect.
Hi Mamoo!
I really like your blog. You have like a zillion posts. And they are so long!!! ;) Also, I look forward to seeing you in the summer. :) You know how I said your blog doesn't work in China? Well, I just kept refreshing the page and it worked. yay!! :mrgreen: I look forward to read some more of your awesome writing!!! ;)
@Sanjana: Thanks Sanjana!! You write very very well :)
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