Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Mind Fuck and other stories

1. The Shock: "Help! Help! Help" he shouted, as the 440 V current flowed through his body. He was stuck to the overhead electrical cables above his house. On the roof. He did not remember how. But he knew he was fixed to the cables, and he knew it was not a nice position to be in. His entire life flashed between his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. He felt pain like he had never experienced. It was as if his entire body was forced to act under some huge pressure. He could see the people below, working in the field, oblivious to his state, and not responding to his loud cries of help. Over what seemed liked ages. His eyes went blank for an instant, and then,a thousand images and a thousand colours, colours he had never imagined before, and did not know existed, filled his eyes, as he felt pain he had never experienced before.But he could see other shapes around him, much nearer. He could almost hear them as well, calling out to him. And he wanted to reach out to those shapes around him but he could not, for he was fixed to the wires. And he soon found a strange He thought, "so this is what death feels like. Strange I don't feel anything, except pain".
He woke up in the hospital, and remembered. He remembered seeing himself hanging from the cables and shaking, the woman in the fields raising a shout for help, his neighbours coming up to the roof to remove him from the wire. His mom standing stunned seeing him hanging. The neighbours using the dry sticks to remove him. He remembered seeing it all. And then he rose from the bed. After what seemed like ages. But it was only an hour since he had "died". What had happened had not killed him, but it had him shaken. And stirred, if you like.

2. The Suicide: So life had to end like this, he thought. A large dose of some anti-depressants had to do the trick. He was tired of his lonesome and generally boring life. He had just decided he had made the worst of his life, and that there was no way out of this misery. Things had just gone from bad to worse. Or so he thought. He had been lonely during childhood too, but much happier, often inventing games out of nothing. He had innovated playing book cricket, for example. He also predicted results of the cricket and football world cups through playing random games. In school, however, he was an extrovert. And generally popular, through participation in whatever little activities his school organized. Despite his extroversion, there were times when he needed to be alone. And just play his self invented games. And then the shock happened. And the dark thoughts started appearing, as he left school to enter college.
And the participation, enthusiasm and the popularity continued in college. However, the need to be alone at times also stayed, and it was in college, that at first the dark thoughts came to him. Why did his parents, relatives and his friends loved him, he wondered, when he was such a good-for-nothing guy? Did they have some hidden agenda for loving him, or did they just showed they loved him? Such thoughts clouded his reasoning. His thoughts about people, about the world generally turned grey. They taunted him, and he started believing them. He knew he was a nice guy, but the thoughts told him he was not. He started feeling guilty for not being as good a guy as he claimed he was, and the more he thought about it, the worse it became. His thoughts when he was alone turned more and more evil, and the blacker his thoughts became, the worse it became for him. The persistently happy person then started turning sadder, and consequently his attitude towards people, which used to be very welcoming earlier, took a 180 degree turn. He started hating people, and people generally started avoiding him. Which made him feel worse. And depressed. His grades at college suffered, and he flunked many courses. This made him question the meaning of the life, universe and everything. And the more he thought about it, the more he became certain that life was not worth living.
And so he met a shrink, to give life a last chance. However, all he got from the shrink was a subscription. To different anti-depressants. He got a full month's supply, and had his first daily dose. It didn't seem to help. He had another. Long before, he had the entire month's supplies down his throat. And he was waiting to die. And laughing about it.
He closed his eyes, and saw himself lying on the bed. Eyes closed. And he saw the shapes again calling out to him. And he moved out, towards the shapes. He could pass through the door he realized. He could do whatever he wanted. He felt, so I am finally dead now. He could not remember anything after this. Except that he woke up one day later. After vomiting all over the bed. He had been unable to die, once again.

3. Mind Fuck: "And the funny thing is," he wondered, "is that 99% people will donate their right hand to be where I have been. A well paying job. Degrees in B.Tech and MBA from the best colleges in the country. A constant adoration from everyone in the family for being among the most educated. A large group of friends. Trips to China, US, and Western Europe. And still I am like this." He had managed to overcome his depression in the ensuing years mainly through his decision to be happy, and take things as they come. And have his share of fun, which included drinking binges every weekend. And sometimes get really high. Live life like a rock star - with lesser money and no girls that is - and generally not taking tension about anything. But this job had changed it all. Working till 2 am on most days had meant absolutely no time for other pursuits. And he started feeling that his work was useless, and he hated his job. And wondered, how life had come to this.
He was feeling absolutely useless about himself. His job gave him no satisfaction. His personal life gave him no instant satisfaction. Alcohol and ganja also seemed to lose their charm. And his mind again started playing games on him. The shock kept coming back to haunt him. He imagined walking through the world, vibrating and shaking and feeling the electrical current running through his body. He even imagined himself as Kalki out to save the world. His mind was twisted, as he failed to reason between reality and imagination. Once in office, he imagining himself as Kalki had hit a senior with a pen which acted as a sword, hurting his eye. He was given a sabbatical after that, to try and regroup himself, and cure himself, but the long hours at home alone, only made his condition worse.
He was shown to many doctors but none could cure him. He was sent to a mental asylum where he just managed to aggravate himself further. He was now acting like Kalki and moved around as if he was riding the white horse. And fought imaginary enemies, even hurting many people in the process. And one day, fighting the demons, he imagined he had been hit by a sword, and it was a fatal blow. He just would not get up after that. And as he closed his eyes, he could see the shapes, again. They had finally come to get him this time. And he moved out towards the shapes, but this time there was no going back. He had cheated death many times. It was death's turn to cheat him now.

8 comments:

Rhythmn said...

good stories...
more to come??

Witness said...

Dark and interesting.

tarun said...

zubbu.....

Sachin said...

really nice..... great work ...

http://readersparadiseblog.blogspot.com

zubin said...

@Ruchira: Thanks, and hopefully no.
@Shweta: Thanks.
@TP:??
@Sachin: Thanks, and interesting blog!

Anonymous said...

wtf

Anonymous said...

MAN, i really am into the dark thoughts phase every time i'm alone!! i'm just 18, and since the last 2 years this has happened. i too pledge to try and b happier.... :\ and hey, i'm the dark prince Crocmonk, living on the cloud palace, planet Zorbia, the Andromeda galaxy. and every time i speak, therez loud thunder, every time i think, somewhere on my planet there is dark lightening... :\ too many fantasy books, and too many animes! PHEWW!

Nids said...

Interesting!