The Real Slim Shady

Hello again!!

It has been a long long time since I published something here. And it has not been for a lack of trying.  I have come here quite a lot, in fact, started to write something, and not been able to. It has been a kind of writer's block, which makes me wonder if I would be able to complete this particular blog-post as well.

Which is not to say that I have not been writing. I have been writing quite a lot, mainly on my Facebook page, where I have created a character called the Great Traveler, who (as the name might suggest) travels around the world, and philosophizes about the world with a liberal view. His stories are read out as verse, and I have a new story almost every week. The Great Traveler hates the corporate world, is a secularist, and is completely against the violent nationalism sweeping people across India. He has a pretty good sense of humour too, but has a lot of women troubles - namely, he does not have any women, which is the sum of all his troubles. I think it makes for a good read - and is something you should probably check out (Self promotion never really killed anybody, did it?)

But for all that writing, whenever I come to this blog, where I actually started writing and realizing the path towards my yet awaited dream to become a published and renowned author one day, I have been short of words.  I am not really sure why this is so.  A possible theory is that I need to be in a certain mood to write here on this blog. Apart from the Mahabharat story, which also is a creation of a certain different frame of mind, my blog posts here are generally darker and written in a more sombre state of mind as compared to the stuff I write otherwise. My posts here are more cynical whereas my Facebook posts have me as a much more positive person. I often jiggle myself around between the two - sometimes believing in the basic goodness of human beings in general, and at other times believing that most of mankind is stupid and selfish. The first part often reflects in my liberal Facebook posts, and the other, cynical part reflects in most of my posts here. Even my own Mahabharat written here stems from the cynicism of disbelieving what the victors tell you.

So which brings me to the question - which is the real me? Is the blog writer my alter ego, or does it capture my real thoughts, and what I write on Facebook is what I want the general public to see? Am I actually a negative person, trying to fool people otherwise? In other words, will the real writer in me please stand up?

(P.S: I have been able to complete this post. Double thumbs up).

Mahabharat 16: Karan and Eklavya: The Real Heroes - 2

Dear reader, its been quite a journey we have undertaken in uncovering the narrative,
the "real" story of the great epic Mahabharat, uncorrupted by the winner's perspective.
I know this chapter has been a long time coming, and that I have been tardy in updating this before,
but I promise you I will be more regular going forward, so keep watching this space for more.

For the full recap of the series, just click on this link, while I do a small recap of the story here -
if you remember, 6 years ago, we started this story with tale of Yayati and how he made Puru his heir.
Now, Puru was Yayati's youngest son, whereas the eldest, Yadu, was exiled to present day Iran,
while our story turned to Puru's descendant, Shantanu, and how he met Ganga one day at dawn.
Ganga gave birth to eight sons, but killed all but one, and departed when Shantanu asked her why,
Ganga gave him back the only living son, Bhishma, and Shantanu said, "You will be king after I die",
;Meanwhile, we also looked at birth of Satyavati and her son Ved Vyas, both products of lust,
and how Shantanu on the banks of Yamuna found Satyavati, and charmed by her aroma and big bust.
asked her to marry him, which could only be arranged once Bhishma took a vow of never having sex,
Bhishma captures three princess for his half-brother, but Amba tells him "I wanna go back to my ex".
Amba commits suicide, half-brother dies, Vyas impregnates his widows with Dhritrashtra and Pandu,
Pandu marries Kunti & Madri, while blind Dhritrastra weds Gandhari, who says,"kismet's gandu" 
Dhristrashtra is elder but Pandu is made king, but then retires to the jungle because of a curse,
And I will stop the recap here, for well, I am having difficulty keeping it all in verse.

To tell a long story short is not one of life's great thrills, I realize, and the recap was not much fun,
for in the actual story, there is plenty of excitement, cat fights, violence and sex for everyone.
So, dear reader, if you think you want a recap, read the entire story once again and return,
for now we will start Chapter 16: The Real Heroes - 2, the story to which we all shall turn. 

So after Eklavya had been subdued, by taking the Dakshina of his right thumb,
Arjuna was back being the best archer for the other Pandavas and Kauravas were mostly dumb.
And the time soon came to graduate as their studies were now complete,
Drona designed a test, a contest of sorts in which the different students had to compete.
The entire town was there, in a Colosseum like stadium, to watch the princes perform,
and while there were many fans of Pandavas, the support for Kauravas was rather lukewarm.
Bhima and Duryodhana took up the mace and started fighting hard, difficult to say who won,
Yudhisthra excelled in spearmanship, but in archery, Arjuna was undoubtedly number one.
While Nakul-Sahedeva showed people their skills with swords, Arjuna made arrows make fire,
and then he produced rain, and some arrows made people laugh, while others made them tire.
Everyone applauded Arjuna's feats, he was brought to the podium to be facilitated by the king,
when suddenly walked into the stadium a boy clad in golden armour, with shining earrings.

As you all would know by now, that boy was Karna, and he achieved all of Arjuna's feats,
and as soon as she saw him, Kunti felt her heart pumping in faster beats.
For she remembered the sungod, and the wild sex they had years before,
ohh what a great time it was, Kunti's mind relived all the excitement, fun and gore.
But she had abandoned Karna, and feeling bad for abandoning him, she fainted away,
and was escorted outside the stadium, while the performance of Karna still held sway.
He did all that Arjuna had done, and it was an even better show,
And the people, who were all earlier praising Arjuna, soon had placards saying, "Go Karna Go!"
Everyone was amazed to see this regal looking boy, they said he must be son of a great king,
and soon they were talking about him as the actual winner, the real thing.
Karna was soon shouting at the princes gallery, "Let me fight Arjuna to prove who's the best,
let us do all the tricks, and the one to win should be declared the winner of this contest."

As soon as he said it, Kripa and Drona, the two teachers, asked him about his caste,
"You know you can only contest against a prince, if your family is as chaste".
Hearing this, Karna's head fell, as his "father", the charioteer, Adhirath, came forward to bless him,
and seeing him acknowledging his father, Bhima launched out in a mocking tone, as was his whim.
"Oh, you are a Sutputra, the son of a chariot, and you want to challenge a prince,
know your status and go away, before I and my brothers beat you up and make you wince."
Hearing this, Karna's head bent low, feeling ashamed, but Duryodhana rushed to his aid,
told Bhima to shut up, "and a person isn't judged by his birth, but by the stuff of which he's made."
And turning to Karna, he said, "Dear friend, you valour has impressed us all,your kind is very rare,
and hence I will make you king of Anga this very moment, just to show you that I care."
The usual swearing in ceremony done, Karna was proclaimed a king, and Duryodhana said,
"Now that both belong to families of kings, can they fight a fair fight? I want to see Arjuna dead."

However, by then the day had passed along, the sun was getting down, and hence they all went home,
and Karna, impressed by Duryodhana, said, "Pal, they will talk about our friendship even in Rome."
Karna and Duryodhana rode back to the palace together, talking about their new relationship,
and Duryodhana said, quoting Casablanca, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship"

The Biggest Fear

"The biggest fear I have", said the anonymous philosopher, "is the fear of falling in love".

For obvious reasons.

You have tried so hard to be happy. And at the moment you are. You have been following the Buddhist philosophy of letting go of desires and it has been working - and working well. Come to think of it, you have been the happiest you have been in a long, long while.

And then suddenly, you fall in love, and all your happiness comes crashing down. Now, all of your self-doubt which has always been a part of you, but which you have managed to bury somewhere deep down, raises its ugly head once again. "Why would she go out with me?", you ask yourself, and condemn yourself to sleepless nights, for your heart is advising action, while your head - the noble, much maligned head - wants you to maintain status quo, for nothing is going to happen.

And your happiness is long gone. So far gone, you doubt you can be happy again anytime soon.

Needless to say, the anonymous philosopher is right.

Another Brick in the Wall

So I saw Ship of Theseus the other day - and I have not seen a movie so intense, yet so clever,
It raised questions about what does humanity mean - I think its the best movie from India ever.
What all should I praise - a deeply simulating philosophical story, the movie is a work of art,
the cinematography is awesome, the dialogues crisp, and the actors all play their part.

It left me with a few questions though - such as "What was my life really worth?",
The feeling was reinforced listening to Vampire Weekend, as well as the Tallest Man on Earth.
Kristian Matsson and Ezra Koeing are both 1983 born, while I was born a year before - in 1982,
but they create such beautiful art while I am a corporate slave - making presentations is all I do.

I have also followed the geeky XKCD comics, and the amazing Abstruse Goose,
and while I wonder at their brilliance, it also makes me feel kind of obtuse.
Having been in love with numbers as a child, I used to regularly solve problems with probability,
Reading these intelligent comics, though, I feel like I have little or no numeric ability.

I am also amazed by Scott Adams, and the delightful stuff he writes every day,
and I marvel at Bill Watterson, the poignant truths that Calvin and Hobbes say.
Garbage Bin also makes me go "WOW", with its 90s middle class Indian childhood theme,
its art like this which makes me feel that my aim of being a writer would remain just a dream. 

"All the World's a stage, and everyone has a part" wrote the Bard in one of his plays,
and I had often imagined as a child that I would play the lead hero,  till the end of my days.
But now I think that I was not cut off from the creme de la creme crop,
alas - I do not even have a secondary role, and have become a stage prop.

I am 31 now, and my most creative days have probably gone past,
and its time to accept the truth that the die is already cast.
You can see me at the background, that's me waving for attention as the curtains fall,
I am sorry I have just ended up as Another Brick in the Wall. 

A Suitable Girl

Its a bitter sweet symphony this life, one moment everything going great and the future's all bright,
a long appraisal meeting later, and your career is in dark, and your personal life shows no light,
and while you mostly joke about your married friends, and their sad life,
sometimes you find yourself wishing to settling down with a lovely wife.
Your current lavish lifestyle has its own charms, but you are not in your 20s anymore,
how long till you are able to continue like this, you wonder  - surely not much beyond 34?
But how to woo a suitable girl, is the question you have often posed others,
do you go after the girls themselves, or start wooing the fathers and the mothers?
For you are a bit (being very optimistic here) fat, and the girls don't really like that,
but your degrees point to a successful career, and with their parents you can have a successful chat. 
The bigger problem that you face is this theory about relationships, which haunts you
its called achievers vs. settlers, and this threatens your hunt for a suitable girl or two.
Now the theory goes as such: there is never an equality in relationships - it depends on your luck,
a 7 will marry a 9, and a 6 might get a 10 - you see some couples and go "What the fuck?"
For some people are achievers, who aim high, and look for a settler, who are willing to settle for less,
and surprisingly this works for many people, it is not a complete mess.
However, you are wary of this for you would like to be an achiever, but you are a jealous type,
and with a settler, you will always imagine her to be cheating on you, it will be a constant gripe.
While if you decide to be a settler, and settle for someone less, you will get bored soon,
And you think you will give up on the marriage after the honeymoon.
So now back to the original question - how do you find the suitable girl,
You will need someone your own equal, and then you can pop the question with a pearl.