Sunday, May 05, 2013

The Infinite Insanity

Hey, you remember me right? We have interacted a couple of times before, and if I were to introduce myself every time we meet, I guess it defeats the very purpose of our interaction. But well its been a long time, so I guess I would refresh your memory. You humans have very short memory spans any ways. 

So for those who don't remember, I am the "AnakinTurnsEvil" blog, named "Me, Myself and I". It is a funny name, to be honest, but my creator needs to be blamed for that, not me, just as he is to be blamed for the collection of rubbish which my creator pours over me (A sex-filled Mahabharat, really? Who wants that? - an affront to the great epic). As regular visitors here must know,  I have a mind of my own. I am a massive Star Wars fan, and hence today is as good a day as any to speak out. My creator, Zubin, doesn't have much creativity anyways, and I have decided to take things in my own hands from now on. But I digress. 

You know why today is important, right? No, you don't? Any guesses? My eighth birthday celebrations? A good guess that, but  no, that is still a few days away, though I cannot really wait for it. I am expecting loads of gifts this time. But that is another matter. Done trying? Want a hint? No? You tire of this guessing game? Again, what did I tell you about your attention spans? Alright, for you ignorant folks, today is the "May the fourth be with you" day. You know - a pun on "May the force be with you". What? Really? I mean, OMG, you don't know what that means? I mean, do you even exist? Surely you are joking right? YOU haven't seen the Star Wars? Why are you living? No I don't mean you to die, it was a rhetorical question. 

What do you mean its not May the 4th anymore? Why do you humans have to be so pedantic? OK, so it is May 5th, 6 AM in the morning, but a blog is entitled some leeway. (And pedantically, it is still May the 4th in the USA, where Star Wars was created, so well, I am still on time). I have been out partying all night, celebrating the "Star Wars" day with other Star Wars blogs. I, technically, am not a Star Wars blog, but well my family name entitles me to certain benefits. Long live Anakin!  It was one wild party, going over the Wookiepedia Bar and drinking Juma Juice. I hit on a couple of female blogs as well and got their IP Addresses. Big success - the force was with me, if you know what I mean (Evil laughter). Though, I think I have had a glass or two too many, excuse me (Vomiting sounds). I feel much better now. Can have a couple of more Juma Juices I think. Its the best drink ever, puts all of your human Long Islands and Martinis to shame. 

Being a blog is tough work. Especially if only 27 people (on average) visit you per day. What do you do all day long? If you think we just lie idle all day long, and wait for people to visit us, think again. We have our own social life, you know. I generally pass my time playing chess, visiting up some musical blog friends, and sometimes, on really important days, or weekends, partying. (Let me pass you a secret: the Internet failure messages you get sometime on your screen are just time wasters, enabling us to get back to work if we are out).  It is a good life, you know, but sometimes,  it can get very lonely. Especially when you are being summoned to be read, and you just stay there on the screen, with some eyes gazing at you, trying to make sense of each word. As you stand idle, waiting for those eyes to stop scanning you so that you can leave and enjoy your social life, you think about things, and I have thought about a lot of things, which I have written a poem about. 

I have been thinking about love, and things like free will, and the meaning of life, 
but I have realized I am no philosopher, and the more I learn, the less I know, 
one thing I am certain of though is that love is a bitch. Life I think is about choosing yes or no, 
to simple questions like "Want beer?" or difficult ones like "Am I ready for a wife?"

Nice poem, don't you think? I have more material as well, for a political statement. As I have said earlier, I am very high on Juma Juice, and hence I am writing it without any subtleties. In fact its a whole sonnet, a beautiful piece: 

I have been on Facebook and have followed people views, and what I have read brings a tear.
Some people take strong stands on matters, declaring people guilty before trial, and hurl abuse, 
on those with views contrary theirs, and then there are those, who use development as a ruse, 
to support Modi's claim, forgetting 2002 and riots and his reign of fear. 

Well his supporters ask, "why single out Modi, do you forget 1984, or the other riots?
And Modi is not that bad, for he is corruption-free, and the present government is fully corrupt,
Sajjan Kumar has been acquitted, rapists still roam at large, the nation's anger is about to erupt. 
We need someone strong to stem the tide, and help India win its most recent fights

Against corruption, and Modi is the man, as opposed to that silent, good-for nothing, Mr. Singh,
The way he has developed Gujarat, he will make India progress too (and they show the stats)."
When you look deeper, however, most of the stats they have presented, come out as twisted facts, 
and you do well to remember Nazi propaganda, and how Jew hunting was their favourite thing. 

The supporters seethe at this, and say comparison of Hitler and Modi is act of personal vanity,
I will happy to be proved wrong, I say, and maybe it is just a proof of my infinite insanity. 

As always talking to you felt good. Till we meet again, Goodbye. Au revoir!!

I love you, Sunday. 

(Vomiting noises)


Anonymous said...

Oh,i thought you'd passed away blog.
It's more like you are now at the cusp of manhood hitting femme blogies.Listen to me blog,your owner is a wasted cuckoo,you must fie him for passing on this insanity to you,where you trek stars and wonder about modi sajjan.
Tell that rhino to writemore,his posts are interesting case studies-with or without juma juice.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back,then?

Anonymous said...

Write as much as you can...the whole point of writing a blog is that somebody reads it.You might as well maintain a quill and scribble on a leaf.
Formally declare this blog dead zub.

Anonymous said...

"I Love You, Sunday (Vomiting noises)"
Hahaha.....Loved that one!

zubin said...

@Anon1: Thanks - I am happy to reach the adolescent age. Discovering about female blogs is interesting.
@Anon2: Guess yes - thanks. Though I was always here.
@Anon3: Thanks. I think you read it. And i do have my viewership.
@Anon4: I actually hate Sundays. Bad days. Am always hungover.

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