Angelic Verses: My Conversations with God - III

"It was the sex of the century. Definitely. Maybe the best sex ever. It was better than what Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone did in Basic Instinct." I said, exhausted from my first passionate love making session with Gabriella. The best thing was, I wanted more. Gabriella was all that I had imagined in my dreams and more. "I can do anything, anything at all, to do that again." I told her, kissing her on her lips. Oh, what perfect lips, I wondered. Everything about her was perfect. She kissed me back, and suddenly said, "Yes it was. The best ever....Anything! Are you sure."
I said, "Yes, anything." And she said, smiling, "you have to be the prophet. To tell the truth to the people."
And I said, "But, Gabriella, you do not understand, this truth does nothing. We are better off not knowing the truth. The truth will make our lives more miserable. There will remain no purpose to live. All faith on God will be lifted."
She suddenly made a sad face, got up from the bed, frowned at me and said, "If you want any more of this, you will have to do as I say, and I speak directly what God wants."
I went near her, and tried to kiss her, but she got back. I was falling badly in love with her, and I said, "okay, I will do anything you say. Anything. But tell me how do you go about becoming a prophet? I have no more money left, will it not be better off for your prophet to be someone rich, whom people will follow. "
Gabriella suddenly smiled at me, the same seductive smile she had flashed at me earlier, but she said, "First of all, you need to make the people know of what I have told you: The true answer to the mystery of the world. Publish it on the blog. And let people read."
But I said, "I will be swarmed with hate mails of people blaming me of blasphemy. And what not. And somehow this thing just does not make sense. Why would God want us to know the truth. I mean a lot of people will just stop caring about doing good. It will be anarchy"
Gabriella: "The really good people won't really mind. Even now we have a few sour grapes here, those who do bad deeds despite threats of retribution. God has made an organizational change based on the recommendations of the real Mckinsey and Company, which recommended an open door policy. Their report after a three month study of Earth showed that the people will work better towards God's ultimate will if they knew where really the Earth was headed. And if he used more female staff - but that is another story."
Me: "But, I don't think it is a good idea. And the way you want me to explain this concept is using Age of Empires analogy. Why is that?"
Gabriella: "Jesus and Mohammad were not the only prophets. There have been many such people who have worked behind the scenes. The creator of Microsoft Age of Empires was one such person who was visited by an angel and told to simulate a civilization making scenario so that people get used to the idea, and when the prophet arrives, it is not a huge cultural shock."
Me: "Did you go to him too? Did you?"
Gabriella: "Now, now are you jealous. No I did not. You are the first human who has seen me."
Me: "And Karl Marx, was he also a prophet?"
Gabriella: "I knew you were intelligent enough to figure it out. I mean, you will need a socialist society to achieve what God wants, right! Hence he was told to dream of a classless society, where everyone will work for the state."
Me: "But socialism as we have seen has been a failure. The people of Earth have stopped accepting socialism as a way of living."
Gabriella: "Exactly, but that was because it was told upon by a human. And it was not exactly interpreted rightly by Lenin and Stalin, who grew too ambitious for their own good. Hence, we need a prophet, to lead people to the right path."
Me: "I don't think a lifetime will be long enough to make people see the reason. I am sorry to say, but this is doomed to failure."
Gabriella: "You ignore the voice of God part. People accepted Christianity and Islam despite initial reservations. Why? Not because of Easter or the capture of Mecca, but because they spoke to God. And so will you. Remember you want these more than anything else", as she let the bed sheet slip off her body.
Me: "Yes, I do. Oh my god, you are so beautiful. Okay I will do it."
And I did. So fellow earthings, here is the truth I was told by Gabriella to popularise:
"Our Earth is a simulation. Created by God, in competition with other Gods, who retrospectively, are devils for us. The other Gods have also created their own earths in their own separate universes. Just like in Age of Empires, we are unable to see the other Earths before a certain point of time, and a certain advancement of the race. The aim of each being on this planet is to make Earth more progressive and better. Everyone needs to do their bit, or Earth will be like a weak civilization which is overrun by the enemy. There is no retribution, however, if you do not do your duty. Just like Age of Empires, God faces several constraints in the simulation, and he makes random decisions based on the available data. Which explains why some people live till 100, while others die very young. The dying act happens because when cells grow old they fail to contribute, and God wants more new cells to think in the positive direction for the objective. It is all random. God expects you to do your duty, but if you lie somewhere idle, there is nothing God can do. The final state that God wants you to reach is the creation of collective body, where there are no final divisions. No discrimination on any basis. One for all, and all for one. Hope it is not too difficult." (To be continued)...

Angelic Verses: My Conversations with God - II

As always, the cook came at 8 that day, and when he was about to leave after leaving the two bottles of water in the fridge, I asked him to cook food. For that is what Gabriella had told me. To eat normal food she had said. So I asked him to make three chapatis, a bowl of rice, mattar-paneer and scrambled eggs. The cook was surprised and a bit angry, for I suspect, the quick one minute job at my place (replacing my water bottles), had allowed him to take another cooking job. My new state, then, meant loss of revenue for him. He tried to reason with me, "But, bhaiya are you not only on water diet? Should you stop yet? There is definitely still scope for you to get thinner." This angered me, and rudely I told him to do what he was being told, which made me feel guilty. But he soon apologised, and so did I, and I ate the best dinner ever.
I was sure the Gabriella thing was a dream. There are no angels, I told myself, and that I, a prophet - the thought itself was laughable. I tried to imagine me living a life like Jesus lived, turning water to wine, or the one like Mohammad with 12 wives. I will manage with 4, and turning water to wine would be a great power to have, I thought, grinning wickedly. And then I went to sleep thinking of Gabriella. She did seem so real, though, I was sure.
But when I did not dream anything, or anything I could remember anyways, that night I just thought maybe the entire thing was real. And so I just started preparing for Gabriella to come, as she had said, at 6 the next day. So well I just decided to read through wikipedia of what prophet actually meant, and then started reading The Game. Devouring it actually. If I had to have any chance with Gabriella, I needed to know every trick in the book. And who had better tricks than The Game? I know, you guys might be thinking, "this guy is sick", but believe me, had you seen Gabriella, you would not have thought about anything else as well. Except the part about being the Prophet. I was sure the Gods had made a mistake, but I was not too keen to rectify it, as it meant I could meet Gabriella. And probably hit off with her.
The wait till 6 p.m. was tough, and by that time, I had already mastered a card trick to show Gabriella and impressing her.
And then suddenly I heard, from the kitchen, "How are we doing today?". Ah, the sweetest voice ever! And I said, with confidence, "Hi Gabriella! How are you doing?" in my best Joey Trabianni imitation. She didn't look too impressed with it though, and asked me, "Are you ready for the truth?"
Me: "Is there an absolute truth?"
She: "Well that is interesting - there is not. But this is a truth - and as absolute as any."
Me: "I already know the truth. The truth that Gabriel preached. Everyone knows it. About how there is heaven and hell, how if you are good, you go to heaven, and if you are evil, you go to hell. All religions more or less say the same. By the way, Gabriella, do you realise I am a Hindu? My religion does not believe in Angels. We believe in Karma, which come to think of it, is the same as what Christianity and Islam preach. Even Buddhism preaches similar things, about how through right meditation you can achieve Nirvana. I wonder then why do people fight over religion then, it is pretty useless, is it not?" (The Game believes that girls are impressed by your knowledge, and the compassion in the end is the clincher.).
She: "No no. I mean you are right about all religions being similar and stuff. But God screwed up. A bit. And hence we need a new prophet to rectify."
Me: "Screwed up? How? You mean there are no heaven and hell, and that all religions are wrong. Is there no judgment?"
She: "Well yes, sort of. You know, God thought a carrot and stick policy would be a good way to let people work according to his plan. So he first sent Krishna to India - he was an angel, too, who delivered the Bhagwat Gita, which introduced the concept of soul. And then there was Buddha, who was an angel who stayed here for a long time, delivering the concept of Nirvana. And then as you know, Gabriel came in. But God just let you know what he wanted you to know. And that is not the truth. Not the entire truth anyways. And you, Zubin, are going to tell them the real truth. It is not going to be what you want to hear, but it is going to be the truth. So tell me, are you ready?"
Me: "Geez! That is kind of scary. So you want me to go out and tell the world that whatever religion they have been following is based on a lie? And that there are no heaven and hell. This is going to be tough, Gabriella, and I am not too sure I am ready to do it. And why this sudden change of heart from God?"
She: "Well we had new HR policies introduced up above. One which says it is always good to be honest with your employees. So God has decided that He will be truthful with his people. And you have been chosen his agent for change, by a lucky draw. Moreover, the carrot and stick policy has gone so wrong. Noone wants to be good anymore. Everyone wants things in this life. And the only people who believe in God nowadays, and the kingdom of heaven, are the terrorists with their 72 virgins promised - which, as even you might have guessed, is a big hoax. God definitely does not want this. And do you not want to know the truth of life, the universe and everything. The truth is..."
And she told me. Which I had suspected, in a way, but hearing it from Gabriella, just gave it much more worth. But I still was not too sure it was such a good idea preaching the truth to people.
Me: "Gabriella! You know why people follow a religion? It is because it gives them hope? Religion gives hope to my parents, for example. I do not think it is a nice idea to tell them the truth whatever it is. I wont do this. I am sorry, I just do not think the world is ready for this."
She: "Well I have my orders to persuade you in whatever way. And will this help" and she came near me and kissed me.
Me: "I think you just persuaded me a bit." And as we kissed, her robe came off.
And I agreed to be a prophet. After some hours of persuasion.

Angelic Verses: My Conversations with God - I

It was the 40th day of my diet. Except that it was not actually diet. I had been drinking only water in an effort to control my weight, which had been out of control over the past few months. I had put on 40 kgs over the past six months, doing nothing but eating junk food and sitting on the couch devouring the sports, movies and music channels following my decision to take a sabbatical. And cut off all contact with the outside world except for my grocery shop and my ICICI bank account. I had changed houses immediately, got my phone number changed and got into a mega TV watching mode. And reading too. I had not seen any person over those months except my maid and the cook, who also delivered the grocery. The decision was taken in a particularly depressive mood after I had been dumped yet again - by the same girl for the sixth time - and while the depression had lasted only a month, the extra weight made me stay inside for fear of looking ridiculous. Which I am sure I did when I had those extra 40 kgs.
When my weighing machine broke while I stood on it, I finally woke to the state I was in. I knew I had to lose it all, if I had to go back to normal life. Hence, the crash measure. I drank only water all day, and nothing else. No fruits, no juices, no carbohydrates. And finally the results were beginning to show. I had lost the weight I had put on and more over the 40-day period, and was ready to take on the world. Looking thinner than ever before. And with a Jesus like beard.
Which is when I heard it. The voice seemed to come from the kitchen of my one bedroom flat where I had been hibernating for the past seven months. It was around 6 in the evening and I was alone, as I often was at that time. The maid and the cook were there for around 2 hours between them in the morning, and the cook didn't come back before 8 in the evening. Although now he was the water delivery guy.
"Hi Zubin. How are we doing?"
Those were the first words, of English anyways, I had heard spoken to me over the past seven months. I wondered who could it be. The funny thing was that the voice sounded feminine. And familiar. How many women did I know, I wondered? I could count only till 3, before I went to the kitchen, and saw her. The first word that came out of my mouth was WOW. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I mean if you were to combine the best attributes of Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Katrina Kaif, Jeniffer Lopez,Priyanka Chopra, Aishwarya Rai and Drew Barrymore, you had still not be anywhere near the beauty I saw. She was tall, had green eyes, black hair, and a skin and body that are indescribable. The voice sounded like Priyanka Chopra I decided. Only that it was better. And she was standing in my kitchen. Wearing a long white robe. The only sad thing, I thought, was that the robe was not transparent.
After gawking her for what seemed like a second, but must have been an hour, I finally asked, "Who are you? And what are you doing here? How did you come in". And I added, "But you are so beautiful" with a gasp.
Suddenly, I also noticed she had wings. Little wings on her back, but even these wings suited her to the hilt.
She giggled, "What do you guess? Me with wings and all? I am Gabriela, the angel. Or more specifically, the sister of Gabriel".
I said, "The Gabriel of the Bible fame?". And I gasped again looking at her. But she was beautiful.
She giggled again, "Yes, and of the Koran fame. And yeah, I am a 10000 miliHelen. And you are the first human who is seeing me, and I can see you are impressed." She looked at me seductively and eyed my pants. "But all that can wait. I have a message for you."
I looked at her, again, and gasped, "Wow, you are beautiful! And message, what message? Message from whom?"
At last she stopped giggling, and said, "Message from God. You have been chosen the new prophet. And I have been chosen over Gabriel finally to deliver this message. Wow, I am so excited."
I said, "Me, a prophet? But I don't even believe in a God. I am an atheist, or something. Except that I do not believe in atheism also. You must have made a mistake. But I am happy that you did. You are so beautiful, I can look at you all day and night"
Her eyes twitched, and she looked at me and asked, "Are you not Zubin? And are you not on the 40th day of your fast? Then it is definitely you."
"But why me", I asked her, and said, "You know I can't even argue with you. You are so beautiful. And what does a prophet have to do anyway?"
"To tell the truth to the people. And who have been chosen because you are among the 1000 people our computer had chosen as potential prophets. We needed people who could play Age of Empires but were not very good at it, knew about different religions but did not actively practice any of them, did drugs but did not overdo it, and were creative and had the potential to imagine things. And a certain charisma. And your masochism has swung the decision your way. The time is nigh too, you have to act fast"
"Drugs, religions, Age of Empires? My masochism? What are you talking about?" I gasped. She was perfect, even with the wings, and the fact that she was an angel.
"You are the only one of those 1000 to pass the 40-day fast test. Jesus did it, Mohammad did it, and now you have. So you are the new prophet. If you ask me, it does not really matter, but God wants someone who has the capacity to bear pain."
"Pain, I didnt feel any pain...and ..."
"So now stop arguing. I need to go, my time is finishing. The message I was supposed to deliver to you is this, get ready to become a prophet. Do not shave your beard. And you can start eating from tomorrow. I will come back tomorrow, and will tell you the truth of life which you will propagate. Wait for me, tomorrow same time."
And she disappeared in front of me, vanishing into thin air. And my conversations with God had started.