Friday, October 27, 2006

My higher self

I am normally a pretty normal MBA in making, except that I am not getting totally caught in the placement rush of filling the forms. Am applying to companies though which only want resumes, and not forms. And I would like a Day 0 job, to get shortlisted, and convert PPOs. And while my normal self is an out and out extrovert, I have a deeper, "darker" side as well. Which writes most of the posts on this blog. Like this one. I think its my higher self.

We are told to be happy. To enjoy life. I am going mad probably, with all the crap I wrote in the last post, but what if I am being cured. What if I am seeing things in the right light, and the entire world is mad. What if I have figured out what life really is, and blurted it out loud, and all others around me are just not being able to see the truth, or probably too afraid to say it out.

Dont do the concepts of Hinduism and Matrix say the same things. Death is just the beginning of something else. There is no end. Why are we so afraid of death then, and why do we want to emcompass life with all the happiness? People who know me good enough tell me I have a "medical disorder" called depression. They want me to seek cure for this illness. And now I am ready, for their sake, to seek treatment.

For the record though, what happens if I find out in the end (of this life), that I was right all through? That I am already in a higher plane of thought, where things are so much clearer. That psycathric help is just another of these methods to pull you back into the earthly plane of life, to make you seek happiness, which is in real terms, an imaginary concept. We all have a void in our lives. No one is happy. Everyone is chasing happiness, and all who chase it dont get it.

You know, then people say, "If you had everything, what else would be left to do?" The point we miss however is, that you can never have everything. In life we run chasing things which we think will make us happy. If we dont get them, we get sad, and if we do get them, we realise that it wasnt the thing we were after. And we seek a new object of affiliation. And this cycle continues.

And someone would now say, "this is exactly what life is." Death is just the end of this suffering, something which shall make us happy. Then why do we shy away from it? Why do we want a long life? Why do we run after happiness so much?

I had an accident in a bus recently, which made all people around me take some sort of preventive action as the breaks were suddenly applied, and I noticed that people started churning out prayers in their native tongues. And I also noticed that I was the only one calm. The accident later turned out to be a minor one, but it made me sure of one thing: I am not afraid of death. And I think I am happier than all of you just because of this fact. And which also makes me not seek death anymore.

I dont want to die because I am sad. Exactly the opposite. Its just because I dont want to run after happiness, which is what life is all about. Once you find that true happiness within yourself, like I have started to, life becomes meaningless because you have nothing more to do. But I am living on for myself now. To enjoy this actual happiness. Hypocritic? I am a hypocrite, like my brother says.

I dont need anyone around to make me happy. I have started loving my peace around myself. Sorry to say this, but I detest people calling me, talking to me or coming to my room for asking questions. I just want to be alone. Totally alone. I have stopped feeling things for others. Noone matters to me. Nothing can alter my inner peace, not even I probably.


sugato said...

"For the record though, what happens if I find out in the end (of this life), that I was right all through?"

Well at that point u can stick out ur thumb and sing out loud "na na na na na na I told u so, I told u so" and do a jig.

atish said...

"I detest people calling me, talking to me or coming to my room for asking questions......" Shocking and touching at the same time... and since u mentioned something about "long life'.. I thought I might as well mention this...
"Zindagi badi honi chahiye, lambi nahi ..."
- Hrishikesh Mukherjee

Rana said...

Dude, a sneaking suspicion... have you become autosexual, and can't get enough of yourself?

On the serious note, I'd recommend a trip to thailand or eastern europe to make sure your interest in human life remains.

As for people coming to your room and shattering your peace, buy a baseball bat, you;ll have some fun creating your solitude before you have fun enjoying it with yourself

Ankur Shanker said...

Sometimes.. i like your writing :)

arts said...

I think you are mad!

Kannan said...

Dear Zubin,
Your writing skills are excellent. Irrespective of what you are saying is right or wrong, the way you are presenting your ideas is simply superb.

I read your latest post too "My higher Self". Definitely you are on a higher plane of thought compared to mine, but I think your plane is heading to the wrong direction. I think you are yet to understand what is meant by happiness!!. You told you started finding happiness "within yourself" by separating yourself from all other people!!. Also, you told if you start finding happiness within yourself, that is the end, since nothing more to do in life!! Think again.....stretch your ideas..."If I become content and satisfied with what I have, I'll lose my motivation to achieve more":
This is a common misconception about happiness.

Please understand that Happiness doesn't drain your energy. It adds more!

For Example, Ask a happy person: "I have a boat. Do you want to go fishing?"
He'll say: "Great! Let's go!"
Now ask someone who is depressed like you: "C'mon, let's go fishing!"
He says, "I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow. And anyway, it might rain..."
Happy people are energetic and ambitious. There's never enough time to do everything they want to do.

Please understand that Happiness is a "State of Mind".

Also, Happiness not optional!!.

Like an open pit in the middle of the road, a sour puss is a public menace. Being happy is part of being considerate to the people around us.
If you want we can argue on this point sometime later. My hectic schedule prevents me from writing more......

Wish You a Happy Time Ahead....

Love & Light...

Anonymous said...

read you own post again, and tell yourself every two sentences I'm a hypocrite. i do thois oftent o my posts, and suddenly my sense of belief in meaning of words wavers. that gives peace better than any other peace. Words are too insufficient.

Anonymous said...

This is exaclty what I have been feeling now-a-days .... !!!