A great weekend

I am off to do what I do best before describing a terrific weekend. Describing people and what I think of them. The subject this time around are the three roommates I have here, in the town of Secaucus in New York City.
Mr. F, my wingie from IIM Calcutta, a great guy to be with, but can be really juvenile at times. And can really frustrate you sometimes, with his mood swings and a totally freaky I dont care attitude. And he has some characteristic Bengali traits. Stubborn, for example, and once started, doesnt really know when to
Mr. P is the ideal small town middle class guy, who wants to show the world he is cool. This includes eating food which he doesnt really like, drinking almost daily here, while before it was once a year, smoking madly, and generally trying to live up to the great American Dream. Wanting to visit all places, and do all of NYC masti. And yeah, complaining about everything American (in private, ofcourse) and how Infosys has a better working environment than Bloomberg. Going late to office, getting back pretty early. And he is the one who wants the PPO, even perhaps more badly than I do.
Mr. H, on the other hand, is another small town middle class, who has made office his second home. His only other occupation is talking on the phone. One thing he is game for is exploring famous places in New York and adjoining cities, but at minimum cost of capital. Easily the most hardworking and the biggest fattu among us. Has a sense of responsibility though, which I kind of like. Now on to much better things.
(Now I guess you can see why I wish I live alone. Not helping matters is the fact that we live one hour from our office, and are sharing the house with one more person, the man who has subletted it to us, and is, using the cliched term, a complete asshole. (Well, not complete, but the greater I stay with him, the more convinced I become he is).

The past weekend was easily among the best I had in the recent past. It started off pathetically, though, with my "boss" telling me to go out of the office and "get a life." Even after that, I was out only by 7:00 p.m. and the evening seemed to be going nowhere when my room partners decided they werent ready to take the taxi back to Secaucus which meant going house early (before 11 p.m. anyways, when the last bus leaves NYC for our house) for them, and wasting time at the Port Authority for four hours (waiting for the 3:30 A.M. bus to take me to Boston) for me. However, F and P decided to stay back,(because they found out about a late night service!) (H went home, guess he had to talk on the phone) and the rest, to overuse a much used cliche, is history. Or in this case, the start of history.
The night got young with an expensive and good dinner, coupled with some good Irish Whisky, at Hard Rock coffee, seeing the Doors, U2, Third Eye Blind, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Metallica videos, among others. After that lavish dinner, which ended at around 12:30 a.m. while I had plans for a night club, the alcohol had taken hold of one (F), and the other had not entirely liked the New York night culture, and gave the excuse, I am feeling cold. But there was nothing much to do, we had to somehow pass time till 3;30 A.M, in the morning, (because their late night bus, was scheduled to leave 3:30 a.m, as did my Boston bus), and so we went to the Empire State Building, and just reached in time to see the shining lights of NYC. For the second time in my life, I fell in love with this amazing nightview of the best city in the world. The experience left them spellbound, just the same effect it had on me three years ago. They got high like no alcohol ever could. And the high changed into an ecstacy when we got a STRETCH LIMO ride for 20$. It was absolutely surreal! This is the kind of stuff that dreams are made of, and finally, one of mine was achieved.
The Boston bus ride was spent sleeping, and when I reached the station at 730 a.m. on Saturday morning, nothing could match the elation I felt when I met Suhas. It had been a pretty long time since we had last caught up on each other, so spending around 36 hours with him was great. It was one of my cheapest trips ever (thanks to Suhas, who played the perfect host, and my entire cost for the trip was the round trip ticket of 55$ plus four or five dollars more for tickets.), and one of the few weekends where I was so happy I stopped thinking, and didnt need alcohol (Thanks again to Suhas).
As it turned out, Suhas' roommate turned out to be a classmate from DAV college. As they say, its a small world.
The day started off with a trip to Harvard Square after breakfast, followed by a visit to the Boston Harbour. All this was done in his Honda City () (You know what to put between brackets now, dont you). After that, the lunch was pizzas at Papa Gino's. Later in the evening, went to watch Hot Fuzz - a brilliant, comic, gory movie. It was one of the most comedy, and at the same time, one of the goriest movies I have ever seen. A must watch!!! The evening was capped off with a cheap (by NYC standards, atleast) at Harvard Square, where I also had three Glenfiddich pegs for $ 6 each. You get my point now, dont you?
The next day was spent touring Coolidge Corner, and eating an Indian Buffet for 8$ only. Later, went to country side Massachusetts (One other advantage of the trip was, I learnt this difficult spelling), and it was awesome, sitting down the beach across a lake in the middle of what looked like a jungle. But there were plenty of people. The woods and the area were so quiet and silent. It reminded me of home a bit, but much more beautiful. This was again thanks to Suhas. A place to have a farmhouse, or a ranch, which is another of my dreams.
And on my way back Sunday evening to New York, I thought about this post and how its going to be. It came out well I guess.
Next: Watch out for a review/synopsis of Nick Hornby's Hi Fidelity.
For all the Geo-Enthusiasts: New York is the Empire State, New Jersey is the Garden State, and Massachusetts is the Spirit of America.

It happens only in America

A Chinese, a Russian and an Indian (all of different ages, and practically strangers) shared a lunch in a Mexican restraunt. Talking about New York and the world of finance. It was pretty cool.
After the first week of internship, the training is done. Have started with a really cool project involving portfolio analytics, which test only my quantitative and logical skils. This internship should be fun.
Have planned a trip to Boston next weekend. And California is also not too way off the radar. So should be okay.
The Bus trip and the Metro trips are complemented listening to some of the coolest songs ever written, and by the book High Fidelity. Nick Hornby, I realise, is a fantastic author.
Also, running on a parallel track maybe, Dazed and Confused is a much watch.
Another book, which like A Million Little Pieces, reminds me of myself.
In short, another book in first person about a complete loser, who shall probably get happy at the end of the book.
I hate the endings the most, because the ending of my story will be anything but happy, and I seem to find happiness in other people sorrows.
Much of cribbing, more about this fantastic book later, when I end it in another week or so, for now, good night and good luck!!!
Life is so good, it seems to be a dream. I am high!!!!!

And so it begins...

Day one:

The major highlight: Given a tour of the office by by far, the prettiest girl who ever lived. Remember Madhubala of the old Hindi films? This Spanish girl looked exactly like her, and was tall and grand. Awesome. Great.
The Office is awesome as well, and the Bloomberg Towers are considered to be one of the best buildings in New York.
The team I am joining in Bloomberg is doing the kind of work I want to do, so thats awesome too.
Also, a bar is pretty nearby, so after a hard days work (okay, or maybe, after the day's work), you know where to go.
Our house is in Secaucus, a town in NJ outside Manhattan, which means a commute time of 35 minutes.
On the cards, is a trip to California.
Life is good. Could it be any better. Yeah, maybe. If only I was staying in Manhattan (alone:P, you never know of all the possibilities that could occur.) And if beer and whisky were a little cheaper.

Of times spent

Delhi rocked. One of the best times I have had in some while.

Saw 300, sat at TGIF and MJ's. Met a lot of people, some of them on the road, and it felt good.

Now in New Jersey, held up with a bunch of guys who want to live up to the Great Indian Tradition of putting saving money at any cost above everything else, so its definately not cool.

On second thoughts, I have just found out my biggest problem: I just dont believe anyone can like me for what I am. I have a very low opinion of myself, and I think it has stayed this way for the past some time.

And that is a pretty scary thought, when you come to think about it. But the good thing is, I am now atleast honest about it.

Hope now all of you understand, why I am the way I am. Sorry for everything.

I wish I could say sorry on the face, but now, I just cant.

Of Meaning and Happiness

"You can either choose a life of happiness or a life of meaning. You cannot have both.Life of happiness means enjoying the present, without worrying about the future, or caring about the past. Life of meaning, on the other hand is about thinking about the past, and sacrificing the present to make the future more meaningful." This truth became evident to me only after watching the latest episode of Heroes. And it made instant sense, because chasing a life of meaning for the past 24 years, I had become a stranger to happiness.
Most people make similar mistakes in life, trying to find a meaning to life, in the way forgettng happiness and what it means. I was looking for things to do to make life more meaningful, but it all ended up in frustration as later I realised that the "meaningful" things I was running after, didnt really matter at all.
I thought I was sacrificing my happiness for a greater cause. However, there is no greater cause. Happiness is the only reason to live in this world.
I am full of hatred. Hatred for everyone I have ever known, for using me. for giving me pain.
I am full of love. For drugs and alcohol. For being there whenever I needed to feel good and happy.
And I am happy. Nothing else can describe this feeling that I have inside me, I feel free of all desires. I am becoming a real Buddhist.
Or maybe, I am just dumb.

A piece of mind

I remember this anectode from the days I had just passed class 12th. I had decided to drop an year and prepare for JEE, rather than going to do Mining Engineering from BHU. I planned to enrol at FIITJEE, and as a part of the drive, was looking for an hostel to stay in.

It was an August evening. I was with my dad, my (cousin) sister, brother-in-law, my second cousin, and my niece and nephew, and we had just got entangled in a Traffic Jam in some crowded Malviya Nagar market, where we had come looking for a hostel. The traffic was finally beginning to move when in the lane opposite to us, we noticed this ugly looking female driving with a female friend sitting alongside. And she was hideously ugly, I mean I am not the kind of person to make impressions about people based on first sights, but she was someone you had just want to run away from. I remember to have said something to the effect of "I pity her husband".

And then she, pretty inexplicibly, did something even worse (that is, if you are considering just showing her face to us was not worse, because it could have ruined the entire day): she parked her car on the road, and walked out. No concern for the cars who had just started moving behind her, and who were driving me crazy by their honking (remember, I despite being in Chandigarh for the past two years, was still pretty much a small village boy). The traffic came to a grinding halt again. Both ways.

We decided to get some space on the side of the road, and packed our car, and got out. Luckily our destination was not too far away. But then the next thing I noticed was the woman shouting at my cousin sister, across the road, with people watching. Apparently my cousin sister had gone to tell the 'chick' to remove her car, and let other people pass through. This apparently provoked the ugly, hideous female to get angry at my sister. There was a crowd gathering there, everyone urging the female to remove the car, when suddenly my incensed brother-in-law shouted across the road, "you should not have done this!"
She : "I dont care what you think. Dont give me a piece of your mind", and she started to move towards her destination, the vegetable rehri, which had apparently been the cause for her sudden stoppage.
B-i-L (retorting, and shouting so that anywhere within a radius of fifty metres could hear, which meant effectively 20-25 people) : "You dont want a piece of my mind. I will give you a piece of my mind. I will tell you what I think. I think you are ugly. You are positively ugly, and you should be ashamed about it. You see this ditch out here with all the dirty water. Please wash your face in this pit. It might make you less ugly."

And he walked away, and we all followed, as did pin drop silence. But the look on her face, made me overcome the initial disappointment of seeing her. It was awesome!

good night, people, and good luck! Have fun and play safe!

Self Obsessed Bastard

Genius, like hard work, is overated.

And luck is stangely underrated.

I am immodest. A self obsessed bastard. If u dont like this fact about me, dont read any further.

Fuck you. You still wanted to read further.

Well you will have to wait. For what I am about to reveal.

It is not much, if you ask me, but it might contain all that you ever wanted to know about life.

Or maybe not, but who is to decide?

The truth is this.

I didnt make it to RIMC in the first attempt. I didnt make it to IIT Delhi in my first attempt. I didnt make it to IIMC in my first attempt.

I did make it to RIMC in my second attempt. I did make it to IIT Delhi in my second attempt. I did make it to IIMC in my second attempt.

Sorry folks, but thats all I had to say. Maybe that was all you wanted to know about life in the first place. Or in the second place, hehehehe.

Am boring you, am I? Here is more truth underneath this line.

Luck is the ultimate thing. About almost as lethal as a sum of hard work and talent(or genius).

You dont believe me, I know. But here, in this blogsite, all that matters is what I believe. You might post a comment to counter what I believe, but, believe me, they dont matter.

I think you know why. The answer is simple.

Its because I can talk to snakes. I can speak Parselmouth.

Only joking. Its because I can remove your comments anytime I like, and that is a big power.

Good night, I think I am high.

Dialogues - 1`

"Why do we live?", she asked suddenly, "When life is so full of pain?
Why put in any effort, when we have nothing to gain?"
"Hope, my friend", he assured her, "is on what we live on
Hope of life getting better, and all our worries being gone."

"You know I have been wondering, about the purpose of life,
and finding none, have many a time stabbed my arm with a knife."
"Why, for God's sake, would you do this to yourself, and it amazes me,
why cant you see the gifts of life, and how beautiful it can be."

"Can you explain then, as to why do we live a purposeless existence,
All this talk is fine, but to me now, your words make no sense."
"Think of the people in your life, and those who love you,
and if you leave them and die, what all will they go through."

"But I just dont feel things any more" she replied, "I seem to have lost a part of my mind
What are emotions like love and happiness, I just cant seem to find"
"You know, three weeks before, life seemed worth ending as nothing was going right
I felt like you do, but then I started reading, and writing, and it seems foolish in hindsight."

"I think I am better now. Thank you for talking to me today, and making me see some light,
and I wish you all the luck, wherever you may go, may your days always be bright."
"Just remember, there was a time when I was screwed up as you are,
and if you want someone to talk to, I will always be there."

(To be continued)...

Management

Management, like most other things in life, is a sham. Atleast for me. As I was telling a friend on chat today, a PGDM for me constitutes nothing more than drinking, doping, playing computer games, playing cricket and tennis, watching movies and serials, and last night studying (sometimes I skip even this). I dont give too much damn about my CGPA and all, but even then I am not doing too bad. I mean I am not doing good, but in some other place, this lifestyle could have landed me at the bottom of the list. Not here though. And while I am happy about that fact (Regular readers might say, you are finally happy!, but actually not: I am using happy for want of a better word) but there is also the lingering frustration about not doing what I am supposed to do.
I hate authority, unless its my authority (thats pretty cute). Just read Another Roadside Attraction. It talks all about the same things: authority and its misuse. I have a feeling that noone really likes authority. It is based on the perception that human race is, at its root, evil. I believe (or, maybe, I like to believe) this realm in by and large false. People are basically good, it is just the situation that make them bad. When we step into this world, we are inherently good, and mean no evil.
If you are thinking, why this sudden change of topic, the point I am driving at is this: people are trying to kill IIMC culture by bringing in authority to this place. In the past, IIMC had prided itself in its "no attendance" and the fact that people here did not get into the rat race, unlike many other premium institutes of the country. Then some wise crack magazine decided to make a fast buck by including a concept of B-school rankings. And IIMC slipped from 1 to 2 to 3 in these, because here, the focus was not being on the top, but being good.
And then they got worried. People, who thought that IIMC was not doing justice to what it could be, decided to implement changes. Attendance rule was imposed, so that people who came back to the campus for their PPT's could no longer boast about how they used to skip classes and still managed to pass out with good GPA's. No, now you cant pass without the requisite attendance, but how is sleeping in the class, or reading novels there, going to help the institute rankings, I have no idea.
Why exactly I want to ask, do we need to improve our rankings? Why does it matter to us, what rank is us, as long as we know that we are good. Why does everyone want to be a winner at the end of the day? Let A and B lead us, why do we care? How good it would be if we could just get out of this rat race for the moment, reflect on who (and not what) we are, and just relax. Why do I have to wonder about the other guy cheating in the exam and getting more marks than I do. If I am smart enough, I should cheat the system too. Why should I get angry if the other guy gets a slot 0 shortlist and I dont. Stop being so competitive. Relax. Take deep breaths. Life is much larger than this, I hope. Enjoy. Que Sera Sera.

A Suitable Boy

"Why do we live?" And I, back in those days when I felt good, "Because of hope. It is the hope that one day things will improve, get better." And then I blurted out the story of Love in the Times of Cholera, and about how much hope it had filled me with. And then I also said these lines someone else had told me "It is never the end, unless you decide its the end." It is always the same: Goran Ivanisevic, Lance Armstrong and more. I had continued,"You live for people around you, people who love you, like you, and want you to do well in life. You might not see it, but they care about you. Everything you do which is bad for yourself hurts them. And you live to see them happy, because if you die it will make you sad."

I have to keep reminding myself this. I am here because I have a purpose. I might not be anybody, but even then I'll be. I am what I am. I know people like me, and love me for what I am, and I am not going to lose any more friends. I am going to be good. I am going to live, not because I hope one day things will get better, but because I've realised this is what life actually is. If everything was good, life wouldnot be worth it.

I am going to be a good son, brother and friend. Sorry for everything. I am going to be a good person. I am going to be a suitable boy :P.

My only regret, if any, at this moment is: I cant study. And my GPA is not going up, and I know its not going to go up.

Life is hard. I am taking it easy. As the Americans say, "When the rape is inivetible, lie down and enjoy it." Nice thought for the day.