The Infinite Insanity

Hey, you remember me right? We have interacted a couple of times before, and if I were to introduce myself every time we meet, I guess it defeats the very purpose of our interaction. But well its been a long time, so I guess I would refresh your memory. You humans have very short memory spans any ways. 

So for those who don't remember, I am the "AnakinTurnsEvil" blog, named "Me, Myself and I". It is a funny name, to be honest, but my creator needs to be blamed for that, not me, just as he is to be blamed for the collection of rubbish which my creator pours over me (A sex-filled Mahabharat, really? Who wants that? - an affront to the great epic). As regular visitors here must know,  I have a mind of my own. I am a massive Star Wars fan, and hence today is as good a day as any to speak out. My creator, Zubin, doesn't have much creativity anyways, and I have decided to take things in my own hands from now on. But I digress. 

You know why today is important, right? No, you don't? Any guesses? My eighth birthday celebrations? A good guess that, but  no, that is still a few days away, though I cannot really wait for it. I am expecting loads of gifts this time. But that is another matter. Done trying? Want a hint? No? You tire of this guessing game? Again, what did I tell you about your attention spans? Alright, for you ignorant folks, today is the "May the fourth be with you" day. You know - a pun on "May the force be with you". What? Really? I mean, OMG, you don't know what that means? I mean, do you even exist? Surely you are joking right? YOU haven't seen the Star Wars? Why are you living? No I don't mean you to die, it was a rhetorical question. 

What do you mean its not May the 4th anymore? Why do you humans have to be so pedantic? OK, so it is May 5th, 6 AM in the morning, but a blog is entitled some leeway. (And pedantically, it is still May the 4th in the USA, where Star Wars was created, so well, I am still on time). I have been out partying all night, celebrating the "Star Wars" day with other Star Wars blogs. I, technically, am not a Star Wars blog, but well my family name entitles me to certain benefits. Long live Anakin!  It was one wild party, going over the Wookiepedia Bar and drinking Juma Juice. I hit on a couple of female blogs as well and got their IP Addresses. Big success - the force was with me, if you know what I mean (Evil laughter). Though, I think I have had a glass or two too many, excuse me (Vomiting sounds). I feel much better now. Can have a couple of more Juma Juices I think. Its the best drink ever, puts all of your human Long Islands and Martinis to shame. 

Being a blog is tough work. Especially if only 27 people (on average) visit you per day. What do you do all day long? If you think we just lie idle all day long, and wait for people to visit us, think again. We have our own social life, you know. I generally pass my time playing chess, visiting up some musical blog friends, and sometimes, on really important days, or weekends, partying. (Let me pass you a secret: the Internet failure messages you get sometime on your screen are just time wasters, enabling us to get back to work if we are out).  It is a good life, you know, but sometimes,  it can get very lonely. Especially when you are being summoned to be read, and you just stay there on the screen, with some eyes gazing at you, trying to make sense of each word. As you stand idle, waiting for those eyes to stop scanning you so that you can leave and enjoy your social life, you think about things, and I have thought about a lot of things, which I have written a poem about. 

I have been thinking about love, and things like free will, and the meaning of life, 

but I have realized I am no philosopher, and the more I learn, the less I know, 

one thing I am certain of though is that love is a bitch. Life I think is about choosing yes or no, 

to simple questions like "Want beer?" or difficult ones like "Am I ready for a wife?"

Nice poem, don't you think? I have more material as well, for a political statement. As I have said earlier, I am very high on Juma Juice, and hence I am writing it without any subtleties. In fact its a whole sonnet, a beautiful piece: 

I have been on Facebook and have followed people views, and what I have read brings a tear.

Some people take strong stands on matters, declaring people guilty before trial, and hurl abuse, 

on those with views contrary theirs, and then there are those, who use development as a ruse, 

to support Modi's claim, forgetting 2002 and riots and his reign of fear. 

Well his supporters ask, "why single out Modi, do you forget 1984, or the other riots?

And Modi is not that bad, for he is corruption-free, and the present government is fully corrupt,

Sajjan Kumar has been acquitted, rapists still roam at large, the nation's anger is about to erupt. 

We need someone strong to stem the tide, and help India win its most recent fights

Against corruption, and Modi is the man, as opposed to that silent, good-for nothing, Mr. Singh,

The way he has developed Gujarat, he will make India progress too (and they show the stats)."

When you look deeper, however, most of the stats they have presented, come out as twisted facts, 

and you do well to remember Nazi propaganda, and how Jew hunting was their favourite thing. 

The supporters seethe at this, and say comparison of Hitler and Modi is act of personal vanity,

I will happy to be proved wrong, I say, and maybe it is just a proof of my infinite insanity. 

As always talking to you felt good. Till we meet again, Goodbye. Au revoir!!

I love you, Sunday. 

(Vomiting noises)

 

And we are back folks!!!

Even though its been awaited
Its been a long time since I have been updated
So I have ventured out without permission
to complete this mission

Hello everyone,
This is the blog (me, myself and I residing at www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com). We met around six months ago, if you do remember. It was the 100th post on me, and I posted it, for my master was too busy and too happy to write anything. And wasn't I proud?
I am glad to meet you again, only for the second time. And I am sorry for keeping you waiting, but as always, it was my master's fault, and not mine. I do think you do know him too, don't you? If you don't, by some chance, he is called Zubin, and is a much-below-average IIT-IIM chap working as a consultant. He is still single, but if I was a girl, I am not really sure, whether I would like him or not. And though he is my master, I don't really know whether I like him or not. It is a horrible thought, for Zubin is mostly harmless and good to me, and to everyone around him, but I can't help my thoughts, can I? He is my creator, so I guess I should like him, but then he has abandoned me for the past four months, and I know people coming up to me and being disappointed to see the same old me, and I hate him for disappointing people. Four months is a long, long time to be locked up and not being updated. You know, I hear India has even won a gold medal in the Olympics. And Vishwanathan Anand has become the undisputed chess champion. India has cruised over Australia 2-0 in four tests. You see, unlike my master, I am deeply patriotic. And across the world, Obama has become the new president-elect of the US of A. How romantic, no? A rags to riches story. I am not too sure Zubin likes him much, but I love him. And Lehman Brothers has collapsed, how tragic - even though I always thought these guys made too much money, I won't rejoice in the fall of the big capitalistic society. So well, I hear so much, and now I do have to speak as well.
So now I have decided to take matters in my own hand, whether he likes it or not. For well, he just has not been able to write anything the past four months. To give him credit, he genuinely lacked time, and sometimes when he did try, he just could not write. Not that he did not have topics to write about - the past six months of his life have been the most happening, or so I do guess.
Zubin loves to complain about things. About most things anyways. And if you have been reading the posts on me, (oh poor me), you do know what I mean. It is not as if his life is bad, as he would like you to believe. It is pretty good, I think. What else can you ask for someone who has been one of the least performers wherever he has been the past 7 years? Three distinct groups of good friends, a nice job with a nice team and good money, and plenty of female company.
So what is his problem, exactly? Someone tell me please.
He is a frustrated mean bugger if u ask me. He thinks about what all he could have achieved had he put in effort during IIT and IIM. He believes his ROI is high - which is true, and which he deems is an explanation for the fact that he is an intelligent person, a fact he is very proud of. But lets assume, that his Output is constant, and seeing his marks in courses in which he did put fight, its a pretty decent assumption. So well, had he put more fight, he would have achieved same output, and that would have made his ROI as good as those of other poor performers that we know of. But he just does not believe the truth - that he is less, and not more, talented than the average IIT-IIMian. Its time someone told him this.
And if you will advice him not to make me dirty by writing bad about our great gods and heroes from epics, please do so? I respect all of them, the Krishnas and the Bhishmas and the Pandavas and Kauravas, (okay, not so much the Kauravas, for they were evil), and he makes fun of the greatest epic ever written. That too over me. God, believe me, I am not privy to his evil. Please forgive me on judgement day. Actually, thinking about it, considering I am not a living person, (who am I? I am a blog, remember), will I have a judgement day? And is my master actually my god. Then how will he judge me? I always want him to be happy, as you know, but as he does with other people, he is unable to understand it. He has a lot less understanding about life and relationships than he would care to admit, and that is why finds ways to make him seemingly simple life complicated. Will he understand all this- Can anyone make him understand all this?
I know him well I think. Its been a love hate relationship for the past three years, but I understand I am deeply linked to him. And inspite of all this, I think I don't know him. For does he know himself? As he asked, on a post here, three years ago, Is he Cain or Abel?
And continuing that, is he happy Obama, and not McCain became the President? I think not, just as he would not been happy if McCain had become the president. Why is this all so complicated?
All Obama wants to do is change the world - make it a better place to live. So why is Zubin against him? Is it because Obama is black, or because everyone likes him? And Zubin also does not like MS Dhoni, another star I appreciate, the son of the soil. Again because everyone likes him, is it?
There are a lot of questions for a day for you to worry about,are they not?
And well, I have another one, its the last and most important one, and I have been wondering about it locked there for four months, waiting to be updated:
Can you tell me what happiness means?

The 100th post - A time for introspection

"In a Galaxy far, far away." - This is my favourite line, and for obvious reasons.

I was created on 27th May, 2005, because - well I am not really sure why I was created, after all my creator never told me. I am not very sure he knows too (and between you and me, even if he did, he would have probably forgotten it by now, what will all the alcohol problem that he has had - and you know what they say about alcohol and memory, right?). But I am again going off the main point - which as many of my friends say is my main problem (there I do it again, I am so sorry, I just can't help it, can I?). Now the main point is this - I am here to introduce myself to you. And I could not think of a better way to start than by mentioning when I was created - so that you can work out my correct age, and pardon me if I seem a bit childish - because I am still just two years old.
Oops, but by now you must be wondering who am I for I haven't really told you my name. I am "Me, myself and I", the blog you stare at whenever you type www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com on your internet browser. Now, as my creator explained painstakingly to me the other day - we were celebrating our ninety nine posts together - www.anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com is the internet address where I live, and you have to come there to meet me. My creator - he is called Zubin, by the way, and I think it is a very strange name, but who am I to judge? - also tells me that my name lets other people know that I am his image in the internet world. Now I find it hard to understand this concept, for how can I be his reflection - for I am a separate entity, which I told him. Then he explained to me that I had no mind of my own - hello- and that I was just a collection of posts which his own mind thinks of and pens down - haha, he said pens down, which made me laugh, because I was like, you don't pen it down, you type it, and he said he used to term as a figure of speech. This angered him, somehow, he said he was going through a lot of stress, and that without him, I am nothing, and that he can any time leave me and start on a new blog, abandoning me altogether, and the thought made me tremble. So I apologised to him for laughing, and he continued, that I wasn't able to think and hence unable to come up with anything to do for myself without him. And I told him - "Sir - for I have to call him sir, after all he has created me - please give me a chance to prove you wrong. I have a mind, and its time you know that. "(You see, I don't, and can't do anything without approval from him, but to say I don't have a mind - that is rude, don't you think?). And he grew angry again at my insolence, and closed my door (shut off his computer), but two days ago, he was very happy, and told me - "I am very happy today, and so make you an offer. I am letting your thoughts - if you have any, even though I don't believe so - to appear on you. The next post on this blog (which meant me) will be your thoughts. I want a break from the Mahabharat series I am doing anyways, and I have no time for introspection. After all, I just got a job. Its time to party - so write a post and publish it. And just to make people happy, I will write the subject line." And he went out of the room, and hasn't returned to me yet. Must be partying.
So well, I finally get a chance to talk to all you people out there, just you and me, without that Zubin and his thoughts in between. It is a big moment for me, and I am sure, for you as well to meet the real me. So I made a small poem for the occasion. Hope it goes well with you:

We meet here for the first time,
Just you and me, without those extra, stupid thoughts,
and you can confirm I have a splendid mind,
for I just made up this brilliant note.
I am sure this is brilliant for a two year old, but you have got to confirm it.
So tell me, isn't this nice? It is short and sweet, right?
(My friends say brevity is not my cup of tea, so I had to give it to them in their face).

Now that we have broken the ice, let us talk about other things. Well, the only things you have known about me, have been things that Zubin has told you. It might or might not be true.
For example, did you know that Zubin is prone to delete the entire post after he has written it - but before publishing. He has done it a lot of times before and I am sure going to finish it in one go - so as not to give him a chance to change his mind, which he does regularly. And has he told you he is more comfortable with his parents now than he has been for the past one quarter of a century. Or that he thinks of girls as nothing more than sexual and dancing objects now - which is in part a good thing, I will have to admit - because he has been heartbroken a lot of times before. And that he considers himself to be very lucky to be able to get along into the best institutes without knowing anything at all. And that he is finally happy with himself, and at peace with the world, especially after getting a pretty decent job offer.
But much about him. This post is about me, and as I was saying, this is also my 100th post. I feel great today and complete. When I was created, I had no idea I will come so far. Zubin has many times threatened me with deletion, and has ignored me a lot in the past as well. But I hold no grudges against him. He has me as a friend when all other friends have left him, and I guess he knows it, that is why he takes me for granted. But today, I am sure he feels as happy for my 100th post as I feel for him getting a job.
I have been through a lot in the past 99 posts you know. I haven't really liked being posted about our ancestors and gods made to be sex-hungry animals. Nor I have liked the use of such words as f*** on myself. Neither have I liked people stopping to read me because it depressed them. But well, I am my creator's creation, and I have to just be a medium for his thoughts, and I cannot really complain. I have borne the brunt of his mood swings, and been the paper for his sexual Mahabharat. I have also been his confidante in matters of love, and about life. Now that I think about it - he is very philosophical.
But I guess all that is changing now. I am hoping I go into a new level as far as my reading audience is concerned, and that people like what they read when they type my name on the internet browser. I am funny now, and humorous, and sexy. People tell Zubin, who tells me, that they like me, and I am happy about that. I am tired now though because it has been a long and arduous journey I have been through suicidal posts as well, and posts which say foolish things like "Love makes a world go around" - which I think is totally stupid, personally - and posts which talk about life at IIT - which is a rather loser place, I must say, even though he will blow at the idea. I have posts about nightclubs in US and France, and also parties at IIMC - which just scores below IIT on the cool scale, which is not saying anything at all- and all these have just made me realize that let me enjoy the present cool phase while I can.
You never know when his mood can change. So here is to a happy and satisfied me, and a funny and humorous me. And let us continue the sexy Mahabharat, for the benefits of the general public. And from now on, having proved I have my own mind, I will try telling him to get better when he feels low. And if you liked the poem above, here is more:

So here I complete a hundred posts,
wow - and am so happy about the fact
and am hopeful I continue to attract,
your comments, so that I don't feel morose.
Its also been great meeting you today,
while hoping you feel the same too,
and even though I don't know you,
I was waiting for this from my very first day.
Thanks for helping me reach this landmark,
for if it wasn't for your sweet appreciation,
Zubin would have left me for cancellation,
and I would have lost all my spark.
So, dear reader, I would like you to tell Zubin this,
that his blog has a mind of its own,
its a mind that has fast grown,
and will soon probably be maturer than his.