Straight from the heart...Or Maybe not

I am presently sitting in my office. Time : 0300 hrs on 16th September 2005. And before you start getting any silly ideas in your head about me working my ass off, let me tell you that I am presently working on a night shift, which I expect is something that every person working in a BPO has to experience. Yes I work in a BPO, and like I tell everyone I meet nowadays, a BPO is not necessarily a call centre. Our company deals basically with surveys and their results. Talking about BPO's and outsourcing, I had been an active Kerry supporter (which had more to do with the fact that he was anti- Bush than anything else), and now I wonder what my future would have been had the 21 votes of Ohio shifted to Kerry. Then, I guess, I wouldn't have had got this job in the first place, and wouldn't probably be writing this piece in the first place. But Kerry lost, and rest, as they say, is history.
I was sad and upset when Kerry lost, just like I was 4 years ago when Al Gore had lost due to mal rigging in Florida. And I felt sad, for REM, for Bruce Springsteen,Leonardo Di Caprio and Ben Affleck, people who had actually come out to tell the US citizens that how bad the Bush administration, and in general, the neo cons were for the world at large. And I believed that if a few more hundred valid black voters were registered in the State of Florida, USA would by today, have had 13 years of uninterrupted Democratic government, which in turn would have assured a peaceful, less polarised world.
Now coming to the main point of writing this article, I take my leanings for Democrats as a statement of the confused state of mind that I am in. I consider myself closer in leanings to the rights than to the left. I DON'T believe in social equality, I AM a racist, I AM a supporter and a big fan of Israel, and (even though I take the opposite view just to debate the issue) I think that what happened in Gujarat was probably not too wrong. Add these things up, and what you get is as much a right leaning hardliner as you can get. But when it comes to supporting a candidate, I had much rather vote for the left-of-centre Congress than the right-of- centre BJP. Or I had very much root for Kerry against Bush.
I don't know why does this happen but it does. I sometimes think of myself as a split personality, with two faces. One is the selfish me, the jealous me, the greedy me, the proud me, the rightist leaning me, the neocon me, who believes that I am destined to rule this earth, and which leads me to behave so selfishly which the other me wouldn't even dream of. The other me is how most people see me, or rather how I want them to see me, the selfless me, the innocent me, the modest me, the liberal me, the generous me. It tells me to take it easy and get real "satisfaction" and "happiness" through unselfish acts. Money, or fame, doesn't matter to this me, and it just wants to do what I enjoy. But maybe I enjoy pissing off other people. What does the good me do then? Or maybe I am not sure. Or maybe I am just plain confused.
I don't even know the real me, and I believe that people take me for one of the two faces that they know. So its hard for me to be honest to anybody, as much as I might try. Even I don't know that what I do, why I do it, and what is the outcome. Life, rather much like shit, happens. My thoughts fluctuate between the two extremes and I am never able to control them. When the "bad" me takes over, I get hyper, and am rude to everyone around. It is only when the bad me wanes away that I am able to undo my past actions, but not everything can be undone.
I am Cain, and I am Abel; both the victim and the criminal. I have no instinct, my emotions betray me. I am always speaking the truth, and I am always lying. I am aimless, and I have the ultimate aim.
If you have read so far, I will give you a reward for your perseverance of going through such a piece of life (I probably meant shit here, but for me, its all the same). The two me aren't exactly opposite . They agree on only one thing: They both love the girl I love. But then she doesn't like me, so it is all pretty useless. And then suddenly, they fall apart again: while the good me tells me to let her go, the other wants me to keep knocking at her door, and win her over. I don't know whom to listen to. I am confused. And then there is only the ultimate truth to which I can agree whole heartedly, and the only one I can believe in : I love her.

For my Friends

The four years I spent
at the nation's premier technological institution
Have been the best of my lives,
A fact I can state with full conviction.

It wouldnt have had been such
if I hadnt found you all
Since the first year, we have been together,
playing tennis, squash and football.

I know I have wasted these four years,
doing nothing much, and with no notable feat,
but if given a chance, these four years,
in this same way I would repeat.

We havent always had the best of times
and I have fought with most of you
but without you I swear,
I would not have managed it through.

This journey wouldnt have been fun,
if you werent there with me,
Then well, IIT would just be
a pretty boring place to be.

These years have been a learning experience
and professors were not the one who taught
U were my real teachers in here
from you guys, I really learnt a lot

You have been my pillars of strength
and to each one of you I could go
with any of my problems, and you were there
to help me and make me come out of my low.

I still get frustrated
when you dont agree with me
but now I understand
without you, how boring life would be.

It has been a pleasure knowing you all,
for all of you have taught me a thing or two,
And best of luck for your future lives,
and wishing you success in whatever you do.

For my Brother

You have been my inspiration
and I have always looked up to you
At this important crossroad in my life,
I am seeking your advice about what to do

I have always adored and admired you
Even though I am ashamed to admit that
I have tried hard to be like you
But failed to do even that

You have been an ideal son,
and mama-papa have been proud of you
As for me, I have been the reckless one,
Today I realise, a poor second out of the two.

You mean the world to me,
and a nobler person I have never seen.
Without you to guide me,
Where I am today, I could never have been.

I have been mean and rude towards you,
but you have never turned me away.
You have given me all your things to share,
And been a constant guide, come what may.

This blog is written to impress upon you
the fact that I could never ever say,
You are the person I look up to,
and I adore you every single day.

For my Parents

I am often left wondering
why do u still think me to be a child
who knows not what he is doing
with friends who cherish acting wild.

I know I have made mistakes,
but I have only grown wiser,
while earlier I used to be naive and rude to people,
nowadays, I have started to try making myself nicer.

You want me to pay more attention
to my studies, and be the best I can be,
but what I really want from life,
that is what you fail to see.

My elder brother has achieved a lot,
and you want me to emulate him
but please, thats not something I want,
I want to follow my fantasies and whims.

I want to find my calling in life,
and want to do things my own way,
I believe that even though it doesnt seem so right now,
Success shall follow me some day.

I still havent decided what I really want
but I am quiet sure this is not what i want life to bring,
So pushing me down this road,
might make me do some stupid things.

I want to thank you, for being such wonderful parents,
And consider myself lucky, that to you I was born,
But I now think that I am ready to go alone,
and take on life head-on.

I believe that you have cared for me the most,
and that's why you are tensed over my decision,
That all you teachings and values will come to naught,
But believe me, and please show in me some conviction.

Yes, I want to be famous, and rich,
but I believe more important things do exist,
and also what matters most is what people think of you,
and so the following tops my wishlist.

I want to be the catcher in the rye,
to make a difference in people's life,
And when I die, may people remember me as,
"This is the guy who made others live life."

Fifty days of solitude (Internship time)..

Quite unlike the famous book
This is not a fantasy but a real incident
On the training and its fifty days
I would like to add some of my own comments

Of the five hundred and eighteen or so students
Who have just completed their training
It is just a small fractionwho
managed to get PPO's with their meticulous working

To the rest, the layman may ask,
"what did you all do in your companies and labs ?"
To which the expected answer may be,
"We had a well deserved rest, and increased our flab."

Some of us well manage to say,
"Our companies didnt pay us, so we didnt have anyhope."
While others have the excuse,
"We were abroad, had to see the whole of Europe."

But for many of us,
Who are in India and earning too,
why is it that the companies
dont offer us a PPO or two?

Is it because IITians dont like to work?
Or is it, because the time is too less
"Fifty days is very little,
what shall u do here, is anybody's guess"

Are the kind of comments I had to bear
Different Questions like this I had to face
It was a new company and as it turned out
I was the first intern the company had graced

In other colleges, students do training in the final year
Some in the seventh semester and some in eighth
But IITs are different in this regard
And I thought that the other colleges had put in theirthought some weight

So I decided to write a letter
asking the T&P Deptt. to extend the days
So unlike the usual convention
IITD can also follow the other colleges ways

Then I thought a lot about the matter as to what would happen to IIT
if my ideas were taken seriously by men or two
The even semester would become(among other things)poltuless
And in the odd semester, What will become ofRendezvous?

At that very moment I knew
it would be probably much better
If I was to drop this idea
and tear apart the ill fated letter,

And then as I sat within my cubicle
I felt an unending sense of doom
There was no other I knew here
I suddnenly noticed my empty room

There and then I felt
a feeling of intense gratitude
for the T&P section had made me
suffer JUST fifty days of solitude.

Murphy's Law and the Eternal Optimist

If you have read The Alchemist, you 1) would have loved it as a "wonderfully hope creating and opstimistic story." or 2) would have lambasted it terming it to "be hopelessly optimistic and away from life. " or 3) would have remained untouched by it. Read this piece, and you shall probably change your views about the book. If you havent read the Alchemist, read on anyway, and you might want to rush to the nearest book store to buy the book " that has influeced millions of lives." I have only read the book once and it seemed complete sham to me back then. Here was a guy who was actually selling dreams to people (Coelho), and whats more people were actually buying it, as a moralising book. I read it for the storyline, which was interesting.
However a lot of things have happened which have made me change my views about the theories in the book.
The entire book is based on the theory "When you want something badly, the entire universe conspires for you to get it." I always believed the opposite, namely Murphy's Law, which states that "wherever something can go wrong, it will." I still believe the Law, but now I also believe in the opstimistic theory in the Alchemist. Can it be possible, when everything goes wrong, that the Universe is actually helping you? I believe it is. When you want something too badly, you are ready to risk everything you have and go after what you want. And the Universe tries to test you throughout, trying to shake your conviction, trying to break you down, and trying to test you: Murphy's Law is a test that lets the Universe decide the motivated enough. And from there on, the Universe is ready to help you. You have to work for getting whatever you want, otherwise your "badly wanting it " is useless.
If the Universe wasnt helping, could Abraham Lincoln and APJ Abdul Kalam become the presidents of their respective countries? Could Lance Armstrong come back from a battle with cancer to win five Tour de France titles? And why does every movie have a good-triumphs over bad theme? Or why dont the bad forces outnumber the forces thats keeping the world in peace?
It is because the Universe has an order, an order thats made to help everyone.
You might contend this by pointing out, that for every Abe or APJ, there are millions who fail to make it. I know its true, but maybe thats because they werent motivated enough. And they didnt want to win that badly.
I believe that the Universe gives equal opportunities to eeryone, and the number of good things happening to a person is a constant for each person, as is the number of bad things. It just comes down how much can a person take of these opportunities, and not be dissuaded by the failures. And in the end, probably it all doesnt matter: success is defined by a person, so if you get what you aim for, you are successful. The Universe has helped you. If you arent, you just need to want that thing that much more. And work hard to get it as well. Atleast initially. And from there, let Universe take over. I am a pessemist, but deepdown. I believe everyone is an optimist. You just have to believe the Universe and work hard.

For all incoming freshers

This bit is for the guys who are coming in to IIT Delhi after cracking the JEE. Congratulations for successfully clearing one of the toughest examinations in the world. It must have been a tough last two or three years for you and now that your efforts have borne fruit, you must be looking to celebrate this moment with family and friends. Making it through IIT deserves accolades but you must also realise that all of your batchmates in IIT Delhi have done the same. The journey only gets tougher from herein, and I would like to guide you with what all to do at IIT Delhi.

Most of you would have been the best students in your respective schools, but now the level of competition is much higher than what it used to be. So please prepare yourself to be among the "average" or "low CGPA" students. The faster you can make the transition from the relatively easy school phase to the competitive IIT world, the better it would be for your four or five years in IIT Delhi. This is an appeal to also the parents to stop pestering their children now for more marks, they have made it through IIT and I believe IITD itself shall groom them to become successful in life.

As a passing out student, I believe that the past four years have been the best ever in my life. And I am not a nine pointer, but a rather disappointing five point someone. And even though I dont regret anything I did during the past four years, I just wish I had a better CGPA. A good CGPA makes a difference between a job at ITC and Infosys, between a final call from IIM Ahmedabad, and IIM Lucknow. Hence the most important thing while at IIT Delhi is to have a good GPA. A good GPA is anything more than 7.0. Make that mark, and you wont lose out on the companies shortlisting and MS calls.

Having said that, CGPA is not the only aspect of life in IIT Delhi, and I am not advising you in any way to become complete maggus (a term for 24*7*365 sloggers in IIT Delhi). I am asking you to make a balance between the co-curricular activities and your academics. Contrary to popular belief, IITians are not nerds, and there are plenty of scope of all round personality development in IIT Delhi. Try out new sports, participate in the various clubs activities, try catching up on all that you missed while preparing to come in here. And build up enthusiasm for atleast something; for your hostel, for your departmental society, for some club or board, for SPIC MACAY, but please do something that will help youto make a mark in the campus.

Coming to IIT Delhi will in itself ensure you of a bright future. Even if you dont manage a good GPA, it doesnt really matter. If you have the potential(and all of you have it as you have made it through JEE) you are going to be successful, in every possible connotation of the word, soon, somewhere.What really matters is, spending the time in here in a manner that will make people take notice of you. This is where you make a transition from teenagers to adults, and coming in as brilliant brains, I hope you go out as responsible citizens. The best thing about IIT Delhi is that you are never judged by yourCGPA or your extra curricular activities, but by the kind of person you actually are. And believe me, this is the only thing that matters in life. Become worthy of IIT Delhi, by becoming world class human beings.