Vichitravirya became a king at a very young age and as such was dominated by his foster brother Bhishma, and his mother Satyavati. Vichitravirya, meanwhile, had just reached the age when people start learning about sex, and get boners without no reason. He had discovered a copy of Kamasutra, and had been spending sleepless nights reading about it and masturbating, imaging in his fantasies, among other things, his mother and foster brother together in bed - this was a common rumour going around, that after the death of Shantanu, Bhishma and Satyavati had been brought together by lust. (And it was partly true, being younger to Bhishma, Satyavati was attracted to Bhishma, and after the death of Shantanu, even offered herself to him, but Bhishma, being a true homosexual, turned her down, and they decided to be best friends thereafter - Bhishma keeping Satyavati's lust a secret, while Satyavati agreed not to let anyone know about Bhishma's "condition").
And while they were talking about the condition of the kingdom one day, Bhishma mentioned to Satyavati that the king had come of age, and it was time for him to get married. And Satyavati asked Bhishma, "Do you have anyone in mind for my son, Bhishma?" And Bhishma said, "The beautiful daughters of the king of Kashi, Amba, Ambika and Ambalika are of marriagable age, and are reputed to be very beautiful. The king of Kashi has arranged a swayamvara (a method where women could choose their own husbands) for them, but has not invited our king. This is an insult to Hastinapur, and so I will go and kidnap the girls, who will make good wives for our king, and will also help us avenge the insult. Moreover, I am adept at carrying girls off to marry someone else - remember you with my father. I will do a great job" Satyavati: " Oh, Bhishma, you are very jokey. All right then, go and get them for my son, we will have a grand wedding." And so off went Bhishma, to kidnap the daughters of the king of Kashi.
The King of Kashi was making preparations for the swayamvara. His anger at Hastinapur was due to the fact that Shantanu, in the days when he was shagging Ganga, had refused the hand of his sister in marriage. The Kashi king wanted to avenge that humiliation, and had thought, that not inviting Vichitravirya for swayamvara of his daughters would be a nice revenge. Now, unknown to the king, his eldest daughter Amba was having a pre-marital affair with Prince Shalya (the one who was defeated by Bhishma earlier), and had decided to place the wedding garland on his shoulders. The other two sisters were still undecided, and as they were readying to choose from among the kings and princes assembled, in walked Bhishma to the hall.
Seeing Bhishma, the other kings burst into laughter. King 1: "Isn't he Bhishma, the man who has taken the oath of never marrying? Then what is he doing here?". King 2:"The beauty of the three princess has made him forget his vow. He wants to bed them, just like everyone of us here." (Laughter from everyone else, including the father of the girls - it was considered a privilege then to have your daughter, and your wife, being seen as a sex object). The King of Kashi, then said, "Why are you here, Bhishma? We did not invite you nor your step-brother. Don't you have any manners, or any etiquettes - coming here uninvited like this? Go away, or I will have to tell my guards to throw you away." Hearing these words, Bhishma got really angry, and said, "I am here to abduct your daughters, and get them married to the King of Hastinapur. Heaven knows I cannot be moved from my vow (because I am gay, he thought, but let's leave the details), and if anyone tries to stop me, I will blow them away." And saying so, Bhishma let out arrows which caused every king present to lose his throne, and thus humiliating them, he caught hold of the three women, who were too afraid to say anything. He then holding them in his chariot, proceeded towards Hastinapur, while the other kings were too shocked to do anything about it. Only Shalya, who was just minutes away from marrying the hottest girl of that age, had the courage to pursue Bhishma, and met him in the battlefield - Bhishma and the three girls against Shalya and his entire army - where, like before, Shalya was defeated, and his life was spared.
Being victorious, Bhishma went immediately to Satyavati and Vichitravirya, and showed them his conquests. Seeing the big bosom ladies before him, the young king got an immediate boner, while Satyavati was happy for her son. She ordered a grand wedding, when suddenly, Amba spoke up : "I am already in love with King Shalya, I wanted to marry him, and I even carry his baby. Let me marry him, please, oh, the mother queen of Hastinapur." Bhishma was shocked, and said, "But why didnt you tell this to me earlier? I could have left you there?" Amba said, "But I was frightened of you - You might have had killed me. I only got courage now, in front of the Queen Mother". Satyavati, "Bhishma, make arrangements for sending Amba to Shalya. Give her great ornaments. Send her like my daughter to Shalya." And so Amba was sent off, all this time dreaming about Shalya. However, after reaching there, Amba was in for a rude shock as Shalya refused to accept her. "I have lost you to Bhishma, I cannot accept you back as a gift. Its like adding insult to injury. So go back to Bhishma and Vichitravirya - anyways that is a very funny name, what does it mean, weird semen, haha - and forget about me." Amba: "But what about our child, Shalya?" "Abort it. Or raise it up as Vichitravirya's or Bhishma's or anyone else. But I cannot marry you. The whole world will laugh at me for accepting you. I am sorry, I love you, but not more than my honour. Please go away." At this Amba started crying, to which Shalya sang the ultimate abortion song "Yeh waqt nahin hai rone ka, yeh waqt hai baby hone ka, arre tab kyun naa roee thee, jab chipak chipak ke soyee thee, ab jo kiya hai use bharo, tab to kehti thee aur karo, aur karo!" and saying so, he dismissed Amba.
Meanwhile, Vichitravirya got married to the other two sisters. They immediately agreed to complete his fantasies, indulging in threesomes and lesbianism. All that Vichitravirya (that name is too long) ever did was to fuck these two beauties. The kingdom was now actually being run by Bhishma and everyone seemed happy with the arrangement.
So, Amba got an abortion, and headed back to Hastinapur, hoping to marry Vichitravirya. But the weirdo (this is much shorter) decided that even a threesome took a lot of his energies, and he was not ready for foursomes. Moreover, while Amba was considered the hottest among the three, she had shorter breasts, and the wierdo was definitely a breast-man. Moreover, Amba was not even a virgin, and had also got an abortion, making her a strict no-no. So well, he rejected Amba, who having been denied a husband, blamed it all on Bhishma, and told him, "You are the cause for my plight. No one wants to marry me and I have to lose my child because of you. You have devoid me of my honour. Hence, you should return my honour by marrying me." Bhishma said, "Child, I am old enough to be your father. And even if that was not the case, I cant marry you because I have my vow to adhere to (and because I am gay, he thought). So I am sorry for your condition, but I cannot help you. The only recourse left to you now is to go back to Shalya and ask him to marry you" Amba : "Shalya has already rejected me, Bhishma, and my honour doesn't allow me to go back to him. You have brought this woe upon myself and so now, I vow myself, that I will plan your destruction" and off she went.
She went and met many kings and princes, but no one was ready to take on the mighty Bhishma. So she prayed to Lord Subhramanya, who granted her a garland saying that whoever wore that garland would become an enemy of Bhishma and fight him for her. Amba took along that garland and met many kings, who refused to wear that garland, and even king Drupad refused. So she, disappointed, left the garland at the gate of Drupad's territory and went off to search for someone valiant, finally going to see the Sage Parshuram, the greatest warrior of his time, and the teacher of Bhishma, and narrated her sad tale. Moreover, to press her case even further, she even gave the teacher a blow job, which had Parshuram gasping for more, and Parshuram said, "I can always sway Shalya to marry you if you give it to me," to which Amba said, "I dont want to marry that sob Shalya, he is a coward. Now all I want you to do is to order Bhishma to marry me, or to destroy him in battle and I will give you all you want." And so off went Parshuram, and ordered Bhishma to marry Amba, which Bhishma refused, giving references to his vow. So Parshuram said, "I have promised Amba I will sway you, and if you are not going to obey me, I will make you obey me. Get ready to fight." And so they faught, the pupil and the student, over a woman. Parshuram was the best fighter of his day, and he had killed 21 generations of Kshatriya in his prime, but he was getting old, and Bhishma was young enough. After days of fighting then, Bhishma defeated Parshuram, and Parshuram went back to Amba, "Forget him, he is invincible. Go and seek his refuge. And I know I failed you, but am I still entitled to a handjob or something?" And Amba was like, "If you cannot help me, get lost, you good for nothing, you get nothing. Now I will have to do something." And off she went to pray to Lord Shiva, who granted her a boon that she will destroy Bhishma in her next birth. And Amba, in a bid to destroy Bhishma, set herself on pyre, and that was the end of the Amba story. Or was it? We will see later, much later.
But for now, its time to look at the fuckfest at Hastinapur, where the weirdo was having the time of his life with his two wives. However, too much of sex kills, and one day, while having threesome as usual, he got an heart attack (too much blood had rushed into his organ), and died on the spot. The king was dead - there was no heir, and the Hastinapur dynasty was going to a close.
So well, Satyavati called Bhishma after the funeral was over, and asked him, "Fuck my daughters-in-law, they will still techincally be the king;s son, and Hastinapur will have heirs. As you know, a widow can technically produce an heir by mating with her dead husband's brother. Please do this for Hastinapur." Bhishma, "But you know, my vow, ohh wait, you know the story, I am GAY - do you get it - I don't fuck women - Is that fine with you. I don't care about what you think, but I can't do it. It is just not right, you know. Moreover, what will the world say if I break my vow." "Well then, Bhishma, you leave me with just one choice." "And what is that, Satyavati?" "I have a story to tell you, I have another son" and she proceeded to tell him about Parshuram and Vyas. "Oh my oh my, you are a whore, aren't you?" And she remembered Vyas, who suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and said, "Mom, why did you call me? What can I do for you?"
Satyavati: "Son, fuck my daughters-in-law. I will be sending them to you and you must have meaningful sex with them."
Vyas:" I will love it mom, otherwise with an appearance like me. I dont get any pussy." (Vyas was big and black and positively ugly, with hair and all).
So well Satyavati called Ambika, who seeing Vyas, closed her eyes and kept it close as long as Vyas was giving it to her, which was a long time. After this performance, Vyas came to Satyavati and told her that because of Ambika's not opening her eyes, the son will be blind. So Ambalika was told that she must keep her eyes open all through the performance, which she did, but seeing Vyas was not easy, and she fainted, which as Vyas told later, meant that this son will be pale. Satyavati, afraid of the consequences, then asked Ambika to get fucked again by Vyas, to deliver a healthy child, but Ambika, afraid of what happened earlier, instead send a maid in her place, who accepted Vyas gladly, and gave him the best fuck ever. Vyas later said that this child would be the wisest and the most intelligent. So, within nine months, Ambika delivered Dhritrashtra, who was blind, while Ambalika, after some time, delivered Pandu, who was pale, and the maid delivered Vidur, who by orders of Satyavati, was brought up like a Prince. And so their education started, under supervision of Bhishma.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
This is a true story
Location: Byron Bay Bar at Bordeaux. Day: Thursday. Time : 10:30 P.m. Event: Party of some school, with many Pretty Young Things (and when I say young, I mean like 16-17 years old), in it.
The Scene Outside : A group of 3 girls and 4 guys from that school are trying to get in, but are not being allowed by the bouncer outside. They try flaunting their I-cards, the babes try some sweet talking, but are not allowed, when the four of us Indians enter there. We are kind of regulars there, but we have never talked to the bouncer before, and are sure we will be thrown out. So, sheepishly, we stand in front of the bouncer, waiting to be thrown out, and hoping against hope, for some miracle to happen. And it happens - As soon as he sees us, he opens the gate, and we are like, "Is it for us?". And the bouncer says, "yes", and we are allowed in, and the bouncer addresses us in such respectful terms it makes us blush, and happy.The treatment meted to us also makes the French girls and guys stranded outside pass the kind of awe filled stares we throw at people who are allowed to enter exclusive parties normally.
We felt like kings, and we acted like ones that day. For what happened next, you will have to contact me on G-talk probably (too vulgar, even by the standards of this blog, to put it down here). To put it briefly, we were like wolves prowling for sheep. :P
The Scene Outside : A group of 3 girls and 4 guys from that school are trying to get in, but are not being allowed by the bouncer outside. They try flaunting their I-cards, the babes try some sweet talking, but are not allowed, when the four of us Indians enter there. We are kind of regulars there, but we have never talked to the bouncer before, and are sure we will be thrown out. So, sheepishly, we stand in front of the bouncer, waiting to be thrown out, and hoping against hope, for some miracle to happen. And it happens - As soon as he sees us, he opens the gate, and we are like, "Is it for us?". And the bouncer says, "yes", and we are allowed in, and the bouncer addresses us in such respectful terms it makes us blush, and happy.The treatment meted to us also makes the French girls and guys stranded outside pass the kind of awe filled stares we throw at people who are allowed to enter exclusive parties normally.
We felt like kings, and we acted like ones that day. For what happened next, you will have to contact me on G-talk probably (too vulgar, even by the standards of this blog, to put it down here). To put it briefly, we were like wolves prowling for sheep. :P
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Delhi Walla Blog
Thanks to Sammy, I got a chance to write for his cousin Mayank's blog about 'sex life in IITD'. Here is the link. Mayank has modified the original post, and made it look much better. As John Grisham writes, the mistakes are all mine :P.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Mahabharata - 4 : Satyavati-Shantanu
As Shantanu roamed around the banks of the Yamuna, hunting for new pray, he smelled the best aroma he ever had. Trying to find the source of the aroma, he ordered his charioteer to take his chariot to wherever the fragrance was coming from. (Yeah, in case you are wondering, the same charioteer was always with Shantanu - he also got a spoil of the shares after Shantanu was done devouring his prey). They even crossed their own kingdom in the process and came within the limits of the kingdom of Chedi. The feminine fragrance had him totally horny, and when he came to the place where Satyavati was planning to pack her bags for the day and go home, after a hard days' job ferrying people across the Yamuna. (She planned to go back to bed, remembering, like every night, the awesome time she had, what seemed like years ago, the awesome "love-making" from Prashar. It was the best time of her entire day, alone with her memories, and a stick which she could use as a dildo. Yes, women were horny even then.)
Seeing Satyavati, Shantanu got the hard-on of his life - yeah, he was even hornier than meeting Ganga had made him, and it was surprising because he was much older now, except that he still dyed his hair and went about singing "I am so Young Now" (The Corrs are copycats too, but they changed it a bit) - but, as he explained later to his charioteer, it was also the smell that did it. He took down his pants, and as was his wont, sang out to Satyavati, "Give it to me baby." ("It" referred to the pussy, readers, but Offsprings couldn't really understand it when they decided to copy). And Satyavati, still playing the role of the ideal daughter, told Shantanu, "You might be the king, but I am not ready to lose my virginity in a one night stand. Either ask my father for my hand in marriage or go away. I am sorry." Shantanu was dumbfounded. "But, I am a king, and you are not supposed to refuse a king like that. Noone has ever refused me before - not even Ganga. How dare you then?" "But, I am not your subject, oh king. You are in the kingdom of the king of Chedi, and I am obliged to obey him - not you." And Shantanu thought, "What lovely mouth she has, what pleasure it would be to get a blowjob from her." Aloud: "Will you give me a blowjob then, oh beautiful one. It will give me pleasure, and possibly you too, seeing my tool, which as you must know and can see yourself, all the gals say, is a pretty fly for a white guy. Moreover, your virginity will be intact,". Satyavati, seeing the thing between Shantanu's legs did feel horny, but it was small compared to Prashar. And she did not want to dilute the effect that Prashar's cock had on her, by indulging in sucking other, lesser cock. So aloud she said, "Do you think I am a slut, O king? I have been brought up in virtue, and if you want to have anything to do with me, ask my father." And Shantanu was totally impressed by the concern of the sex-bomb standing before him. (A sexy woman who is not a slut is still every man's dream wife - and Shantanu was no cuckold). He decided he could fuck this chick for time immemorial and not get tired of it - hell, she was almost as hot as Ganga, and that smell!!! Unable to control his hard-on, he immediately took Satyavati with him, and went to the fisherman's Dashraj house, to ask for Satyavati's hand. The following conversation followed:
Shantanu: I love your daughter and want to marry her.
Dashraj: Who are you?
Shantanu (frowning): Don't you know me, I am the king of Hastinapur, Shantanu. And I want to make your daughter my queen.
Dashraj: That is a pleasure, O king. But I have a condition.
Shantanu: What is it? Tell me soon, I am ready to fulfil anything. Just make me marry your daughter. (I have a raging hard-on, bastard, and only your daughter can help me relieve it, he thought).
Dashraj: I have brought this daughter of mine in the best way I could, and I want her to get the best. If you marry her, you must promise me that her son will be your heir.
Shantanu (thinking): "I have already made Devarata my heir. Fuck Dashraj, I could possibly take his daughter and run off, but the king of Chedi is so powerful and Devarata might not help me in this ensuing war which starts off because of my lust for a woman not his mother. But I want a release." (Aloud he said):"This is not possible Dashraj, ask for anything else. I have already promised my kingdom to my eldest son, Devarata."
Dashraj: This is my one and only request, O king. If you can fulfil it, you can take Satyavati as your wife, otherwise I am sorry.
Shantanu: You know I cannot be a traitor to my son. We kings cannot break our promises. Fuck you, Dashraj and fuck your daughter. I am going to cum, umm, I mean go. (And he cums, and goes, unable to make any headway).
Every day from then on, Shantanu goes to the bank of the Yamuna along with his charioteer, (who for your knowledge also did cum seeing Satyavati), sees Satyavati, sings, "I will cum wherever you will go," (which, as The Calling thought, was too liberal even for American listeners, and changed the 'cum' to 'go'), cums seeing her, and goes home. He loses all taste for other women, and is totally in love with Satyavati - a love bred out of lust. At night, while Satyavati is cumming for Prashar, Shantanu cums for her. (pine would probably be a less accurate word here - Its all lust, come to think of it). And he ignores all other prey, and his food, and his appetite suffers. He just lives to take a glimpse of Satyavati and cum thinking about her. All this while, Devarata, who is effectively managing the kingdom, can't bear to see his father's condition. He asks his father, "what is wrong father? Is there anything I can help you with? Are you worried about the kingdom? Or is it something else that troubles you?" Now just take a moment to comprehend the situation Shantanu is in. He wants to tell his son, "I want to fuck and marry a woman I can't. I can't as long as you are there." But how could he say that? So he says, "I am worried about you son. You manage the kingdom, and you are my heir and my sole son. If anything was to happen to you, what will I do?" Now this actually meant this - I need to have another son, and another heir. Devarata probably understood this, because he went to his father's charioteer, and asked the charioteer about his father's health. The charioteer pretended ignorance, but upon being promised the price of one of the most beautiful maidens of the kingdom, agreed to divulge the details about Satyavati, and told him how the king was besotted by the female, and how Dashraj had laid the condition. ("But it is not your father's fault, prince, you should see Satyavati - Oh, her eyes are so beautiful. And the smell that emanates from her body, and her breasts are like water melons, and her waist like a surahi" "Cut the details, charioteer, I will go check her out myself" said Devarata and asking directions for Satyavati's house, took his chariot and went off).
Now well, Devarata felt nothing for the numerous pretty females who wanted to make love to the Most Eligible Bachelor in the kingdom. He was always more excited by sight of men fighting and working. Also, seeing the bulge in the charioteer's pants as he talked about Satyavati, had managed to turn him on pretty bad. Which is why he wanted to get out of that place ASAP. And as he thought about that big bulge in the charioteer's pants, the thought suddenly struck him - he was gay. It was not very usual, but his Guru Brihaspati had told him once, in the biology class, about devas in heaven who took no pleasure in company of apsaras and instead slept with another men. It was a biological condition - and nothing you could do about it, but publicising it was not exactly recommended, not in the relatively conservative earth. If word gets around, a gay person might see himself being isolated from society. Hearing about Satyavati and her father's condition brought a plan to his mind - it was risky, but it might just work, he thought, and off he went to implement it.
Reaching Dashraj's house, he saw Satyavati and even he could appreciate his father's eye for beauty.
Dashraj: Who are you, and why do you come here at this hour?
Devarata: I am Devarata, the prince of Hastinapur.
Dashraj: Welcome. What can I do for you?
Devarata: I ask the hand of your daughter for my father.
Dashraj: But you know my condition, and as long as the king is unwilling to fulfil that condition, I am unable to marry off my daughter. And you are such a mighty and famous prince, how can the king think of making anyone else the heir?
Devarata (thinking : Seeing my father is such a cuckoo, good for nothing king, I guess his sons will also be similar. I am different only because of my mother, the divine Ganga, otherwise I would also have been a loser like my dad. I can always act as a de-facto ruler whether I am the king or not): I, Deverata, am the heir to the throne of Hastinapur, and I relinquish that title and give word to you that after my father, the son of your daughter will become the next king.
(This he said in a loud voice so that people all over could hear him make the supreme sacrifice.)
Dashraj: But..(He wanted to say, but you actually are taking such a vow for my daughter?)
Devarata (coming to the part, which he had thought about all through the way) : "But what, you know I have relinquished, but I think that you fear that my sons, if they are as mighty as me, will take the throne back from your daughter's sons? Is that it, tell me?"
Dashraj (thinking: "Shit, I had never thought about it. But this is really good.") "yes, that is my only concern"
Devarata (smiling inwardly, but making a serious face): "Hear, Oh the heavens, the netherworld and the earth. I, Devarata, for the benefit of my father, and for the throne of Hastinapur, vow never to marry, and never to fuck any woman."
The heavens heard him. Devas poured flowers on him as he made this 'sacrifice' and an akashwaani (the ancient version of radio news service, except that it came from the skies) hailed him as Bhisham, one who had taken a Bhishan Pratigya (Terrible vow). He became famous everywhere, and was also spared humiliation of being called a gay. (Now that is killing two birds with one stone).
Dashraj agreed to the match, and Bhishma carried Satyavati to his father, who, having had his fantasy come to life through his son's twin sacrifices, granted his son the boon of choosing his death. (And in those days, these things worked - somehow. And that's how you kill three birds with one stone). And Bhishma started managing the kingdom, making some good "friends" among advisors, while Shantanu got down to fucking Satyavati, and as he had done before, disappeared from public sight for nine months, when Satyavati delivered a son, the future king of Hastinapur, who was named Chitrangada. Leaving him to the maid, Shantanu and Satyavati went back being rabbits, and soon enough Satyavati delivered Vichitravirya.
Soon, thereafter, however, the king developed high BP developed due to the pumping of blood to his organ, and had a stroke, from which he did survive, but could never recover enough to have sex. So instead he starting brooding about how he had let his first-born son (Gangeya- Devarata- Bhishma) down. He also blamed Satyavati, who also started sharing the guilt of it all. Soon enough Shantanu died, and the young Chitrangada was declared the king, with Bhishma acting as his mentor. The king wanted to let go of Bhishma's interference in his life, and so took to hunting like his father, seeking prey. And as it happened, while Chitrangada was hunting one day, he encountered the Gandharva king Chitrangada, who got into an arguement about who had the right to carry off that name. In the ensuing duel, the Paurava Chitrangada was killed, and so Vichitravirya was made the king. Bhishma continuing to be his mentor. And this laid the foundation of another twist in the Mahabharata story.
(You know, about Mahabharata, it is said, "what is here might be found somewhere else, but what is not contained here, cannot be found anywhere else." A good thought to end).
Seeing Satyavati, Shantanu got the hard-on of his life - yeah, he was even hornier than meeting Ganga had made him, and it was surprising because he was much older now, except that he still dyed his hair and went about singing "I am so Young Now" (The Corrs are copycats too, but they changed it a bit) - but, as he explained later to his charioteer, it was also the smell that did it. He took down his pants, and as was his wont, sang out to Satyavati, "Give it to me baby." ("It" referred to the pussy, readers, but Offsprings couldn't really understand it when they decided to copy). And Satyavati, still playing the role of the ideal daughter, told Shantanu, "You might be the king, but I am not ready to lose my virginity in a one night stand. Either ask my father for my hand in marriage or go away. I am sorry." Shantanu was dumbfounded. "But, I am a king, and you are not supposed to refuse a king like that. Noone has ever refused me before - not even Ganga. How dare you then?" "But, I am not your subject, oh king. You are in the kingdom of the king of Chedi, and I am obliged to obey him - not you." And Shantanu thought, "What lovely mouth she has, what pleasure it would be to get a blowjob from her." Aloud: "Will you give me a blowjob then, oh beautiful one. It will give me pleasure, and possibly you too, seeing my tool, which as you must know and can see yourself, all the gals say, is a pretty fly for a white guy. Moreover, your virginity will be intact,". Satyavati, seeing the thing between Shantanu's legs did feel horny, but it was small compared to Prashar. And she did not want to dilute the effect that Prashar's cock had on her, by indulging in sucking other, lesser cock. So aloud she said, "Do you think I am a slut, O king? I have been brought up in virtue, and if you want to have anything to do with me, ask my father." And Shantanu was totally impressed by the concern of the sex-bomb standing before him. (A sexy woman who is not a slut is still every man's dream wife - and Shantanu was no cuckold). He decided he could fuck this chick for time immemorial and not get tired of it - hell, she was almost as hot as Ganga, and that smell!!! Unable to control his hard-on, he immediately took Satyavati with him, and went to the fisherman's Dashraj house, to ask for Satyavati's hand. The following conversation followed:
Shantanu: I love your daughter and want to marry her.
Dashraj: Who are you?
Shantanu (frowning): Don't you know me, I am the king of Hastinapur, Shantanu. And I want to make your daughter my queen.
Dashraj: That is a pleasure, O king. But I have a condition.
Shantanu: What is it? Tell me soon, I am ready to fulfil anything. Just make me marry your daughter. (I have a raging hard-on, bastard, and only your daughter can help me relieve it, he thought).
Dashraj: I have brought this daughter of mine in the best way I could, and I want her to get the best. If you marry her, you must promise me that her son will be your heir.
Shantanu (thinking): "I have already made Devarata my heir. Fuck Dashraj, I could possibly take his daughter and run off, but the king of Chedi is so powerful and Devarata might not help me in this ensuing war which starts off because of my lust for a woman not his mother. But I want a release." (Aloud he said):"This is not possible Dashraj, ask for anything else. I have already promised my kingdom to my eldest son, Devarata."
Dashraj: This is my one and only request, O king. If you can fulfil it, you can take Satyavati as your wife, otherwise I am sorry.
Shantanu: You know I cannot be a traitor to my son. We kings cannot break our promises. Fuck you, Dashraj and fuck your daughter. I am going to cum, umm, I mean go. (And he cums, and goes, unable to make any headway).
Every day from then on, Shantanu goes to the bank of the Yamuna along with his charioteer, (who for your knowledge also did cum seeing Satyavati), sees Satyavati, sings, "I will cum wherever you will go," (which, as The Calling thought, was too liberal even for American listeners, and changed the 'cum' to 'go'), cums seeing her, and goes home. He loses all taste for other women, and is totally in love with Satyavati - a love bred out of lust. At night, while Satyavati is cumming for Prashar, Shantanu cums for her. (pine would probably be a less accurate word here - Its all lust, come to think of it). And he ignores all other prey, and his food, and his appetite suffers. He just lives to take a glimpse of Satyavati and cum thinking about her. All this while, Devarata, who is effectively managing the kingdom, can't bear to see his father's condition. He asks his father, "what is wrong father? Is there anything I can help you with? Are you worried about the kingdom? Or is it something else that troubles you?" Now just take a moment to comprehend the situation Shantanu is in. He wants to tell his son, "I want to fuck and marry a woman I can't. I can't as long as you are there." But how could he say that? So he says, "I am worried about you son. You manage the kingdom, and you are my heir and my sole son. If anything was to happen to you, what will I do?" Now this actually meant this - I need to have another son, and another heir. Devarata probably understood this, because he went to his father's charioteer, and asked the charioteer about his father's health. The charioteer pretended ignorance, but upon being promised the price of one of the most beautiful maidens of the kingdom, agreed to divulge the details about Satyavati, and told him how the king was besotted by the female, and how Dashraj had laid the condition. ("But it is not your father's fault, prince, you should see Satyavati - Oh, her eyes are so beautiful. And the smell that emanates from her body, and her breasts are like water melons, and her waist like a surahi" "Cut the details, charioteer, I will go check her out myself" said Devarata and asking directions for Satyavati's house, took his chariot and went off).
Now well, Devarata felt nothing for the numerous pretty females who wanted to make love to the Most Eligible Bachelor in the kingdom. He was always more excited by sight of men fighting and working. Also, seeing the bulge in the charioteer's pants as he talked about Satyavati, had managed to turn him on pretty bad. Which is why he wanted to get out of that place ASAP. And as he thought about that big bulge in the charioteer's pants, the thought suddenly struck him - he was gay. It was not very usual, but his Guru Brihaspati had told him once, in the biology class, about devas in heaven who took no pleasure in company of apsaras and instead slept with another men. It was a biological condition - and nothing you could do about it, but publicising it was not exactly recommended, not in the relatively conservative earth. If word gets around, a gay person might see himself being isolated from society. Hearing about Satyavati and her father's condition brought a plan to his mind - it was risky, but it might just work, he thought, and off he went to implement it.
Reaching Dashraj's house, he saw Satyavati and even he could appreciate his father's eye for beauty.
Dashraj: Who are you, and why do you come here at this hour?
Devarata: I am Devarata, the prince of Hastinapur.
Dashraj: Welcome. What can I do for you?
Devarata: I ask the hand of your daughter for my father.
Dashraj: But you know my condition, and as long as the king is unwilling to fulfil that condition, I am unable to marry off my daughter. And you are such a mighty and famous prince, how can the king think of making anyone else the heir?
Devarata (thinking : Seeing my father is such a cuckoo, good for nothing king, I guess his sons will also be similar. I am different only because of my mother, the divine Ganga, otherwise I would also have been a loser like my dad. I can always act as a de-facto ruler whether I am the king or not): I, Deverata, am the heir to the throne of Hastinapur, and I relinquish that title and give word to you that after my father, the son of your daughter will become the next king.
(This he said in a loud voice so that people all over could hear him make the supreme sacrifice.)
Dashraj: But..(He wanted to say, but you actually are taking such a vow for my daughter?)
Devarata (coming to the part, which he had thought about all through the way) : "But what, you know I have relinquished, but I think that you fear that my sons, if they are as mighty as me, will take the throne back from your daughter's sons? Is that it, tell me?"
Dashraj (thinking: "Shit, I had never thought about it. But this is really good.") "yes, that is my only concern"
Devarata (smiling inwardly, but making a serious face): "Hear, Oh the heavens, the netherworld and the earth. I, Devarata, for the benefit of my father, and for the throne of Hastinapur, vow never to marry, and never to fuck any woman."
The heavens heard him. Devas poured flowers on him as he made this 'sacrifice' and an akashwaani (the ancient version of radio news service, except that it came from the skies) hailed him as Bhisham, one who had taken a Bhishan Pratigya (Terrible vow). He became famous everywhere, and was also spared humiliation of being called a gay. (Now that is killing two birds with one stone).
Dashraj agreed to the match, and Bhishma carried Satyavati to his father, who, having had his fantasy come to life through his son's twin sacrifices, granted his son the boon of choosing his death. (And in those days, these things worked - somehow. And that's how you kill three birds with one stone). And Bhishma started managing the kingdom, making some good "friends" among advisors, while Shantanu got down to fucking Satyavati, and as he had done before, disappeared from public sight for nine months, when Satyavati delivered a son, the future king of Hastinapur, who was named Chitrangada. Leaving him to the maid, Shantanu and Satyavati went back being rabbits, and soon enough Satyavati delivered Vichitravirya.
Soon, thereafter, however, the king developed high BP developed due to the pumping of blood to his organ, and had a stroke, from which he did survive, but could never recover enough to have sex. So instead he starting brooding about how he had let his first-born son (Gangeya- Devarata- Bhishma) down. He also blamed Satyavati, who also started sharing the guilt of it all. Soon enough Shantanu died, and the young Chitrangada was declared the king, with Bhishma acting as his mentor. The king wanted to let go of Bhishma's interference in his life, and so took to hunting like his father, seeking prey. And as it happened, while Chitrangada was hunting one day, he encountered the Gandharva king Chitrangada, who got into an arguement about who had the right to carry off that name. In the ensuing duel, the Paurava Chitrangada was killed, and so Vichitravirya was made the king. Bhishma continuing to be his mentor. And this laid the foundation of another twist in the Mahabharata story.
(You know, about Mahabharata, it is said, "what is here might be found somewhere else, but what is not contained here, cannot be found anywhere else." A good thought to end).
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Mahabharata - 3: The birth of Satyavati and Vyas
Roaming around the Ganga river, Shantanu one day saw a young boy (about 16 years old) stopping the flow of the Ganga by making a dam through his arrows. He was delighted by the young boy's proficiency and angered by the fact that the boy seemed to be hurting the river Ganga, who happened to be his wife, albeit estranged. So angrily he went up to the boy and asked him, "Who are you? And why are you stopping the flow of Ganga?" As if to answer the question, Ganga herself (yeah that very same Ganga who had been his wife and whom he had fucked like there was no tomorrow, who still looked like the 20 year old virgin he had seen at the same spot many many years ago) appeared out of nowhere, and said, "He is our eighth son, O king! He has been taught science by the great Guru Brihaspati (the guru of the devas) and has been taught the use of arms and weapons by the great Pashuram. He is the best archer the world has ever seen according to his Guru. He has been named Devarata and is also called Gangeya (the son of Ganga). As I promised, as his education is over, I am handing him over to you. He is intelligent and able enough to be your heir. Take him home." Shantanu, who was overwhelmed with relief and joy at seeing his wife and his son, said, "and arent't you coming home, love?", to which Ganga replied, "It was a deal, my dear. I cant come back, but take Devarata and be happy. And now please go back." Shantanu wanted to cry out, "Give me one more night" (which, as you all know now became the inspiration for Phil Collins' hit song), but Ganga cut him short by disappearing into thin air, like only Indian gods and goddesses know how to.
Shantanu was sad, for seeing Ganga again had let the blood in his loins flow freely again. But he was also happy to find his son and the king as his heir. He seemed to have got his old energy back again, and after declaring Devarata as his heir, and leaving the daily working of the empire to him ("you need to gain experience, son" Shantanu told his son), off he went to his pre-Ganga days hobby of hunting for women and animals. "18 till I die", shouted Shantanu while catching his prey, and in Hindi, "Abhee to main jawaan hoon". (Indians, unfortunately, are as big copycats as the Americans, Irish, British and Canadians are from Indian history.) In the meantime, Devarata got accustomed to his new life as a prince, and single-handedly managed to defeat the huge army arrogant prince of Saubala, Shalva, and humiliated him further by sparing his life. The kingdom of Hastinapur was in good hands, and Shantanu and Deverata were both saying, "I'm loving it." (The quintessential American symbol of McDonald's as you can see, also had its roots in India).
And then entered Satyavati - who was an epitome of sex as only daughters of apsaras (celestial maidens, who were basically prostitutes for gods, and were pure sex) can be. Now here is the story of her birth: "Upacharika was the king of Chedi and Girika was his wife. Once while they planned to have sex to produce a heir for their kingdom, as Girika had one of 'those' days. As they were beginning to start the act, however, came news which required the king to immediately go to a far fetched spot of his kingdom to quell a rebellion. Promising his wife that he will be back soon, he went and quelled the rebellion, but after he was done, he saw the beautiful scenery around. He decided to rest there for some days, but with spring setting in, all animals were into the act of reproduction (and yes - 7x were a craze even then), he got horny remembering his voluptuous wife and masturbated. (This is probably the first mention of the act in the world). As he masturbated, he caught his semen in his hand, and planning not to waste it, caught it in a leaf, tied it to his pigeon and send him to his wife, so that she could concieve a heir. ("Kabootar Jaa Jaa Jaa" was a rip-off from this story - and we thought that was the only original song in the movie Maine Pyar Kiya). So well, off flew the pigeon, with the semen. However, the pigeon, while flying back, was caught by an eagle, and the leaf fell into the river Ganga, where it was eaten by a fish, who was actually an Apsara (Adrika by name) who was cursed to live as a fish. As the semen went into her, it gave birth to two foetus - a girl and a boy. The fish was caught by the fisherman Dashraj, and while he cut the fish, he saw the two babies in there. He took both to the king Upacharika, who kept the boy child, (who grew up to be the king Matsya), while giving the daughter back to Dashraj. The daughter grew up to be Satyavati, the future wife of Shantanu."
Satyavati grew up to be a hot sexy woman. Her father found her a job on the banks of the Yamuna river, as a boatwoman, who used to smell of fish because she was a fisherman's daughter. She used to sit there waiting for people to come and while she was so sexy, people tried avoiding her because of the smell emanating from her body. She was even called Matsyagandha (the smell of fish) and was still a virgin, when Prashar happened to her.
Prashar was a great rishi who one day wanted to cross the river Yamuna, and asked Satyavati to take him across. He had common cold that particular day, and his nostrils were flared up and could not smell. So well in front of her alone was this hot little pussy, who looked a virgin, and the two of them were alone in the middle of a river, which aroused Prashar a great deal. He had an immediate hard-on, and looking at Satyavati, began singing, "I wanna fuck you" to which Satyavati replied, being a virgin, "I want to too, but I am a virgin, and you are not going to marry me, are you? Plus I have such a filthy odour emanating from me, aren't you appalled by that like all the other people?". "Say no more, oh beautiful one, I cannot marry you because I am a rishi. But you are so sexy I cant control myself. It will be a one night affair, and I will make you a deal you can't refuse. (If you thought Godfather was brilliant- what do you think about this). If you give yourself to me, I will, through my yoga and siddhi, restore your hymen. Moreover, I will give you such a fragrance that your fragrance will attract people towards you from a yojana (a unit of distance equal to 9 miles) away." Satyavati thought about it, and then said, "Thanks for the offer, but I am in those days of the month, and I presume you don't have a condom, so what if I get pregnant? What happens to the child?" Prashar had a reply ready,"A son will be born from this union, oh beautiful lady, and he will be an adult as soon as he is born. He will be one of the most renowned rishis ever, and history will remember him as Ved Vyas or Krishna Dwaipanya (the dark island-born). But Satyavati got frightened, and said, "However, it is still daytime, what if someone sees us?" Prashar, who had got tired of answering these questions, and who wanted a quick blowjob to stop this talkative woman, suddenly created darkness (he was a powerful rishi), and told Satyavati, "take the boat to that island in the middle of the river." And as soon they reached the island, Prashar fucked Satyavati like rabbits do. She felt pain, pleasure and ecstasy. It had lasted over four hours, but she had lost all sense of time. It was better than she had ever thought it to be. And after Prashar had finished, she felt pain again, as if something was pushing outside from her vagina. She fell asleep, and when she opened her eyes again, she found two men, not one, looking at her, lying naked, after having the time of her life. She tried to cover herself up, but the other man, who was one of the ugliest men she had ever set eyes upon, bowed to her, touched her feet, and said, "I am your son, mother! Bless me. Father has told me to go and study the Vedas, and I must go along with Father. But if you need me mother, just remember me and I will come. And off went Prashar with Vyas, who looked big enough to be a father himself, leaving Satyavati alone- who went back to her father's home, her hymen restored, and with no signs of having had sex. She told her father that the rishi had given her a new fragrance, leaving out all other details. And she became Yojanagandha, (one whose smell spreads for a yojana) and her smell and her sexy figure and beauty made many people ask for her hand for marriage, but her father refused them all. He knew her daughter was made for bigger things, and it was soon to come - when Shantanu, having hunted down all his 'preys' along the Ganga, decided to try his luck near the Yamuna river.
Shantanu was sad, for seeing Ganga again had let the blood in his loins flow freely again. But he was also happy to find his son and the king as his heir. He seemed to have got his old energy back again, and after declaring Devarata as his heir, and leaving the daily working of the empire to him ("you need to gain experience, son" Shantanu told his son), off he went to his pre-Ganga days hobby of hunting for women and animals. "18 till I die", shouted Shantanu while catching his prey, and in Hindi, "Abhee to main jawaan hoon". (Indians, unfortunately, are as big copycats as the Americans, Irish, British and Canadians are from Indian history.) In the meantime, Devarata got accustomed to his new life as a prince, and single-handedly managed to defeat the huge army arrogant prince of Saubala, Shalva, and humiliated him further by sparing his life. The kingdom of Hastinapur was in good hands, and Shantanu and Deverata were both saying, "I'm loving it." (The quintessential American symbol of McDonald's as you can see, also had its roots in India).
And then entered Satyavati - who was an epitome of sex as only daughters of apsaras (celestial maidens, who were basically prostitutes for gods, and were pure sex) can be. Now here is the story of her birth: "Upacharika was the king of Chedi and Girika was his wife. Once while they planned to have sex to produce a heir for their kingdom, as Girika had one of 'those' days. As they were beginning to start the act, however, came news which required the king to immediately go to a far fetched spot of his kingdom to quell a rebellion. Promising his wife that he will be back soon, he went and quelled the rebellion, but after he was done, he saw the beautiful scenery around. He decided to rest there for some days, but with spring setting in, all animals were into the act of reproduction (and yes - 7x were a craze even then), he got horny remembering his voluptuous wife and masturbated. (This is probably the first mention of the act in the world). As he masturbated, he caught his semen in his hand, and planning not to waste it, caught it in a leaf, tied it to his pigeon and send him to his wife, so that she could concieve a heir. ("Kabootar Jaa Jaa Jaa" was a rip-off from this story - and we thought that was the only original song in the movie Maine Pyar Kiya). So well, off flew the pigeon, with the semen. However, the pigeon, while flying back, was caught by an eagle, and the leaf fell into the river Ganga, where it was eaten by a fish, who was actually an Apsara (Adrika by name) who was cursed to live as a fish. As the semen went into her, it gave birth to two foetus - a girl and a boy. The fish was caught by the fisherman Dashraj, and while he cut the fish, he saw the two babies in there. He took both to the king Upacharika, who kept the boy child, (who grew up to be the king Matsya), while giving the daughter back to Dashraj. The daughter grew up to be Satyavati, the future wife of Shantanu."
Satyavati grew up to be a hot sexy woman. Her father found her a job on the banks of the Yamuna river, as a boatwoman, who used to smell of fish because she was a fisherman's daughter. She used to sit there waiting for people to come and while she was so sexy, people tried avoiding her because of the smell emanating from her body. She was even called Matsyagandha (the smell of fish) and was still a virgin, when Prashar happened to her.
Prashar was a great rishi who one day wanted to cross the river Yamuna, and asked Satyavati to take him across. He had common cold that particular day, and his nostrils were flared up and could not smell. So well in front of her alone was this hot little pussy, who looked a virgin, and the two of them were alone in the middle of a river, which aroused Prashar a great deal. He had an immediate hard-on, and looking at Satyavati, began singing, "I wanna fuck you" to which Satyavati replied, being a virgin, "I want to too, but I am a virgin, and you are not going to marry me, are you? Plus I have such a filthy odour emanating from me, aren't you appalled by that like all the other people?". "Say no more, oh beautiful one, I cannot marry you because I am a rishi. But you are so sexy I cant control myself. It will be a one night affair, and I will make you a deal you can't refuse. (If you thought Godfather was brilliant- what do you think about this). If you give yourself to me, I will, through my yoga and siddhi, restore your hymen. Moreover, I will give you such a fragrance that your fragrance will attract people towards you from a yojana (a unit of distance equal to 9 miles) away." Satyavati thought about it, and then said, "Thanks for the offer, but I am in those days of the month, and I presume you don't have a condom, so what if I get pregnant? What happens to the child?" Prashar had a reply ready,"A son will be born from this union, oh beautiful lady, and he will be an adult as soon as he is born. He will be one of the most renowned rishis ever, and history will remember him as Ved Vyas or Krishna Dwaipanya (the dark island-born). But Satyavati got frightened, and said, "However, it is still daytime, what if someone sees us?" Prashar, who had got tired of answering these questions, and who wanted a quick blowjob to stop this talkative woman, suddenly created darkness (he was a powerful rishi), and told Satyavati, "take the boat to that island in the middle of the river." And as soon they reached the island, Prashar fucked Satyavati like rabbits do. She felt pain, pleasure and ecstasy. It had lasted over four hours, but she had lost all sense of time. It was better than she had ever thought it to be. And after Prashar had finished, she felt pain again, as if something was pushing outside from her vagina. She fell asleep, and when she opened her eyes again, she found two men, not one, looking at her, lying naked, after having the time of her life. She tried to cover herself up, but the other man, who was one of the ugliest men she had ever set eyes upon, bowed to her, touched her feet, and said, "I am your son, mother! Bless me. Father has told me to go and study the Vedas, and I must go along with Father. But if you need me mother, just remember me and I will come. And off went Prashar with Vyas, who looked big enough to be a father himself, leaving Satyavati alone- who went back to her father's home, her hymen restored, and with no signs of having had sex. She told her father that the rishi had given her a new fragrance, leaving out all other details. And she became Yojanagandha, (one whose smell spreads for a yojana) and her smell and her sexy figure and beauty made many people ask for her hand for marriage, but her father refused them all. He knew her daughter was made for bigger things, and it was soon to come - when Shantanu, having hunted down all his 'preys' along the Ganga, decided to try his luck near the Yamuna river.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Mahabharata - 2 : Ganga-Shant-anu
(Now well, as it happens, I am back after a week long mini Euro trip, but more about that later). And so is back this epic story of sex, violence, tragedy, drama and a lot more.
Now before we embark on another story of mindless sex and lust, here is some food for your grey matter to chew on.
Now after Yadu had been deposed of what he thought was his rightful throne, he set up his own empire outside India. On the other side, the descendants of Puru created and strengthened their own empire, prominent among them being Bharat, Hasti and Kuru. Bharat expanded the entire region till the shores of the Indian Ocean. Bharat is also famous as the king who announced an able son of a general as his heir and not his own sons, breaking the general custom of the time. Meanwhile Hasti founded the city of Hastinapur, which became the new capital, and Kuru founded Kurukshetra, one of the holiest lands in India. The story of Mahabharat proper starts from Shantanu, another king of the Puru dynasty, and great-grandfather of Pandavas and Kauravas (the name Kauravas, too, came from Kuru). Other clans of Pauravas soon evolved, prominent among them the Panchalas, and the Magadhas, where Jarasandha ruled supreme during the Mahabharat.
Yadu on the other hand, also started his own lineage (the Yadavas), with descendants like Sashibindu, who annexed much of the Indian land from the Pauravas (descendants of Puru). The Yadavs split into many clans as well, with the Andhak clan ruling over present day Mathura, and at the time of the Mahabharat, ruled by Ugrasen, the maternal grandfather of Krishna, the so-called hero of Mahabharat. Other clans of Yadavas included the Chedi kings.
There were twenty six generations between Yayati and Kauravas, Pandavas and Krishna. All this while, there was internal conflict within the Pauravas and Yadavas clans, and notable bad blood between the Yadavas and the Pauravas.
And from here, we start off the sex part of Mahabharat with the story of Shantanu.
Shantanu was the king of Hastinapur, who like many other of his ancestors, liked hunting alone. (This was a pretext to meet young virgin maidens along the way, and have a good time. He had so far managed to take more maidens than animals this way. And while it kept his lust satisfied, the walk also did a lot of good for his health, and everything was good.) So far, therefore, the thought of getting married did not even strike him.
So well, one day, as he hunted along the Ganga, he saw a beautiful maiden standing there, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, wearing a sexy sari, which barely covered her ample breasts and exposed her cute navel. And she stood in a pose which suggested to Shantanu, "Come and take me." And Shantanu, who was not unused to maidens offering them to him, even though he looked like a loser, because he was the king, and the poor maidens wanted his favours. So well, just like that, he took her. She was yet a virgin or so he felt. It was the best sex he ever had, she seemed to know the Kamasutra inside out and he thought, "Well this is one female I can have all the time and not feel bored." And thinking this, he proposed marriage.
Shantanu: "Oh beautiful one! Who are you? I am besotted by you and your love making skills, I wanna love you till stars fall from the sky...I mean, till you or I die.. So beauty, will you marry me?" (For the uninitiated, this is where Jim Morrison got the inspiration for his Touch Me song).
Ganga: "Oh my king! I am Ganga, and I will marry you, (because you are so rich and have so much power, and I love both, she thought). However, O king, I have a condition for marriage.
Shantanu: "What is it, you know, I will fly to the moon and back for you, if you be my baby." (And this, as you all know, was what made Savage Garden famous).
Ganga: "You wont ask me any questions about my past and what I do and where I go after marriage. If you do so, I will seek divorce and leave you."
Shantanu:"I dont care who you are, where you are from, what you do as long as you love me." (Now you must have figured out, who copied it...the Backstreet Boys of course.) (Author's note: This is what a lady does to you, mellows you down from rock to boy's pop, and Shantanu was a pretty good singer.
And so like that they got married. Shantanu neglected his kingdom altogether, leaving the kingdom's working on his ministers and stayed in his room all day and all night, with his new wife (You have got to appreciate the man's stamina), stopping only when the bulge in Ganga's stomach grew large enough. Soon enough, a son was born to the king, but even before he could see the newborn, he saw Ganga, (who surprisingly, was as fit as if the child had never been concieved) throwing the baby out into the river Ganga, which caused him immense distress. But then he remembered his promise, and so decided to stay quiet, and that night, was back in his room making love to Ganga, forgetting all about the murdered baby, and having great fun for another nine months. And then again, Ganga delivered a boy, and threw it into the river Ganga. Shantanu was pained, but the pain only lasted till the night, when he was again enjoying the company of his hot wife.
And so on it continued for another five babies. All were born, and thrown into the river Ganga by his wife. All of the kingdom citizens were puzzled with the queen's behaviour, and in private, people referred to her with such terms as whore, murderer and bitch. This was not hidden from him, and he also was starting to think the same way. However, he bore it because of his promise, and the fact that after so many deliveries, Ganga's body remained as sexy and fit as before. He really loved her, and the way she made love.
And so he continued enjoying her day in and day out till their eighth son was about to be born. Shantanu had aged by now, and he wanted some heir. So when he saw his eighth son being meted the same treatment as his earlier brothers, he suddenly felt an urge to speak, "Oh cruel one! How could you do this to your own children. What kind of mother are you? You have already killed my seven children, I wont let you kill him too. "
Ganga:"You broke your promise king? Hence, I am going. The truth is, these babies of ours were Vasus, who had been cursed to take birth on earth, and I am Ganga, the river, who had promised to be their mother, and end their curse by drowning them as soon as they were born. I have already sent the other seven to their heavenly abode, but now this Vasu will have to stay back for longer time on earth. I will take him away now, and educate him from the best teachers. I will send him back to you after he is educated. Goodbye, my lover." And as it used to happen in those days, she disappeared out of side along with her son.
Shantanu: "Please dont go...Please dont go" (No Mercy said thanks).
But Ganga had left by then, and Shantanu was all alone.
He was very sad and distressed. He had no wife, and no heir, and he had all but lost his sex drive. Now was when he took to hunting for the sheer pleasure of the outside sport. Every morning he walked and saw the river Ganga, hoping she would spring to life, and he went away disappointed.
And then one day, strolling on the banks of the river, he met Gangeya.
Now before we embark on another story of mindless sex and lust, here is some food for your grey matter to chew on.
Now after Yadu had been deposed of what he thought was his rightful throne, he set up his own empire outside India. On the other side, the descendants of Puru created and strengthened their own empire, prominent among them being Bharat, Hasti and Kuru. Bharat expanded the entire region till the shores of the Indian Ocean. Bharat is also famous as the king who announced an able son of a general as his heir and not his own sons, breaking the general custom of the time. Meanwhile Hasti founded the city of Hastinapur, which became the new capital, and Kuru founded Kurukshetra, one of the holiest lands in India. The story of Mahabharat proper starts from Shantanu, another king of the Puru dynasty, and great-grandfather of Pandavas and Kauravas (the name Kauravas, too, came from Kuru). Other clans of Pauravas soon evolved, prominent among them the Panchalas, and the Magadhas, where Jarasandha ruled supreme during the Mahabharat.
Yadu on the other hand, also started his own lineage (the Yadavas), with descendants like Sashibindu, who annexed much of the Indian land from the Pauravas (descendants of Puru). The Yadavs split into many clans as well, with the Andhak clan ruling over present day Mathura, and at the time of the Mahabharat, ruled by Ugrasen, the maternal grandfather of Krishna, the so-called hero of Mahabharat. Other clans of Yadavas included the Chedi kings.
There were twenty six generations between Yayati and Kauravas, Pandavas and Krishna. All this while, there was internal conflict within the Pauravas and Yadavas clans, and notable bad blood between the Yadavas and the Pauravas.
And from here, we start off the sex part of Mahabharat with the story of Shantanu.
Shantanu was the king of Hastinapur, who like many other of his ancestors, liked hunting alone. (This was a pretext to meet young virgin maidens along the way, and have a good time. He had so far managed to take more maidens than animals this way. And while it kept his lust satisfied, the walk also did a lot of good for his health, and everything was good.) So far, therefore, the thought of getting married did not even strike him.
So well, one day, as he hunted along the Ganga, he saw a beautiful maiden standing there, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, wearing a sexy sari, which barely covered her ample breasts and exposed her cute navel. And she stood in a pose which suggested to Shantanu, "Come and take me." And Shantanu, who was not unused to maidens offering them to him, even though he looked like a loser, because he was the king, and the poor maidens wanted his favours. So well, just like that, he took her. She was yet a virgin or so he felt. It was the best sex he ever had, she seemed to know the Kamasutra inside out and he thought, "Well this is one female I can have all the time and not feel bored." And thinking this, he proposed marriage.
Shantanu: "Oh beautiful one! Who are you? I am besotted by you and your love making skills, I wanna love you till stars fall from the sky...I mean, till you or I die.. So beauty, will you marry me?" (For the uninitiated, this is where Jim Morrison got the inspiration for his Touch Me song).
Ganga: "Oh my king! I am Ganga, and I will marry you, (because you are so rich and have so much power, and I love both, she thought). However, O king, I have a condition for marriage.
Shantanu: "What is it, you know, I will fly to the moon and back for you, if you be my baby." (And this, as you all know, was what made Savage Garden famous).
Ganga: "You wont ask me any questions about my past and what I do and where I go after marriage. If you do so, I will seek divorce and leave you."
Shantanu:"I dont care who you are, where you are from, what you do as long as you love me." (Now you must have figured out, who copied it...the Backstreet Boys of course.) (Author's note: This is what a lady does to you, mellows you down from rock to boy's pop, and Shantanu was a pretty good singer.
And so like that they got married. Shantanu neglected his kingdom altogether, leaving the kingdom's working on his ministers and stayed in his room all day and all night, with his new wife (You have got to appreciate the man's stamina), stopping only when the bulge in Ganga's stomach grew large enough. Soon enough, a son was born to the king, but even before he could see the newborn, he saw Ganga, (who surprisingly, was as fit as if the child had never been concieved) throwing the baby out into the river Ganga, which caused him immense distress. But then he remembered his promise, and so decided to stay quiet, and that night, was back in his room making love to Ganga, forgetting all about the murdered baby, and having great fun for another nine months. And then again, Ganga delivered a boy, and threw it into the river Ganga. Shantanu was pained, but the pain only lasted till the night, when he was again enjoying the company of his hot wife.
And so on it continued for another five babies. All were born, and thrown into the river Ganga by his wife. All of the kingdom citizens were puzzled with the queen's behaviour, and in private, people referred to her with such terms as whore, murderer and bitch. This was not hidden from him, and he also was starting to think the same way. However, he bore it because of his promise, and the fact that after so many deliveries, Ganga's body remained as sexy and fit as before. He really loved her, and the way she made love.
And so he continued enjoying her day in and day out till their eighth son was about to be born. Shantanu had aged by now, and he wanted some heir. So when he saw his eighth son being meted the same treatment as his earlier brothers, he suddenly felt an urge to speak, "Oh cruel one! How could you do this to your own children. What kind of mother are you? You have already killed my seven children, I wont let you kill him too. "
Ganga:"You broke your promise king? Hence, I am going. The truth is, these babies of ours were Vasus, who had been cursed to take birth on earth, and I am Ganga, the river, who had promised to be their mother, and end their curse by drowning them as soon as they were born. I have already sent the other seven to their heavenly abode, but now this Vasu will have to stay back for longer time on earth. I will take him away now, and educate him from the best teachers. I will send him back to you after he is educated. Goodbye, my lover." And as it used to happen in those days, she disappeared out of side along with her son.
Shantanu: "Please dont go...Please dont go" (No Mercy said thanks).
But Ganga had left by then, and Shantanu was all alone.
He was very sad and distressed. He had no wife, and no heir, and he had all but lost his sex drive. Now was when he took to hunting for the sheer pleasure of the outside sport. Every morning he walked and saw the river Ganga, hoping she would spring to life, and he went away disappointed.
And then one day, strolling on the banks of the river, he met Gangeya.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Mahabharata - 1 : The Story of Yayati
Here is my own take on the Mahabharata. I have long believed that history is written by winners, and if the epic battle did actually take place, there was plenty to explain that has not been explained by sage Vyas. So for all of those who want to know the real deal this is the first story of the Mahabharat series.
The Story of Yayati
Shukracharaya, the guru of the asuras, was presently working at the court of Vrishaparva, the asura king, who greatly respected the guru because of his ability to bring back to life fallen asuras.
Devayani was the only daughter of Shukracharaya and because of the adulation of his father, had grown into a stubborn and arrogant, albeit very beautiful, young woman.
One day, the daughter of Vrishaparva, Sharmishtha, came to the guru's ashram, along with her friends, as they were going out to the forests for a picnic. In between the picnic, the girls decided to take a bath at a lake nearby. Now as far as my understanding of Hindu mythology goes, bathing together was a very popular hobby by the Indian folks; girls with girls and girls with boys. So well, these beautiful girls decided to take a bath in the lake. Now, as soon as these women had stripped naked and gone into the lake, a violent storm blew away their clothes, and their clothes got mixed. Now well, when the women came out of the lake, Devayani could not find her blouse, and got really angry when she saw Sharamishtha wearing hers. Now, boys, brace yourself for the catfight of the last five millenniums. (Just imagine this carefully - and in your imagination, let me remind you, Devyani is naked all this while - Another thing to add to this, Devayani is a classical beauty while Sharmishtha is a sexy hottie).
Devayani: Saali Kutiyaa (F***ing bitch)! How dare you wear my clothes? Dont you know who I am? Who do you think you are? I am the daughter of the great shukracharya, and he is the guru of all asuras. And you took my clothes. You are nothing but a common thief, stealing my clothes like that. Take them off right now.
Sharmishtha (feeling ashamed by the humiliation): tu kuttiya (You are a bitch)! I am the daughter of the king of the asuras! And the things you say about your father! Your father is dependent on my father for survival. My father is the one who feeds him. You father is but a beggar in the court of my father. You wear my leftovers! It is you who is poor, not me. I am a princess, while you are the daughter of a beggar.
Devayani (holding her by the hair) : Give me my clothes back, you bitch.
Sharmishtha (yelping): Help friends help!
Friends of Sharmishtha: Get off her, bitch! And they go and lift Devayani, and in the fight that ensues (this was the precursor of the kabaddi, contrary to what you read here) Devyani falls into a well nearby. Now when she falls, Sharmishtha and friends, leave her there, and go back to the palace. Devayani left alone, started crying and calling for help. She was sure now that she could not go back to the place whose king's daughter had humiliated her, and that she would not return home, if somehow she could get out of the well first.
As is always fated to happen when the damsel is in distress, in walks the handsome prince (rather, a king). Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha, was hunting and had lost his way, when he heard the wailing of a woman from the well. He looked down, to see Devayani, a beautiful maiden lying naked. He helped her out of the well (presumably by throwing down a rope or something) and then held her right hand. He had fallen in love, and so had Devayani, as she realized that this was the first man, other than her father, who had seen her naked.
Devayani (after covering herself with the branch of a tree): Who are you prince, and what are you doing here?
Yayati: I am Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha. I was out hunting and lost my way. But who are you, oh beauty, and why were you there?
Devayani: Marry me Prince, you have held me by the right hand and have seen me naked, and hence now you ought to make me your wife.
Yayati: But tell me who are you?
Devayani: I am the daughter of Shukracharya, the guru of the asuras. I was thrown here by some of my friends. I have been forsaken, o king, and you are the only one who can rescue me. Please marry me.
Yayati (trying to hide his boner): Yes, oh beautiful one! (thinking: Oh what a beauty! How good would it feel to have her on bed...and he started imagining, and suddenly the image of Shukracharya interrupted that dream...What if the guru got angry, no he will curse me): But no, you are the daughter of a Brahman while I am of a lower caste, Kshatriya, so I cannot marry you. But I am ready to take you to your home and leave you with your father.
Devayani: Okay then, leave me here, I will sit here, because I have decided not to go back home, and you should go now. You turn to the left and will find the way.
Yayati: Thank you, o beauty, but are you sure you will be fine here?
Devayani: Yes I will, (and Yayati leaves, his boner now harder than ever).
Shukracharya, after waiting for his daughter to arrive, entered the forest himself, and found his daughter sitting naked under a tree. When he inquired about her daughter's condition, Devayani told the entire story, about how Sharmishtha had abused him, she and her friends had thrown her into the well, and how Yayati had rescued her. She also told her of her vow not to go back into that king's reign, unless Sharmishtha apologized to her.
Hearing this Shukracharya lost his cool, and went to Vrishaparva to tell him he was leaving the kingdom. The king was at a loss about what happened, and pleaded to Shukracharya to forgive whatever mistake he had made. Shukracharya then told the king to ask his daughter, and went away angrily. The asura king knew that without Shukracharya to revive the asuras from the dead, they would never be able to challenge the devas. The asura king made haste to ask Sharmishtha about the incident, and taking her with him, went under the tree where Shukracharya was sitting with his daughter. Sharmishtha apologised to Devayani, who only agreed to return back to the kingdom if Sharmishtha agreed to be her slave. Sharmishtha, for her father's sake, agreed and thus Sharmishtha left her palace to stay as a slave to Devayani.
One day, Yayati lost her way again and this time came to Shukracharya's ashram. Devayani, who was sitting next to Sharmishtha, immediately recognised him and again proposed him to marry her. Yayati went with Devayani to Shukracharya, who agreed to this match, as Yayati was the MEB (Most Eligible Bachelor) at the time. However, he also told Yayati that he should not marry anyone else other than her daughter. (Yayati was a bit disappointed by this, but Devayani was so beautiful, that he agreed. He also noticed the hot Sharmishtha, and coupled by the combines effect of the two beauties, had soon another boner). The marriage was held in great pomp and show, and Sharamishtha, being the maid of Devayani, also went with her to Khandavprastha.
Yayati was happy in the company of Devayani, and had a great time with her, and soon she was pregnant. Sharmishtha and Devayani, meanwhile, had managed to become good friends, but Sharmishtha also wanted to lead her old life of pleasure. Devayani got Yayati to build a new palace especially for Sharmishtha, but when Devayani gave birth to Yadu, Sharmishtha's desire of being a mother was roused. So, one day while Yayati was alone, she went up and offered herself to him. (Yayati thought: what about Devayani, and what about Shukracharaya - but f*** them, what a lovely ass, and those boobs wow!!! - I have waited for this moment for so long). He agree to be the father of her children, as long as it was kept a secret, and soon Sharmishtha was pregnant. When Devayani asked her about the father, she said some Rishi had come and given her a good f***. Devayani was satisfied, and soon Sharmishtha gave birth to Druhyu. In the course of time, Devayani gave birth to Turvasu while Sharmishtha delivered Anu and Puru in that order. All of them were fathered by Yayati, who used to go to Sharmishtha and her sons while telling Devayani he was out hunting. The five sons used to play together, and all of them resembled Yayati, which gave Devayani some hint. One day, while all of them were playing, she asked Druyhu about his father. He calmly pointed to the king. Devayani was livid. She flew out of rage, and went back to her father, Yayati followed her, and Shukracharya, who could never see his daughter cry, and after hearing about his adultery, cursed Yayati :"May you become old, and never be able to enjoy material possesions of the world." Yayati begged for forgiveness, and Devayani also grew sad (He was pretty good in sex, and she wanted him in bed). She also asked her father to forgive her husband. Shukracharya said, "I cant take back this curse, but if one of your sons is ready to take your old age and your diseases, you can get back your youth again. Also the son who will agree will become famous all over the world as a just king."
Yayati felt happy hearing this. Surely all of his obedient sons would share his fate. He first went to the eldest son Yadu, who hearing his father request, laughed at him, and said, "I have my own life father. I want to have sex, I have just discovered it, its so cool, I cant give it all up." He then went to Druyhu, who also refused, giving fundes like "But father, being old will also make me lose all my intelligence. I have just started learning about this world." Next came Turvasu and Anu, but both of them also refused. Thus forsaken, Yayati went to Puru, who agreed wholeheartedly to take his old age, more because he was kind of stupid than anything else. Yayati remembered Shukracharya, and suddenly Yayati became young and Puru grew old, and making Puru to look after his kingdom, he went on something like a fuckfest with Sharmishtha and Devayani. After some time, he also copulated the beautiful apsara Viswachi, and enjoyed so for a thousand years. (Mahabharat has a habit of exaggerating it - it probably means 10 years). But the more he had sex, the more he wanted to have more of it. And then he realised that sex is like oil in fire - the more you have, the more you want it. The want never ends. And that is when he decided to give back the youth he had borrowed from Puru, and made him the king, and himself went for sanyaas. The people of his kingdom rebelled in favour of Yadu, who was the rightful heir, being the eldest son. However, Yayati who despite all his libido was also a just king, reminded them of Shukracharaya's prophecy, and the people got behind Puru. And Yadu, who refused to recognize Puru as the king, was exiled from the kingdom, where he set his own kingdom outside India.
(A question you might ask: Did they have condoms those days? Yes they did, and they worked better now than they do now. That is why Rachel gets pregnant in one night fucks, while Draupadi produced only five sons. More about that later though).
And here lay the seeds of the Mahabharat battle many many many generations later.
The Story of Yayati
Shukracharaya, the guru of the asuras, was presently working at the court of Vrishaparva, the asura king, who greatly respected the guru because of his ability to bring back to life fallen asuras.
Devayani was the only daughter of Shukracharaya and because of the adulation of his father, had grown into a stubborn and arrogant, albeit very beautiful, young woman.
One day, the daughter of Vrishaparva, Sharmishtha, came to the guru's ashram, along with her friends, as they were going out to the forests for a picnic. In between the picnic, the girls decided to take a bath at a lake nearby. Now as far as my understanding of Hindu mythology goes, bathing together was a very popular hobby by the Indian folks; girls with girls and girls with boys. So well, these beautiful girls decided to take a bath in the lake. Now, as soon as these women had stripped naked and gone into the lake, a violent storm blew away their clothes, and their clothes got mixed. Now well, when the women came out of the lake, Devayani could not find her blouse, and got really angry when she saw Sharamishtha wearing hers. Now, boys, brace yourself for the catfight of the last five millenniums. (Just imagine this carefully - and in your imagination, let me remind you, Devyani is naked all this while - Another thing to add to this, Devayani is a classical beauty while Sharmishtha is a sexy hottie).
Devayani: Saali Kutiyaa (F***ing bitch)! How dare you wear my clothes? Dont you know who I am? Who do you think you are? I am the daughter of the great shukracharya, and he is the guru of all asuras. And you took my clothes. You are nothing but a common thief, stealing my clothes like that. Take them off right now.
Sharmishtha (feeling ashamed by the humiliation): tu kuttiya (You are a bitch)! I am the daughter of the king of the asuras! And the things you say about your father! Your father is dependent on my father for survival. My father is the one who feeds him. You father is but a beggar in the court of my father. You wear my leftovers! It is you who is poor, not me. I am a princess, while you are the daughter of a beggar.
Devayani (holding her by the hair) : Give me my clothes back, you bitch.
Sharmishtha (yelping): Help friends help!
Friends of Sharmishtha: Get off her, bitch! And they go and lift Devayani, and in the fight that ensues (this was the precursor of the kabaddi, contrary to what you read here) Devyani falls into a well nearby. Now when she falls, Sharmishtha and friends, leave her there, and go back to the palace. Devayani left alone, started crying and calling for help. She was sure now that she could not go back to the place whose king's daughter had humiliated her, and that she would not return home, if somehow she could get out of the well first.
As is always fated to happen when the damsel is in distress, in walks the handsome prince (rather, a king). Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha, was hunting and had lost his way, when he heard the wailing of a woman from the well. He looked down, to see Devayani, a beautiful maiden lying naked. He helped her out of the well (presumably by throwing down a rope or something) and then held her right hand. He had fallen in love, and so had Devayani, as she realized that this was the first man, other than her father, who had seen her naked.
Devayani (after covering herself with the branch of a tree): Who are you prince, and what are you doing here?
Yayati: I am Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha. I was out hunting and lost my way. But who are you, oh beauty, and why were you there?
Devayani: Marry me Prince, you have held me by the right hand and have seen me naked, and hence now you ought to make me your wife.
Yayati: But tell me who are you?
Devayani: I am the daughter of Shukracharya, the guru of the asuras. I was thrown here by some of my friends. I have been forsaken, o king, and you are the only one who can rescue me. Please marry me.
Yayati (trying to hide his boner): Yes, oh beautiful one! (thinking: Oh what a beauty! How good would it feel to have her on bed...and he started imagining, and suddenly the image of Shukracharya interrupted that dream...What if the guru got angry, no he will curse me): But no, you are the daughter of a Brahman while I am of a lower caste, Kshatriya, so I cannot marry you. But I am ready to take you to your home and leave you with your father.
Devayani: Okay then, leave me here, I will sit here, because I have decided not to go back home, and you should go now. You turn to the left and will find the way.
Yayati: Thank you, o beauty, but are you sure you will be fine here?
Devayani: Yes I will, (and Yayati leaves, his boner now harder than ever).
Shukracharya, after waiting for his daughter to arrive, entered the forest himself, and found his daughter sitting naked under a tree. When he inquired about her daughter's condition, Devayani told the entire story, about how Sharmishtha had abused him, she and her friends had thrown her into the well, and how Yayati had rescued her. She also told her of her vow not to go back into that king's reign, unless Sharmishtha apologized to her.
Hearing this Shukracharya lost his cool, and went to Vrishaparva to tell him he was leaving the kingdom. The king was at a loss about what happened, and pleaded to Shukracharya to forgive whatever mistake he had made. Shukracharya then told the king to ask his daughter, and went away angrily. The asura king knew that without Shukracharya to revive the asuras from the dead, they would never be able to challenge the devas. The asura king made haste to ask Sharmishtha about the incident, and taking her with him, went under the tree where Shukracharya was sitting with his daughter. Sharmishtha apologised to Devayani, who only agreed to return back to the kingdom if Sharmishtha agreed to be her slave. Sharmishtha, for her father's sake, agreed and thus Sharmishtha left her palace to stay as a slave to Devayani.
One day, Yayati lost her way again and this time came to Shukracharya's ashram. Devayani, who was sitting next to Sharmishtha, immediately recognised him and again proposed him to marry her. Yayati went with Devayani to Shukracharya, who agreed to this match, as Yayati was the MEB (Most Eligible Bachelor) at the time. However, he also told Yayati that he should not marry anyone else other than her daughter. (Yayati was a bit disappointed by this, but Devayani was so beautiful, that he agreed. He also noticed the hot Sharmishtha, and coupled by the combines effect of the two beauties, had soon another boner). The marriage was held in great pomp and show, and Sharamishtha, being the maid of Devayani, also went with her to Khandavprastha.
Yayati was happy in the company of Devayani, and had a great time with her, and soon she was pregnant. Sharmishtha and Devayani, meanwhile, had managed to become good friends, but Sharmishtha also wanted to lead her old life of pleasure. Devayani got Yayati to build a new palace especially for Sharmishtha, but when Devayani gave birth to Yadu, Sharmishtha's desire of being a mother was roused. So, one day while Yayati was alone, she went up and offered herself to him. (Yayati thought: what about Devayani, and what about Shukracharaya - but f*** them, what a lovely ass, and those boobs wow!!! - I have waited for this moment for so long). He agree to be the father of her children, as long as it was kept a secret, and soon Sharmishtha was pregnant. When Devayani asked her about the father, she said some Rishi had come and given her a good f***. Devayani was satisfied, and soon Sharmishtha gave birth to Druhyu. In the course of time, Devayani gave birth to Turvasu while Sharmishtha delivered Anu and Puru in that order. All of them were fathered by Yayati, who used to go to Sharmishtha and her sons while telling Devayani he was out hunting. The five sons used to play together, and all of them resembled Yayati, which gave Devayani some hint. One day, while all of them were playing, she asked Druyhu about his father. He calmly pointed to the king. Devayani was livid. She flew out of rage, and went back to her father, Yayati followed her, and Shukracharya, who could never see his daughter cry, and after hearing about his adultery, cursed Yayati :"May you become old, and never be able to enjoy material possesions of the world." Yayati begged for forgiveness, and Devayani also grew sad (He was pretty good in sex, and she wanted him in bed). She also asked her father to forgive her husband. Shukracharya said, "I cant take back this curse, but if one of your sons is ready to take your old age and your diseases, you can get back your youth again. Also the son who will agree will become famous all over the world as a just king."
Yayati felt happy hearing this. Surely all of his obedient sons would share his fate. He first went to the eldest son Yadu, who hearing his father request, laughed at him, and said, "I have my own life father. I want to have sex, I have just discovered it, its so cool, I cant give it all up." He then went to Druyhu, who also refused, giving fundes like "But father, being old will also make me lose all my intelligence. I have just started learning about this world." Next came Turvasu and Anu, but both of them also refused. Thus forsaken, Yayati went to Puru, who agreed wholeheartedly to take his old age, more because he was kind of stupid than anything else. Yayati remembered Shukracharya, and suddenly Yayati became young and Puru grew old, and making Puru to look after his kingdom, he went on something like a fuckfest with Sharmishtha and Devayani. After some time, he also copulated the beautiful apsara Viswachi, and enjoyed so for a thousand years. (Mahabharat has a habit of exaggerating it - it probably means 10 years). But the more he had sex, the more he wanted to have more of it. And then he realised that sex is like oil in fire - the more you have, the more you want it. The want never ends. And that is when he decided to give back the youth he had borrowed from Puru, and made him the king, and himself went for sanyaas. The people of his kingdom rebelled in favour of Yadu, who was the rightful heir, being the eldest son. However, Yayati who despite all his libido was also a just king, reminded them of Shukracharaya's prophecy, and the people got behind Puru. And Yadu, who refused to recognize Puru as the king, was exiled from the kingdom, where he set his own kingdom outside India.
(A question you might ask: Did they have condoms those days? Yes they did, and they worked better now than they do now. That is why Rachel gets pregnant in one night fucks, while Draupadi produced only five sons. More about that later though).
And here lay the seeds of the Mahabharat battle many many many generations later.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A lot of Questions
Why do we care so much about what others think of us? How is it that a little praise from a person can make you so happy? How is it that some criticism can bring you down? Why is it that we try to keep people around us happy? Why do we want to be the best in what we do? Why do we think so much about winning awards or making a good GPA? Why do we want to show people how good we are?
Do we ever think about what we actually want from life? Can we just live in the present, without thinking about the past (what could have happened if..) or the future (what will happen...)? Why is it that we never get what we want the most? Or is it we want it the most because we never get it?
If the end is the death, what is the reason for doing anything at all? Will there be an Armageddon, and if it will, when and where? What will happen to the non-believers like me? Or is this actually a cycle, where everything we do is evaluated (in the present and past and future lives), and then our souls are sent to heaven or hell? Are we lucky to be born as humans, or are we very unlucky? Why did Mahabharata happen, even though there was a God? Why did Karna have to die?
If there is a God, why doesnt he show himself? How does he function? Is he playing a game, with us as random particles, and playing around, eventually knowing anything we do doesnt make an iota of difference to him or to anything else in the long run? Who are we? What does life mean?
Why do we feel singularly alone? Why do we love? Why so I feel so unworthy sometimes? Why I cant feel happy? Why am I so ugly? Why am I so dumb?
Any answers?
I feel happier already. haha. BonJour, Futrevous, Rendezvous and all that French shit.
Do we ever think about what we actually want from life? Can we just live in the present, without thinking about the past (what could have happened if..) or the future (what will happen...)? Why is it that we never get what we want the most? Or is it we want it the most because we never get it?
If the end is the death, what is the reason for doing anything at all? Will there be an Armageddon, and if it will, when and where? What will happen to the non-believers like me? Or is this actually a cycle, where everything we do is evaluated (in the present and past and future lives), and then our souls are sent to heaven or hell? Are we lucky to be born as humans, or are we very unlucky? Why did Mahabharata happen, even though there was a God? Why did Karna have to die?
If there is a God, why doesnt he show himself? How does he function? Is he playing a game, with us as random particles, and playing around, eventually knowing anything we do doesnt make an iota of difference to him or to anything else in the long run? Who are we? What does life mean?
Why do we feel singularly alone? Why do we love? Why so I feel so unworthy sometimes? Why I cant feel happy? Why am I so ugly? Why am I so dumb?
Any answers?
I feel happier already. haha. BonJour, Futrevous, Rendezvous and all that French shit.
Monday, September 17, 2007
How do you feel about yourself?
Do you feel good for achieving so many different things, or do you feel sad about not having achieved a good deal more? Or have you, after wondering about it and feeling bad, have stopped thinking about it at all.
I have been wondering: Do I have to be happy about the fact that I passed out of the two best institutes of the country, or do I have to be sad about not making the kind of impression I could have? Am I a success or a failure? If I was to die tomorrow, what would people remember me as? Why do I even care? Does it even matter?
I am an asshole, you might say after reading what I am about to write. But as I try to stay happy with whatever I have, I do have a few questions about why life is the way it is? If God did give me intelligence and the potential to make it big, why didn't he, for all his benevolence, grant me the patience to use that intelligence the best possible way? Why can I never study, never apply myself into anything, and cannot carry on doing the same job after a period of time?
If someone asks me about my USP, it will be this: I can do better than any other person in the universe in a field about which the inherent knowledge both of us have is zero. I think I am that good and that talented. But what have I done of that talent, except fretting it all away.
Would you make the same choices in life if you had a chance? Answer honestly. I probably might still do it, because in spite of a bleak future I think I have already had the time of my life. Anything more and it is just a bonus.
I have been wondering: Do I have to be happy about the fact that I passed out of the two best institutes of the country, or do I have to be sad about not making the kind of impression I could have? Am I a success or a failure? If I was to die tomorrow, what would people remember me as? Why do I even care? Does it even matter?
I am an asshole, you might say after reading what I am about to write. But as I try to stay happy with whatever I have, I do have a few questions about why life is the way it is? If God did give me intelligence and the potential to make it big, why didn't he, for all his benevolence, grant me the patience to use that intelligence the best possible way? Why can I never study, never apply myself into anything, and cannot carry on doing the same job after a period of time?
If someone asks me about my USP, it will be this: I can do better than any other person in the universe in a field about which the inherent knowledge both of us have is zero. I think I am that good and that talented. But what have I done of that talent, except fretting it all away.
Would you make the same choices in life if you had a chance? Answer honestly. I probably might still do it, because in spite of a bleak future I think I have already had the time of my life. Anything more and it is just a bonus.
Friday, September 14, 2007
I got hit last night..and blew it
First of all, for those who care, I reached France hale and hearty. Me and Ghai have a two bedroom flat and we have a pretty good time eating drinking and visiting. No internet yet at our place though, but man, you have got to hear this story, and believe it its true.
Time : Wednesday night arnd 1130
Place: A pub in Bordeaux, where us international students of the BBS were having a party.
Main cast: Other dudes from IIMC, hot Hungarian blonde girl and me.
Supporting cast: Hot girls from all around the globe, including Venezuela and Turkey. Other males.
The other dudes (Ghai, Sonkar, Ravi) and me were standing in front of this hot Turkish female who was like sizzling. And then well, we were pretty good and high, when this girl comes up to our group. We are holding some straws which kind of light up the place, when this female comes up to us and asks for the straw, and we give it to her. She takes it and puts it in her cleavage, and we like let out a cool wow.
More surprise - She then starts dancing with us.
She (to me): Do you like this music?
Me: Not really, do you?
She (looking really happy): Neither do I?
Now just what should I have done? I had the perfect line inside my head: So do u wanna go outside and take a walk or something? But well, while I started thinking about the kind of things that could possibly happen, I chickened. All I came up with was : good, and I excused myself.
Meanwhile she starts talking with Sonkar, (trying to hit him with "India is very close to my heart" and some such shit) who being from the same alma mater as me, also blew his chance.
The next guy she went to, some German, took her out of the place, and we didnt see them in the party after that.
But well, just made me wonder - Maybe I am not so ugly after all, or maybe she was just too drunk.
I need some alcohol!!!
Following up: A blog about the Mahabharat.
Time : Wednesday night arnd 1130
Place: A pub in Bordeaux, where us international students of the BBS were having a party.
Main cast: Other dudes from IIMC, hot Hungarian blonde girl and me.
Supporting cast: Hot girls from all around the globe, including Venezuela and Turkey. Other males.
The other dudes (Ghai, Sonkar, Ravi) and me were standing in front of this hot Turkish female who was like sizzling. And then well, we were pretty good and high, when this girl comes up to our group. We are holding some straws which kind of light up the place, when this female comes up to us and asks for the straw, and we give it to her. She takes it and puts it in her cleavage, and we like let out a cool wow.
More surprise - She then starts dancing with us.
She (to me): Do you like this music?
Me: Not really, do you?
She (looking really happy): Neither do I?
Now just what should I have done? I had the perfect line inside my head: So do u wanna go outside and take a walk or something? But well, while I started thinking about the kind of things that could possibly happen, I chickened. All I came up with was : good, and I excused myself.
Meanwhile she starts talking with Sonkar, (trying to hit him with "India is very close to my heart" and some such shit) who being from the same alma mater as me, also blew his chance.
The next guy she went to, some German, took her out of the place, and we didnt see them in the party after that.
But well, just made me wonder - Maybe I am not so ugly after all, or maybe she was just too drunk.
I need some alcohol!!!
Following up: A blog about the Mahabharat.
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