As Shantanu roamed around the banks of the Yamuna, hunting for new pray, he smelled the best aroma he ever had. Trying to find the source of the aroma, he ordered his charioteer to take his chariot to wherever the fragrance was coming from. (Yeah, in case you are wondering, the same charioteer was always with Shantanu - he also got a spoil of the shares after Shantanu was done devouring his prey). They even crossed their own kingdom in the process and came within the limits of the kingdom of Chedi. The feminine fragrance had him totally horny, and when he came to the place where Satyavati was planning to pack her bags for the day and go home, after a hard days' job ferrying people across the Yamuna. (She planned to go back to bed, remembering, like every night, the awesome time she had, what seemed like years ago, the awesome "love-making" from Prashar. It was the best time of her entire day, alone with her memories, and a stick which she could use as a dildo. Yes, women were horny even then.)
Seeing Satyavati, Shantanu got the hard-on of his life - yeah, he was even hornier than meeting Ganga had made him, and it was surprising because he was much older now, except that he still dyed his hair and went about singing "I am so Young Now" (The Corrs are copycats too, but they changed it a bit) - but, as he explained later to his charioteer, it was also the smell that did it. He took down his pants, and as was his wont, sang out to Satyavati, "Give it to me baby." ("It" referred to the pussy, readers, but Offsprings couldn't really understand it when they decided to copy). And Satyavati, still playing the role of the ideal daughter, told Shantanu, "You might be the king, but I am not ready to lose my virginity in a one night stand. Either ask my father for my hand in marriage or go away. I am sorry." Shantanu was dumbfounded. "But, I am a king, and you are not supposed to refuse a king like that. Noone has ever refused me before - not even Ganga. How dare you then?" "But, I am not your subject, oh king. You are in the kingdom of the king of Chedi, and I am obliged to obey him - not you." And Shantanu thought, "What lovely mouth she has, what pleasure it would be to get a blowjob from her." Aloud: "Will you give me a blowjob then, oh beautiful one. It will give me pleasure, and possibly you too, seeing my tool, which as you must know and can see yourself, all the gals say, is a pretty fly for a white guy. Moreover, your virginity will be intact,". Satyavati, seeing the thing between Shantanu's legs did feel horny, but it was small compared to Prashar. And she did not want to dilute the effect that Prashar's cock had on her, by indulging in sucking other, lesser cock. So aloud she said, "Do you think I am a slut, O king? I have been brought up in virtue, and if you want to have anything to do with me, ask my father." And Shantanu was totally impressed by the concern of the sex-bomb standing before him. (A sexy woman who is not a slut is still every man's dream wife - and Shantanu was no cuckold). He decided he could fuck this chick for time immemorial and not get tired of it - hell, she was almost as hot as Ganga, and that smell!!! Unable to control his hard-on, he immediately took Satyavati with him, and went to the fisherman's Dashraj house, to ask for Satyavati's hand. The following conversation followed:
Shantanu: I love your daughter and want to marry her.
Dashraj: Who are you?
Shantanu (frowning): Don't you know me, I am the king of Hastinapur, Shantanu. And I want to make your daughter my queen.
Dashraj: That is a pleasure, O king. But I have a condition.
Shantanu: What is it? Tell me soon, I am ready to fulfil anything. Just make me marry your daughter. (I have a raging hard-on, bastard, and only your daughter can help me relieve it, he thought).
Dashraj: I have brought this daughter of mine in the best way I could, and I want her to get the best. If you marry her, you must promise me that her son will be your heir.
Shantanu (thinking): "I have already made Devarata my heir. Fuck Dashraj, I could possibly take his daughter and run off, but the king of Chedi is so powerful and Devarata might not help me in this ensuing war which starts off because of my lust for a woman not his mother. But I want a release." (Aloud he said):"This is not possible Dashraj, ask for anything else. I have already promised my kingdom to my eldest son, Devarata."
Dashraj: This is my one and only request, O king. If you can fulfil it, you can take Satyavati as your wife, otherwise I am sorry.
Shantanu: You know I cannot be a traitor to my son. We kings cannot break our promises. Fuck you, Dashraj and fuck your daughter. I am going to cum, umm, I mean go. (And he cums, and goes, unable to make any headway).
Every day from then on, Shantanu goes to the bank of the Yamuna along with his charioteer, (who for your knowledge also did cum seeing Satyavati), sees Satyavati, sings, "I will cum wherever you will go," (which, as The Calling thought, was too liberal even for American listeners, and changed the 'cum' to 'go'), cums seeing her, and goes home. He loses all taste for other women, and is totally in love with Satyavati - a love bred out of lust. At night, while Satyavati is cumming for Prashar, Shantanu cums for her. (pine would probably be a less accurate word here - Its all lust, come to think of it). And he ignores all other prey, and his food, and his appetite suffers. He just lives to take a glimpse of Satyavati and cum thinking about her. All this while, Devarata, who is effectively managing the kingdom, can't bear to see his father's condition. He asks his father, "what is wrong father? Is there anything I can help you with? Are you worried about the kingdom? Or is it something else that troubles you?" Now just take a moment to comprehend the situation Shantanu is in. He wants to tell his son, "I want to fuck and marry a woman I can't. I can't as long as you are there." But how could he say that? So he says, "I am worried about you son. You manage the kingdom, and you are my heir and my sole son. If anything was to happen to you, what will I do?" Now this actually meant this - I need to have another son, and another heir. Devarata probably understood this, because he went to his father's charioteer, and asked the charioteer about his father's health. The charioteer pretended ignorance, but upon being promised the price of one of the most beautiful maidens of the kingdom, agreed to divulge the details about Satyavati, and told him how the king was besotted by the female, and how Dashraj had laid the condition. ("But it is not your father's fault, prince, you should see Satyavati - Oh, her eyes are so beautiful. And the smell that emanates from her body, and her breasts are like water melons, and her waist like a surahi" "Cut the details, charioteer, I will go check her out myself" said Devarata and asking directions for Satyavati's house, took his chariot and went off).
Now well, Devarata felt nothing for the numerous pretty females who wanted to make love to the Most Eligible Bachelor in the kingdom. He was always more excited by sight of men fighting and working. Also, seeing the bulge in the charioteer's pants as he talked about Satyavati, had managed to turn him on pretty bad. Which is why he wanted to get out of that place ASAP. And as he thought about that big bulge in the charioteer's pants, the thought suddenly struck him - he was gay. It was not very usual, but his Guru Brihaspati had told him once, in the biology class, about devas in heaven who took no pleasure in company of apsaras and instead slept with another men. It was a biological condition - and nothing you could do about it, but publicising it was not exactly recommended, not in the relatively conservative earth. If word gets around, a gay person might see himself being isolated from society. Hearing about Satyavati and her father's condition brought a plan to his mind - it was risky, but it might just work, he thought, and off he went to implement it.
Reaching Dashraj's house, he saw Satyavati and even he could appreciate his father's eye for beauty.
Dashraj: Who are you, and why do you come here at this hour?
Devarata: I am Devarata, the prince of Hastinapur.
Dashraj: Welcome. What can I do for you?
Devarata: I ask the hand of your daughter for my father.
Dashraj: But you know my condition, and as long as the king is unwilling to fulfil that condition, I am unable to marry off my daughter. And you are such a mighty and famous prince, how can the king think of making anyone else the heir?
Devarata (thinking : Seeing my father is such a cuckoo, good for nothing king, I guess his sons will also be similar. I am different only because of my mother, the divine Ganga, otherwise I would also have been a loser like my dad. I can always act as a de-facto ruler whether I am the king or not): I, Deverata, am the heir to the throne of Hastinapur, and I relinquish that title and give word to you that after my father, the son of your daughter will become the next king.
(This he said in a loud voice so that people all over could hear him make the supreme sacrifice.)
Dashraj: But..(He wanted to say, but you actually are taking such a vow for my daughter?)
Devarata (coming to the part, which he had thought about all through the way) : "But what, you know I have relinquished, but I think that you fear that my sons, if they are as mighty as me, will take the throne back from your daughter's sons? Is that it, tell me?"
Dashraj (thinking: "Shit, I had never thought about it. But this is really good.") "yes, that is my only concern"
Devarata (smiling inwardly, but making a serious face): "Hear, Oh the heavens, the netherworld and the earth. I, Devarata, for the benefit of my father, and for the throne of Hastinapur, vow never to marry, and never to fuck any woman."
The heavens heard him. Devas poured flowers on him as he made this 'sacrifice' and an akashwaani (the ancient version of radio news service, except that it came from the skies) hailed him as Bhisham, one who had taken a Bhishan Pratigya (Terrible vow). He became famous everywhere, and was also spared humiliation of being called a gay. (Now that is killing two birds with one stone).
Dashraj agreed to the match, and Bhishma carried Satyavati to his father, who, having had his fantasy come to life through his son's twin sacrifices, granted his son the boon of choosing his death. (And in those days, these things worked - somehow. And that's how you kill three birds with one stone). And Bhishma started managing the kingdom, making some good "friends" among advisors, while Shantanu got down to fucking Satyavati, and as he had done before, disappeared from public sight for nine months, when Satyavati delivered a son, the future king of Hastinapur, who was named Chitrangada. Leaving him to the maid, Shantanu and Satyavati went back being rabbits, and soon enough Satyavati delivered Vichitravirya.
Soon, thereafter, however, the king developed high BP developed due to the pumping of blood to his organ, and had a stroke, from which he did survive, but could never recover enough to have sex. So instead he starting brooding about how he had let his first-born son (Gangeya- Devarata- Bhishma) down. He also blamed Satyavati, who also started sharing the guilt of it all. Soon enough Shantanu died, and the young Chitrangada was declared the king, with Bhishma acting as his mentor. The king wanted to let go of Bhishma's interference in his life, and so took to hunting like his father, seeking prey. And as it happened, while Chitrangada was hunting one day, he encountered the Gandharva king Chitrangada, who got into an arguement about who had the right to carry off that name. In the ensuing duel, the Paurava Chitrangada was killed, and so Vichitravirya was made the king. Bhishma continuing to be his mentor. And this laid the foundation of another twist in the Mahabharata story.
(You know, about Mahabharata, it is said, "what is here might be found somewhere else, but what is not contained here, cannot be found anywhere else." A good thought to end).
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Mahabharata - 3: The birth of Satyavati and Vyas
Roaming around the Ganga river, Shantanu one day saw a young boy (about 16 years old) stopping the flow of the Ganga by making a dam through his arrows. He was delighted by the young boy's proficiency and angered by the fact that the boy seemed to be hurting the river Ganga, who happened to be his wife, albeit estranged. So angrily he went up to the boy and asked him, "Who are you? And why are you stopping the flow of Ganga?" As if to answer the question, Ganga herself (yeah that very same Ganga who had been his wife and whom he had fucked like there was no tomorrow, who still looked like the 20 year old virgin he had seen at the same spot many many years ago) appeared out of nowhere, and said, "He is our eighth son, O king! He has been taught science by the great Guru Brihaspati (the guru of the devas) and has been taught the use of arms and weapons by the great Pashuram. He is the best archer the world has ever seen according to his Guru. He has been named Devarata and is also called Gangeya (the son of Ganga). As I promised, as his education is over, I am handing him over to you. He is intelligent and able enough to be your heir. Take him home." Shantanu, who was overwhelmed with relief and joy at seeing his wife and his son, said, "and arent't you coming home, love?", to which Ganga replied, "It was a deal, my dear. I cant come back, but take Devarata and be happy. And now please go back." Shantanu wanted to cry out, "Give me one more night" (which, as you all know now became the inspiration for Phil Collins' hit song), but Ganga cut him short by disappearing into thin air, like only Indian gods and goddesses know how to.
Shantanu was sad, for seeing Ganga again had let the blood in his loins flow freely again. But he was also happy to find his son and the king as his heir. He seemed to have got his old energy back again, and after declaring Devarata as his heir, and leaving the daily working of the empire to him ("you need to gain experience, son" Shantanu told his son), off he went to his pre-Ganga days hobby of hunting for women and animals. "18 till I die", shouted Shantanu while catching his prey, and in Hindi, "Abhee to main jawaan hoon". (Indians, unfortunately, are as big copycats as the Americans, Irish, British and Canadians are from Indian history.) In the meantime, Devarata got accustomed to his new life as a prince, and single-handedly managed to defeat the huge army arrogant prince of Saubala, Shalva, and humiliated him further by sparing his life. The kingdom of Hastinapur was in good hands, and Shantanu and Deverata were both saying, "I'm loving it." (The quintessential American symbol of McDonald's as you can see, also had its roots in India).
And then entered Satyavati - who was an epitome of sex as only daughters of apsaras (celestial maidens, who were basically prostitutes for gods, and were pure sex) can be. Now here is the story of her birth: "Upacharika was the king of Chedi and Girika was his wife. Once while they planned to have sex to produce a heir for their kingdom, as Girika had one of 'those' days. As they were beginning to start the act, however, came news which required the king to immediately go to a far fetched spot of his kingdom to quell a rebellion. Promising his wife that he will be back soon, he went and quelled the rebellion, but after he was done, he saw the beautiful scenery around. He decided to rest there for some days, but with spring setting in, all animals were into the act of reproduction (and yes - 7x were a craze even then), he got horny remembering his voluptuous wife and masturbated. (This is probably the first mention of the act in the world). As he masturbated, he caught his semen in his hand, and planning not to waste it, caught it in a leaf, tied it to his pigeon and send him to his wife, so that she could concieve a heir. ("Kabootar Jaa Jaa Jaa" was a rip-off from this story - and we thought that was the only original song in the movie Maine Pyar Kiya). So well, off flew the pigeon, with the semen. However, the pigeon, while flying back, was caught by an eagle, and the leaf fell into the river Ganga, where it was eaten by a fish, who was actually an Apsara (Adrika by name) who was cursed to live as a fish. As the semen went into her, it gave birth to two foetus - a girl and a boy. The fish was caught by the fisherman Dashraj, and while he cut the fish, he saw the two babies in there. He took both to the king Upacharika, who kept the boy child, (who grew up to be the king Matsya), while giving the daughter back to Dashraj. The daughter grew up to be Satyavati, the future wife of Shantanu."
Satyavati grew up to be a hot sexy woman. Her father found her a job on the banks of the Yamuna river, as a boatwoman, who used to smell of fish because she was a fisherman's daughter. She used to sit there waiting for people to come and while she was so sexy, people tried avoiding her because of the smell emanating from her body. She was even called Matsyagandha (the smell of fish) and was still a virgin, when Prashar happened to her.
Prashar was a great rishi who one day wanted to cross the river Yamuna, and asked Satyavati to take him across. He had common cold that particular day, and his nostrils were flared up and could not smell. So well in front of her alone was this hot little pussy, who looked a virgin, and the two of them were alone in the middle of a river, which aroused Prashar a great deal. He had an immediate hard-on, and looking at Satyavati, began singing, "I wanna fuck you" to which Satyavati replied, being a virgin, "I want to too, but I am a virgin, and you are not going to marry me, are you? Plus I have such a filthy odour emanating from me, aren't you appalled by that like all the other people?". "Say no more, oh beautiful one, I cannot marry you because I am a rishi. But you are so sexy I cant control myself. It will be a one night affair, and I will make you a deal you can't refuse. (If you thought Godfather was brilliant- what do you think about this). If you give yourself to me, I will, through my yoga and siddhi, restore your hymen. Moreover, I will give you such a fragrance that your fragrance will attract people towards you from a yojana (a unit of distance equal to 9 miles) away." Satyavati thought about it, and then said, "Thanks for the offer, but I am in those days of the month, and I presume you don't have a condom, so what if I get pregnant? What happens to the child?" Prashar had a reply ready,"A son will be born from this union, oh beautiful lady, and he will be an adult as soon as he is born. He will be one of the most renowned rishis ever, and history will remember him as Ved Vyas or Krishna Dwaipanya (the dark island-born). But Satyavati got frightened, and said, "However, it is still daytime, what if someone sees us?" Prashar, who had got tired of answering these questions, and who wanted a quick blowjob to stop this talkative woman, suddenly created darkness (he was a powerful rishi), and told Satyavati, "take the boat to that island in the middle of the river." And as soon they reached the island, Prashar fucked Satyavati like rabbits do. She felt pain, pleasure and ecstasy. It had lasted over four hours, but she had lost all sense of time. It was better than she had ever thought it to be. And after Prashar had finished, she felt pain again, as if something was pushing outside from her vagina. She fell asleep, and when she opened her eyes again, she found two men, not one, looking at her, lying naked, after having the time of her life. She tried to cover herself up, but the other man, who was one of the ugliest men she had ever set eyes upon, bowed to her, touched her feet, and said, "I am your son, mother! Bless me. Father has told me to go and study the Vedas, and I must go along with Father. But if you need me mother, just remember me and I will come. And off went Prashar with Vyas, who looked big enough to be a father himself, leaving Satyavati alone- who went back to her father's home, her hymen restored, and with no signs of having had sex. She told her father that the rishi had given her a new fragrance, leaving out all other details. And she became Yojanagandha, (one whose smell spreads for a yojana) and her smell and her sexy figure and beauty made many people ask for her hand for marriage, but her father refused them all. He knew her daughter was made for bigger things, and it was soon to come - when Shantanu, having hunted down all his 'preys' along the Ganga, decided to try his luck near the Yamuna river.
Shantanu was sad, for seeing Ganga again had let the blood in his loins flow freely again. But he was also happy to find his son and the king as his heir. He seemed to have got his old energy back again, and after declaring Devarata as his heir, and leaving the daily working of the empire to him ("you need to gain experience, son" Shantanu told his son), off he went to his pre-Ganga days hobby of hunting for women and animals. "18 till I die", shouted Shantanu while catching his prey, and in Hindi, "Abhee to main jawaan hoon". (Indians, unfortunately, are as big copycats as the Americans, Irish, British and Canadians are from Indian history.) In the meantime, Devarata got accustomed to his new life as a prince, and single-handedly managed to defeat the huge army arrogant prince of Saubala, Shalva, and humiliated him further by sparing his life. The kingdom of Hastinapur was in good hands, and Shantanu and Deverata were both saying, "I'm loving it." (The quintessential American symbol of McDonald's as you can see, also had its roots in India).
And then entered Satyavati - who was an epitome of sex as only daughters of apsaras (celestial maidens, who were basically prostitutes for gods, and were pure sex) can be. Now here is the story of her birth: "Upacharika was the king of Chedi and Girika was his wife. Once while they planned to have sex to produce a heir for their kingdom, as Girika had one of 'those' days. As they were beginning to start the act, however, came news which required the king to immediately go to a far fetched spot of his kingdom to quell a rebellion. Promising his wife that he will be back soon, he went and quelled the rebellion, but after he was done, he saw the beautiful scenery around. He decided to rest there for some days, but with spring setting in, all animals were into the act of reproduction (and yes - 7x were a craze even then), he got horny remembering his voluptuous wife and masturbated. (This is probably the first mention of the act in the world). As he masturbated, he caught his semen in his hand, and planning not to waste it, caught it in a leaf, tied it to his pigeon and send him to his wife, so that she could concieve a heir. ("Kabootar Jaa Jaa Jaa" was a rip-off from this story - and we thought that was the only original song in the movie Maine Pyar Kiya). So well, off flew the pigeon, with the semen. However, the pigeon, while flying back, was caught by an eagle, and the leaf fell into the river Ganga, where it was eaten by a fish, who was actually an Apsara (Adrika by name) who was cursed to live as a fish. As the semen went into her, it gave birth to two foetus - a girl and a boy. The fish was caught by the fisherman Dashraj, and while he cut the fish, he saw the two babies in there. He took both to the king Upacharika, who kept the boy child, (who grew up to be the king Matsya), while giving the daughter back to Dashraj. The daughter grew up to be Satyavati, the future wife of Shantanu."
Satyavati grew up to be a hot sexy woman. Her father found her a job on the banks of the Yamuna river, as a boatwoman, who used to smell of fish because she was a fisherman's daughter. She used to sit there waiting for people to come and while she was so sexy, people tried avoiding her because of the smell emanating from her body. She was even called Matsyagandha (the smell of fish) and was still a virgin, when Prashar happened to her.
Prashar was a great rishi who one day wanted to cross the river Yamuna, and asked Satyavati to take him across. He had common cold that particular day, and his nostrils were flared up and could not smell. So well in front of her alone was this hot little pussy, who looked a virgin, and the two of them were alone in the middle of a river, which aroused Prashar a great deal. He had an immediate hard-on, and looking at Satyavati, began singing, "I wanna fuck you" to which Satyavati replied, being a virgin, "I want to too, but I am a virgin, and you are not going to marry me, are you? Plus I have such a filthy odour emanating from me, aren't you appalled by that like all the other people?". "Say no more, oh beautiful one, I cannot marry you because I am a rishi. But you are so sexy I cant control myself. It will be a one night affair, and I will make you a deal you can't refuse. (If you thought Godfather was brilliant- what do you think about this). If you give yourself to me, I will, through my yoga and siddhi, restore your hymen. Moreover, I will give you such a fragrance that your fragrance will attract people towards you from a yojana (a unit of distance equal to 9 miles) away." Satyavati thought about it, and then said, "Thanks for the offer, but I am in those days of the month, and I presume you don't have a condom, so what if I get pregnant? What happens to the child?" Prashar had a reply ready,"A son will be born from this union, oh beautiful lady, and he will be an adult as soon as he is born. He will be one of the most renowned rishis ever, and history will remember him as Ved Vyas or Krishna Dwaipanya (the dark island-born). But Satyavati got frightened, and said, "However, it is still daytime, what if someone sees us?" Prashar, who had got tired of answering these questions, and who wanted a quick blowjob to stop this talkative woman, suddenly created darkness (he was a powerful rishi), and told Satyavati, "take the boat to that island in the middle of the river." And as soon they reached the island, Prashar fucked Satyavati like rabbits do. She felt pain, pleasure and ecstasy. It had lasted over four hours, but she had lost all sense of time. It was better than she had ever thought it to be. And after Prashar had finished, she felt pain again, as if something was pushing outside from her vagina. She fell asleep, and when she opened her eyes again, she found two men, not one, looking at her, lying naked, after having the time of her life. She tried to cover herself up, but the other man, who was one of the ugliest men she had ever set eyes upon, bowed to her, touched her feet, and said, "I am your son, mother! Bless me. Father has told me to go and study the Vedas, and I must go along with Father. But if you need me mother, just remember me and I will come. And off went Prashar with Vyas, who looked big enough to be a father himself, leaving Satyavati alone- who went back to her father's home, her hymen restored, and with no signs of having had sex. She told her father that the rishi had given her a new fragrance, leaving out all other details. And she became Yojanagandha, (one whose smell spreads for a yojana) and her smell and her sexy figure and beauty made many people ask for her hand for marriage, but her father refused them all. He knew her daughter was made for bigger things, and it was soon to come - when Shantanu, having hunted down all his 'preys' along the Ganga, decided to try his luck near the Yamuna river.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Mahabharata - 2 : Ganga-Shant-anu
(Now well, as it happens, I am back after a week long mini Euro trip, but more about that later). And so is back this epic story of sex, violence, tragedy, drama and a lot more.
Now before we embark on another story of mindless sex and lust, here is some food for your grey matter to chew on.
Now after Yadu had been deposed of what he thought was his rightful throne, he set up his own empire outside India. On the other side, the descendants of Puru created and strengthened their own empire, prominent among them being Bharat, Hasti and Kuru. Bharat expanded the entire region till the shores of the Indian Ocean. Bharat is also famous as the king who announced an able son of a general as his heir and not his own sons, breaking the general custom of the time. Meanwhile Hasti founded the city of Hastinapur, which became the new capital, and Kuru founded Kurukshetra, one of the holiest lands in India. The story of Mahabharat proper starts from Shantanu, another king of the Puru dynasty, and great-grandfather of Pandavas and Kauravas (the name Kauravas, too, came from Kuru). Other clans of Pauravas soon evolved, prominent among them the Panchalas, and the Magadhas, where Jarasandha ruled supreme during the Mahabharat.
Yadu on the other hand, also started his own lineage (the Yadavas), with descendants like Sashibindu, who annexed much of the Indian land from the Pauravas (descendants of Puru). The Yadavs split into many clans as well, with the Andhak clan ruling over present day Mathura, and at the time of the Mahabharat, ruled by Ugrasen, the maternal grandfather of Krishna, the so-called hero of Mahabharat. Other clans of Yadavas included the Chedi kings.
There were twenty six generations between Yayati and Kauravas, Pandavas and Krishna. All this while, there was internal conflict within the Pauravas and Yadavas clans, and notable bad blood between the Yadavas and the Pauravas.
And from here, we start off the sex part of Mahabharat with the story of Shantanu.
Shantanu was the king of Hastinapur, who like many other of his ancestors, liked hunting alone. (This was a pretext to meet young virgin maidens along the way, and have a good time. He had so far managed to take more maidens than animals this way. And while it kept his lust satisfied, the walk also did a lot of good for his health, and everything was good.) So far, therefore, the thought of getting married did not even strike him.
So well, one day, as he hunted along the Ganga, he saw a beautiful maiden standing there, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, wearing a sexy sari, which barely covered her ample breasts and exposed her cute navel. And she stood in a pose which suggested to Shantanu, "Come and take me." And Shantanu, who was not unused to maidens offering them to him, even though he looked like a loser, because he was the king, and the poor maidens wanted his favours. So well, just like that, he took her. She was yet a virgin or so he felt. It was the best sex he ever had, she seemed to know the Kamasutra inside out and he thought, "Well this is one female I can have all the time and not feel bored." And thinking this, he proposed marriage.
Shantanu: "Oh beautiful one! Who are you? I am besotted by you and your love making skills, I wanna love you till stars fall from the sky...I mean, till you or I die.. So beauty, will you marry me?" (For the uninitiated, this is where Jim Morrison got the inspiration for his Touch Me song).
Ganga: "Oh my king! I am Ganga, and I will marry you, (because you are so rich and have so much power, and I love both, she thought). However, O king, I have a condition for marriage.
Shantanu: "What is it, you know, I will fly to the moon and back for you, if you be my baby." (And this, as you all know, was what made Savage Garden famous).
Ganga: "You wont ask me any questions about my past and what I do and where I go after marriage. If you do so, I will seek divorce and leave you."
Shantanu:"I dont care who you are, where you are from, what you do as long as you love me." (Now you must have figured out, who copied it...the Backstreet Boys of course.) (Author's note: This is what a lady does to you, mellows you down from rock to boy's pop, and Shantanu was a pretty good singer.
And so like that they got married. Shantanu neglected his kingdom altogether, leaving the kingdom's working on his ministers and stayed in his room all day and all night, with his new wife (You have got to appreciate the man's stamina), stopping only when the bulge in Ganga's stomach grew large enough. Soon enough, a son was born to the king, but even before he could see the newborn, he saw Ganga, (who surprisingly, was as fit as if the child had never been concieved) throwing the baby out into the river Ganga, which caused him immense distress. But then he remembered his promise, and so decided to stay quiet, and that night, was back in his room making love to Ganga, forgetting all about the murdered baby, and having great fun for another nine months. And then again, Ganga delivered a boy, and threw it into the river Ganga. Shantanu was pained, but the pain only lasted till the night, when he was again enjoying the company of his hot wife.
And so on it continued for another five babies. All were born, and thrown into the river Ganga by his wife. All of the kingdom citizens were puzzled with the queen's behaviour, and in private, people referred to her with such terms as whore, murderer and bitch. This was not hidden from him, and he also was starting to think the same way. However, he bore it because of his promise, and the fact that after so many deliveries, Ganga's body remained as sexy and fit as before. He really loved her, and the way she made love.
And so he continued enjoying her day in and day out till their eighth son was about to be born. Shantanu had aged by now, and he wanted some heir. So when he saw his eighth son being meted the same treatment as his earlier brothers, he suddenly felt an urge to speak, "Oh cruel one! How could you do this to your own children. What kind of mother are you? You have already killed my seven children, I wont let you kill him too. "
Ganga:"You broke your promise king? Hence, I am going. The truth is, these babies of ours were Vasus, who had been cursed to take birth on earth, and I am Ganga, the river, who had promised to be their mother, and end their curse by drowning them as soon as they were born. I have already sent the other seven to their heavenly abode, but now this Vasu will have to stay back for longer time on earth. I will take him away now, and educate him from the best teachers. I will send him back to you after he is educated. Goodbye, my lover." And as it used to happen in those days, she disappeared out of side along with her son.
Shantanu: "Please dont go...Please dont go" (No Mercy said thanks).
But Ganga had left by then, and Shantanu was all alone.
He was very sad and distressed. He had no wife, and no heir, and he had all but lost his sex drive. Now was when he took to hunting for the sheer pleasure of the outside sport. Every morning he walked and saw the river Ganga, hoping she would spring to life, and he went away disappointed.
And then one day, strolling on the banks of the river, he met Gangeya.
Now before we embark on another story of mindless sex and lust, here is some food for your grey matter to chew on.
Now after Yadu had been deposed of what he thought was his rightful throne, he set up his own empire outside India. On the other side, the descendants of Puru created and strengthened their own empire, prominent among them being Bharat, Hasti and Kuru. Bharat expanded the entire region till the shores of the Indian Ocean. Bharat is also famous as the king who announced an able son of a general as his heir and not his own sons, breaking the general custom of the time. Meanwhile Hasti founded the city of Hastinapur, which became the new capital, and Kuru founded Kurukshetra, one of the holiest lands in India. The story of Mahabharat proper starts from Shantanu, another king of the Puru dynasty, and great-grandfather of Pandavas and Kauravas (the name Kauravas, too, came from Kuru). Other clans of Pauravas soon evolved, prominent among them the Panchalas, and the Magadhas, where Jarasandha ruled supreme during the Mahabharat.
Yadu on the other hand, also started his own lineage (the Yadavas), with descendants like Sashibindu, who annexed much of the Indian land from the Pauravas (descendants of Puru). The Yadavs split into many clans as well, with the Andhak clan ruling over present day Mathura, and at the time of the Mahabharat, ruled by Ugrasen, the maternal grandfather of Krishna, the so-called hero of Mahabharat. Other clans of Yadavas included the Chedi kings.
There were twenty six generations between Yayati and Kauravas, Pandavas and Krishna. All this while, there was internal conflict within the Pauravas and Yadavas clans, and notable bad blood between the Yadavas and the Pauravas.
And from here, we start off the sex part of Mahabharat with the story of Shantanu.
Shantanu was the king of Hastinapur, who like many other of his ancestors, liked hunting alone. (This was a pretext to meet young virgin maidens along the way, and have a good time. He had so far managed to take more maidens than animals this way. And while it kept his lust satisfied, the walk also did a lot of good for his health, and everything was good.) So far, therefore, the thought of getting married did not even strike him.
So well, one day, as he hunted along the Ganga, he saw a beautiful maiden standing there, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, wearing a sexy sari, which barely covered her ample breasts and exposed her cute navel. And she stood in a pose which suggested to Shantanu, "Come and take me." And Shantanu, who was not unused to maidens offering them to him, even though he looked like a loser, because he was the king, and the poor maidens wanted his favours. So well, just like that, he took her. She was yet a virgin or so he felt. It was the best sex he ever had, she seemed to know the Kamasutra inside out and he thought, "Well this is one female I can have all the time and not feel bored." And thinking this, he proposed marriage.
Shantanu: "Oh beautiful one! Who are you? I am besotted by you and your love making skills, I wanna love you till stars fall from the sky...I mean, till you or I die.. So beauty, will you marry me?" (For the uninitiated, this is where Jim Morrison got the inspiration for his Touch Me song).
Ganga: "Oh my king! I am Ganga, and I will marry you, (because you are so rich and have so much power, and I love both, she thought). However, O king, I have a condition for marriage.
Shantanu: "What is it, you know, I will fly to the moon and back for you, if you be my baby." (And this, as you all know, was what made Savage Garden famous).
Ganga: "You wont ask me any questions about my past and what I do and where I go after marriage. If you do so, I will seek divorce and leave you."
Shantanu:"I dont care who you are, where you are from, what you do as long as you love me." (Now you must have figured out, who copied it...the Backstreet Boys of course.) (Author's note: This is what a lady does to you, mellows you down from rock to boy's pop, and Shantanu was a pretty good singer.
And so like that they got married. Shantanu neglected his kingdom altogether, leaving the kingdom's working on his ministers and stayed in his room all day and all night, with his new wife (You have got to appreciate the man's stamina), stopping only when the bulge in Ganga's stomach grew large enough. Soon enough, a son was born to the king, but even before he could see the newborn, he saw Ganga, (who surprisingly, was as fit as if the child had never been concieved) throwing the baby out into the river Ganga, which caused him immense distress. But then he remembered his promise, and so decided to stay quiet, and that night, was back in his room making love to Ganga, forgetting all about the murdered baby, and having great fun for another nine months. And then again, Ganga delivered a boy, and threw it into the river Ganga. Shantanu was pained, but the pain only lasted till the night, when he was again enjoying the company of his hot wife.
And so on it continued for another five babies. All were born, and thrown into the river Ganga by his wife. All of the kingdom citizens were puzzled with the queen's behaviour, and in private, people referred to her with such terms as whore, murderer and bitch. This was not hidden from him, and he also was starting to think the same way. However, he bore it because of his promise, and the fact that after so many deliveries, Ganga's body remained as sexy and fit as before. He really loved her, and the way she made love.
And so he continued enjoying her day in and day out till their eighth son was about to be born. Shantanu had aged by now, and he wanted some heir. So when he saw his eighth son being meted the same treatment as his earlier brothers, he suddenly felt an urge to speak, "Oh cruel one! How could you do this to your own children. What kind of mother are you? You have already killed my seven children, I wont let you kill him too. "
Ganga:"You broke your promise king? Hence, I am going. The truth is, these babies of ours were Vasus, who had been cursed to take birth on earth, and I am Ganga, the river, who had promised to be their mother, and end their curse by drowning them as soon as they were born. I have already sent the other seven to their heavenly abode, but now this Vasu will have to stay back for longer time on earth. I will take him away now, and educate him from the best teachers. I will send him back to you after he is educated. Goodbye, my lover." And as it used to happen in those days, she disappeared out of side along with her son.
Shantanu: "Please dont go...Please dont go" (No Mercy said thanks).
But Ganga had left by then, and Shantanu was all alone.
He was very sad and distressed. He had no wife, and no heir, and he had all but lost his sex drive. Now was when he took to hunting for the sheer pleasure of the outside sport. Every morning he walked and saw the river Ganga, hoping she would spring to life, and he went away disappointed.
And then one day, strolling on the banks of the river, he met Gangeya.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Mahabharata - 1 : The Story of Yayati
Here is my own take on the Mahabharata. I have long believed that history is written by winners, and if the epic battle did actually take place, there was plenty to explain that has not been explained by sage Vyas. So for all of those who want to know the real deal this is the first story of the Mahabharat series.
The Story of Yayati
Shukracharaya, the guru of the asuras, was presently working at the court of Vrishaparva, the asura king, who greatly respected the guru because of his ability to bring back to life fallen asuras.
Devayani was the only daughter of Shukracharaya and because of the adulation of his father, had grown into a stubborn and arrogant, albeit very beautiful, young woman.
One day, the daughter of Vrishaparva, Sharmishtha, came to the guru's ashram, along with her friends, as they were going out to the forests for a picnic. In between the picnic, the girls decided to take a bath at a lake nearby. Now as far as my understanding of Hindu mythology goes, bathing together was a very popular hobby by the Indian folks; girls with girls and girls with boys. So well, these beautiful girls decided to take a bath in the lake. Now, as soon as these women had stripped naked and gone into the lake, a violent storm blew away their clothes, and their clothes got mixed. Now well, when the women came out of the lake, Devayani could not find her blouse, and got really angry when she saw Sharamishtha wearing hers. Now, boys, brace yourself for the catfight of the last five millenniums. (Just imagine this carefully - and in your imagination, let me remind you, Devyani is naked all this while - Another thing to add to this, Devayani is a classical beauty while Sharmishtha is a sexy hottie).
Devayani: Saali Kutiyaa (F***ing bitch)! How dare you wear my clothes? Dont you know who I am? Who do you think you are? I am the daughter of the great shukracharya, and he is the guru of all asuras. And you took my clothes. You are nothing but a common thief, stealing my clothes like that. Take them off right now.
Sharmishtha (feeling ashamed by the humiliation): tu kuttiya (You are a bitch)! I am the daughter of the king of the asuras! And the things you say about your father! Your father is dependent on my father for survival. My father is the one who feeds him. You father is but a beggar in the court of my father. You wear my leftovers! It is you who is poor, not me. I am a princess, while you are the daughter of a beggar.
Devayani (holding her by the hair) : Give me my clothes back, you bitch.
Sharmishtha (yelping): Help friends help!
Friends of Sharmishtha: Get off her, bitch! And they go and lift Devayani, and in the fight that ensues (this was the precursor of the kabaddi, contrary to what you read here) Devyani falls into a well nearby. Now when she falls, Sharmishtha and friends, leave her there, and go back to the palace. Devayani left alone, started crying and calling for help. She was sure now that she could not go back to the place whose king's daughter had humiliated her, and that she would not return home, if somehow she could get out of the well first.
As is always fated to happen when the damsel is in distress, in walks the handsome prince (rather, a king). Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha, was hunting and had lost his way, when he heard the wailing of a woman from the well. He looked down, to see Devayani, a beautiful maiden lying naked. He helped her out of the well (presumably by throwing down a rope or something) and then held her right hand. He had fallen in love, and so had Devayani, as she realized that this was the first man, other than her father, who had seen her naked.
Devayani (after covering herself with the branch of a tree): Who are you prince, and what are you doing here?
Yayati: I am Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha. I was out hunting and lost my way. But who are you, oh beauty, and why were you there?
Devayani: Marry me Prince, you have held me by the right hand and have seen me naked, and hence now you ought to make me your wife.
Yayati: But tell me who are you?
Devayani: I am the daughter of Shukracharya, the guru of the asuras. I was thrown here by some of my friends. I have been forsaken, o king, and you are the only one who can rescue me. Please marry me.
Yayati (trying to hide his boner): Yes, oh beautiful one! (thinking: Oh what a beauty! How good would it feel to have her on bed...and he started imagining, and suddenly the image of Shukracharya interrupted that dream...What if the guru got angry, no he will curse me): But no, you are the daughter of a Brahman while I am of a lower caste, Kshatriya, so I cannot marry you. But I am ready to take you to your home and leave you with your father.
Devayani: Okay then, leave me here, I will sit here, because I have decided not to go back home, and you should go now. You turn to the left and will find the way.
Yayati: Thank you, o beauty, but are you sure you will be fine here?
Devayani: Yes I will, (and Yayati leaves, his boner now harder than ever).
Shukracharya, after waiting for his daughter to arrive, entered the forest himself, and found his daughter sitting naked under a tree. When he inquired about her daughter's condition, Devayani told the entire story, about how Sharmishtha had abused him, she and her friends had thrown her into the well, and how Yayati had rescued her. She also told her of her vow not to go back into that king's reign, unless Sharmishtha apologized to her.
Hearing this Shukracharya lost his cool, and went to Vrishaparva to tell him he was leaving the kingdom. The king was at a loss about what happened, and pleaded to Shukracharya to forgive whatever mistake he had made. Shukracharya then told the king to ask his daughter, and went away angrily. The asura king knew that without Shukracharya to revive the asuras from the dead, they would never be able to challenge the devas. The asura king made haste to ask Sharmishtha about the incident, and taking her with him, went under the tree where Shukracharya was sitting with his daughter. Sharmishtha apologised to Devayani, who only agreed to return back to the kingdom if Sharmishtha agreed to be her slave. Sharmishtha, for her father's sake, agreed and thus Sharmishtha left her palace to stay as a slave to Devayani.
One day, Yayati lost her way again and this time came to Shukracharya's ashram. Devayani, who was sitting next to Sharmishtha, immediately recognised him and again proposed him to marry her. Yayati went with Devayani to Shukracharya, who agreed to this match, as Yayati was the MEB (Most Eligible Bachelor) at the time. However, he also told Yayati that he should not marry anyone else other than her daughter. (Yayati was a bit disappointed by this, but Devayani was so beautiful, that he agreed. He also noticed the hot Sharmishtha, and coupled by the combines effect of the two beauties, had soon another boner). The marriage was held in great pomp and show, and Sharamishtha, being the maid of Devayani, also went with her to Khandavprastha.
Yayati was happy in the company of Devayani, and had a great time with her, and soon she was pregnant. Sharmishtha and Devayani, meanwhile, had managed to become good friends, but Sharmishtha also wanted to lead her old life of pleasure. Devayani got Yayati to build a new palace especially for Sharmishtha, but when Devayani gave birth to Yadu, Sharmishtha's desire of being a mother was roused. So, one day while Yayati was alone, she went up and offered herself to him. (Yayati thought: what about Devayani, and what about Shukracharaya - but f*** them, what a lovely ass, and those boobs wow!!! - I have waited for this moment for so long). He agree to be the father of her children, as long as it was kept a secret, and soon Sharmishtha was pregnant. When Devayani asked her about the father, she said some Rishi had come and given her a good f***. Devayani was satisfied, and soon Sharmishtha gave birth to Druhyu. In the course of time, Devayani gave birth to Turvasu while Sharmishtha delivered Anu and Puru in that order. All of them were fathered by Yayati, who used to go to Sharmishtha and her sons while telling Devayani he was out hunting. The five sons used to play together, and all of them resembled Yayati, which gave Devayani some hint. One day, while all of them were playing, she asked Druyhu about his father. He calmly pointed to the king. Devayani was livid. She flew out of rage, and went back to her father, Yayati followed her, and Shukracharya, who could never see his daughter cry, and after hearing about his adultery, cursed Yayati :"May you become old, and never be able to enjoy material possesions of the world." Yayati begged for forgiveness, and Devayani also grew sad (He was pretty good in sex, and she wanted him in bed). She also asked her father to forgive her husband. Shukracharya said, "I cant take back this curse, but if one of your sons is ready to take your old age and your diseases, you can get back your youth again. Also the son who will agree will become famous all over the world as a just king."
Yayati felt happy hearing this. Surely all of his obedient sons would share his fate. He first went to the eldest son Yadu, who hearing his father request, laughed at him, and said, "I have my own life father. I want to have sex, I have just discovered it, its so cool, I cant give it all up." He then went to Druyhu, who also refused, giving fundes like "But father, being old will also make me lose all my intelligence. I have just started learning about this world." Next came Turvasu and Anu, but both of them also refused. Thus forsaken, Yayati went to Puru, who agreed wholeheartedly to take his old age, more because he was kind of stupid than anything else. Yayati remembered Shukracharya, and suddenly Yayati became young and Puru grew old, and making Puru to look after his kingdom, he went on something like a fuckfest with Sharmishtha and Devayani. After some time, he also copulated the beautiful apsara Viswachi, and enjoyed so for a thousand years. (Mahabharat has a habit of exaggerating it - it probably means 10 years). But the more he had sex, the more he wanted to have more of it. And then he realised that sex is like oil in fire - the more you have, the more you want it. The want never ends. And that is when he decided to give back the youth he had borrowed from Puru, and made him the king, and himself went for sanyaas. The people of his kingdom rebelled in favour of Yadu, who was the rightful heir, being the eldest son. However, Yayati who despite all his libido was also a just king, reminded them of Shukracharaya's prophecy, and the people got behind Puru. And Yadu, who refused to recognize Puru as the king, was exiled from the kingdom, where he set his own kingdom outside India.
(A question you might ask: Did they have condoms those days? Yes they did, and they worked better now than they do now. That is why Rachel gets pregnant in one night fucks, while Draupadi produced only five sons. More about that later though).
And here lay the seeds of the Mahabharat battle many many many generations later.
The Story of Yayati
Shukracharaya, the guru of the asuras, was presently working at the court of Vrishaparva, the asura king, who greatly respected the guru because of his ability to bring back to life fallen asuras.
Devayani was the only daughter of Shukracharaya and because of the adulation of his father, had grown into a stubborn and arrogant, albeit very beautiful, young woman.
One day, the daughter of Vrishaparva, Sharmishtha, came to the guru's ashram, along with her friends, as they were going out to the forests for a picnic. In between the picnic, the girls decided to take a bath at a lake nearby. Now as far as my understanding of Hindu mythology goes, bathing together was a very popular hobby by the Indian folks; girls with girls and girls with boys. So well, these beautiful girls decided to take a bath in the lake. Now, as soon as these women had stripped naked and gone into the lake, a violent storm blew away their clothes, and their clothes got mixed. Now well, when the women came out of the lake, Devayani could not find her blouse, and got really angry when she saw Sharamishtha wearing hers. Now, boys, brace yourself for the catfight of the last five millenniums. (Just imagine this carefully - and in your imagination, let me remind you, Devyani is naked all this while - Another thing to add to this, Devayani is a classical beauty while Sharmishtha is a sexy hottie).
Devayani: Saali Kutiyaa (F***ing bitch)! How dare you wear my clothes? Dont you know who I am? Who do you think you are? I am the daughter of the great shukracharya, and he is the guru of all asuras. And you took my clothes. You are nothing but a common thief, stealing my clothes like that. Take them off right now.
Sharmishtha (feeling ashamed by the humiliation): tu kuttiya (You are a bitch)! I am the daughter of the king of the asuras! And the things you say about your father! Your father is dependent on my father for survival. My father is the one who feeds him. You father is but a beggar in the court of my father. You wear my leftovers! It is you who is poor, not me. I am a princess, while you are the daughter of a beggar.
Devayani (holding her by the hair) : Give me my clothes back, you bitch.
Sharmishtha (yelping): Help friends help!
Friends of Sharmishtha: Get off her, bitch! And they go and lift Devayani, and in the fight that ensues (this was the precursor of the kabaddi, contrary to what you read here) Devyani falls into a well nearby. Now when she falls, Sharmishtha and friends, leave her there, and go back to the palace. Devayani left alone, started crying and calling for help. She was sure now that she could not go back to the place whose king's daughter had humiliated her, and that she would not return home, if somehow she could get out of the well first.
As is always fated to happen when the damsel is in distress, in walks the handsome prince (rather, a king). Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha, was hunting and had lost his way, when he heard the wailing of a woman from the well. He looked down, to see Devayani, a beautiful maiden lying naked. He helped her out of the well (presumably by throwing down a rope or something) and then held her right hand. He had fallen in love, and so had Devayani, as she realized that this was the first man, other than her father, who had seen her naked.
Devayani (after covering herself with the branch of a tree): Who are you prince, and what are you doing here?
Yayati: I am Yayati, the king of Khandavprastha. I was out hunting and lost my way. But who are you, oh beauty, and why were you there?
Devayani: Marry me Prince, you have held me by the right hand and have seen me naked, and hence now you ought to make me your wife.
Yayati: But tell me who are you?
Devayani: I am the daughter of Shukracharya, the guru of the asuras. I was thrown here by some of my friends. I have been forsaken, o king, and you are the only one who can rescue me. Please marry me.
Yayati (trying to hide his boner): Yes, oh beautiful one! (thinking: Oh what a beauty! How good would it feel to have her on bed...and he started imagining, and suddenly the image of Shukracharya interrupted that dream...What if the guru got angry, no he will curse me): But no, you are the daughter of a Brahman while I am of a lower caste, Kshatriya, so I cannot marry you. But I am ready to take you to your home and leave you with your father.
Devayani: Okay then, leave me here, I will sit here, because I have decided not to go back home, and you should go now. You turn to the left and will find the way.
Yayati: Thank you, o beauty, but are you sure you will be fine here?
Devayani: Yes I will, (and Yayati leaves, his boner now harder than ever).
Shukracharya, after waiting for his daughter to arrive, entered the forest himself, and found his daughter sitting naked under a tree. When he inquired about her daughter's condition, Devayani told the entire story, about how Sharmishtha had abused him, she and her friends had thrown her into the well, and how Yayati had rescued her. She also told her of her vow not to go back into that king's reign, unless Sharmishtha apologized to her.
Hearing this Shukracharya lost his cool, and went to Vrishaparva to tell him he was leaving the kingdom. The king was at a loss about what happened, and pleaded to Shukracharya to forgive whatever mistake he had made. Shukracharya then told the king to ask his daughter, and went away angrily. The asura king knew that without Shukracharya to revive the asuras from the dead, they would never be able to challenge the devas. The asura king made haste to ask Sharmishtha about the incident, and taking her with him, went under the tree where Shukracharya was sitting with his daughter. Sharmishtha apologised to Devayani, who only agreed to return back to the kingdom if Sharmishtha agreed to be her slave. Sharmishtha, for her father's sake, agreed and thus Sharmishtha left her palace to stay as a slave to Devayani.
One day, Yayati lost her way again and this time came to Shukracharya's ashram. Devayani, who was sitting next to Sharmishtha, immediately recognised him and again proposed him to marry her. Yayati went with Devayani to Shukracharya, who agreed to this match, as Yayati was the MEB (Most Eligible Bachelor) at the time. However, he also told Yayati that he should not marry anyone else other than her daughter. (Yayati was a bit disappointed by this, but Devayani was so beautiful, that he agreed. He also noticed the hot Sharmishtha, and coupled by the combines effect of the two beauties, had soon another boner). The marriage was held in great pomp and show, and Sharamishtha, being the maid of Devayani, also went with her to Khandavprastha.
Yayati was happy in the company of Devayani, and had a great time with her, and soon she was pregnant. Sharmishtha and Devayani, meanwhile, had managed to become good friends, but Sharmishtha also wanted to lead her old life of pleasure. Devayani got Yayati to build a new palace especially for Sharmishtha, but when Devayani gave birth to Yadu, Sharmishtha's desire of being a mother was roused. So, one day while Yayati was alone, she went up and offered herself to him. (Yayati thought: what about Devayani, and what about Shukracharaya - but f*** them, what a lovely ass, and those boobs wow!!! - I have waited for this moment for so long). He agree to be the father of her children, as long as it was kept a secret, and soon Sharmishtha was pregnant. When Devayani asked her about the father, she said some Rishi had come and given her a good f***. Devayani was satisfied, and soon Sharmishtha gave birth to Druhyu. In the course of time, Devayani gave birth to Turvasu while Sharmishtha delivered Anu and Puru in that order. All of them were fathered by Yayati, who used to go to Sharmishtha and her sons while telling Devayani he was out hunting. The five sons used to play together, and all of them resembled Yayati, which gave Devayani some hint. One day, while all of them were playing, she asked Druyhu about his father. He calmly pointed to the king. Devayani was livid. She flew out of rage, and went back to her father, Yayati followed her, and Shukracharya, who could never see his daughter cry, and after hearing about his adultery, cursed Yayati :"May you become old, and never be able to enjoy material possesions of the world." Yayati begged for forgiveness, and Devayani also grew sad (He was pretty good in sex, and she wanted him in bed). She also asked her father to forgive her husband. Shukracharya said, "I cant take back this curse, but if one of your sons is ready to take your old age and your diseases, you can get back your youth again. Also the son who will agree will become famous all over the world as a just king."
Yayati felt happy hearing this. Surely all of his obedient sons would share his fate. He first went to the eldest son Yadu, who hearing his father request, laughed at him, and said, "I have my own life father. I want to have sex, I have just discovered it, its so cool, I cant give it all up." He then went to Druyhu, who also refused, giving fundes like "But father, being old will also make me lose all my intelligence. I have just started learning about this world." Next came Turvasu and Anu, but both of them also refused. Thus forsaken, Yayati went to Puru, who agreed wholeheartedly to take his old age, more because he was kind of stupid than anything else. Yayati remembered Shukracharya, and suddenly Yayati became young and Puru grew old, and making Puru to look after his kingdom, he went on something like a fuckfest with Sharmishtha and Devayani. After some time, he also copulated the beautiful apsara Viswachi, and enjoyed so for a thousand years. (Mahabharat has a habit of exaggerating it - it probably means 10 years). But the more he had sex, the more he wanted to have more of it. And then he realised that sex is like oil in fire - the more you have, the more you want it. The want never ends. And that is when he decided to give back the youth he had borrowed from Puru, and made him the king, and himself went for sanyaas. The people of his kingdom rebelled in favour of Yadu, who was the rightful heir, being the eldest son. However, Yayati who despite all his libido was also a just king, reminded them of Shukracharaya's prophecy, and the people got behind Puru. And Yadu, who refused to recognize Puru as the king, was exiled from the kingdom, where he set his own kingdom outside India.
(A question you might ask: Did they have condoms those days? Yes they did, and they worked better now than they do now. That is why Rachel gets pregnant in one night fucks, while Draupadi produced only five sons. More about that later though).
And here lay the seeds of the Mahabharat battle many many many generations later.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A lot of Questions
Why do we care so much about what others think of us? How is it that a little praise from a person can make you so happy? How is it that some criticism can bring you down? Why is it that we try to keep people around us happy? Why do we want to be the best in what we do? Why do we think so much about winning awards or making a good GPA? Why do we want to show people how good we are?
Do we ever think about what we actually want from life? Can we just live in the present, without thinking about the past (what could have happened if..) or the future (what will happen...)? Why is it that we never get what we want the most? Or is it we want it the most because we never get it?
If the end is the death, what is the reason for doing anything at all? Will there be an Armageddon, and if it will, when and where? What will happen to the non-believers like me? Or is this actually a cycle, where everything we do is evaluated (in the present and past and future lives), and then our souls are sent to heaven or hell? Are we lucky to be born as humans, or are we very unlucky? Why did Mahabharata happen, even though there was a God? Why did Karna have to die?
If there is a God, why doesnt he show himself? How does he function? Is he playing a game, with us as random particles, and playing around, eventually knowing anything we do doesnt make an iota of difference to him or to anything else in the long run? Who are we? What does life mean?
Why do we feel singularly alone? Why do we love? Why so I feel so unworthy sometimes? Why I cant feel happy? Why am I so ugly? Why am I so dumb?
Any answers?
I feel happier already. haha. BonJour, Futrevous, Rendezvous and all that French shit.
Do we ever think about what we actually want from life? Can we just live in the present, without thinking about the past (what could have happened if..) or the future (what will happen...)? Why is it that we never get what we want the most? Or is it we want it the most because we never get it?
If the end is the death, what is the reason for doing anything at all? Will there be an Armageddon, and if it will, when and where? What will happen to the non-believers like me? Or is this actually a cycle, where everything we do is evaluated (in the present and past and future lives), and then our souls are sent to heaven or hell? Are we lucky to be born as humans, or are we very unlucky? Why did Mahabharata happen, even though there was a God? Why did Karna have to die?
If there is a God, why doesnt he show himself? How does he function? Is he playing a game, with us as random particles, and playing around, eventually knowing anything we do doesnt make an iota of difference to him or to anything else in the long run? Who are we? What does life mean?
Why do we feel singularly alone? Why do we love? Why so I feel so unworthy sometimes? Why I cant feel happy? Why am I so ugly? Why am I so dumb?
Any answers?
I feel happier already. haha. BonJour, Futrevous, Rendezvous and all that French shit.
Monday, September 17, 2007
How do you feel about yourself?
Do you feel good for achieving so many different things, or do you feel sad about not having achieved a good deal more? Or have you, after wondering about it and feeling bad, have stopped thinking about it at all.
I have been wondering: Do I have to be happy about the fact that I passed out of the two best institutes of the country, or do I have to be sad about not making the kind of impression I could have? Am I a success or a failure? If I was to die tomorrow, what would people remember me as? Why do I even care? Does it even matter?
I am an asshole, you might say after reading what I am about to write. But as I try to stay happy with whatever I have, I do have a few questions about why life is the way it is? If God did give me intelligence and the potential to make it big, why didn't he, for all his benevolence, grant me the patience to use that intelligence the best possible way? Why can I never study, never apply myself into anything, and cannot carry on doing the same job after a period of time?
If someone asks me about my USP, it will be this: I can do better than any other person in the universe in a field about which the inherent knowledge both of us have is zero. I think I am that good and that talented. But what have I done of that talent, except fretting it all away.
Would you make the same choices in life if you had a chance? Answer honestly. I probably might still do it, because in spite of a bleak future I think I have already had the time of my life. Anything more and it is just a bonus.
I have been wondering: Do I have to be happy about the fact that I passed out of the two best institutes of the country, or do I have to be sad about not making the kind of impression I could have? Am I a success or a failure? If I was to die tomorrow, what would people remember me as? Why do I even care? Does it even matter?
I am an asshole, you might say after reading what I am about to write. But as I try to stay happy with whatever I have, I do have a few questions about why life is the way it is? If God did give me intelligence and the potential to make it big, why didn't he, for all his benevolence, grant me the patience to use that intelligence the best possible way? Why can I never study, never apply myself into anything, and cannot carry on doing the same job after a period of time?
If someone asks me about my USP, it will be this: I can do better than any other person in the universe in a field about which the inherent knowledge both of us have is zero. I think I am that good and that talented. But what have I done of that talent, except fretting it all away.
Would you make the same choices in life if you had a chance? Answer honestly. I probably might still do it, because in spite of a bleak future I think I have already had the time of my life. Anything more and it is just a bonus.
Friday, September 14, 2007
I got hit last night..and blew it
First of all, for those who care, I reached France hale and hearty. Me and Ghai have a two bedroom flat and we have a pretty good time eating drinking and visiting. No internet yet at our place though, but man, you have got to hear this story, and believe it its true.
Time : Wednesday night arnd 1130
Place: A pub in Bordeaux, where us international students of the BBS were having a party.
Main cast: Other dudes from IIMC, hot Hungarian blonde girl and me.
Supporting cast: Hot girls from all around the globe, including Venezuela and Turkey. Other males.
The other dudes (Ghai, Sonkar, Ravi) and me were standing in front of this hot Turkish female who was like sizzling. And then well, we were pretty good and high, when this girl comes up to our group. We are holding some straws which kind of light up the place, when this female comes up to us and asks for the straw, and we give it to her. She takes it and puts it in her cleavage, and we like let out a cool wow.
More surprise - She then starts dancing with us.
She (to me): Do you like this music?
Me: Not really, do you?
She (looking really happy): Neither do I?
Now just what should I have done? I had the perfect line inside my head: So do u wanna go outside and take a walk or something? But well, while I started thinking about the kind of things that could possibly happen, I chickened. All I came up with was : good, and I excused myself.
Meanwhile she starts talking with Sonkar, (trying to hit him with "India is very close to my heart" and some such shit) who being from the same alma mater as me, also blew his chance.
The next guy she went to, some German, took her out of the place, and we didnt see them in the party after that.
But well, just made me wonder - Maybe I am not so ugly after all, or maybe she was just too drunk.
I need some alcohol!!!
Following up: A blog about the Mahabharat.
Time : Wednesday night arnd 1130
Place: A pub in Bordeaux, where us international students of the BBS were having a party.
Main cast: Other dudes from IIMC, hot Hungarian blonde girl and me.
Supporting cast: Hot girls from all around the globe, including Venezuela and Turkey. Other males.
The other dudes (Ghai, Sonkar, Ravi) and me were standing in front of this hot Turkish female who was like sizzling. And then well, we were pretty good and high, when this girl comes up to our group. We are holding some straws which kind of light up the place, when this female comes up to us and asks for the straw, and we give it to her. She takes it and puts it in her cleavage, and we like let out a cool wow.
More surprise - She then starts dancing with us.
She (to me): Do you like this music?
Me: Not really, do you?
She (looking really happy): Neither do I?
Now just what should I have done? I had the perfect line inside my head: So do u wanna go outside and take a walk or something? But well, while I started thinking about the kind of things that could possibly happen, I chickened. All I came up with was : good, and I excused myself.
Meanwhile she starts talking with Sonkar, (trying to hit him with "India is very close to my heart" and some such shit) who being from the same alma mater as me, also blew his chance.
The next guy she went to, some German, took her out of the place, and we didnt see them in the party after that.
But well, just made me wonder - Maybe I am not so ugly after all, or maybe she was just too drunk.
I need some alcohol!!!
Following up: A blog about the Mahabharat.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
The Flash Gordon Trophy
Sorry about not writing for so long. Have been busy watching Mahabharat among other things, and after having finally completed all 94 episodes of the epic, I am ready to write about the greatest story ever told. Period.
But for now, here is another story. The story of what is going to go down into the IIMC tradition as one of the most healthy, sporty ones ever started. And I, and an entire batch of New Hostel residents, are proud to be a part of bringing about this tradition. Welcome to the Flash Gordon Trophy.
The Inter-Wing FooterVolley Tournament in New Hostel witnessed all the eight wings taking part. A lot more than the trophy was at stake here, it was the pride which each of these wings have. The eight wings were divided into 2 groups of four teams each. Dhobi Ghat (the E100's) and Stud Farm (the E300's) started out as the favorites. My very own Sandazz (W 300s) and Ba-stud Farm, which consisted only of PGP1's (E400's) were expected to be the other semifinalists, while WTF(West Third Floor - What the Fuck!!! W 400s) were considered the dark horses. Nothing much was expected out of Animal Farm (W 100s), Sinners Paradise (E 200s), and Azaad Pankh (W200s). But well, like all tournaments, this one had surprises galore!
But first a bit about FooterVolley, for those of you who don't know. It, as the name suggests is a mixture of football and volleyball. It has almost the same rules as Tsepak, except that three bounces are allowed on the floor before the ball crosses the net. Only three touches are allowed, and any number of players from one to six can play from one side. However, for the tournament, the number was fixed from a minimum of four to maximum of five per team. During the league tournament, the matches were supposed to be one set long with first to 21 with a gap of at least two points winning, points only on serve. In case of the scores being tied 20-20, the advantage-duece rule applied. For the semis, we had three set matches, each set being first to 15, while the final was a best of five setter, and what a final it was!!!
DAY 1
The first match, between WTF and Animal Farm, was expected to be a one sided affair, with WTF having a pretty good team, and Animal Farm fielding a totally new team, PGP2's who had never played before, except practicing for three hours before their big debut. Churiyal, Dhamija, Jail, Dayal and Shireesh played the match of their lives to defeat the Vijay Raghavan (who had been tipped by many, including myself, to be the Man of the Tournament) led WTF. The WTF also had players like Shekhar, Tarun, and Bhutani, and a new finding, Dabas. Well, what a start to the tournament it was. Played under flashlights, cheering Squads on both sides, a great match to watch, and with me being the main referee of the tournament, a great match to officiate in. Animal Farm shocked everyone, including themselves, to gain a 22-20 victory. Everyone stood shocked. The tournament had begun.
The next match was the one which everyone expected to be a thriller. Sandazz, led by Dang and yours truly, were expected to give a tough fight to the Dhobighat team which had three great players, Kedar, Rishabh and Thakur, and a PGP1, Abhinav. Our team had Rachit, Fatter, Tanmay, and three PGP1's to choose from. But we produced an abysmal opening match, losing 21-8.
The other matches in our group, however passed by as expected, with Dhobighat and Sandazz beating both Sinners and Azaad, and that too pretty easily. Azaad beat Sinners with a team of PGP1s, to finish third in the group, while Dhobighat and Sandazz entered the Semis.
The other group, however, saw some good matches, and it was a pleasure officiating them. Ba-Stud farm, after an abysmal performance against Stud Farm, lost easily to WTF as well, in what was another shocker. Stud Farm then brought down the high flying Animal Farm with an easy 21-8 victory. In the match which was to prove critical, Animal led Ba-Stud 17-10, (and a victory would have surely taken them through to the semis) when someone reported they had done enough to reach the semis, and their performance fell. They ultimately lost 21-18, and then waited restlessly for Stud Farm-WTF match, where only a big margin of Stud Farm victory could take them to the semis. However, WTF, were able to lose by 21-13, making them the second team to qualify from the group on basis of their higher points per game average, even though Ba-Stud, Animal and WTF had one win each. It was sad to see Animal, who had played with so much enthusiasm, bow out.
DAY 2
The next day, the semis were upon us. Dang was unable for selection into the squad as he had already gone home. So noone expected anything much from Sandazz, who were facing their eternal rivals, Stud Farm, who had comprehensively beaten all teams in their group. However, Stud Farm looked tense, and taking advantage of some good team play, Sandazz, who had nothing to lose, went on to shock Stud Farm in the first set 15-8. We were leading 3-0 in the second set when a mistake by me gave Stud Farm a point, and the disunity that had been kept under wraps, began surfacing. It was all over then, I knew. We lost the second set 15-7, and the third 15-3 to bow out of the tournament. But what was worse, was that we could have won it easily, had our team spirit been good.
In the other semis, WTF lost to Dhobighat easily, 15-6,15-6, to set up a pulsating final. Two unbeaten teams in what was to prove to be a final worthy of the Flash Gordon Trophy.
DAY 3
The day of the final was delayed for two days because of rain. Before the final, there was a third fourth position match, in which we again started off brightly, but then, owing to infighting, we lost pretty badly to end up a disappointing fourth. More than the defeat it was the manner of the defeat which hurt. We lost in straight sets to WTF, 15-8, 15-3 (after leading 3-8 in the first set). Vijay Raghavan played like he had been expected to play, but hadn't the previous two days, and his serves were too much to handle.
The final match between Dhobighat and Stud Farm was not only between two wings, it was also between two different ideologies. Stud Farm were supported by Bastards, while most of the other wings were with Dhobighat, mainly due to their alienation with Stud.Stud fielded a four member team, like Dhobi, with Mithun, Katyar manning the front line and Fattu and Alu forming the back. For Dhobi, Kedi (who had been exemplary in the tournament so far) and Thakur closed at the net, while Abhinav was not allowed to do much work by Rishabh at the rear. Vijay Raghavan and I were the match referees. People had come from WH and OH to witness this match. As soon as the match started, I knew it was going to be a tough job managing the match. All line calls were contested, and with people from both sides cursing you, it was easy to lose your cool. I had a fight with a lot of people that day, but I stuck by my decisions, and I think it was a brave thing to do. The first two sets were shared. First to Stud 15-13, second to Dhobi 15-12.
At the end of the second set, some rain threatened, but it went away, and we started the third set. By now, the dominance of DhobiGhat was prominent. Kedi was playing brilliantly, and helped by some erratic show by Mithun, Dhobi won the third 15-4. It seemed a matter of moments before Dhobi laid its hands on the Flash Gordon Trophy. And then the rain struck.
It started as a drizzle, but soon began raining cats and dogs. The match was passed over to the next day, continuing at 0-0 in the fourth. The next day saw a great match, Stud were on the brink of elimination at 10-12 in the fourth, but gathered all their resources to win it 15-12. In the fifth, with almost all of NH cheering them on, and with Stud making mistakes, NH took a 9-1 lead. But then Katyar played the match of his life. He turned the entire match around, and when, at 14-13 to Stud Farm, I gave the header by Kedi as out, an entire stadium erupted! Stud Farm had won the Flash Gordon Trophy: 15-13, 12-15, 15-4, 15-12, 15-13.
The man of the match was Katyar, while the man of the tournament was Kedi, whose non-perfornamce after the day-long rain break was probably the reason for Dhobi's defeat. Having judged that match probably taught me more about Management, than all of fourth term courses. But more of that later. For now, enjoy beer, or whisky or whatever, and enjoy life. Thats what it is for.
But for now, here is another story. The story of what is going to go down into the IIMC tradition as one of the most healthy, sporty ones ever started. And I, and an entire batch of New Hostel residents, are proud to be a part of bringing about this tradition. Welcome to the Flash Gordon Trophy.
The Inter-Wing FooterVolley Tournament in New Hostel witnessed all the eight wings taking part. A lot more than the trophy was at stake here, it was the pride which each of these wings have. The eight wings were divided into 2 groups of four teams each. Dhobi Ghat (the E100's) and Stud Farm (the E300's) started out as the favorites. My very own Sandazz (W 300s) and Ba-stud Farm, which consisted only of PGP1's (E400's) were expected to be the other semifinalists, while WTF(West Third Floor - What the Fuck!!! W 400s) were considered the dark horses. Nothing much was expected out of Animal Farm (W 100s), Sinners Paradise (E 200s), and Azaad Pankh (W200s). But well, like all tournaments, this one had surprises galore!
But first a bit about FooterVolley, for those of you who don't know. It, as the name suggests is a mixture of football and volleyball. It has almost the same rules as Tsepak, except that three bounces are allowed on the floor before the ball crosses the net. Only three touches are allowed, and any number of players from one to six can play from one side. However, for the tournament, the number was fixed from a minimum of four to maximum of five per team. During the league tournament, the matches were supposed to be one set long with first to 21 with a gap of at least two points winning, points only on serve. In case of the scores being tied 20-20, the advantage-duece rule applied. For the semis, we had three set matches, each set being first to 15, while the final was a best of five setter, and what a final it was!!!
DAY 1
The first match, between WTF and Animal Farm, was expected to be a one sided affair, with WTF having a pretty good team, and Animal Farm fielding a totally new team, PGP2's who had never played before, except practicing for three hours before their big debut. Churiyal, Dhamija, Jail, Dayal and Shireesh played the match of their lives to defeat the Vijay Raghavan (who had been tipped by many, including myself, to be the Man of the Tournament) led WTF. The WTF also had players like Shekhar, Tarun, and Bhutani, and a new finding, Dabas. Well, what a start to the tournament it was. Played under flashlights, cheering Squads on both sides, a great match to watch, and with me being the main referee of the tournament, a great match to officiate in. Animal Farm shocked everyone, including themselves, to gain a 22-20 victory. Everyone stood shocked. The tournament had begun.
The next match was the one which everyone expected to be a thriller. Sandazz, led by Dang and yours truly, were expected to give a tough fight to the Dhobighat team which had three great players, Kedar, Rishabh and Thakur, and a PGP1, Abhinav. Our team had Rachit, Fatter, Tanmay, and three PGP1's to choose from. But we produced an abysmal opening match, losing 21-8.
The other matches in our group, however passed by as expected, with Dhobighat and Sandazz beating both Sinners and Azaad, and that too pretty easily. Azaad beat Sinners with a team of PGP1s, to finish third in the group, while Dhobighat and Sandazz entered the Semis.
The other group, however, saw some good matches, and it was a pleasure officiating them. Ba-Stud farm, after an abysmal performance against Stud Farm, lost easily to WTF as well, in what was another shocker. Stud Farm then brought down the high flying Animal Farm with an easy 21-8 victory. In the match which was to prove critical, Animal led Ba-Stud 17-10, (and a victory would have surely taken them through to the semis) when someone reported they had done enough to reach the semis, and their performance fell. They ultimately lost 21-18, and then waited restlessly for Stud Farm-WTF match, where only a big margin of Stud Farm victory could take them to the semis. However, WTF, were able to lose by 21-13, making them the second team to qualify from the group on basis of their higher points per game average, even though Ba-Stud, Animal and WTF had one win each. It was sad to see Animal, who had played with so much enthusiasm, bow out.
DAY 2
The next day, the semis were upon us. Dang was unable for selection into the squad as he had already gone home. So noone expected anything much from Sandazz, who were facing their eternal rivals, Stud Farm, who had comprehensively beaten all teams in their group. However, Stud Farm looked tense, and taking advantage of some good team play, Sandazz, who had nothing to lose, went on to shock Stud Farm in the first set 15-8. We were leading 3-0 in the second set when a mistake by me gave Stud Farm a point, and the disunity that had been kept under wraps, began surfacing. It was all over then, I knew. We lost the second set 15-7, and the third 15-3 to bow out of the tournament. But what was worse, was that we could have won it easily, had our team spirit been good.
In the other semis, WTF lost to Dhobighat easily, 15-6,15-6, to set up a pulsating final. Two unbeaten teams in what was to prove to be a final worthy of the Flash Gordon Trophy.
DAY 3
The day of the final was delayed for two days because of rain. Before the final, there was a third fourth position match, in which we again started off brightly, but then, owing to infighting, we lost pretty badly to end up a disappointing fourth. More than the defeat it was the manner of the defeat which hurt. We lost in straight sets to WTF, 15-8, 15-3 (after leading 3-8 in the first set). Vijay Raghavan played like he had been expected to play, but hadn't the previous two days, and his serves were too much to handle.
The final match between Dhobighat and Stud Farm was not only between two wings, it was also between two different ideologies. Stud Farm were supported by Bastards, while most of the other wings were with Dhobighat, mainly due to their alienation with Stud.Stud fielded a four member team, like Dhobi, with Mithun, Katyar manning the front line and Fattu and Alu forming the back. For Dhobi, Kedi (who had been exemplary in the tournament so far) and Thakur closed at the net, while Abhinav was not allowed to do much work by Rishabh at the rear. Vijay Raghavan and I were the match referees. People had come from WH and OH to witness this match. As soon as the match started, I knew it was going to be a tough job managing the match. All line calls were contested, and with people from both sides cursing you, it was easy to lose your cool. I had a fight with a lot of people that day, but I stuck by my decisions, and I think it was a brave thing to do. The first two sets were shared. First to Stud 15-13, second to Dhobi 15-12.
At the end of the second set, some rain threatened, but it went away, and we started the third set. By now, the dominance of DhobiGhat was prominent. Kedi was playing brilliantly, and helped by some erratic show by Mithun, Dhobi won the third 15-4. It seemed a matter of moments before Dhobi laid its hands on the Flash Gordon Trophy. And then the rain struck.
It started as a drizzle, but soon began raining cats and dogs. The match was passed over to the next day, continuing at 0-0 in the fourth. The next day saw a great match, Stud were on the brink of elimination at 10-12 in the fourth, but gathered all their resources to win it 15-12. In the fifth, with almost all of NH cheering them on, and with Stud making mistakes, NH took a 9-1 lead. But then Katyar played the match of his life. He turned the entire match around, and when, at 14-13 to Stud Farm, I gave the header by Kedi as out, an entire stadium erupted! Stud Farm had won the Flash Gordon Trophy: 15-13, 12-15, 15-4, 15-12, 15-13.
The man of the match was Katyar, while the man of the tournament was Kedi, whose non-perfornamce after the day-long rain break was probably the reason for Dhobi's defeat. Having judged that match probably taught me more about Management, than all of fourth term courses. But more of that later. For now, enjoy beer, or whisky or whatever, and enjoy life. Thats what it is for.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
My brother's wedding - 2
It was the perfect pass. And we had won it, quite easily.
What I am referring to is the shoes war between the two sides, the ladkewaale and the ladkiwaale. For the ignorant lot who have somehow missed or forgotten HAHK ( it was not such a good movie, but well it was a hit one), the bride's sisters (nowadays, it actually is the entire family) have to take and hide away the groom's shoes, and get money in return. It is the responsibility of the groom's side to ensure that a) the shoes are not taken, and b) if they are, then they are returned to the groom before the bride side can demand money. Now, the important thing is it is just a game, and whether any side succeeds or not, the transfer of money is mandatory.
Statistically, it has been proved that the best time to take the shoes away from the groom is when he sits on the mandap. He has to open his shoes to sit near the ceremonial fire , and then the ladkiwaale strike. As it happens, the groom has to sit on mandap twice, once without the bride (for some initial ceremony), and the other time for the saat phere. In between, is the part where the varmala takes place. This background is necessary to understand what happened next.
As soon as we went inside the marriage hall, accompanied by the light and sound of the firecrackers, my brother was taken away by the pundit; removed his shoes near a chair and sat in the mandap. I was then entrusted by my family, to go and take the shoes, which I accomplished pretty smoothly, except that the other side saw me doing it. We then discretely divided the pair, and kept them with two of my cousins: one hidden under my cousin's chunni, while the other went into the cardboard container with the firecrackers . And when my brother went for the varmala, one of my other cousins volunteered to offer his own shoes. Coming back, from the dais after photographs and all, the process repeated itself: my brother opened his shoes and sat again in the mandap. This time however, my bhabhi's side did manage to take away the shoes before we could even react. (Remember: these are my cousin's shoes, and not the real shoes).
So well now my brother was without shoes, and one of my cousins was without shoes. We started getting frustrated, and asked the bride's side to return the wrong pair of shoes. They refused point blankly. Their opinion was that shoes were shoes, and they did not care whose shoes did they have, as long they had something. We, however, felt that only groom's shoes count, and this caused a lot of fight between the two families. Finally, however, my cousins' persuasive skills won over, and we got back my cousin's shoes.
This whole episode, however, had created a lot of tension between the two families. To diffuse it, one aunty from my bhabhi's family, came to talk to us about the entire incident. We explained how we had managed to sneak the real shoes from right under their nose, hearing which, she slapped her 12 year old son for being incompetent (Oh, what fun that was, the poor boy almost started crying!). And then, being gracious, we decided to give them other chance, and told them to find the shoes, which were somewhere within the wedding lawns themselves. As soon as she got up, she realized that there was something under the chair she was sitting on. And she came back to explore. However, my cousin who had hidden it there, was fast enough for her, and carrying the shoe in his hand, ran all through the lawn, with 4-5 children following him. What followed next was pure magic. My cousin, somehow managed to throw the shoe in some random direction, and it fell in the place to which I was closest. But I had to still run to stave off those children, and I found myself surrounded by these children, and then delivered the perfect quarterback pass. To my other cousin, whose only job was to go and place the shoe under my brother's foot, who was just getting up from the mandap. And to coordinate with my other cousin, who had the other shoe under her chunni all this while. So well, as you see, we won it, but my brother decided to give the money to my bhabhi's sisters anyways. That too a stately amount of Rs. 5100.
Among other things at the wedding, there was alcohol of course, Black Dog whiskey. All my friends left pretty early, though, and could not catch a live demonstration of my American Football skills. (which is sad, in a way). So, well, by the time the marriage ended it was almost 3:00 a.m. in the morning, and everyone was dead tired. However, the best fun of the night was still left (not just for my brother, you perverts, I am talking about myself here).
Me and a lot of my cousins decided to go upstairs (his room is opposite mine) and make the bed. We decorated it with flowers in the shape of an arrow with the heart, and then left a note saying that, "Please don't disturb this arrangement. Lots of hard work gone into it. Inspection to be made at 8:00 a.m. morning." (Cheesy, huh!). And while we were doing this stuff, we had all sort of jokes flying about. It was great bonding with my cousins after a really really long time. So then well, we came down, and didn't allow him to enter the house until he parted with some of the money. He paid the bride's side for doing nothing, we said, and he ought to pay us for taking all that pain, going barefoot and all. So, at the end of it, we, as a whole, were richer by Rs. 2500 + 1100 HKD. But the night had not ended there. We managed to tease my brother even more, by calling him from downstairs, and when he stood on the porch, asking him about such silly things as if he wanted tea or water. And once, even asking him for time. It was so much fun!
The next day started around 10, and it was raining pretty heavily, putting all plans of Dham (It is an Himachali system of community food, in which people sit in rows and are served various Himachali curries and rice), on hold. However, as suddenly as it had started, it stopped, and the Dham went pretty well. But before that, there was more fun (money) for me. According to some Punjabi system, the devar is supposed to sit on the newly married couple's lap and ask for something. (I finally had some advantage of getting fat, and I was going to use it to the maximum). And I did. They already had a suit ready for me, but I was not going to give in so easily. I asked them to sponsor my trip to France, which they had to agree, to get me off them.
Yoyo!!!
My five friends from Delhi were leaving, and had quite a fight among themselves, regarding the time of their departure. For once, I think Sammy was right. Jha and Shreyas had kind of spoiled the trip. They wanted to leave asap, but my mother persuaded them to taste Himachali food, which they liked a lot. And so the entire day was spent meeting people who had come for the dham, mainly family friends from Dharamsala. And the night, well it was easily the most awesome night of all.
The DJ was back, and as he belted popular numbers, my entire mother's family, (most of my father's side family had left during the day) right from five year olds to my bauji (my nana) , who is 92, danced. How they fit in one small floor is a wonder, but I guess when you have spaces in your heart, it does not really matter. It was a perfect mixture of alcohol and dance, and I loved it a lot. And no, no more Lindsay Lohan stories told. I even managed to dance with my bhabhi, and in fact with every female in the big household.
My two male cousins, the ones involved with me in the American Football triumph, were then sent with a bottle of Teachers to my brother's bedroom and were locked inside, and when my brother entered with my bhabhi late in the night, they managed to sponsor their own trip to Hong Kong on my brother's expense, as a price for getting out. What else do you want!
It was dance, it was alcohol, it was money, but no, the greatest fun of the wedding was the bonding with my family members. Sometimes, despite all your differences, you can really be one, and I really loved that spirit. It was, to use IIMC lingo, too much!!!
What I am referring to is the shoes war between the two sides, the ladkewaale and the ladkiwaale. For the ignorant lot who have somehow missed or forgotten HAHK ( it was not such a good movie, but well it was a hit one), the bride's sisters (nowadays, it actually is the entire family) have to take and hide away the groom's shoes, and get money in return. It is the responsibility of the groom's side to ensure that a) the shoes are not taken, and b) if they are, then they are returned to the groom before the bride side can demand money. Now, the important thing is it is just a game, and whether any side succeeds or not, the transfer of money is mandatory.
Statistically, it has been proved that the best time to take the shoes away from the groom is when he sits on the mandap. He has to open his shoes to sit near the ceremonial fire , and then the ladkiwaale strike. As it happens, the groom has to sit on mandap twice, once without the bride (for some initial ceremony), and the other time for the saat phere. In between, is the part where the varmala takes place. This background is necessary to understand what happened next.
As soon as we went inside the marriage hall, accompanied by the light and sound of the firecrackers, my brother was taken away by the pundit; removed his shoes near a chair and sat in the mandap. I was then entrusted by my family, to go and take the shoes, which I accomplished pretty smoothly, except that the other side saw me doing it. We then discretely divided the pair, and kept them with two of my cousins: one hidden under my cousin's chunni, while the other went into the cardboard container with the firecrackers . And when my brother went for the varmala, one of my other cousins volunteered to offer his own shoes. Coming back, from the dais after photographs and all, the process repeated itself: my brother opened his shoes and sat again in the mandap. This time however, my bhabhi's side did manage to take away the shoes before we could even react. (Remember: these are my cousin's shoes, and not the real shoes).
So well now my brother was without shoes, and one of my cousins was without shoes. We started getting frustrated, and asked the bride's side to return the wrong pair of shoes. They refused point blankly. Their opinion was that shoes were shoes, and they did not care whose shoes did they have, as long they had something. We, however, felt that only groom's shoes count, and this caused a lot of fight between the two families. Finally, however, my cousins' persuasive skills won over, and we got back my cousin's shoes.
This whole episode, however, had created a lot of tension between the two families. To diffuse it, one aunty from my bhabhi's family, came to talk to us about the entire incident. We explained how we had managed to sneak the real shoes from right under their nose, hearing which, she slapped her 12 year old son for being incompetent (Oh, what fun that was, the poor boy almost started crying!). And then, being gracious, we decided to give them other chance, and told them to find the shoes, which were somewhere within the wedding lawns themselves. As soon as she got up, she realized that there was something under the chair she was sitting on. And she came back to explore. However, my cousin who had hidden it there, was fast enough for her, and carrying the shoe in his hand, ran all through the lawn, with 4-5 children following him. What followed next was pure magic. My cousin, somehow managed to throw the shoe in some random direction, and it fell in the place to which I was closest. But I had to still run to stave off those children, and I found myself surrounded by these children, and then delivered the perfect quarterback pass. To my other cousin, whose only job was to go and place the shoe under my brother's foot, who was just getting up from the mandap. And to coordinate with my other cousin, who had the other shoe under her chunni all this while. So well, as you see, we won it, but my brother decided to give the money to my bhabhi's sisters anyways. That too a stately amount of Rs. 5100.
Among other things at the wedding, there was alcohol of course, Black Dog whiskey. All my friends left pretty early, though, and could not catch a live demonstration of my American Football skills. (which is sad, in a way). So, well, by the time the marriage ended it was almost 3:00 a.m. in the morning, and everyone was dead tired. However, the best fun of the night was still left (not just for my brother, you perverts, I am talking about myself here).
Me and a lot of my cousins decided to go upstairs (his room is opposite mine) and make the bed. We decorated it with flowers in the shape of an arrow with the heart, and then left a note saying that, "Please don't disturb this arrangement. Lots of hard work gone into it. Inspection to be made at 8:00 a.m. morning." (Cheesy, huh!). And while we were doing this stuff, we had all sort of jokes flying about. It was great bonding with my cousins after a really really long time. So then well, we came down, and didn't allow him to enter the house until he parted with some of the money. He paid the bride's side for doing nothing, we said, and he ought to pay us for taking all that pain, going barefoot and all. So, at the end of it, we, as a whole, were richer by Rs. 2500 + 1100 HKD. But the night had not ended there. We managed to tease my brother even more, by calling him from downstairs, and when he stood on the porch, asking him about such silly things as if he wanted tea or water. And once, even asking him for time. It was so much fun!
The next day started around 10, and it was raining pretty heavily, putting all plans of Dham (It is an Himachali system of community food, in which people sit in rows and are served various Himachali curries and rice), on hold. However, as suddenly as it had started, it stopped, and the Dham went pretty well. But before that, there was more fun (money) for me. According to some Punjabi system, the devar is supposed to sit on the newly married couple's lap and ask for something. (I finally had some advantage of getting fat, and I was going to use it to the maximum). And I did. They already had a suit ready for me, but I was not going to give in so easily. I asked them to sponsor my trip to France, which they had to agree, to get me off them.
Yoyo!!!
My five friends from Delhi were leaving, and had quite a fight among themselves, regarding the time of their departure. For once, I think Sammy was right. Jha and Shreyas had kind of spoiled the trip. They wanted to leave asap, but my mother persuaded them to taste Himachali food, which they liked a lot. And so the entire day was spent meeting people who had come for the dham, mainly family friends from Dharamsala. And the night, well it was easily the most awesome night of all.
The DJ was back, and as he belted popular numbers, my entire mother's family, (most of my father's side family had left during the day) right from five year olds to my bauji (my nana) , who is 92, danced. How they fit in one small floor is a wonder, but I guess when you have spaces in your heart, it does not really matter. It was a perfect mixture of alcohol and dance, and I loved it a lot. And no, no more Lindsay Lohan stories told. I even managed to dance with my bhabhi, and in fact with every female in the big household.
My two male cousins, the ones involved with me in the American Football triumph, were then sent with a bottle of Teachers to my brother's bedroom and were locked inside, and when my brother entered with my bhabhi late in the night, they managed to sponsor their own trip to Hong Kong on my brother's expense, as a price for getting out. What else do you want!
It was dance, it was alcohol, it was money, but no, the greatest fun of the wedding was the bonding with my family members. Sometimes, despite all your differences, you can really be one, and I really loved that spirit. It was, to use IIMC lingo, too much!!!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
My brother's wedding-1
My brother finally got married. It was a great wedding, and I had a rollicking time.
Reaching home and moving into my new room was an awesome experience in itself. Imagine a first floor room with a full frontal view of the Himalayas, complete with wooden flooring, and an Americanized bathroom. And I had my own dressing room. Just shifting upstairs was so much fun in the first place, as was the realization that I would actually look forward to going home from now on. The days before the marriage saw me trying to arrange stuff like DJ, rooms for the guests, alcohol and a lot of less important stuff. Also, the responsibility of taking care of guests who trickled in and out fell upon me. It was great to meet a lot of my cousins and nephews and nieces and aunts and uncles after a long long time.
Day 1: 23rd June, Saturday : Program: Shagun and Ring Ceremony at a hotel in Dharamsala. The ceremony went off okay. The entire day saw some more of the guests pouring in, and the best part of the night was the DJ-cum-"cocktail" night, at home, which saw infinite amounts of whiskey and beer, with some amount of vodka, gin and rum added. I made the bartender make some pretty big (90 ml whiskey with 60 ml of Old Monk and Vodka, and 30 ml of gin, with the rest of the glass filled with coke) Long Island Iced Tea (without Tequila, of course (how do u find Tequila in Kangra District)), and got really high within no time, and then started telling people about my adventures in the United States of America, and also describing, whats now famous in my family as the Lindsay Lohan story. I have not mentioned this story in my earlier blogs about the Big Apple, so now is a pretty good time to do so.
"Well, it so happened, that P and me found ourselves outside this really good nightclub one Friday night. The only thing stopping us from going in was this huge black Negro, who told us that no stag entry was allowed. So well, as a desperate measure, we decided to ask a girl to get us in, and sure enough, a group of a guy and three girls came along. I tapped one of the females on the back and asked her if she could let us in. And man, was she hot!! What really took me aback was that she agreed at once, took my hand in hers and asked her other friend to take P in. She looked like Lindsay Lohan, and she asked me for my name and P's name. Her name was Allison, and as P was telling her his name, the negro saw us and didn't grant us access in the sake of us not knowing one another. Now well, Allison was really sorry thinking it to be her fault, and I consoled her. I now think it would have been the perfect time to ask her for her phone number, but loser that I am, I just waved her away."
So, this was the story I kept repeating that entire night, in front of everyone present. And I used the word chakka a lot too. And there were my cousins, who tried to take my case, my brother, who inspite of all the spotlight on him, was probably loving me stealing his thunder.
By the time people went away, or had slept, (it was already 3 in the morning) I had moderated down a bit, and my brother was having some questions about leaving his bachelor lifestyle behind. I tried to calm him a bit, and I guessed it worked. Then I left upstairs to my room, the best room in the world, and slept for tomorrow was going to be another gruelling day.
Day 2: The day started around 10, when I got down to assist dad in the functions, and boy, was this day fun! The entire day was about my brother taking part in various activities, which was to see him sitting in front of the fire most of the time, and when not, getting massaged with haldi by all the ladies of the house. It is kind of embarrassing really if you ask me. But for me the entire day was a good exercise in practical management. Sammy, Shreyas, Praddy, Jha and Rupa came around 11 in the morning, and after some chit chat went to the hotel to get some rest. I, on the other hand, worked hard getting things arranged, and was actually missing for most of my brother's ceremonies (Sehra bandi and all that crap). By 6 in the evening, we were all ready to go (considering that the expected time was 5:30, we didnt do too bad). Vaibhav came all the way from Hamirpur, and after picking up Vivek, came straight to the wedding place, which was an hotel in Palampur. And so started the best wedding function I ever attended. (To be continued).
Reaching home and moving into my new room was an awesome experience in itself. Imagine a first floor room with a full frontal view of the Himalayas, complete with wooden flooring, and an Americanized bathroom. And I had my own dressing room. Just shifting upstairs was so much fun in the first place, as was the realization that I would actually look forward to going home from now on. The days before the marriage saw me trying to arrange stuff like DJ, rooms for the guests, alcohol and a lot of less important stuff. Also, the responsibility of taking care of guests who trickled in and out fell upon me. It was great to meet a lot of my cousins and nephews and nieces and aunts and uncles after a long long time.
Day 1: 23rd June, Saturday : Program: Shagun and Ring Ceremony at a hotel in Dharamsala. The ceremony went off okay. The entire day saw some more of the guests pouring in, and the best part of the night was the DJ-cum-"cocktail" night, at home, which saw infinite amounts of whiskey and beer, with some amount of vodka, gin and rum added. I made the bartender make some pretty big (90 ml whiskey with 60 ml of Old Monk and Vodka, and 30 ml of gin, with the rest of the glass filled with coke) Long Island Iced Tea (without Tequila, of course (how do u find Tequila in Kangra District)), and got really high within no time, and then started telling people about my adventures in the United States of America, and also describing, whats now famous in my family as the Lindsay Lohan story. I have not mentioned this story in my earlier blogs about the Big Apple, so now is a pretty good time to do so.
"Well, it so happened, that P and me found ourselves outside this really good nightclub one Friday night. The only thing stopping us from going in was this huge black Negro, who told us that no stag entry was allowed. So well, as a desperate measure, we decided to ask a girl to get us in, and sure enough, a group of a guy and three girls came along. I tapped one of the females on the back and asked her if she could let us in. And man, was she hot!! What really took me aback was that she agreed at once, took my hand in hers and asked her other friend to take P in. She looked like Lindsay Lohan, and she asked me for my name and P's name. Her name was Allison, and as P was telling her his name, the negro saw us and didn't grant us access in the sake of us not knowing one another. Now well, Allison was really sorry thinking it to be her fault, and I consoled her. I now think it would have been the perfect time to ask her for her phone number, but loser that I am, I just waved her away."
So, this was the story I kept repeating that entire night, in front of everyone present. And I used the word chakka a lot too. And there were my cousins, who tried to take my case, my brother, who inspite of all the spotlight on him, was probably loving me stealing his thunder.
By the time people went away, or had slept, (it was already 3 in the morning) I had moderated down a bit, and my brother was having some questions about leaving his bachelor lifestyle behind. I tried to calm him a bit, and I guessed it worked. Then I left upstairs to my room, the best room in the world, and slept for tomorrow was going to be another gruelling day.
Day 2: The day started around 10, when I got down to assist dad in the functions, and boy, was this day fun! The entire day was about my brother taking part in various activities, which was to see him sitting in front of the fire most of the time, and when not, getting massaged with haldi by all the ladies of the house. It is kind of embarrassing really if you ask me. But for me the entire day was a good exercise in practical management. Sammy, Shreyas, Praddy, Jha and Rupa came around 11 in the morning, and after some chit chat went to the hotel to get some rest. I, on the other hand, worked hard getting things arranged, and was actually missing for most of my brother's ceremonies (Sehra bandi and all that crap). By 6 in the evening, we were all ready to go (considering that the expected time was 5:30, we didnt do too bad). Vaibhav came all the way from Hamirpur, and after picking up Vivek, came straight to the wedding place, which was an hotel in Palampur. And so started the best wedding function I ever attended. (To be continued).
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