(Earth finds just two words in the Hitchhikers' Guide to The Galaxy: Mostly Harmless. It is also the fifth book of the Hitchhiker's "trilogy" in now five parts. So finally I got to know of someone who did not like the Hitchhikers' Series. So, well I modify my last post's to : Till now, I have known only one person who has ........ )
The third part of my Philosophical discourses. The end of the trilogy.
Mostly Harmless. Thats what a lot of people probably think of me. Atleast, thats what I think about a lot of people. Infact all people are mostly harmless. And they are mostly similar too. Irrespective of the differences in colour, religion, caste and creed; people are alike in a lot of ways. If you have read the Merchant Of Venice, (and if you are from the ICSE board, there is a good chance you have) you will remember Shylock's speech about Jews and Chritians. "Hath not a Jew eyes, ears......If you cut us, do we not bleed, and if you stab us, will we not die." (Sorry Mr. Bill, but I could never remember your entire speeches correctly). The speech is a great testimony to the basic similiarities between humans, and the need to eradicate human biases.
Mostly Harmless. Thats what a lot of us are. All of us are, infact. I have interacted with a lot of people over the years, and at the end of it all, I find that noone is purely bad, or purely good. Any man is a mixture of the two. In the end, it all depends on how we want to see a particular person. That is why I think, the saying "First impression is the last impression" is so correct. Once you form an impression of a person, you continue seeing him in that light.
Man had the basic needs: Food, Clothing and Shelter. (Mr. Arun Jaitley shall probably want to add Bijli. Sadak and Paani (BSP) to it), but now he has more. I believe now people work for recognition of their efforts. And the other thing that people really want is respect from other people. And money, and with it, the ensuing power. And the love of the girl they love. It is a combination of all these that spur a person to move forward in life, and go on trying to achieve that. And, satisfaction? Satisfaction is another of those craps invented to explain all the things above, People want the four things above, and name it satsfaction.
And there are various things a man tries to get what he needs. Everyone is good at heart, just the methods might make him seem bad. This is all what Hitler wanted. Or Napolean. Or Genghiz Khan. Or Stalin. Were they good or bad? I'll say they were good. And if they were bad, then so was Churchill, and Roosevelt, or Truman.
I have made a hash of this post. I am disappointed at having written this, but I'll publish this anyway. And then I will brush my teeth. Good Morning and have a great day (Its a Sunday!). Keep Blogging!!!
(On second thoughts, people like Hitler are probably better, because they are honest about what they want. What about me, who doesnot know what I want, or my friends, who will never admit to what I have written here?)
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
So long, and Thanks for all the fish
(For all of you wondering about the title of the post, please read the earlier post before reading further. For those still wondering, please read the hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as soon as possible. It is a wonderful read).
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. It has made a lot of people angry, and has been widely critizised as a bad move. " Any novel containing such outrageous sense of humour ought to become an instant favourite with the reader. I still have to come across someone who has read the entire book (it used to be a 'trilogy' in four parts when I read it, but since then, the fifth, Mostly Harmless, has also been added to the list), and hasn't liked it. Its full of some very good crap, and apparently, a lot of people, and I, tend to like some very good crap.
Thinking about Douglas Adams, also reminds me of my very serious falling as an author: that I am horrible at writing humour. Any type of humour, be it sarcasm or slapstick, doesn't come naturally to me. But, I will try it sometime. Till then, I am better off doing what I do here always : writing about love and other issues.
Have recently finished reading two books, both of which have left me thinking about myself and my life. One was called Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins, who is one of the top rated American writers, but surprisingly isn't very famous in India. The second book is by Chetan Bhagat, and he has again managed to create a tale around friendship, though this time his novel is a lot darker. Its called One Night@ The Call Centre; and that's exactly what it is, describing an eventful night at a call centre in (wherelse could Bhagat set the scene in?) Gurgaon.
Skinny Legs and All is a masterpiece, because not only is it a fabulous read, but also because it manages to ask some very basic questions about human existence. And whats more, it even tries to answer these questions itself. And even then it manages to keep up a fast pace, and the entire story is told humorously, which makes me appreciate it even more. The book preaches a similiar philosophy to what I had like to teach the world someday : Money is crap, as is religion. Politics and law are just measures introduced to curtail basic human freedom. The book lays stresses, among other things, that humans need to give more attention towards nature, the living, the dead and the non-living. It also points out that individual freedom should be emphasised.
One Night@The Call Centre, on the other hand, is a typical Chetan Bhagat book (if you can actually generalise his genre based on Five Point Someone). Its again about people whose life are in a deep mess, this time though not entirely of their own making. Its about the youth of India, and how do they come up on top against the odds. The book is much more narrower in vision than Skinny Legs and All, but because it talks about people like me, who feel and act much like I do, it strikes a chord. Sometimes I do wonder why am I working so hard for America]s prosperity, but then I realise that any other job will also have almost the same effect; the real benefit will be America's.
Now that I have got my degree (finally!), my family members want me to leave my current job and start looking for greener pastures, basically a job that pays me better and has better value in terms of work experience. But I am in no mood to change for two primarily reasons. One is that even though I need money to sustain my drinking and eating habits over the weekends, I believe I am earning as much as I need. And I am not asking for more. Because I do not beelieve in money in the first place, I think its the most overrated commodity in the world (I am not sure commodity is the right word. Probably Adam Smith will have some objection over its usage). I will only want money when someone who depends on me wants it. But that is in the distant future, and as far as saving for the future goes, I am giving myself time. Also, I am pretty much liking the atmosphere at my office and the people, so presently, I have no plans to shift. The second reason I attribute to the way my parents have brought me up. They have always taught my elder brother and me to appreciate and be grateful for the small things in life that God has given us. And this extends to favours that people extend to us. "Never forget anybody's favour, and never refuse a favour to others.", is what my parents used to tell me. And I am just following that. When I was without the degree, and badly in need for a job to sustain my extravagant lifestyle, my company gave me a lifeline by letting me stay. And how do I return the favour? By telling them that well it has been a great journey, but its been "so long, and thanks for all the fish." I possibly cannot do this. Sometimes, I just wonder how ethical can I get at times. And it makes me feel good. It always pays to have ethics, even though here I am losing money I think.
On a separate note, I heard the Lobo song "Don]t expect me to be your friend." I possibly could not have had understood the meaning before, but now it sums up how I have been feeling the past few months. The lyrics go like, " I love you too much to ever start liking you, so just lets end the story here, I love you too much to ever start liking you, so dont expect me to be your friend." I just hope she will understand this, and possibly come and tell me "So long, and thanks for all the fish. Good-Bye"
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. It has made a lot of people angry, and has been widely critizised as a bad move. " Any novel containing such outrageous sense of humour ought to become an instant favourite with the reader. I still have to come across someone who has read the entire book (it used to be a 'trilogy' in four parts when I read it, but since then, the fifth, Mostly Harmless, has also been added to the list), and hasn't liked it. Its full of some very good crap, and apparently, a lot of people, and I, tend to like some very good crap.
Thinking about Douglas Adams, also reminds me of my very serious falling as an author: that I am horrible at writing humour. Any type of humour, be it sarcasm or slapstick, doesn't come naturally to me. But, I will try it sometime. Till then, I am better off doing what I do here always : writing about love and other issues.
Have recently finished reading two books, both of which have left me thinking about myself and my life. One was called Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins, who is one of the top rated American writers, but surprisingly isn't very famous in India. The second book is by Chetan Bhagat, and he has again managed to create a tale around friendship, though this time his novel is a lot darker. Its called One Night@ The Call Centre; and that's exactly what it is, describing an eventful night at a call centre in (wherelse could Bhagat set the scene in?) Gurgaon.
Skinny Legs and All is a masterpiece, because not only is it a fabulous read, but also because it manages to ask some very basic questions about human existence. And whats more, it even tries to answer these questions itself. And even then it manages to keep up a fast pace, and the entire story is told humorously, which makes me appreciate it even more. The book preaches a similiar philosophy to what I had like to teach the world someday : Money is crap, as is religion. Politics and law are just measures introduced to curtail basic human freedom. The book lays stresses, among other things, that humans need to give more attention towards nature, the living, the dead and the non-living. It also points out that individual freedom should be emphasised.
One Night@The Call Centre, on the other hand, is a typical Chetan Bhagat book (if you can actually generalise his genre based on Five Point Someone). Its again about people whose life are in a deep mess, this time though not entirely of their own making. Its about the youth of India, and how do they come up on top against the odds. The book is much more narrower in vision than Skinny Legs and All, but because it talks about people like me, who feel and act much like I do, it strikes a chord. Sometimes I do wonder why am I working so hard for America]s prosperity, but then I realise that any other job will also have almost the same effect; the real benefit will be America's.
Now that I have got my degree (finally!), my family members want me to leave my current job and start looking for greener pastures, basically a job that pays me better and has better value in terms of work experience. But I am in no mood to change for two primarily reasons. One is that even though I need money to sustain my drinking and eating habits over the weekends, I believe I am earning as much as I need. And I am not asking for more. Because I do not beelieve in money in the first place, I think its the most overrated commodity in the world (I am not sure commodity is the right word. Probably Adam Smith will have some objection over its usage). I will only want money when someone who depends on me wants it. But that is in the distant future, and as far as saving for the future goes, I am giving myself time. Also, I am pretty much liking the atmosphere at my office and the people, so presently, I have no plans to shift. The second reason I attribute to the way my parents have brought me up. They have always taught my elder brother and me to appreciate and be grateful for the small things in life that God has given us. And this extends to favours that people extend to us. "Never forget anybody's favour, and never refuse a favour to others.", is what my parents used to tell me. And I am just following that. When I was without the degree, and badly in need for a job to sustain my extravagant lifestyle, my company gave me a lifeline by letting me stay. And how do I return the favour? By telling them that well it has been a great journey, but its been "so long, and thanks for all the fish." I possibly cannot do this. Sometimes, I just wonder how ethical can I get at times. And it makes me feel good. It always pays to have ethics, even though here I am losing money I think.
On a separate note, I heard the Lobo song "Don]t expect me to be your friend." I possibly could not have had understood the meaning before, but now it sums up how I have been feeling the past few months. The lyrics go like, " I love you too much to ever start liking you, so just lets end the story here, I love you too much to ever start liking you, so dont expect me to be your friend." I just hope she will understand this, and possibly come and tell me "So long, and thanks for all the fish. Good-Bye"
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Life, the Universe and Everything
{Apologies to the Late Douglas Adams for using the title from the third book of his five book "trilogy.")
I am supposed to be the most relieved man on earth today. I am like a death penalty convict, been granted special pardon by the President a day before the execution. (This is actually a truer analogy than it seems). After four and a half years of taking Minors and Majors I have finally passed out of the Indian Institute of Technology. And that is a big thing, to finally have a provisional B.Tech from one of the country's premier educational institutions. It was a tough ride all the way, and after having completed this slow and unsteady race (which by the way, I ended .finishing 37 in a class of 45 odd), I should be happy for the fact that I have at last done what I set out to do: get a B.Tech in Electrical Engineering from IIT Delhi. For sometime, in the past month or so, becoming an engineer was all that I cared for. Infact, I had even contemplated suicide if I didnt get a degree. (Now, again, dont pass judgements about me..plzz. I am a lot more psycho than you think. And moreover I believe that suicide requires much more courage than is attributed to it. It is the ultimate surrender, to life itself, and I believe only a courageous person can accept losing).It was a matter of life or death for me. So well, I thought that the day I finally got my degree would actually be the happiest day of my life. Except that, I am not happy. Infact, the realisation that I have finally become an engineer has left me sad. Sad is probably the wrong word, but now this doesnt seem to be affecting me as much as I thought it would. No, not as much as I thought it would, but it hasnt made any difference at all.
I remember reading once "Success is counted sweetest, by those who never succeed", and today the full meaning of these lines cannot escape me. Is it because of this that having finally got the degree I am unable to cherish it as I should have? Or is it something else, something even more philosophical?
Did I ever tell you that I also plan to open my own school of philosophy thought? I guess I have not, but I believe (my this belief, like all my other beliefs, is shared by me alone) that someday I will be able to write a book on philosophy. For that, I dont intend to read any other philosophy, as I want my thought to be original and pure. So well here is the first point of my pholosphical discourses.
Problems are broadly of two levels : 1) Minor and 2) Major. Not getting through a good company, or flunking a course or a semester, are types of minor problems. They hurt, but the wound heals pretty quickly. On the other hand, loving someone who does not love you, or (which I feel is even worse) not loving someone who loves you, are probably the two scenarios when you are hurt the most. In between, there are other things we are wary of: death of your dog, your cat and so on. But being the hopeless romantic that I am, I feel that the two of the above hurt much more than anything else. Also, the minor worries are the ones that seem to eat the majority of your time. Or we try to give our minor problems more time in order to forget our major problems. Time is a great healer, and that is what we rely the most on, in order to lessen the pain from the major problems.
So well, my point is, that when I had got my degree, all my minor problems were over (at that point of time atleast), and because man (I have a habit of generalising things; maybe I should use I) is pessemestic for the most part, he has to worry about his problems, which left me pondering over my major problems. And that made the world seem a much more problematic than it was before. Because you can't do anything about people not loving you, or even about you not loving people. There is only one thing : give it time. You try shutting yourself away from everything, but somehow her memory comes back to haunt you. Again and again. You try to keep it out, but the mere mention of her name is enough to remind you of those days. And make you sad.
So much for my philosophy, probably its because of this, that I felt sad after the degree. Or maybe, there was another reason. More of it in the next post. And sure enough, it will be called "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
I am supposed to be the most relieved man on earth today. I am like a death penalty convict, been granted special pardon by the President a day before the execution. (This is actually a truer analogy than it seems). After four and a half years of taking Minors and Majors I have finally passed out of the Indian Institute of Technology. And that is a big thing, to finally have a provisional B.Tech from one of the country's premier educational institutions. It was a tough ride all the way, and after having completed this slow and unsteady race (which by the way, I ended .finishing 37 in a class of 45 odd), I should be happy for the fact that I have at last done what I set out to do: get a B.Tech in Electrical Engineering from IIT Delhi. For sometime, in the past month or so, becoming an engineer was all that I cared for. Infact, I had even contemplated suicide if I didnt get a degree. (Now, again, dont pass judgements about me..plzz. I am a lot more psycho than you think. And moreover I believe that suicide requires much more courage than is attributed to it. It is the ultimate surrender, to life itself, and I believe only a courageous person can accept losing).It was a matter of life or death for me. So well, I thought that the day I finally got my degree would actually be the happiest day of my life. Except that, I am not happy. Infact, the realisation that I have finally become an engineer has left me sad. Sad is probably the wrong word, but now this doesnt seem to be affecting me as much as I thought it would. No, not as much as I thought it would, but it hasnt made any difference at all.
I remember reading once "Success is counted sweetest, by those who never succeed", and today the full meaning of these lines cannot escape me. Is it because of this that having finally got the degree I am unable to cherish it as I should have? Or is it something else, something even more philosophical?
Did I ever tell you that I also plan to open my own school of philosophy thought? I guess I have not, but I believe (my this belief, like all my other beliefs, is shared by me alone) that someday I will be able to write a book on philosophy. For that, I dont intend to read any other philosophy, as I want my thought to be original and pure. So well here is the first point of my pholosphical discourses.
Problems are broadly of two levels : 1) Minor and 2) Major. Not getting through a good company, or flunking a course or a semester, are types of minor problems. They hurt, but the wound heals pretty quickly. On the other hand, loving someone who does not love you, or (which I feel is even worse) not loving someone who loves you, are probably the two scenarios when you are hurt the most. In between, there are other things we are wary of: death of your dog, your cat and so on. But being the hopeless romantic that I am, I feel that the two of the above hurt much more than anything else. Also, the minor worries are the ones that seem to eat the majority of your time. Or we try to give our minor problems more time in order to forget our major problems. Time is a great healer, and that is what we rely the most on, in order to lessen the pain from the major problems.
So well, my point is, that when I had got my degree, all my minor problems were over (at that point of time atleast), and because man (I have a habit of generalising things; maybe I should use I) is pessemestic for the most part, he has to worry about his problems, which left me pondering over my major problems. And that made the world seem a much more problematic than it was before. Because you can't do anything about people not loving you, or even about you not loving people. There is only one thing : give it time. You try shutting yourself away from everything, but somehow her memory comes back to haunt you. Again and again. You try to keep it out, but the mere mention of her name is enough to remind you of those days. And make you sad.
So much for my philosophy, probably its because of this, that I felt sad after the degree. Or maybe, there was another reason. More of it in the next post. And sure enough, it will be called "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
The Apple Story
[Disclaimer : The Apple Story has nothing to do with the Apple company, and neither Newton, nor with the state of New York.A friend of mine wanted me to write a blog dedicated to him. Here is it, and it is relevant to many people.]
Let me summarize for you a beautiful story. I call it the apple story, and it is a fairly simple tale, just like most beautiful tales. It talks (obviously!) about apples; rotten apples and good apples. The rotten apples, because of their greater weight, are greatly affected by gravity, and hence they fall to the ground. The fresh apples, on the other hand, stay upright, on the highest of branches. When a farmer comes, he sees the fresh apples, higher up on the tree, and realizing the effort taken to get to them, starts eating the rotten apples, while the fresh ones cling to their higher branches. The next time, however when the farmer returns, he knows that the ground below has rotten apples, and this time, he is ready to make up, and so makes that extra effort to get to the fresher apples.
Now, if you treat it just like a story, there is nothing like it. But then, people, like my friend above, cannot appreciate art just for the sake of it. What they want is to draw out parallels from the story into the modern world. And this is how they do it: now this is another long story, so if you did not like the above story, there is an even greater chance you will not like this one.
According to these people, (who in the Modern world, are also referred too by others as losers)the apples in the story actually denotes boys. The rotten apples signifies the bad boys, those with a rotten heart. The fresher apples, denotes people who are good, those living on the higher branches of life. The farmer is the girl, who comes out and reaches for the apples most readily available (the bad boys), and only after they have been victim of the bad boys' malice, do they realise that there exist good guys (read: fresher apples) for them. Hence, these losers say, if you don't find a girlfriend, it is okay, because it means that you are a good guy. (You would have realized that the Losers themselves, a growing class today, belong to this category of good guys).
As for me, I really don't think that the interpretations are correct. For one, what can you say about guys, good guys, who actually are ready to fall to the ground (read: make themselves available for the girls)? Why is it that they are also sometimes rejected by the girls? And not only sometimes, but a lot of times. I believe it happens sometimes because the girl is sometimes unable to match up to the guy's stature, and sometimes because she realizes that the good guy and she is not combatible, which itself makes her sort of evilish (on second thoughts!)
This happened to the Time Table (sorry to call him this, but that is how you will probably remember him as) in Dil Chahta Hai; where he was dumped by Sonali Kulkarni for the Casanova Saif and Salman Khan in Kucch Kucch Hotaa Hai; dumped by the girl he dearly loved, for a man she loved, and who had no feelings for her till his own wife dies.
But there have also been cases where the good man, after all, gets the girl. Not that the other guy is a rascal or anything, but this guy is the one who "actually" wants to see the girl happy. I just saw Deewane Hue Paagal yesterday (by the way..its absolutely necessary for you to watch the film, its a tremendous laugh riot; especially if you see it with your greatest friends). And here too the best guy among the lot gets the girl. Same is the case in Mujhse Shaadi karogee, or There's Something About Mary (on which, incidentally, Deewane Hue Paagal is based). The greatest example could probably be Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam.
So well, my friend, there is still hope for you. And for me. Hope is all it takes.I dedicate this post to all those like us, waiting for something to happen which makes the girls we love realise, we are the best for them. And some girl, the noblest of them all, shall reach up for you. And get you. Till then, like Orkut says, stay beautiful. Stay fresh. On the topmost branches of the apple tree called life.
Let me summarize for you a beautiful story. I call it the apple story, and it is a fairly simple tale, just like most beautiful tales. It talks (obviously!) about apples; rotten apples and good apples. The rotten apples, because of their greater weight, are greatly affected by gravity, and hence they fall to the ground. The fresh apples, on the other hand, stay upright, on the highest of branches. When a farmer comes, he sees the fresh apples, higher up on the tree, and realizing the effort taken to get to them, starts eating the rotten apples, while the fresh ones cling to their higher branches. The next time, however when the farmer returns, he knows that the ground below has rotten apples, and this time, he is ready to make up, and so makes that extra effort to get to the fresher apples.
Now, if you treat it just like a story, there is nothing like it. But then, people, like my friend above, cannot appreciate art just for the sake of it. What they want is to draw out parallels from the story into the modern world. And this is how they do it: now this is another long story, so if you did not like the above story, there is an even greater chance you will not like this one.
According to these people, (who in the Modern world, are also referred too by others as losers)the apples in the story actually denotes boys. The rotten apples signifies the bad boys, those with a rotten heart. The fresher apples, denotes people who are good, those living on the higher branches of life. The farmer is the girl, who comes out and reaches for the apples most readily available (the bad boys), and only after they have been victim of the bad boys' malice, do they realise that there exist good guys (read: fresher apples) for them. Hence, these losers say, if you don't find a girlfriend, it is okay, because it means that you are a good guy. (You would have realized that the Losers themselves, a growing class today, belong to this category of good guys).
As for me, I really don't think that the interpretations are correct. For one, what can you say about guys, good guys, who actually are ready to fall to the ground (read: make themselves available for the girls)? Why is it that they are also sometimes rejected by the girls? And not only sometimes, but a lot of times. I believe it happens sometimes because the girl is sometimes unable to match up to the guy's stature, and sometimes because she realizes that the good guy and she is not combatible, which itself makes her sort of evilish (on second thoughts!)
This happened to the Time Table (sorry to call him this, but that is how you will probably remember him as) in Dil Chahta Hai; where he was dumped by Sonali Kulkarni for the Casanova Saif and Salman Khan in Kucch Kucch Hotaa Hai; dumped by the girl he dearly loved, for a man she loved, and who had no feelings for her till his own wife dies.
But there have also been cases where the good man, after all, gets the girl. Not that the other guy is a rascal or anything, but this guy is the one who "actually" wants to see the girl happy. I just saw Deewane Hue Paagal yesterday (by the way..its absolutely necessary for you to watch the film, its a tremendous laugh riot; especially if you see it with your greatest friends). And here too the best guy among the lot gets the girl. Same is the case in Mujhse Shaadi karogee, or There's Something About Mary (on which, incidentally, Deewane Hue Paagal is based). The greatest example could probably be Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam.
So well, my friend, there is still hope for you. And for me. Hope is all it takes.I dedicate this post to all those like us, waiting for something to happen which makes the girls we love realise, we are the best for them. And some girl, the noblest of them all, shall reach up for you. And get you. Till then, like Orkut says, stay beautiful. Stay fresh. On the topmost branches of the apple tree called life.
Friday, November 18, 2005
The Problems of India
This is my first post after more than a fortnight, and the reason is not CAT. It is something else, something I have experienced for only the first time. The reason in Writers Block. I finally came to know about this phenomenon, and I am finally feeling today that I have managed a way out of it. I have been planning to write about the problems plauging India for the past 15 days, and during this period, have tried out different beginnings, and have reached a deadend. Probably this topic is something on which there is plenty to write, and yet, so many things have been written, that there is little left to try. And this has been the main cause of my block. After writing a few lines, the things I wrote seemed so cliche, that I could not write anymore. But now, I guess I am going to start off a new debate about the very essence of India.
The biggest problem facing India is not illiteracy; nor is it over-population. And I wont even accord corruption or sender inequality that dubious honour. Not even communalism or casteism or reservations, for that matter. These are big problems, no doubt, but there is something more that is a bigger problem. Its a problem that plagues every one of us, and it is something that is not talked about in the media; just because the media either actually cannot see it, or because it refuses to accept its existence. I personally believe the second one is the case because this is something highly controversial, and I feel that I am the first one to write about it, which leads me to believe that any "patriotic" Indian would be ready to issue a fatwa like command against me.
The biggest problem facing India is that even after 58 years of independence, and 56 years as a republic, India remains a country consisting of immature people. We still have to grow up as a nation. While we can get very excited about cricket, Information Technology boom, Nuclear tests, Godhra, assassination of Mrs. Indira Gandhi; the same type of agitation is missing when a girl is raped in daylight in the streets of India's most cosmopolitan city, when the city capital is bombed, or when the "paradise on earth" is repeatedly attacked by terrorists. While we have a rising Middle Class enjoying the benefits of outsourcing, eating at McDonalds and drinking at Baristas; we also have a Middle Class that is going down because it is unable to compete with the outside world. While we accept the virtues of globalisation and the emergence of India as a new Superpower, we fail to see where India is lacking. We still dont have capable leaders to lead the country; capable bureaucrats to run it, and proud, patriotic nationals to be its citizens. Patriotism? Surely, I am wrong; atleast here. There is no dearth of patriots in this country. People talk with such passion about India, that you will almost be fooled to believe that they can do their utmost for the country. Take cricket, for instance. Whenever a cricket match is on, one billion prayers rise up in unison for Sachin Tendulkar. But when it comes to actually do something worthwhile for India, and these billion prayers, like me, will come up cropper. I had, and I guess so would most of you, rather pay the policeman Rs. 100 for a traffic violation than get a slip of Rs. 500. And I sense a patriot in all of you. What shallow patriotism!! I still have friends, educated from IIT, like myself, who hold such narrow views on communalism and gender equality, that it puts all thoughts about education and broadening of horizons to rest. The problem with India is that nothing real or concrete is done for India. We have very poor knowledge about India itself. How many of us, for instance, know that the per capita grain production in the country is at its lowest levels since the Bengal Famine of 1941. (Roll your eyes in disbelief, that is what I did, when I heard it, but that is how it is.) Or that, which are the states that face Naxalite trouble or what do the naxalites demand. I doubt anyone reading this blog does. (If you do, do leave a comment. I will like to share it with the others). Everyone wants someone else to lead the charge for bringing about a change in India, and in the end noone does it.
Now, well, I am going to do something even worse : I am going to question the very ethos of India. The name India, just like the term Hindu (from which the term Hindustan branches out), has been derived from Sindhu or Indus, which does not even run in India now. (The small part that does, has been claimed, either by China or Pakistan). And India is a very Anglicized name, triggering memories of the Indus Valley Civilisation around 5000 years ago. And that civisation was hardly Indian, as most of Indian cultures today derive from the Aryans, who ironically, were the destroyers of one of the most peaceful civilisations ever. And most of Indus Valley sites today are in Pakistan now, another irony. The name India refers to is actually Bharat. And Bharat is a very very old concept, running back to atleast 1000 years before Christ. (If there actually was a Bharat, a mythical king who has been said to unite the entire Indian sub-continent under him). And then Bharat broke up, and India for most part, was a region of many states, at war with one other. There were moments of unity sometimes though, when powerful Kings, like the Guptas and the Great Mughals were able to conquer large lands under their control. But, inevitably these empires broke down due to religious forces taking ground.
The concept of India as a nation only grew with the advent of the British rule, who preferred ruling the entire sub-continent as one entity : India. They say the British followed the policy of Divide and Rule, but I guess that was hardly necessary: Indians were always divided. The British rule is notable for creating India more than anything else. (India's two mythologies illustrate the divisons that run deep within the country: One tells of the rift between first cousins, while the other is a story made possible because of one queen's distrust of the other. And when, India got independence, the entire country celebrated the ousting of the British. India was a nation, a model of unity in diversity. Perhaps one of the only nations to have been bounded by alien rule. But since then, the factors of division that allowed the British to rule India are back. It started with the opposition to Hindi in the 1950's and it continues today, with the Naxalite movement in Central and Eastern India, the seccesionist movement in the North East, and terrorism activities in Kashmir. There are regional parties, communal parties, and casteist parties. These parties influence the psyche of the naive Indian, and hence manage to create popularity of their own agenda, which can be summed up thus: to work within the constitution of India, or even outside it, to bring about a peaceful , or violent, and gradual seccesion of their own community, region, caste from the state of India. Maybe today India is falling apart, and some people, within India are responsible for it. Indians have always been culpable, falling to people's words of hatred. (Remember Duryodhana falling prey to Shakuni's words, and Kakeyi heeding Mantara's ill advise?). And what is more : these people succeed. A Bengali in the USA feels closer to a Bangladeshi than a Punjabi, while a Tamil is happier chitchatting with a SriLankan. India as a nation has a long way to go, before it can become a superpower. India has to become a nation first. That accomplished, and nothing can stop India. And for that you, and I, will have to start changing ourselves. Like an old saying goes, a man's first duty is towards his country, then his society, then his family and then towards himself. At the moment, the reverse happens. The moment we accomplish this saying, India will become a nation. And a superpower.
The biggest problem facing India is not illiteracy; nor is it over-population. And I wont even accord corruption or sender inequality that dubious honour. Not even communalism or casteism or reservations, for that matter. These are big problems, no doubt, but there is something more that is a bigger problem. Its a problem that plagues every one of us, and it is something that is not talked about in the media; just because the media either actually cannot see it, or because it refuses to accept its existence. I personally believe the second one is the case because this is something highly controversial, and I feel that I am the first one to write about it, which leads me to believe that any "patriotic" Indian would be ready to issue a fatwa like command against me.
The biggest problem facing India is that even after 58 years of independence, and 56 years as a republic, India remains a country consisting of immature people. We still have to grow up as a nation. While we can get very excited about cricket, Information Technology boom, Nuclear tests, Godhra, assassination of Mrs. Indira Gandhi; the same type of agitation is missing when a girl is raped in daylight in the streets of India's most cosmopolitan city, when the city capital is bombed, or when the "paradise on earth" is repeatedly attacked by terrorists. While we have a rising Middle Class enjoying the benefits of outsourcing, eating at McDonalds and drinking at Baristas; we also have a Middle Class that is going down because it is unable to compete with the outside world. While we accept the virtues of globalisation and the emergence of India as a new Superpower, we fail to see where India is lacking. We still dont have capable leaders to lead the country; capable bureaucrats to run it, and proud, patriotic nationals to be its citizens. Patriotism? Surely, I am wrong; atleast here. There is no dearth of patriots in this country. People talk with such passion about India, that you will almost be fooled to believe that they can do their utmost for the country. Take cricket, for instance. Whenever a cricket match is on, one billion prayers rise up in unison for Sachin Tendulkar. But when it comes to actually do something worthwhile for India, and these billion prayers, like me, will come up cropper. I had, and I guess so would most of you, rather pay the policeman Rs. 100 for a traffic violation than get a slip of Rs. 500. And I sense a patriot in all of you. What shallow patriotism!! I still have friends, educated from IIT, like myself, who hold such narrow views on communalism and gender equality, that it puts all thoughts about education and broadening of horizons to rest. The problem with India is that nothing real or concrete is done for India. We have very poor knowledge about India itself. How many of us, for instance, know that the per capita grain production in the country is at its lowest levels since the Bengal Famine of 1941. (Roll your eyes in disbelief, that is what I did, when I heard it, but that is how it is.) Or that, which are the states that face Naxalite trouble or what do the naxalites demand. I doubt anyone reading this blog does. (If you do, do leave a comment. I will like to share it with the others). Everyone wants someone else to lead the charge for bringing about a change in India, and in the end noone does it.
Now, well, I am going to do something even worse : I am going to question the very ethos of India. The name India, just like the term Hindu (from which the term Hindustan branches out), has been derived from Sindhu or Indus, which does not even run in India now. (The small part that does, has been claimed, either by China or Pakistan). And India is a very Anglicized name, triggering memories of the Indus Valley Civilisation around 5000 years ago. And that civisation was hardly Indian, as most of Indian cultures today derive from the Aryans, who ironically, were the destroyers of one of the most peaceful civilisations ever. And most of Indus Valley sites today are in Pakistan now, another irony. The name India refers to is actually Bharat. And Bharat is a very very old concept, running back to atleast 1000 years before Christ. (If there actually was a Bharat, a mythical king who has been said to unite the entire Indian sub-continent under him). And then Bharat broke up, and India for most part, was a region of many states, at war with one other. There were moments of unity sometimes though, when powerful Kings, like the Guptas and the Great Mughals were able to conquer large lands under their control. But, inevitably these empires broke down due to religious forces taking ground.
The concept of India as a nation only grew with the advent of the British rule, who preferred ruling the entire sub-continent as one entity : India. They say the British followed the policy of Divide and Rule, but I guess that was hardly necessary: Indians were always divided. The British rule is notable for creating India more than anything else. (India's two mythologies illustrate the divisons that run deep within the country: One tells of the rift between first cousins, while the other is a story made possible because of one queen's distrust of the other. And when, India got independence, the entire country celebrated the ousting of the British. India was a nation, a model of unity in diversity. Perhaps one of the only nations to have been bounded by alien rule. But since then, the factors of division that allowed the British to rule India are back. It started with the opposition to Hindi in the 1950's and it continues today, with the Naxalite movement in Central and Eastern India, the seccesionist movement in the North East, and terrorism activities in Kashmir. There are regional parties, communal parties, and casteist parties. These parties influence the psyche of the naive Indian, and hence manage to create popularity of their own agenda, which can be summed up thus: to work within the constitution of India, or even outside it, to bring about a peaceful , or violent, and gradual seccesion of their own community, region, caste from the state of India. Maybe today India is falling apart, and some people, within India are responsible for it. Indians have always been culpable, falling to people's words of hatred. (Remember Duryodhana falling prey to Shakuni's words, and Kakeyi heeding Mantara's ill advise?). And what is more : these people succeed. A Bengali in the USA feels closer to a Bangladeshi than a Punjabi, while a Tamil is happier chitchatting with a SriLankan. India as a nation has a long way to go, before it can become a superpower. India has to become a nation first. That accomplished, and nothing can stop India. And for that you, and I, will have to start changing ourselves. Like an old saying goes, a man's first duty is towards his country, then his society, then his family and then towards himself. At the moment, the reverse happens. The moment we accomplish this saying, India will become a nation. And a superpower.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Sweet and Sour Home and Me
I am presently writing this piece from my home in Dharamsala. It is the same place where I plan to settle down after another 10 years in my pursuit to become an author. I have been to Dharamsala after a long time (it has been six months, and even then, I was here with a group of friends; so its my first trip "home" after December last). This is the place where I spent my formative years, the five years from completing my fifth standard till my inter years in Chandigarh; where every afternoon I spent hitting the tennis ball to the wall, where most evenings I spent watching "Krishi Darshan" or "Mere Pind Mere Khet". (yeah Krishi Darshan and Mere Pind Mere Khet..you got it right...that just sums up how very isolated I was as a child).
I was among the very few children I know who love going to school. And why not, as that was my contact with the outside world. Well I lived in a place which even the satellite cable boom had not been able to pierce, and my only device for entertainment was watching Doordarshan.
That is the kind of isolation you have to face when you stay in the middle of nowhere. Actually, our house was located, not in the middle of nowhere, but in the between two streams. I was even tempted to name the place Mesoptamia, not knowing that the Doaba word in Hindi refers to exactly the same thing.( Finally, though, I didnt have a say in the naming of the house, otherwise I would have had got confused between the two. The house, ironically, hasnt been named yet).
Well I wrote the above piece yesterday, and as I am back today, and dont exactly know how to continue, I shall start something else. I was just wondering as to what levels has narcissism taken control of me (I am sad because of this, and at the same time I am happy, because this is the first time I have managed to spell narcissism correctly). The title of this blog reads me, myself and I; and most of the posts here have had me as the central theme. And guess what, I always thought myself to be among the least self obsessed guys around. Infact I so much hated self obsessed people I even coined the term SOB for them. Now not to be confused with the more popular Son of Bitches, this SOB was an acronym for Self Obsessed Bastards. And now finding myself in that league makes me feel ill and sick, now that the initial euphoria about spelling narcissism correctly has worn off.
But I believe blogging is probably about following your own sense. It is kind of writing a diary, a very personal diary, whom everyone can read, and what you want everyone to read. And I also believe it is because you want people to know you that you want to write. And so there is no point in writing about others. So I am probably not as self obsessed as I think I am. The thought makes me happy again. I am nothing probably. Or I am everything. Or maybe I am just the gin soaked boy (going by my habits though, whisky soaked would probably be a better description). All in all, I am not a SOB. Hence Proved. QED. Happy.
I was among the very few children I know who love going to school. And why not, as that was my contact with the outside world. Well I lived in a place which even the satellite cable boom had not been able to pierce, and my only device for entertainment was watching Doordarshan.
That is the kind of isolation you have to face when you stay in the middle of nowhere. Actually, our house was located, not in the middle of nowhere, but in the between two streams. I was even tempted to name the place Mesoptamia, not knowing that the Doaba word in Hindi refers to exactly the same thing.( Finally, though, I didnt have a say in the naming of the house, otherwise I would have had got confused between the two. The house, ironically, hasnt been named yet).
Well I wrote the above piece yesterday, and as I am back today, and dont exactly know how to continue, I shall start something else. I was just wondering as to what levels has narcissism taken control of me (I am sad because of this, and at the same time I am happy, because this is the first time I have managed to spell narcissism correctly). The title of this blog reads me, myself and I; and most of the posts here have had me as the central theme. And guess what, I always thought myself to be among the least self obsessed guys around. Infact I so much hated self obsessed people I even coined the term SOB for them. Now not to be confused with the more popular Son of Bitches, this SOB was an acronym for Self Obsessed Bastards. And now finding myself in that league makes me feel ill and sick, now that the initial euphoria about spelling narcissism correctly has worn off.
But I believe blogging is probably about following your own sense. It is kind of writing a diary, a very personal diary, whom everyone can read, and what you want everyone to read. And I also believe it is because you want people to know you that you want to write. And so there is no point in writing about others. So I am probably not as self obsessed as I think I am. The thought makes me happy again. I am nothing probably. Or I am everything. Or maybe I am just the gin soaked boy (going by my habits though, whisky soaked would probably be a better description). All in all, I am not a SOB. Hence Proved. QED. Happy.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Architect and Satan
Well, the other day I was viewing this documentary called the Real Da Vinci code. This film was basically an evaluation of the facts mentioned in Dan Brown's famous book by the same name. It concluded that the Holy Grail being the lineage of Christ might actually be right, but refuted almost everything else written in the book. But that is not important : for its not to discuss the book that I am writing today. It is actually something else: something that I have thought about right from childhood, and dreams about whom I have had in the past. It is about Satan, and the beliefs of a group of people called Cathas, who lived in France around uptil the thirteenth century. The documentary, while exploring one of the theories for what exactly is the Holy Grail, told about this group of people, who were supposed to have sheltered the documents which revealed that Christ was married to Mary Magdalane, and had a child from her. This supposition was later refuted, for lack of any historic fact, but what they told about Cathas made for some interesting viewing, and a new thought for seeking the meaning of life.
Who exactly were the Cathas? Well they were a group of people, living in Relic County in France till the middle of the thirteenth century, who believed that Satan, and not God, had created the material world. So for them, the material world was bad, something which was to be despised and not enjoyed. Satan wanted man to enjoy this life, so that he could see them suffer in their afterlife, and so Cathas took great care to lead a simple, free of all luxuries. For example, Cathas did not approve of marriage, believing it to be falling to the promises of the material world. Which, just set me wondering, "How did Cathas reproduce then?" Just wondering, but that is not the main point though, and well, it seems that the Cathas had their own Matrix theory some 1000 years before the Matrix movies released. Well, even Hinduism talks about the theory of Karma and Moksha, and the fact that "sab maya hai"explains that life is but an illusion. But even Hinduism believed that God, the supreme being, had created the world, so as to make us realise that all materialistic things have to end, and to seek Moksha, a freedom from the cycles of life.
The Cathas, on the contrary, believe that one who was creator was the bad guy, the Satan, much like the architect in the Matrix. The world around us has been created by Satan so that we actually fail to understand what real life is. But then again comes the question, if we are actually a part of the matrix, then why do we have to get out? Who decided the good and bad. If I am using the computer to write about this topic, am I enjoying the material world? And if I am actually talking about Satan controlling all things around me, havent I broken free of his control? Which again, means that nobody in Satan's control could actually think about him as Satan?
Which now again brings me to the point : Who were the Cathas? And how were they able to break the spell of Satan, which, if they are to believed extends over all of us? I wish I knew. Then you know what I will become : I will be the one, or Neo, though I had prefer keeping my real name. As a piece of Information, the Cathas were destroyed by the Christian crusaders in the Easter of 1253 (not very sure about the year, though). But four priests managed to give them a slip. Maybe their generations will come back, and show us light, and help us break the illusion of the world. Anyways I just hope all this wealth and girlfriend and all is an illusion, because I dont have much of the first (and none of the second), and it is making me very sad. Finding out it doesnt count would be a big relief. So if you have been contacted by people saying that life is illusionary, and they have some solutions, leave me a comment here. And please, no meditation, I want to do something revolutionary. And then we can have Matrix 4,5 and 6. Or maybe I wont do anything, but write a new book, (obviously after my first book, and when I am famous) called Architect and Satan and the Holy Grail, about Satan ruling our lives. Interesting topic, isnt it? Anyways, anything on the Holy Grail sells, (that is the only reason I included Holy Grail in the name) and coming from a Hindu, I can probably be free from any biases. But that shall come later, much later. Till then, keep tuning to this page for more crap. And if you hate it so much that you want to kill the author, please leave me a comment. I shall be glad to leave the Satan's world and enter heaven. Or maybe that is an illusion as well, created to make you see all that you are missing. Satan, you see, doesnt want us to be happy. With this new understanding that heaven is an illusion, I will try to enjoy the materialistic world till anyone tries to kill me.
Who exactly were the Cathas? Well they were a group of people, living in Relic County in France till the middle of the thirteenth century, who believed that Satan, and not God, had created the material world. So for them, the material world was bad, something which was to be despised and not enjoyed. Satan wanted man to enjoy this life, so that he could see them suffer in their afterlife, and so Cathas took great care to lead a simple, free of all luxuries. For example, Cathas did not approve of marriage, believing it to be falling to the promises of the material world. Which, just set me wondering, "How did Cathas reproduce then?" Just wondering, but that is not the main point though, and well, it seems that the Cathas had their own Matrix theory some 1000 years before the Matrix movies released. Well, even Hinduism talks about the theory of Karma and Moksha, and the fact that "sab maya hai"explains that life is but an illusion. But even Hinduism believed that God, the supreme being, had created the world, so as to make us realise that all materialistic things have to end, and to seek Moksha, a freedom from the cycles of life.
The Cathas, on the contrary, believe that one who was creator was the bad guy, the Satan, much like the architect in the Matrix. The world around us has been created by Satan so that we actually fail to understand what real life is. But then again comes the question, if we are actually a part of the matrix, then why do we have to get out? Who decided the good and bad. If I am using the computer to write about this topic, am I enjoying the material world? And if I am actually talking about Satan controlling all things around me, havent I broken free of his control? Which again, means that nobody in Satan's control could actually think about him as Satan?
Which now again brings me to the point : Who were the Cathas? And how were they able to break the spell of Satan, which, if they are to believed extends over all of us? I wish I knew. Then you know what I will become : I will be the one, or Neo, though I had prefer keeping my real name. As a piece of Information, the Cathas were destroyed by the Christian crusaders in the Easter of 1253 (not very sure about the year, though). But four priests managed to give them a slip. Maybe their generations will come back, and show us light, and help us break the illusion of the world. Anyways I just hope all this wealth and girlfriend and all is an illusion, because I dont have much of the first (and none of the second), and it is making me very sad. Finding out it doesnt count would be a big relief. So if you have been contacted by people saying that life is illusionary, and they have some solutions, leave me a comment here. And please, no meditation, I want to do something revolutionary. And then we can have Matrix 4,5 and 6. Or maybe I wont do anything, but write a new book, (obviously after my first book, and when I am famous) called Architect and Satan and the Holy Grail, about Satan ruling our lives. Interesting topic, isnt it? Anyways, anything on the Holy Grail sells, (that is the only reason I included Holy Grail in the name) and coming from a Hindu, I can probably be free from any biases. But that shall come later, much later. Till then, keep tuning to this page for more crap. And if you hate it so much that you want to kill the author, please leave me a comment. I shall be glad to leave the Satan's world and enter heaven. Or maybe that is an illusion as well, created to make you see all that you are missing. Satan, you see, doesnt want us to be happy. With this new understanding that heaven is an illusion, I will try to enjoy the materialistic world till anyone tries to kill me.
Friday, October 21, 2005
The Grass is greener on the other side.
One of the best short stories I have ever read is Jeffrey Archer's "The Grass is greener on the other side" (I am not very sure about the name of the story, however I can assure you its from one of his collection of short stories; A Quiver full of arrows.twelve Red herrings or to cut a long story short). To cut a long story short : A beggar sleeps every night outside a big Bank, and every morning, waking up, looks at the guard, and feels that it would be so much better if he could become a guard. The guard, on the other hand, sees the clerk, and feels that a clerk's job is the best. The Clerk wants the accountant's job, the accountant that of the manager, the manager that of the Deputy Chairman, and the Deputy Chairman that of the Chairman himself. And the Chairman has his own set of problems and tensions, and every night, looks at the beggar, sleeping peacefully, and wonders, maybe it would be better if he also could sleep like the beggar did.
Which just brings me to the point, nobody is ever happy or contented in the state that he is. There is always something else that we want, something that we know we are never going to get it, or is it because we know we are not going to get it which makes it that desirable. And unfulfilled desires make us pine and suffer, plunging us deep into sorrow. So,as Gautam Buddha says, the way to end sorrow is to end desires. No desires means no suffering. But is it as simple as that? Doesnt the end of desire imply an end of ambition. And where can a man without ambition go, can he be ever successful? Now again, successful like happiness, is an arbitary concept. It is a state of mind more than anything else. If someone feels that he is successful, then he is, irrespective of what other do or say. So a man can be successful even by cutting short all his ambition.
I think I am being too much idealistic here. In the practical world, none of what I have said probably means anything (pretty much like everything I write here: its all utopian). In real life you have a set of people along with you whose purpose in life is to dissuade you from finding peace and happiness. These people (your family, your friends) tie you down to this materialistic world, where success and happiness and measured by the amount of money you have and by nothing else. I just want to drift away. I am happy the way I am. People tell me a hundred things and I am compelled to listen to them because I cant say no to anybody. Remember Rachel's dialogue in Episode 101 of friends "Father, all my life, its like I have been told by people around me "you are a shoe,a shoe, a shoe." I believe that holds true for all of us. We are characterised not by what we are, but by what people around us want us to be seen as in public. And we, mortal and relationship-abiding as we are, are comfortably able to make it a simple transition without feeling any guilt. We lose our true self, and become part of the general crowd. What we do is not for our own pleasure but for the contentment of our near and dear ones.We
lose our own identity and become part of a worn out crowd.
I am probably contracting myself here, but I feel that desires are not so much a man's creation as it is of the society around him. It is the society which forces a person to have any goals, which compels him to be successful. And well, that success compels him to further success, and as his desires increase so does his sorrow. Eliminate society, make every man an island, and there had be no society. Like Paul Simon says, "And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries."
But no, I am not the one to go away from society. I am far too social for that. I cant live without my friends and my family, and so I am again one of those parts of the crowd I talked about. But then again is some hope, that you will be able to come out of this cycle, and attain Nirvana. But till then, well, I will listen to some rock music. including Nirvana. Who knows when I am up in office next?
Which just brings me to the point, nobody is ever happy or contented in the state that he is. There is always something else that we want, something that we know we are never going to get it, or is it because we know we are not going to get it which makes it that desirable. And unfulfilled desires make us pine and suffer, plunging us deep into sorrow. So,as Gautam Buddha says, the way to end sorrow is to end desires. No desires means no suffering. But is it as simple as that? Doesnt the end of desire imply an end of ambition. And where can a man without ambition go, can he be ever successful? Now again, successful like happiness, is an arbitary concept. It is a state of mind more than anything else. If someone feels that he is successful, then he is, irrespective of what other do or say. So a man can be successful even by cutting short all his ambition.
I think I am being too much idealistic here. In the practical world, none of what I have said probably means anything (pretty much like everything I write here: its all utopian). In real life you have a set of people along with you whose purpose in life is to dissuade you from finding peace and happiness. These people (your family, your friends) tie you down to this materialistic world, where success and happiness and measured by the amount of money you have and by nothing else. I just want to drift away. I am happy the way I am. People tell me a hundred things and I am compelled to listen to them because I cant say no to anybody. Remember Rachel's dialogue in Episode 101 of friends "Father, all my life, its like I have been told by people around me "you are a shoe,a shoe, a shoe." I believe that holds true for all of us. We are characterised not by what we are, but by what people around us want us to be seen as in public. And we, mortal and relationship-abiding as we are, are comfortably able to make it a simple transition without feeling any guilt. We lose our true self, and become part of the general crowd. What we do is not for our own pleasure but for the contentment of our near and dear ones.We
lose our own identity and become part of a worn out crowd.
I am probably contracting myself here, but I feel that desires are not so much a man's creation as it is of the society around him. It is the society which forces a person to have any goals, which compels him to be successful. And well, that success compels him to further success, and as his desires increase so does his sorrow. Eliminate society, make every man an island, and there had be no society. Like Paul Simon says, "And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries."
But no, I am not the one to go away from society. I am far too social for that. I cant live without my friends and my family, and so I am again one of those parts of the crowd I talked about. But then again is some hope, that you will be able to come out of this cycle, and attain Nirvana. But till then, well, I will listen to some rock music. including Nirvana. Who knows when I am up in office next?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I want to be an author
I want to be an author someday. Well, not exactly someday, but before I turn 35. Thats the target I have set myself to write my first book. I have even thought of the first lines: though I havent thought of anything else. How is this :'Then she smiled; he looked into her eyes, and told her the three most beautiful words ever :"I love you." ;then he kissed her; and they lived happily ever after. But this is not the story I am going to tell you. I am going to tell you my story' ? Does it compare with something like :"It was love at first sight" or "What can you say about a 25-year old girl who died." Well, I guess at this point it does not, but probably when I have the whole book ready, you will have a different perspective.
And why exactly do I want to be an author, you might ask. That is a tough one to answer, especially as after reading my blogs, you would have found out that neither do I have a very good vocabulary, nor am I very particular about my grammar. Moreover, I am atrocious at spellings; and get confused (as an example) between friends and freinds: I guess its the first one, but I am never too sure. Well, its not even something I had dreamt of as a child, nor do I have any interesting story which I want the people to read. And neither do I expect to make much money out of writing; for I feel, my books shall be big flops, if ever some stupid publisher decided to publish it, and thats a very big if. And now suddenly you have run out of reasons why somebody would like to become an author.
'"Because it is something that makes me happy", I say. And you laugh. Like you laugh everytime whenever I come up with anything extraordinary. "What is happiness?", you ask me, and I have no clue. "Probably its a state of mind, when everything just feels right", I respond. And you ask again, "Have you experienced happiness before?". I have to admit, no, I havent experienced happiness before. And you hit the final blow, then why run after something you havent experienced. And I realise : maybe happiness is an illusion, created just to make you feel sad. When you have everything, people around you make you realise you are not happy, and you want more, and give up everything to find that more; and then only do you realise everything you had was enough. But its too late then. '
I am content the way I am, unless I see my peers having more than me, and then I feel sad. I want all they have, and when I have that, I want more and so can never find the true happiness that is promised. Maybe this is why I want to be a writer then. Not for finding happiness, but to get out of this cycle. I want to be alone, sitting at my home on the foothills of the Himalyas, shut out from the outside world, and be living on my own. I will write because I will have nothing else to do: there will be no TV's and no mobiles, and all I will have is this computer. And then I will become an author. And writing this I have even figured out a name for my autobiography : " An Island in the Mountain."
And why exactly do I want to be an author, you might ask. That is a tough one to answer, especially as after reading my blogs, you would have found out that neither do I have a very good vocabulary, nor am I very particular about my grammar. Moreover, I am atrocious at spellings; and get confused (as an example) between friends and freinds: I guess its the first one, but I am never too sure. Well, its not even something I had dreamt of as a child, nor do I have any interesting story which I want the people to read. And neither do I expect to make much money out of writing; for I feel, my books shall be big flops, if ever some stupid publisher decided to publish it, and thats a very big if. And now suddenly you have run out of reasons why somebody would like to become an author.
'"Because it is something that makes me happy", I say. And you laugh. Like you laugh everytime whenever I come up with anything extraordinary. "What is happiness?", you ask me, and I have no clue. "Probably its a state of mind, when everything just feels right", I respond. And you ask again, "Have you experienced happiness before?". I have to admit, no, I havent experienced happiness before. And you hit the final blow, then why run after something you havent experienced. And I realise : maybe happiness is an illusion, created just to make you feel sad. When you have everything, people around you make you realise you are not happy, and you want more, and give up everything to find that more; and then only do you realise everything you had was enough. But its too late then. '
I am content the way I am, unless I see my peers having more than me, and then I feel sad. I want all they have, and when I have that, I want more and so can never find the true happiness that is promised. Maybe this is why I want to be a writer then. Not for finding happiness, but to get out of this cycle. I want to be alone, sitting at my home on the foothills of the Himalyas, shut out from the outside world, and be living on my own. I will write because I will have nothing else to do: there will be no TV's and no mobiles, and all I will have is this computer. And then I will become an author. And writing this I have even figured out a name for my autobiography : " An Island in the Mountain."
Friday, October 14, 2005
Of Passions and Compassions
When sitting and facing the interview panel at IIM interviews, the only question that had me really foxed was when a Professor from IIMB asked me, "So what all are you passionate about?" And I was taken aback. A man is supposed to be passionate about something in his life, and I suddenly realised I wasnt passionate about anything. So I mumbled out something, and as soon as I was speaking it out, I realised that the interviewers had made out that I was lying. And that was the end of it all. I knew right then I wasnt going to make it to IIMB; but more important than that, I realised something else : That my life was pretty empty. There wasnt one thing about which I could say: Yeah, I live my life for this.
And it also occured to me that I was unable to put up 100 % commitment to anything. I put myself into too many things at the same time, and ended up screwing all of them. It felt bad, and it also made me feel incompetent, and I decided to face up to this basic flaw in my character : As to why I couldnt more passionate about things? But maybe its not such a bad thing after all: Passion does have its negative shades as well. Not being passionate about anything means that nothing is so important to me so as to change my life. Which makes me one of the more stable, sane and sensible guys. I can think without any biases around, and can probably handle pressurre situations very well. Thats all should be true; except that it isnt. I am one of the moodiest guys around, upset by the smallest of things; things I dont even consider important enough to think about afterwards.
Maybe it has something to do with the conflict within, but there is something horribly wrong. I dont feel passionate about anything in a positive sense, but all the negative connotations of passion I suffer. I can fight, for example, with my best friend, among other things, about sitting on the front seat of the car. I suffer both ways; and while this time around I probably shall be able to lie more convincingly about what my passions are ( I am preparing my answer : Tennis, crossowords, friends, hostel at one point of time etc etc...all crap but you have to say crap with confidence to get selected in interviews I think). Now again, I am not passionate about getting into IIM's but it shall make me really upset and sad and angry, if I dont get through.
Maybe, just maybe, these are wandering thoughts, but its better to put them on paper. I am trying to rediscover myself throught these blogs and trying to find the real me. Or making people find the real me, because I am too lost at the moment to find anything. And then you hear the Beatles' song : All you need is love. But then, when you need love the most, you least deserve it, and also, you dont get it when you most need it. So if you dont get love when you need it, how do you know love is all you need. It might seem that you need love, but because nobody gets love when he needs it, it makes no sense. So all this is paradoxical. Love might be just an illusion, like life is. Dont know why I just wrote what I did. Another day, I will discover myself, and that day, I shall look back at everything I have written, and start crying, or start laughing, or just remove everything. But till then, I shall keep writing. And you will have to bear with that; unless you stop visiting this page. If you stop, there is no point in writing. But even then, I will keep writing, hoping to discover myself someday.
And it also occured to me that I was unable to put up 100 % commitment to anything. I put myself into too many things at the same time, and ended up screwing all of them. It felt bad, and it also made me feel incompetent, and I decided to face up to this basic flaw in my character : As to why I couldnt more passionate about things? But maybe its not such a bad thing after all: Passion does have its negative shades as well. Not being passionate about anything means that nothing is so important to me so as to change my life. Which makes me one of the more stable, sane and sensible guys. I can think without any biases around, and can probably handle pressurre situations very well. Thats all should be true; except that it isnt. I am one of the moodiest guys around, upset by the smallest of things; things I dont even consider important enough to think about afterwards.
Maybe it has something to do with the conflict within, but there is something horribly wrong. I dont feel passionate about anything in a positive sense, but all the negative connotations of passion I suffer. I can fight, for example, with my best friend, among other things, about sitting on the front seat of the car. I suffer both ways; and while this time around I probably shall be able to lie more convincingly about what my passions are ( I am preparing my answer : Tennis, crossowords, friends, hostel at one point of time etc etc...all crap but you have to say crap with confidence to get selected in interviews I think). Now again, I am not passionate about getting into IIM's but it shall make me really upset and sad and angry, if I dont get through.
Maybe, just maybe, these are wandering thoughts, but its better to put them on paper. I am trying to rediscover myself throught these blogs and trying to find the real me. Or making people find the real me, because I am too lost at the moment to find anything. And then you hear the Beatles' song : All you need is love. But then, when you need love the most, you least deserve it, and also, you dont get it when you most need it. So if you dont get love when you need it, how do you know love is all you need. It might seem that you need love, but because nobody gets love when he needs it, it makes no sense. So all this is paradoxical. Love might be just an illusion, like life is. Dont know why I just wrote what I did. Another day, I will discover myself, and that day, I shall look back at everything I have written, and start crying, or start laughing, or just remove everything. But till then, I shall keep writing. And you will have to bear with that; unless you stop visiting this page. If you stop, there is no point in writing. But even then, I will keep writing, hoping to discover myself someday.
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