10 hours at the office. And this on a Saturday, when we are officially NOT supposed to be working. I was supposed to go to Jalandhar for a wedding - but had to miss it because I was working.
Arsenal lost to ManU. Not that I am an Arsenal fan or anything, but I hate ManU (I also hate the English Premier League, but that is another matter, and post, altogether) . Because they had a certain C. Ronaldo. And because all decisions favour them. And what to say of the refereeing? And the diving? They played well for just 3 minutes and then just defended, and in the end they won. Not a great advertisement for football, certainly.
More importantly, and tragically, Milan lost to Inter in the derby della madonnina. And the captain, Rino Gattuso, was sent off. Milan didnt just lose, they were humiliated by their blue cousins. 0-4.
Djovokic never wins against Federer. Or against Nadal or Murray for that matter.
My work life balance is screwed up- totally and completely. Which leaves just these small matches in life to really look up to. And in that too, the teams I am supporting almost always lose. Which brings me further sorrow and takes my frustrations to new levels.
You know, a learned man might tell me, "Why do you expect so much? Why is there any desire? Watch sports for the pure fun of it, desire only leads to sorrow."
I know this, but without desire then, what is the point of life? And if the point of life is desire (and correspondingly sorrow), then why celebrate it? Any answers?
In short, life is not fair.
Forza Milan! Forza Argentina!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
The 2-d ZSV matrix theory
(Do not judge me on the basis of this blog :D)
(The ZS company had no relation with this matrix and we apologise to use the term ZSV for this matrix. But we had no other option).
Author's note: Relationship refers to any sort of contact between a girl and a boy. A relation on the other hand is a mathematical entity connecting the x and y axis.
Imagine a 2-d matrix space in a relationship between a girl and a boy. The x-axis is represented by the girl's views on the boy while the y-axis is represented by the boy's view on the girl. Now well the girl can have two views on the boy- either she does not give to the boy or she gives (In Hindi, the language in which the concept is easiest to visualise, it translates to - degi yaa nahin degi):). The guys response then can be not take or take (loonga yaa nahin loonga).
Now for those of you who are mathematically inclined, let the girl's interpretation of the relation be represented by a binary function on the x-axis (for a particular guy) as x = 0 (nahin doongi) or 1 (doongi). Guys for whom girls have x=1 are called the lucky guys. At any particular period of time, of all the guys a girl knows, maximum of one can be the lucky guy. The boy's response can be similarly represented as a binary function on the y-axis (for that particular girl): y = 0 (nahin loonga) or y = 1 (loonga).
According to the matrix theory being developed by us here, guys can have three different kinds of relations with the girls they know, or even with the countless others they do not know. For want of anything better, we will call them Relations A, B and C. The boy can choose with which girl he wants to have what kind of relation. Depending on the relation, we refer to the girls as A-list, B-list and C-list. There is no limit on the number of girls you can have on each list.
A single guy normally chooses his relation as: y = 1 AND x. This is the Relation A. This is the most common relation for a single guy, as the other two are rather difficult to pull off. This basically means that if a girl decides to make him lucky, he will try his luck. There is no such thing as true friendship between a single guy and an A-list girl on his list. The choice (to give or not to give) is with the girl, and the guy will simply do what he is supposed to (take if given; else, you know what). This is represented by the classic Hindi statement (degi to le loonga) – which is the precursor to the matrix theory. Any girl at the time of start of the relationship is not ready to give and so has her x-value pegged at 0 – unless the guy is Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt, but we are talking about normal guys here. Then according to the relation A, as x=0, y=0. So, all relations of A type between a guy and his A-listed gal start start from a (0,0) point on the X-Y axis. The girl is not ready to give, and you can't take unless she gives (nahin degi to kaise loonga??), being the good guy you are.
On the other hand, in some cases (usually a very frustu/ evil guy, or a very hot female), the guy might decide to take things in his own hands (you pervs, always thinking dirty) and go in for a Relation B, which states that y=1(Nahin degi to bhee le loonga). Relation B is degrading to women and is the only cause of rape around the world. For the normal person, for all your fantasies about B'wood and H'wood actresses and what not, this remains a hypothetical scenario. For the rapists though, this might not be that hypothetical - or else there would not be any rape. You don’t have to be lucky in this case to get “it”.
So now, you might ask, if the relation A starts from (0,0) why do most single men choose this relation? Because, my friend, this is the only relation (other than the morally corrupt relation B), which can take you to the promised land of (1,1). The only way then is for the guy to convince the girl that he is right man for her. Call it flirting, true love or anything. This is the final deal. She gives and you take - perfect happiness. Different people have different modes to achieve this. The only difference is about how people go about it. Some people are the "bang bang, thank you mam" kinds. Their time horizon for the advent is pretty less, even with the hot girls. They are somehow easily able to get lucky. On the other end of the spectrum, are the losers, who take the longer friendship route, which actually ends up, after endless heartbreaks, where it starts (on x=0). Somehow, they still never learn!!
Our experience shows that to get yourself lucky, you need to either have the money, or the looks, or in the absence of both of the above, she should be sufficiently drunk. Or if you are smart enough, you could make her fall in love with you. In any case, once she makes you lucky, you get lucky.
So while relationship A generally holds for normal single guys, it fails for other categories of guys. A gay guy, for example, will have the following relation towards all women: y=0. This is the relation C. (Main kisi ki nahin loonga). Relation C assures that there can actually be no relationship possible.
Now well the only difficulty in the entire argument is that unlike the guy, who can have Relation A with many girls, for a girl, at a single time, only one guy can get lucky. (For those of you with dirty fantasies, we are talking of normal guys and girls here). So if you have decided on a relation A with a committed female, it can have a very small probability to succeed. You will have to engineer to make her present flame unlucky and then work hard to make yourself lucky. Too tough!! So it is much better to leave the committed girls on your relation C framework. Some people have a charm in this too, though, especially with the soon to be married women.
For a hetero guy interacting with someone he doesn't fancy (For you losers, this is possible - This is applicable for all happily committed men with all other women (mujhe jo tum mil gaye ho, ab mujhe aur koi degi bhee to nahin looonga), or even for the losers with ugly women - with ugly, I mean the really ugly kinds) Relationship C holds (Yeh to mujhe bilkul acchee nahin lagtee, agar degi to bhee nahin loonga). This explains why Irfan Pathan refused the advances of the girl who approached him -after his public engagement, he had placed all women in relation C.
For a normal, single guy with a hot, committed friend (this is a tough one) - either she can come in the ugly category (if she is committed to your friend - and you ARE BOUND to follow the bro code), which means from your side it should change to relation C; or, if she is committed to someone you do not know and the bro code does not apply, you can still try your luck and keep up the Relation A- but then the entire work is tough.
We are still waiting to streamline the matrix further:
FAQ: Is change in listing allowed once a guy has decided?
Yes, but only in abnormal circumstances. Like when a committed female has a break up she can go from C to A. On the other hand, when a ugly female (who is normally in your C-list) gets really drunk, because then the chances of you becoming the lucky guy increase, but you can only change her from C-list to A-list ONLY if you are above 37 years of age, and yet a virgin. In that case, if a soon-to-be-married woman needs a final fling before marriage, and because you are the first person you see, she can be dropped from the C-list (she was in the C-list because of the bro code) and put on the A-list. This defies the bro code, but well, if you are a 37 year old virgin because of the bro code, fuck the bro code.
(Illustrations added for better understanding).
(The ZS company had no relation with this matrix and we apologise to use the term ZSV for this matrix. But we had no other option).
Author's note: Relationship refers to any sort of contact between a girl and a boy. A relation on the other hand is a mathematical entity connecting the x and y axis.
Imagine a 2-d matrix space in a relationship between a girl and a boy. The x-axis is represented by the girl's views on the boy while the y-axis is represented by the boy's view on the girl. Now well the girl can have two views on the boy- either she does not give to the boy or she gives (In Hindi, the language in which the concept is easiest to visualise, it translates to - degi yaa nahin degi):). The guys response then can be not take or take (loonga yaa nahin loonga).
Now for those of you who are mathematically inclined, let the girl's interpretation of the relation be represented by a binary function on the x-axis (for a particular guy) as x = 0 (nahin doongi) or 1 (doongi). Guys for whom girls have x=1 are called the lucky guys. At any particular period of time, of all the guys a girl knows, maximum of one can be the lucky guy. The boy's response can be similarly represented as a binary function on the y-axis (for that particular girl): y = 0 (nahin loonga) or y = 1 (loonga).
According to the matrix theory being developed by us here, guys can have three different kinds of relations with the girls they know, or even with the countless others they do not know. For want of anything better, we will call them Relations A, B and C. The boy can choose with which girl he wants to have what kind of relation. Depending on the relation, we refer to the girls as A-list, B-list and C-list. There is no limit on the number of girls you can have on each list.
A single guy normally chooses his relation as: y = 1 AND x. This is the Relation A. This is the most common relation for a single guy, as the other two are rather difficult to pull off. This basically means that if a girl decides to make him lucky, he will try his luck. There is no such thing as true friendship between a single guy and an A-list girl on his list. The choice (to give or not to give) is with the girl, and the guy will simply do what he is supposed to (take if given; else, you know what). This is represented by the classic Hindi statement (degi to le loonga) – which is the precursor to the matrix theory. Any girl at the time of start of the relationship is not ready to give and so has her x-value pegged at 0 – unless the guy is Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt, but we are talking about normal guys here. Then according to the relation A, as x=0, y=0. So, all relations of A type between a guy and his A-listed gal start start from a (0,0) point on the X-Y axis. The girl is not ready to give, and you can't take unless she gives (nahin degi to kaise loonga??), being the good guy you are.
On the other hand, in some cases (usually a very frustu/ evil guy, or a very hot female), the guy might decide to take things in his own hands (you pervs, always thinking dirty) and go in for a Relation B, which states that y=1(Nahin degi to bhee le loonga). Relation B is degrading to women and is the only cause of rape around the world. For the normal person, for all your fantasies about B'wood and H'wood actresses and what not, this remains a hypothetical scenario. For the rapists though, this might not be that hypothetical - or else there would not be any rape. You don’t have to be lucky in this case to get “it”.
So now, you might ask, if the relation A starts from (0,0) why do most single men choose this relation? Because, my friend, this is the only relation (other than the morally corrupt relation B), which can take you to the promised land of (1,1). The only way then is for the guy to convince the girl that he is right man for her. Call it flirting, true love or anything. This is the final deal. She gives and you take - perfect happiness. Different people have different modes to achieve this. The only difference is about how people go about it. Some people are the "bang bang, thank you mam" kinds. Their time horizon for the advent is pretty less, even with the hot girls. They are somehow easily able to get lucky. On the other end of the spectrum, are the losers, who take the longer friendship route, which actually ends up, after endless heartbreaks, where it starts (on x=0). Somehow, they still never learn!!
Our experience shows that to get yourself lucky, you need to either have the money, or the looks, or in the absence of both of the above, she should be sufficiently drunk. Or if you are smart enough, you could make her fall in love with you. In any case, once she makes you lucky, you get lucky.
So while relationship A generally holds for normal single guys, it fails for other categories of guys. A gay guy, for example, will have the following relation towards all women: y=0. This is the relation C. (Main kisi ki nahin loonga). Relation C assures that there can actually be no relationship possible.
Now well the only difficulty in the entire argument is that unlike the guy, who can have Relation A with many girls, for a girl, at a single time, only one guy can get lucky. (For those of you with dirty fantasies, we are talking of normal guys and girls here). So if you have decided on a relation A with a committed female, it can have a very small probability to succeed. You will have to engineer to make her present flame unlucky and then work hard to make yourself lucky. Too tough!! So it is much better to leave the committed girls on your relation C framework. Some people have a charm in this too, though, especially with the soon to be married women.
For a hetero guy interacting with someone he doesn't fancy (For you losers, this is possible - This is applicable for all happily committed men with all other women (mujhe jo tum mil gaye ho, ab mujhe aur koi degi bhee to nahin looonga), or even for the losers with ugly women - with ugly, I mean the really ugly kinds) Relationship C holds (Yeh to mujhe bilkul acchee nahin lagtee, agar degi to bhee nahin loonga). This explains why Irfan Pathan refused the advances of the girl who approached him -after his public engagement, he had placed all women in relation C.
For a normal, single guy with a hot, committed friend (this is a tough one) - either she can come in the ugly category (if she is committed to your friend - and you ARE BOUND to follow the bro code), which means from your side it should change to relation C; or, if she is committed to someone you do not know and the bro code does not apply, you can still try your luck and keep up the Relation A- but then the entire work is tough.
We are still waiting to streamline the matrix further:
FAQ: Is change in listing allowed once a guy has decided?
Yes, but only in abnormal circumstances. Like when a committed female has a break up she can go from C to A. On the other hand, when a ugly female (who is normally in your C-list) gets really drunk, because then the chances of you becoming the lucky guy increase, but you can only change her from C-list to A-list ONLY if you are above 37 years of age, and yet a virgin. In that case, if a soon-to-be-married woman needs a final fling before marriage, and because you are the first person you see, she can be dropped from the C-list (she was in the C-list because of the bro code) and put on the A-list. This defies the bro code, but well, if you are a 37 year old virgin because of the bro code, fuck the bro code.
(Illustrations added for better understanding).
Monday, August 10, 2009
And here we go again
I am really apologetic for not putting anything of note down since the last one year. The past year has been a pretty good one- in most respects, anyways.
In many ways it has been a year of contradictions more than anything else. There have been times when I have loved my job and there have been times when I have absolutely hated it. I have been busier than I have ever been, and even then, I have managed to find enough free time. I have made new friends and caught up with many old ones, and yet have found myself pretty alone more often than not. Have probably stayed up sober more number of days in the year than ever, but have had worse blackouts on certain days.
All in all, the start of the second half of the year is a good time to take stock of the last year gone by. And this is where I begin - life has become pretty mundane: go to office, come back, play PS2, watch a bit of TV, waste time on comp, and then sleep for another day. On weekends too, it remains the same (yep even the office going part, mostly :(), except that I drink/party on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And yeah, read some books. In fact, make it "read a lot of books."
While the time for introspection has been pretty less, when I have, it has yielded new facts about myself, a few important ones of which are mentioned below:
a) I hate/am scared of the very concept of marriage/relationship: Friends around me are planning to get married, but I am scared of making any commitment yet. I am unable to see the point of it all - devoting your life to one person is such a waste of a good life. One reason could be the complete absence from my life of that entire love thing, whatever that means. And it might also be that I have internalised this hate for relationships/ commitment as I know no woman is going to find me attractive enough to love me (or commit to me). I do not know what it is, but I definitely do know that women as objects of lust appear more appealing than as objects of love – and as objects of lust is what I see them as now, especially while partying in places like Hard Rock Café and Howzzat. I have also started believing that there is no such thing as true love - and that it is just a name for endless compromises that people make in order to remove their loneliness. This concept is a drastic change from when I started this blog - I was a true romantic then, believing in love more than anything else. Moreover, I have grown out to be too self centered to actually think about making sacrifices in a relationship, like my friends do. One point in time I was probably ready to make sacrifices, but not anymore - and as I have realised this is probably a good way to live your life. But somehow, sometimes, I do feel terribly alone.
b) I am generally low on enthusiasm: I used to be a fairly enthusiastic child and college student, but now I have lost all enthusiasm. The motivation to do well in face of challenges has gone. I have come to hate responsibility as I am unable to motivate myself when given responsibility. Which is probably the reason for me hating my job - it places too much responsibility on me. This might also explain why I do not want the responsibility of a relationship or marriage – I am afraid I will not be able to motivate myself enough to carry it forward. The more the responsibility on me, the less keenly I work nowadays. I know it’s not a thing to brag about, but this is what it is. I generally laugh at people who show too much enthusiasm for life, or their work, or even their relationships; but sometimes, I do feel guilty for the enthusiastic me, who I have killed somewhere in the time past.
c) People bore me after a particular time, which is why when someone gets too close to me, I try stupid things in order to alienate them. I do not want to become best friend to people – as the burden is too much to bear. Hence, I become less nice to people who start knowing me better – eventually leading to estrangement. And the funny thing is, I do not miss the people who go, as new people always enter into my life. And then the whole cycle repeats itself. You know the Karma and all. But sometimes you do begin to feel guilty for seeing yourself with 20 good friends, none of whom consider you as the best friend. And then you feel alone, real alone.
But there is nothing you can do, and life, in general, is pretty good, except for the times you realize how lonely you have been. I am what I am, though. This is what is life, I guess.
In many ways it has been a year of contradictions more than anything else. There have been times when I have loved my job and there have been times when I have absolutely hated it. I have been busier than I have ever been, and even then, I have managed to find enough free time. I have made new friends and caught up with many old ones, and yet have found myself pretty alone more often than not. Have probably stayed up sober more number of days in the year than ever, but have had worse blackouts on certain days.
All in all, the start of the second half of the year is a good time to take stock of the last year gone by. And this is where I begin - life has become pretty mundane: go to office, come back, play PS2, watch a bit of TV, waste time on comp, and then sleep for another day. On weekends too, it remains the same (yep even the office going part, mostly :(), except that I drink/party on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And yeah, read some books. In fact, make it "read a lot of books."
While the time for introspection has been pretty less, when I have, it has yielded new facts about myself, a few important ones of which are mentioned below:
a) I hate/am scared of the very concept of marriage/relationship: Friends around me are planning to get married, but I am scared of making any commitment yet. I am unable to see the point of it all - devoting your life to one person is such a waste of a good life. One reason could be the complete absence from my life of that entire love thing, whatever that means. And it might also be that I have internalised this hate for relationships/ commitment as I know no woman is going to find me attractive enough to love me (or commit to me). I do not know what it is, but I definitely do know that women as objects of lust appear more appealing than as objects of love – and as objects of lust is what I see them as now, especially while partying in places like Hard Rock Café and Howzzat. I have also started believing that there is no such thing as true love - and that it is just a name for endless compromises that people make in order to remove their loneliness. This concept is a drastic change from when I started this blog - I was a true romantic then, believing in love more than anything else. Moreover, I have grown out to be too self centered to actually think about making sacrifices in a relationship, like my friends do. One point in time I was probably ready to make sacrifices, but not anymore - and as I have realised this is probably a good way to live your life. But somehow, sometimes, I do feel terribly alone.
b) I am generally low on enthusiasm: I used to be a fairly enthusiastic child and college student, but now I have lost all enthusiasm. The motivation to do well in face of challenges has gone. I have come to hate responsibility as I am unable to motivate myself when given responsibility. Which is probably the reason for me hating my job - it places too much responsibility on me. This might also explain why I do not want the responsibility of a relationship or marriage – I am afraid I will not be able to motivate myself enough to carry it forward. The more the responsibility on me, the less keenly I work nowadays. I know it’s not a thing to brag about, but this is what it is. I generally laugh at people who show too much enthusiasm for life, or their work, or even their relationships; but sometimes, I do feel guilty for the enthusiastic me, who I have killed somewhere in the time past.
c) People bore me after a particular time, which is why when someone gets too close to me, I try stupid things in order to alienate them. I do not want to become best friend to people – as the burden is too much to bear. Hence, I become less nice to people who start knowing me better – eventually leading to estrangement. And the funny thing is, I do not miss the people who go, as new people always enter into my life. And then the whole cycle repeats itself. You know the Karma and all. But sometimes you do begin to feel guilty for seeing yourself with 20 good friends, none of whom consider you as the best friend. And then you feel alone, real alone.
But there is nothing you can do, and life, in general, is pretty good, except for the times you realize how lonely you have been. I am what I am, though. This is what is life, I guess.
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